Chapter Eight
~Nolan~
Once I entered the coffee shop, an overwhelming sense of home hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe because I knew it was Bailey’s home and he was upstairs waiting for me, but my being here felt right. I smiled when Sierra waved me over.
“The boss left orders to show you upstairs,” Sierra giggled. “You want something first? I can wrap up a muffin or something for you.”
“Thanks anyway, I’m good.”
“How sweet, can’t wait to get up there,” Sierra swooned, suddenly grasping my arm with a scowl. “He really likes you, you know. If you aren’t willing to give him back a hundred percent of yourself, please let him know now, okay? Bailey’s really special and I’m not just saying that because he’s my boss. I’m telling you this because I think of him as a big brother and he deserves someone who is willing to accept him just the way he is, because… well, just because.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Sierra,” I gave her a reassuring smile as I removed her hand and raised it to my lips, giving her knuckles a soft peck. “I already know how special Bailey is, and I’m not going to hurt him. Now, show me the way.”
“Follow me.”
I followed her through a door at the back of the kitchen into a small hallway. Sierra directed me to a rickety old elevator that looked like it had seen better days. She pulled a rope and the crated one by four wood door opened like teeth in a giant mouth, ready to swallow me up. Looking at Sierra unsure, I stepped inside and turn to face her.
“Hit the green button,” she instructed as she turned away. “When it stops pull the strap and it will open, no need to send it back down. Oh,” she spun back to look at me. “Bailey’s room is past the kitchen down the hall to the right. Goodnight, or should I say good morning?”
“Goodnight,” I hit the green button and startled when the old elevator jolted to life, slowly climbing to the next floor, past red brick walls, electrical cables and eerie dim lighting.
Stepping off the elevator once it groaned to a stop, I was immediately standing in the living room of the open concept apartment. There was a coat rack and boot rack to the right and a mirror with a corner chipped from it on the wall, it seemed fitting in the rustic surroundings. What caught my eye right away were the high recessed wooden ceilings, with thick heavy beams crisscrossing from side to side the entire length of the building. I loved the open concept, the dark red brick walls and the huge windows that ran along the left side of the apartment, as well as the mix-matched furniture which fit perfect. The way Bailey arranged modern with antique and everything in between worked great in the large open space.
Hanging up my jacket and slipping off my shoes, I walked towards the kitchen and gazed at the arrangement of coffee canisters on top of the kitchen cabinets, every size, color and shape imaginable. Bailey was a nut for his coffee. I decided I would look closer another time, right now all I wanted was to climb into Bailey’s bed and close my eyes.
It wasn’t a long hallway. It consisted of more large windows on the left and three doors on the right. The bathroom door was open, there was an old claw tub like mine, but rather beat up. A modern shower sat in the corner facing a toilet and a large pedestal sink on a mirrored wall. There was no one color that defined a theme, rather multiple colors like a rainbow. How suitable, I thought.
Opening the next door, I was surprised at finding a very neatly organized guestroom. Created all in shades of blue with modern Ikea style furniture, it felt like it didn’t belong somehow, it didn’t suit Bailey. I quietly closed the door and opened the last, knowing Bailey was inside, the thrill of anticipation rolling in my gut.
There was a slight blue glow from his alarm clock which gave little light, making it hard to see anything other than the lump in the bed. That was alright, as long as I could make out which side Bailey was on I was happy. I crept carefully towards the right side and stripped to my underwear and socks before climbing carefully into the bed. I didn’t want to wake him, but felt him immediately stir. I took the opportunity to move closer, spooning up against his back and wrapped my arm over his waist. His skin was warm and he smelled like sweet spices and raw man.
“Mmm…” Bailey hummed, wriggling his body even closer. You couldn’t fit a dime between us. “You feel like a wool blanket, I love it. I’m glad you came. Get some sleep.”
“I’ll try.” I kissed the back of his head and closed my eyes, luxuriating in Bailey’s warmth and sweet scent.
~
~Bailey~
“Are there even fish in this lake?” Nolan whined, as he flicked his wrist and cast his hook, ripples fanned out in the still water as it hit the surface and disappeared from sight. “I haven’t had a bite all day.”
“Mmm… want me to bite you?” I moaned as I lifted my t-shirt over my head leaving it wrapped over my shoulders and laid back in my seat. “I’m going to work on my tan, screw the fish.”
