I open my eyes and see a woman watching me. She’s very pretty, but looks tired.
“Who are you?” My mouth is so dry. I sound like I’ve been eating razor blades.
Am I safe?
“Where am I?” Panic starts to fill me.
Four white walls. I’m back at The Pen?
“Where... am... I?” I try to sound fierce, but I am weak.
“Hi, I’m Phoenix. Do you remember me?” She has a husky voice. She gives me a smile and a little wave from the chair she’s sitting in.
I search my memory, but I can’t seem to recall knowing her and I don’t have any girl friends. I would remember somebody who looked like her. Wow, she has dreadlocks. She looks as kickass as Angelina Jolie from Gone in 60 Seconds in all that black she’s wearing. She sounds kind but is she?
Is her kindness a trick?
“Do you remember being saved?” she asks me.
I think hard for a dozen heartbeats. “I don’t.”
“Well, you’re safe now, and I’ve been watching over you while you slept.” Her eyes are sympathetic towards me. “How do you feel?”
I want to tell her my heart hurts. My soul is beaten.
“I’ve felt worse,” I say, and it’s the truth.
She stands and I immediately respond by going into protective mode raising my bandaged hands. I am attached to an IV, which is no doubt dulling my pain levels. I want to know why my hands are bandaged. My feet hurt too. I try to remember what happened, but my mind is a little sluggish.
I wriggle into a sitting position, which leaves me feeling less vulnerable—or so I tell myself.
I feel lost, disorientated.
“Easy there… thought you sounded a bit dry. Here.” She’s holding a plastic cup towards me with a straw in it.
I refuse to take a drink when it’s held to my mouth, my lips clamping down tight.
“Wow… they really did a number on you,” she murmurs. “Here watch me take a drink. I promise it’s only water and nothing added.”
Phoenix wants my trust.
She takes a long drink, like she really needed it herself.
“Whisper, if you don’t mind swapping spit with me to prove a point, then I think you should have a little water.”
She knows my real name.
The straw is pressed to my lips and this time I take a long pull on the straw. The water feels cool and refreshing as it slides down my throat.
I want to sigh in relief it isn’t drugged.
My eyes dart about the room and I notice it is similar to the room I escaped from, when Mathias caught me and Kane hurt me. “Where am I?” I put as much conviction into my words as I can, even though I sound pathetic to my own ears.
“You are recovering in the surgery hidden inside the printer business, the one you have been held in before.”
How did they know about this place?
I shake my head slowly, trying to rattle some memories free, because I’m lost to what has been going on. I don’t remember anything after Filip coming for me. How long ago was that?
Phoenix cocks her head on the side and watches me as I try to reconcile how I got here, but nothing comes to mind.
My gut tells me Phoenix isn’t lying to me.
I know Edge said he was coming for me… he promised.
Where is he?
“Do you know Edge?” I ask this woman.
“Yes, he’s Slade’s good friend, and Slade is my friend. Edge asked for his help when it came to rescuing you—and in turn—Slade asked for my help. He thought you might need a female around who you could depend on to watch over you and hopefully make you feel safe”—she points to herself—“that would be me. They both thought the other men might scare you.”
Yes, he said he was bringing men with him.
And then I let out a gasp of fear—I remember—I’m carrying Edge’s baby.
My bandaged hands gently cradle my belly. Is my baby okay?
Have I lost the baby?
Phoenix’s eyes follow where my hands cover my belly. She’s got a look of indecision resting on her face. “You need Dr. Castille.”
She knows I’m pregnant.
“Do you remember her, honey?”
“Yes, she’s kind. She is Boxer’s friend.”
Phoenix gives me a genuine smile, something like my friend Lincoln would give me.
My heart sags because I haven’t seen Lincoln in a long time. I need him; I trust him.
“Dr. Castille and Boxer have just stepped out for a few moments, but they will be back shortly to answer all your questions and concerns.”
Boxer is here? Mixed emotions flood my body. I want so badly to see him… yet I fear I am more trouble than I’m worth. Old emotions settle in, making me irrational and scared.
Who else knows I’m pregnant?
“Only a few people know,” she answers my silent question.
“Does Edge know?” My heart is pounding.
She lets out a tired sigh. “Honey, you’re much better off talking to Doc and Boxer, it’s not my place.”
