When Elijah and I get back to our apartment in Hoboken, New Jersey a couple days after Christmas, I flop down onto the couch and let out a big sigh. I stare out the huge windows towards the Hudson River, its black, frigid waters flowing quickly as snow falls thick and heavy over us.

Elijah drops his bag next to the bedroom door and then checks his phone. He slips it back into his pocket and comes over to kiss the top of my head.

“Going out to watch some game tapes,” he says as he squeezes my shoulders.

“So late? We just got back!”

“You know how Coach is.”

“Okay,” I say, and watch him slip out the door without another word. Is he really going to watch game tapes? I shake the thought away. This paranoia has to stop.

Once again, I’m alone. I sigh as I look at the door where Elijah disappeared.

I pull out my phone and dial Rach.

“Hey,” I say as I lie back on the couch.

“You’re back?!”

“Sure am.”

“Yes! I want to hear everything about the Matthews and their cabin. Has Elijah told you anything about the photo from that chick?”

I just sigh, and Rachael makes a noise.

“Hold on. Let me get my laptop, I want to video chat with you,” she says. “I need to see your face and see if I need to make a trip down to New Jersey.”

“That won’t be necessary,” I laugh.

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

We hang up, and I get my laptop out as well. Rachael lives in Boston. She moved there a couple years ago, around the same time I started dating Elijah. I was sad, but I had an exciting new relationship to focus on. Now it feels like she’s a million miles away.

By the time she calls back, I’ve cracked open a bottle of sparkling water and put on some thick socks to ward against the cold.

“I have a present for you,” she says, holding up a long, narrow box. It looks like jewelry.

I frown. “What is it? We never get each other any Christmas presents.”

“I know, but this was an exception.”

“Well, tell me,” I laugh. “What is it?”

She opens the box and holds it up to the screen. My eyes widen. Nestled in blue velvet, is a silver pen with her company’s logo engraved on it.

“Rach…”

“Congratulations!” She laughs. “You got the job!”

My eyes widen as my jaw drops. “Oh my God! Oh my God! Holy shit!” I lean into the screen and stare at it, and then look at Rachael. Her hands are clasped in front of her and she’s got tears in her eyes. She’s beaming, until she sees my face drop.

“What, what’s wrong? I thought you wanted this!” The screen crackles and I use the distraction to clear my throat.

“Of course! I mean, yes! I’m happy. I never thought I’d get the job. Working for Angel Investments would be a dream. It would be a huge step up in my career. It’s just…”

“It’s just that the job is in Boston?

My eyebrows draw together and I nod.

“And here I thought you loved me,” she laughs. Her eyes are misty. “I miss you, Farrah. And this is the opportunity of a lifetime! Victor was very impressed with your resume. He said you had just the experience they were looking for to expand into some construction projects. This is your dream job!”

“I know.” I nod. A lump has formed in my throat.

Rachael frowns. “Have you told Elijah about the job?”

I cringe.

“Farrah!”

“I didn’t think I’d get it!”

“Why not?! You’re super qualified and super smart, and you have glowing recommendations from basically everyone you’ve ever been in contact with. I thought you’d be happy!”

“I am! I am.” I take a deep breath. “Whoa.”

Rachael stares at me for a few seconds and then starts laughing. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“Typical. So how are things with you and Elijah?”

I look away, sighing. I shrug.

“I don’t know. It seems like ever since we got engaged, he’s been really distant. I mean, I guess I have been too. I didn’t even tell him I applied for that job.”

“And being at his family’s cabin for a few days didn’t help?”

I snort. “If anything, it made it worse. As soon as we got back here, he was out the door again.”

“Do you still want to marry him?”

The question surprises me. I don’t know how to answer, so I don’t. I just shrug. Rachael sighs.

“You know, Farrah, I’ve known you a long time. It’s over ten years now since we started college.”

“Whoa, has it been that long?”

“We’re getting old,” she grins. “But I’ve known you a long time and I’m not sure if Elijah is the right guy for you. I haven’t said anything so far, because I didn’t want to be ‘that friend’ who shits on everything you do. But now…” she sighs. “I don’t know. You just seem so unhappy.”

“I’m not unhappy!”

Rachael looks at me, and I just laugh. “I’m not!”

“Look, Farrah. You’re smart, and ambitious, and successful. You have your own career and you’re going places! But you attach yourself to these men—football players—who just see you as arm candy.”

“I know I’ve dated a lot of football players, but…”

“Have you ever been with a guy who sees your goals as equally important as his?”

I look at my best friend through the screen and my eyebrows shoot up. That’s not something I’d ever considered. Rachael sighs and shakes her head. She opens her mouth and then closes it again, biting her lip. I look out the window at the frigid winter sky.

“I don’t see how my career goals come into this.”

“How many times has Elijah asked you what you want?”

Once again, I don’t know what to say. I want to defend Elijah. I love him! I’m marrying him! But these questions that Rachael is asking… I don’t have any answers. Or, rather, I don’t have any good answers.

Before I can stop myself, I think of Jesse. When he showed me how to chop wood, he asked me about my career. He asked me about my goals for myself. He seemed genuinely interested.

And I’d been shocked.

That’s not right, is it? Elijah should want that for me, too.

I shake my head. “Elijah isn’t bad.”

“Of course he’s not bad,” Rachael says. She sighs again, pinching the bridge of her nose. I can tell this conversation is difficult for her, but I can’t seem to admit to myself that she may be right.

“He’s very successful, and very ambitious. But sometimes, I feel like he just sort of… forgets about you.”

I chew my lip. I can’t meet her eye, because I know she’s right.

“I’m not saying call off your engagement or anything,” she continues. “I’m just saying that you should have a conversation with him. You should tell him about Boston.”

I sigh. “You know I can’t take the job.”

“What! Why not? It’s exactly what you’ve been working towards.”

“But how? Me in Boston, Elijah here? How’s that supposed to work?”

“Well, he’s a freaking NFL star, he can come live with you in the off-season. He can afford it. And he’s traveling for games all the time. You’re there on your own most of the time during the season anyway! How different would it be?! It’s only an hour flight. Surely he’d be able to make some sacrifices for you to reach your goals?”

That all sounds great in theory, but the thought of asking Elijah to do that for me seems unreasonable. We’ve talked about my career before, and he would prefer it if I didn’t work at all.

Rachael sighs.

“All I’m saying is think about it, Farrah. You won’t have to give them an answer for a few weeks. The start date isn’t until the beginning of February. Just… consider it.”

I nod. “I will.”

She looks at me with eyes full of concern, and then smiles.

“Don’t worry, Farrah. It’ll all work out. I wish I could hug you right now.”

“Me too.”

By the time Elijah comes home, I’m in bed. He jumps in the shower and then comes into bed, mumbling ‘goodnight’ and turning away from me.

I move closer and wrinkle my nose. He smells like stale beer. Did he go out drinking after watching the game tapes?

Was he watching game tapes at all?

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling as Elijah starts snoring. I squeeze my eyes shut as a tear slides down my face.

I need to get a grip. I have to either decide trust Elijah or confront him about all this.

Something needs to change.