“Need I remind you, this was your idea?”
“I know,” I chuckled, peering at Nolan from under my sunglasses. “I always sucked at fishing, but I had the best tan in the family.”
“Fuck this shit,” Nolan griped, slipping the end of his fishing rod into one of the rod cups and lifted his shirt to his chin, laid back in his seat and placed his feet in my lap.
“Comfortable?” I asked, taking one of Nolan’s bare feet in my hand and massaging it. “Your feet are as soft as my ass.”
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” he laughed. “But thanks.”
“Anytime.”
I was glad I had agreed that the whole taking it slow thing wasn’t going to work. At least now we had a chance to really get to know one another without the awkwardness of the first time standing in our way. Nolan was the only man I had ever been interested in getting to know, I mean completely. Maybe it was crazy, but discovering each other before jumping in the sac would have been wrong. We had made the right decision and I was happy.
“Do you have plans later?” Nolan asked.
“Dinner with you and then work.”
“I mean before that,” Nolan clarified, as I watched his fingers scrub the small patch of hair in the center of his chest, wishing it was me doing that. “My sister needs help moving a couch. I could use a hand and you could meet her.”
“You want me to meet your family?” I asked, taken aback, it was way too soon for that shit.
“No,” he raised his sunglasses to look at me. “Just my sister.”
“Oh,” my heart began to beat at a normal rate again as I asked, “Do you have a big family?”
“Two brothers, one I don’t talk to and my little sister, mom, dad, aunts and uncles, cousins, the usual. What about you?
“Three brothers. Brad, Brian, Brock, and my mom and dad. Does your family know you’re gay?”
“Of course, they do.”
“Hmm…” I lay back, closing my eyes and relaxing, though I could feel Nolan’s stare searing into my flesh. “How did your dad take it when you told him?”
“Well,” Nolan lowered his feet and sat with his elbows on his knees. “My dad was the kind of man who thought a good thrashing would beat the gay of a guy.”
“What?” I bolted upright.
“Yeah, he was pretty sure that if he hit me with just the right amount of force, that the gay would come pouring out of me. My mom on the other hand turned out to be my greatest ally. She never allowed anyone to talk shit about me, including my father. Her and her bridge club used to try setting me up with every man they saw.” Nolan laughed. “The problem was, most of them were straight and the ones that were gay were twice my age. Bless her for supporting me.”
“And how is your dad now?”
“He tries, but-”
“The exact reason my family doesn’t know about me.”
“They don’t? How old were you when you realized you were gay?” Nolan asked, a displeased scowl etched between concerned eyes.
“I’ve always known, why?”
And I had. I knew from a very young age that girls weren’t my thing. Being surrounded by female nurses from the age of four, due to severe allergies and my mother’s obsession with babying me, and having them attending to me, touching me, prodding me, coming on to me as I grew older, I knew. But it was when my mom hired a teacher fresh out of college to homeschool me, that sparks flew and I actually called what I was feeling, gay.
His name was Kenneth. He was tall and blond and had the most intense green eyes. It was nearly impossible not to sport a boner every time he came into my bedroom and he never let on, acting as if it were an everyday occurrence, which it turned into for me. I truly liked Ken, he was one of few people in my life who didn’t treat me like a fragile ornament to be looked at and admired behind a glass casing.
As a matter of fact, Ken often took care of me with an admiration like no other. He was there on my seventeenth birthday, helping me with my algebra, when, as usual, I became aroused when he squeezed my shoulder. Standing behind me, his hand on my shoulder bent over me, he reached into the front of my sweatpants and carefully wrapped his hand around my dick, smiling against my cheek as he whispered, “Would you like me to take care of this for you?” I remember nodding eagerly while a smile spread across my face as Ken bent forward, sliding my sweatpants to my knees and stroking me while I panted, groaning loudly, holding nothing back. A minute, maybe two later, I emptied my load onto the tile floor as Ken held a kiss to side of my cheek. After that, he took care of me often. I still smile to this day when I think of Ken.
“Then why have you not told your family?”
I gave Nolan a deliberate disinterested shrug, hoping he would drop the unwelcome discussion when I showed no fascination in the topic.
Nolan squinted as he studied me, tipping his head to the side he said, “You should tell them.”
