Back in my office, I slump down in my chair and put my head in my hands. I was not expecting that. There’s a gentle knock on my open door, and I look up to see Rachael.

“Hey,” she says, glancing down the hallway and then slipping inside my office. She closes the door and then turns back towards me. “So… that was Jesse Matthews.”

“Why didn’t you warn me?! All you said was they were giving me a file.”

“I didn’t know! Victor is super secretive about our more famous clients. I swear I would have told you, or warned them somehow or—”

“It’s fine,” I say. “He choked on his coffee when I walked in.”

“What?!” She giggles, sinking down on one of my chairs. “No! Really?”

“Yep. And we agreed to keep it professional. Did Victor know Jesse and Elijah are brothers?”

“Probably not. Victor’s not really into sports, and he can be a bit forgetful. It’s amazing he’s been as successful as he has.” She pauses, cocking her head to the side. “So you’ll keep the assignment?”

“What else can I do? I just started here last week, and Victor told me he’s one of our biggest clients. I can’t exactly turn it down. “

“And you’ll have lots of nice, long, quality time with Jesse.” She arches her eyebrow and I laugh.

“Yes, quality time going over charts and numbers.”

“I’m sure he’d love to hear you talking all about charts and numbers.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “Stop it.”

Rachael grins, standing up. “Well, I’m happy for you. You’re out here, moving on, getting what you want. You inspire me. I’m not sure I could have bounced back so quickly.”

My cheeks burn. “I don’t feel like an inspiration. I feel like I’m barely holding myself together.”

“Your version of ‘barely holding yourself together’ is similar to my version of ‘killing it’,” she laughs. Rachael turns towards the door but before she gets there, I stop her.

“Hey, Rach?”

She turns around, waiting for me to speak. Suddenly I don’t know what to say. I sigh.

“You remember Max, from college?”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“I don’t know why, but this whole thing with Elijah has made me think about him. I feel… I don’t know. I guess I feel guilty about how I treated him.”

“What do you mean? You guys were on the verge of breaking up, and then he hurt his knee and he became a nightmare to be around. It was inevitable. Do you remember right after he injured himself how he used to yell at you? It was completely out of line.”

“Yeah, I remember,” I sigh. “I wasn’t an angel either. And I just keep thinking that I should have been there for him afterwards.”

“He used to ignore you to hang out with his friends all the time. You were talking about breaking up with him for weeks before his knee happened. Do you remember that? I remember because it was driving me crazy. I just wanted you to pull the trigger already. The relationship was doomed.”

“Yeah… I forgot about all that,” I sigh. “But I guess…” I shake my head, staring out the window. “I guess being fucked over by my fiancé has just made me think back on my life. Like maybe it’s karma, you know?”

Rachael sighs and sits down across from me again.

“I don’t think so, but I understand how you could. I know it’s a hard time.”

“I just keep thinking like, Max and I broke up right after he hurt his knee. And I started dating—what was his name? Um… Ben. I started dating Ben a couple weeks later and Max got so upset about it. And now it just feels like I’m doing that again, except it’s worse because Elijah and Jesse are brothers and they’re famous.”

“Right, well, first of all, Max would have gotten upset about you dating anyone. And you’re not dating Jesse, remember? You hate-fucked him. And now it’s over.”

“Except for the fact that he’s now my client.”

Rach grins. “Except for that fact, yeah. But anyway,” she waves her hand. “You’re doing the right thing now, which is pursuing your career and figuring out what you want. You need to stop relying on other people—and by other people I mean men—to fill that hole in your heart.”

My throat tightens and I blink back tears in my eyes. How can Rachael read me so easily? She knows me inside and out and can give me the tough love I need.

Rachael sighs and puts her hand across the desk. I put my palm against hers and she smiles at me.

“Listen, Farrah, I know you have daddy issues, but right now is the perfect time to get over them.”

I snort-laugh and shake my head. “Only you could get away with saying I have ‘daddy issues’.”

She grins and squeezes my hand.

“I know you haven’t had it easy. And I know you keep all that pain inside. It’s hard to be on your own when you grew up scared and unsafe. But now you have such a perfect opportunity to face those fears head-on. You’ve grown into such a beautiful, successful, funny, charismatic woman, Farrah. So make this time about you.”

I can’t stop the tears now. I wipe my face, glad that my office door is closed. Rachael stands up and comes around the desk to wrap me in a hug. I sniffle against her shoulder and then she pulls away and puts her hands on my shoulders.

“Just put yourself first, Farrah. Look for strength inside your own heart. You’ll never find it in someone else until you realize that you’ve got everything you need right there in that beautiful soul of yours.”

I nod, unable to speak past the emotion in my throat. Rachael sighs.

“And if you want to make amends to Max, which for the record, I don’t think is necessary… but if you want to do it, just find him on social media or something. If it puts your mind at ease then I’ll allow it.”

“You’ll allow it?” I grin.

“Yes. As your official best friend, I will allow you to contact your ex in this one particular, extraneous situation.”

I laugh.

“Wow, I’m shocked.”

“You should be. But remember: you don’t need to. Rely on yourself right now. Stop turning to men who aren’t good for you.”

I sigh, nodding. Rachael smiles at me and squeezes my shoulder.

“How’s my face? Does it look like I’ve been crying?”

She licks her thumb and wipes a smudge of makeup off near my eye.

“There. You look great.”

I take a deep breath. “Thanks, Rachael.”

“Anytime.” She smiles at me and then walks out of my office. When she leaves, I take a deep breath. I know she’s right. I know that I’ve been overly dependent on my relationships with men over the years, and I know I need to learn to take care of myself.

But if I’m honest with myself, I’m scared.

I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of having no one to turn to. I’m scared of what my mind will turn to when I can’t distract myself with another toxic relationship.

I’m scared that maybe, after enough introspection, I’ll realize that I might not be worthy of love after all.