I collapse onto my sofa when I get to my apartment. I try to turn my brain off, but it’s still buzzing with all the things I have to do. I empty my purse and put my work phone and personal phone on the coffee table before slowly getting up to get myself a glass of water. I don’t have the energy to make dinner tonight.

I only have three days before I need to leave for Lang Creek, and all three days will be completely packed with work. It seems to be the only thing I ever do anymore.

From the kitchen I hear my phone ring. I know it’s my personal phone from the ringtone, and my heart sinks. The only person that would be calling me at this hour is my mother. I amble back to the living room and pick up my phone, sighing one last time before picking up.

“Hi, Mom,” I breathe.

“Madeline! I have been trying to get through to you all day!”

“I was at work,” I answer, my voice more terse than I mean it to be.

“Are you still doing that? Why don’t you come and work for your father, dear? The hours will be much more manageable.”

I bristle. We’ve been through this a million times, and a million times I’ve told her that I don’t want to work for my father. The main reason I went into environmental engineering was to get away from the complete destruction of the oil and gas industry.

“Did you need anything, mom?” I ask.

“Yes! Pack your bag, you need to stay with us this weekend. Your father’s doctor ordered him to go down to warmer weather, and with Bianca’s new baby I thought it would be a great excuse to have a family vacation. I’ve booked a floor at the Ritz in Miami.”

I try not to sigh audibly. “I have to work, mom, remember? My job? I’m going out to site this week. I can’t cancel it.”

My mother’s exaggerated sigh comes through the phone. “This job! It’s taking over your life. If you were just sensible, and…”

“I don’t want any handouts—job, or money, or otherwise. I already live in this ridiculous luxury apartment in the middle of Manhattan that’s way too big for me. I don’t want to work in an industry that destroys the earth.”

My mother is silent, and I can imagine the expression on her face. It’s probably that perfect mix of outrage and disdain that she carries so well.

“Fine. Your father will be heartbroken,” she answers.

“He’ll live,” I shoot back. I immediately regret my words when I hear a strangled sound come from my mother. With my dad’s health declining, it’s not the type of phrase that I should be throwing around.

“Sorry,” I finally say. “I wish I could come, I really do. I just need to be on site this week.”

“Well alright. Be careful.”

The phone clicks and I lean back in the sofa. I let out all the air from my lungs and close my eyes. My hands come up to massage my temples as I try not to let the frustration bubble up inside me.

She’s right.

I hate the voice in my head but I can’t deny it. She’s right. I’m working too much, and Dad is sick. I shouldn’t be spending my time in Lang fucking Creek, I should be taking all the time I have to spend with him. I don’t know how much longer we’ll have together.

Maybe I should have just worked with him all these years. Maybe my pride and independence was misplaced, and I should have been grateful. After all, there are certain opportunities that only come with having a last name like Croft.

I remember being a kid and hating the way other kids at school looked at me. We all came from wealthy families—private school kids usually do—but my father made a name for himself with his extreme wealth. They looked at me with that unmistakable mix of respect and jealousy. I could see it from the time I was old enough to understand what jealousy was, and I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t live my life riding on my parent’s coattails.

And I haven’t. Well, I’ve gotten myself an education with their help, of course. And my mother insisted on buying this apartment, but apart from that I’ve kept my father’s identity a secret from my coworkers and bosses. To them I’m just Madeline Croft, the environmental engineer. I’m not Madeline Croft, the daughter of the oil and gas mogul.

I open my eyes and glance over at the shelf. I get up slowly and walk over towards the old picture frame. The four of us: me, my sister Bianca, my father and mother. We’re all smiling from ear to ear. The scintillating blue waters and bright white buildings of Santorini, Greece splay out behind us.

I grab the frame and stare at my father’s face, brushing it gently with my finger. I was only eleven when we went on that trip, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Dad brought me out on a boat and taught me how to fish and I caught a massive red snapper. I still remember the pride in his eyes when we brought it back to shore. He told me I had a gift, and I’d be successful in whatever I chose to do.

The picture frame goes back on the shelf and I blink back the tears in my eyes. I wonder if he still thinks I’m successful? I wonder if when he said that, he was expecting me to take over the family company. I wonder if now, when he sees me, he still sees that girl with a world of possibilities ahead of her.

Maybe he just sees another engineer working for a big company moving up the ladder all too slowly.

I should be with him. I should be going to Miami, but instead I’m heading off into the wilderness. I sigh and turn away from the photo, shaking my head.

I can’t think like this. He still has a long time ahead of him, and I have a long time to be with him. It’s just one family trip, and I’m at an important point in my career.

I’m making the right choice by going to Lang Creek. I know I am. Maybe if I keep telling myself that I’ll start to believe it.