“Why rock the boat? No pun intended,” I picked up my fishing rod and began disassembling it. “It’s not like they have shown any interest in my personal life before.”
Nolan took the rod from my hand and set it down in the belly of the boat, taking my hand in his. He had this sympathetic scowl engraved into his brow and I wanted to laugh, but held it back. Nolan the therapist had just turned his sign to read doctor in session.
“That can’t be true.”
“Look, Nolan,” I chewed the inside of my cheek as I found the proper way to tell him to butt out. “When I moved out of my parent’s house, the only time I heard from them was to wish me Happy Birthday and my mother calling me during one of her depressed episodes to move back home, so she could take care of me. Other than that, the only one who gave a shit was my brother, Brad.”
“Twenty-eight years is one hell of a long time to keep a secret this important,” Nolan attempted to smile. “Whether your family is close to you or not you should tell them for your own sake. What if one day you fall in love and want to get married? What will you tell your family, that he’s just your friend or your roommate? That wouldn’t be fair to either one of you, and would your partner be so willing to keep such a life altering secret? I’m just saying, as a friend, at least talk to your brother.”
“And I’m telling you, as a friend,” I stood, causing the boat to rock, wobbling unsteadily I grasped hold of the back of my seat. “If you don’t want me tossing your ass overboard, you’ll drop it.”
“Lies have a way of festering.”
“I never fucking lied. I simply kept my private life just that, private,” I felt myself heating to an uncomfortable level. “Drop it, Doc, I mean it!”
“Need I remind you that you started this conversation?”
We returned to the dock in uneasy silence, loaded up my truck and drove back to Nolan’s, while I brooded like a spoiled child. Nolan had no idea how many times I had tried to talk to my parents, how every time I began they would look at me with concern and trap me with questions about being on my own with a disability. It would always drag back to my mom begging me to move home and allow her to take care of me. And my dad as always, would get this strange look on his face that I could never describe, before turning away and walking from the room.
Then there was my brother, Bradley. He was my rock, my strength, my hero. He took care of me, but never treated me like I was a lesser person because of my disability. Without Brad’s support, his push, his drive, I’m certain I wouldn’t be the person I was today. For that reason alone, I couldn’t imagine ever letting him down or disappointing him, Brad meant too much to me. Even when he set me up on double dates with his girlfriend’s little sisters or cousins, I went along with it most times because it was easier than fessing up and losing him. My gut ached at the thought of seeing even the slightest non-acceptance in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said, once we pulled into his driveway. I grasped hold of his sleeve and yanked him across the bench seat of my ’72 Chevy. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad. But my family, they-”
“They are none of my business,” Nolan cut me off, wrapped his hand around the nape of my neck and kissed my forehead. “If you ever want to talk, I’m only a phone call away.”
I supposed this meant dinner was off. Nolan jumped out of the truck and walked up the drive, disappearing around the corner of his house without as much as a glance. There was no invitation to come inside, no promise of a call or getting together again. I was pretty sure I blew it when my phone alerted me to a text.
I will drop by the coffee shop later, maybe we
can have a coffee together and share a muffin
before work ☺ Go home and get some sleep.
I still need your help to move my sister’s couch.
~
My apartment conveniently located above the coffee shop was the bonus that sealed the deal to my buying the business, and it made getting to work on time so much easier. It wasn’t the grandest of places, but it was large, clean, and all mine. It boasted a rickety old service elevator, which was a bonus to me. The previous business was an upscale pastry shop. Apparently, from what people had told me, their baked goods were quite tasty but highly overpriced, the staff was unfriendly and it was a good few blocks to Starbucks. In other words, the area was in desperate need of a good, old fashioned, affordable coffee shop and that was right up my alley.
After a quick shower to rid myself of the smell of old fish bait, I tossed the towel wrapped around my waist onto the floor and climbed into bed. The conversation with Nolan kept playing on my mind. I had put the thoughts of telling my family into the far recesses of my mind and Nolan had managed to stir them to the surface. I knew in my gut that sooner or later I had to face them, that I couldn’t keep my secret hidden forever. There was also the fear of someone else telling them before I did, that would be a hundred times worse. Fuck, what was I going to do?
I grabbed my cell phone from the side table and hit command. “Call Brad.”
“Hey, Zippy, what’s up?” Brad greeted, the unmistakable sound of a soda can hissed as he pulled the tab open. It was great to hear his voice.
“Just wanted to say hello,” I hoped he couldn’t tell from my voice that something was wrong.
“It’s funny you called,” he said. “I was talking about you a few hours ago.”
“Oh?” my chest constricted. I hated when he ended a sentence that way, it usually meant trouble. “Should I be scared?”
“I have been seeing this girl, her name is April,”
“That’s great,” I said, plunking down on my bed, trying to rub the tension from my brow with my fingertips, thankfully Brad couldn’t see. “And?”
“And,” he laughed. “We’re going to see Disturbed at the Grand Oasis on the fourteenth. I thought maybe you’d like to tag along with us.”
“Us?” I asked, waiting for it.
“Me and April,” there was a deliberate breach left so I would ask, but I wasn’t asking.
“Her best friend, Bonny, is coming, too. You’ll like her she used to work at a coffee place in L.A.”
“And, of course, because she served coffee, you thought we would be a perfect match.”
“Something bothering you, Zippy?” he asked. “It’s not like my little bro to tear my head off. Why did you call?”
“I told you, I wanted to say hi,” I said as convincingly as I could.
“Now it’s my turn,” he tittered. “And?”
“I’m really not interested in dating April’s friend… because I’m kinda seeing someone,” The courage zapping from me the more I thought of Brad’s face if I told him I was gay and seeing an older man to boot. “So, I’ll have to pass on the concert, but thanks for asking. I’m sure April’s friend is really nice… you want to do lunch this week? We could check out that new Italian place on Davis, I hear they make amazing manicotti.”
“How long have you been seeing this person?”
“Not long, but we have a lot in common. We went fishing and to a few games, we both like antiques. H… look, I don’t want to get in an argument with you.”
I hoped Brad hadn’t noticed my small trip up.
“Fishing? Basketball? Who is he?” Brad asked, throwing me into a head spin, my heart thundering in my chest.
“What?” I swallowed a huge lump of trepidation, my tongue swiping across my dry lips.
“What’s his name?” Brad spoke clearly. “Where did you meet him?”
It was evident that my brother caught my little slip of the tongue, “How?”
“I don’t know many women who like going fishing or to the game. Besides, you think I don’t know you?” Brad asked. “Do you think I didn’t wonder? All those times I tried to set you up and you refused. And when I did get you to agree to a date, you were more interested in the waiter than the sex kitten sitting beside you, who was practically peeling the shirt off your back she wanted you that bad. You can’t lie worth a shit.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked, a sense of relief sweeping over me as my body relaxed into the mattress. “Why would you keep trying?”
“Why wouldn’t you say? I thought maybe you were in denial or something,” Brad countered. “It was probably ignorant on my part to think you were going through a phase, and I apologize for not talking to you sooner. But it’s a two-way street, Zip. You could have come to me, I’m your brother. I love you no matter what. Do you hear me?”
“I didn’t want you to hate me,” I confessed. “I couldn’t handle you hating me.”
“Hate you?” Brad asked, palpable pain in his voice. “That would never happen, not in a bazillion years, Zippy. If you tattooed your body, shaved your head, and got piercings in strange places, and even if you started driving a Harley and calling yourself Shirley, I’d still be proud to call you my little brother.”
Brad had a wonderful way of making me feel better during the worst situations.
“So, you’re really okay with me being gay?”
“You’re gay?” Brad faked a shocked tone, disturbing the awkwardness of the moment. “One hundred percent okay. Now stop avoiding my question.”
“What question?” I was lost, trying to recall if Brad had asked me something.
“The one about this guy you’re dating, I want details,” Brad demanded, trying to sound like the authority figure he liked to think he was.
“His name is Nolan and he’s a doctor,” I wasn’t ready to tell Brad what kind. “He’s thirty-five, owns his own house, and drives a Durango.”
“Thirty-five, huh? Don’t you think he’s a little old for you?”
“Only by seven years, that’s nothing. Mom and dad are eleven years apart. Furthermore, I’m very mature for my age,” I grumbled, of course, all he picked up in our conversation was Nolan’s age. “He also owns a brand-new Charger SRT Hellcat.”
I knew Brad would like that. He was into fast cars, as well as hot woman and every sport known to man.
“Color?” he quizzed.
“Plum Crazy with a metallic finish and black racing stripes, and it has an all-black leather interior. The new car smell is enough alone to give you a boner.”
“I like him already,” Brad laughed. “What about mom and dad, when are you going to tell them you bagged yourself a man?”
“Never,” I snorted, stretching my arms in the air as I yawned and rolled onto my side, checking the time on the clock. “I’m not having this conversation. I wouldn’t with Nolan and I’m not with you.”
“Your new man thinks you should tell them, too?”
“He may have mentioned it.”
“Smart man,” Brad praised. “You should listen to him.”
“And you should give that thing above your chin a rest,” I grumbled. “I have to go to sleep now I’m doing the overnight shift. Call me and let me know when you’re free for lunch, okay?”
“Tuesday at one,” Brad told me, as I turned off my lamp, the light from my cell giving off a peaceful glow in the room. “And bring along Nolan so I can check him out.”
“Nice try,” I chuckled. “But, it’s way too soon for that shit. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Come on, Zip, be a sport-”
I ended the call, set my phone to mute and slipped it under my pillow, then closed my eyes, tucking my blanket under my chin. I liked the phone close enough that I could feel the vibration if I did get a call.
I fell into a deep restful sleep, happy that I had talked to Brad, still determined that I was not telling my parents. Well, not until I absolutely had to.
~
“Wait, don’t tell me, I got this,” Sierra giggled. “A large black, double cupped, no sleeve, and a banana crunch muffin slightly warmed with lots of butter, right?” Sierra asked.
It was Nolan. I knew from the order and came out of the back wiping my hands on my apron. Nolan looked gorgeous, dressed in a sky-blue button down shirt with a dark gray cardigan and a black tie.
“You’re dressed fancy,” I smiled, waving Nolan to a seat away from others. “Sierra, we’ll be over here when it’s ready.”
“A vanilla cap?” Sierra asked, knowing it was my favorite.
“Please.”
“Coming right up boss,” she sang with a salute.
“Looking good,” I said with a wink.
“I have a meeting at work,” Nolan announced, as he pulled out his chair and sat. “Sleep well?”
“Surprisingly well,” I gave him a shit eating grin before telling him, “My brother knows.”
“Knows what?”
“That his little brother is gay.”
“You told him?” the look of surprise on Nolan’s face caused me to laugh as I leaned in closer.
“He told me.”
“Say again?” The disbelief on his face didn’t shock me.
“I’ll condense it,” I sat back when Sierra came to the table, setting our coffees and Nolan’s muffin on the table.
“Anything else, handsome?” My mouth dropped open as Sierra blatantly flirted with Nolan as if I wasn’t sitting right there. She teasingly winked and giggled.
Nolan smiled up at her and sweetly said, “This is great, thanks.”
“You can go now, Sierra,” I told her as she stood at Nolan’s side staring. “Finish up the pans that are soaking in the sink, will you? And then go ahead and start the cake donuts.”
“Yeah, sure. See you later, Nolan.”
“Later.” Nolan bit into his lip to stop from snickering. I held back the urge to kick him under the table. “Anyway… Brad invited me on a double date, again, and when I said I wasn’t interested because I was kind of seeing someone he asked who he was, shocked me all to shit. Are you happy?”
“Ecstatic,” he smirked, lifting his coffee to his lips and blowing at the steam. “That’s a great beginning.”
“Don’t start again,” I narrowed my eyes, taking a sip of my cappuccino and licking away the foam from my upper lip. “It sounds like you and my brother are in cahoots.”
“As a therapist, it’s not in my best interest to conspire for my own benefit.”
“You know what I mean.”
Nolan huffed, tearing off a chunk of muffin and smiled as he stuffed it into my mouth. I chewed and swallowed and then wiped my mouth with the hem of my apron.
“I didn’t come here to argue,” Nolan scolded, looking around to see who might be listening before linking his pinkie with mine in a sweet gesture. “I promise, I won’t bring up the subject again. My lips are sealed.”
“Thank you.”
“However,” Nolan said, stuffing another chunk of muffin into my mouth before I was able to protest. “I’m here if and when you do decide you want to talk about it.”
I spoke around the tasty morsel, “Okay, Doc.”