“Please…is my baby alive,” I’m pleading, and nothing matters in this moment, but my baby.
“Doc can answer all your questions, honey. I have not been told your medical condition.” I try another question in the hope she will tell me something.
“Rose… is she safe?”
She looks worried, like she wants to tell me something, but it’s not her place. I think harder, my mind foggy. “Cezar”—my voice rises in panic—“is Cezar dead?” I need to know.
“Let’s slow the questions down and save them for Boxer and Doc. You’re safe and that’s all I can tell you.”
“Is. Cezar. Dead?!” I’m practically shouting hysterically.
“Shit… Honey, you need to calm down.”
I cry out in fright when a large, muscled man swings open the door. He’s dressed in black, his skin a few shades darker than my olive complexion. He’s looking from Phoenix to me.
I can’t protect my body if I’m in bed. I throw my legs sideways, escaping the confinement of the bedding, only to collapse on the floor, crying out in pain, after only taking three steps. I made sure to use my forearms to break my fall. They slapped down hard on the cold floor, protecting my belly from harm and that was all I was thinking as I went down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of black as I was going down. The man had taken a dive and was beside me on the floor. I think he was trying to break my fall, but he wasn’t fast enough.
The IV cord tugs uncomfortably on my right arm so I slide myself closer to the stand, fearful it will topple down on me, but also it gives me space from this man.
“Phoe… nix,” the man says her name slowly, like he’s trying not to scare me. “Please go fetch Doc Evelyn and Boxer for Whisper.” I’m Sara. “She looks like she needs to see a couple familiar faces.”
“Okay.” She leaves the room quickly.
I’m left alone with this man so I curl in on myself, protecting my belly from him.
“Darlin’… I’m not gonna hurt you. The name is, Ghost, and I am Boxer’s trusted friend. Only reason I didn’t go find Boxer, is because I don’t want you hurting yourself, and a scared woman is a strong woman when she’s got something to protect. I won’t lay a finger on you.” His voice is deep and reassuring. “If you gotta stay there, then that is okay with me. I won’t touch you. Doc and Boxer will be here soon. I’m just gonna move myself into a sitting position and keep you company. I’m safe and nobody is gonna come in this room, unless it’s Phoenix, Boxer or Doc Evelyn.”
I know he’s sitting close to me, but I don’t move.
I tune my ears to listening outside this room and hear a heavy thumping noise combined with shoes slapping on the ground drawing closer. A whimper escapes me—I curl in tighter. I must keep my baby safe.
“What the fuck has happened?” This voice is angry and British.
Boxer?
I hold my breath—waiting.
“Boxer, you need to chill. You’re only scaring her more.” This man, Ghost, knows I need less tension in the room.
“Let me get to her, Boxer.” A kind female voice… I remember hearing it before.
“Dr. Castille?” I whisper, letting out the breath I was holding.
“Yes, honey, it’s me. Boxer is with me and Ghost has been guarding your door. Phoenix came and got us. You can trust us all. You are safe. Nobody is going to hurt you again.”
Everybody keeps telling me this, but I’ve been hurt so many times.
“What happened to me?”
“Honey, we need to get you off the cold floor and back into bed.” She ignores my question. “Will you let Boxer carry you?”
I don’t know what I want. I have not been given choices for so long. I don’t want anybody touching me. I don’t want to be controlled.
“Honey, your feet are bleeding. You shouldn’t have gotten out of bed.”
I‘m one big ball of hurt.
There is this awkward silence filling the room. A silence that is too loud for me to cope with.
Ghost’s next words turn the volume back down. “How ‘bout darlin’, I get up, walk out this room with Phoenix, and give you some privacy to talk with Doc and Boxer?”
“Phoenix can stay,” I croak out.
“Okay. I’m just gonna get up now and slowly walk out the room, and leave you all to it. If you open your eyes you can see this to be true.”
I didn’t realize they were shut. I open them and watch his big black boots walk away from me.
Now there are three people in the room with me, I can breathe a little easier.
“What happened to my hands and feet, Dr. Castille?” I repeat. “I need the truth.”
I’m afraid of what she’s going to tell me. I know it’s going to be something Cezar did to me, or had done to me and it will be awful, but I want to know now.
“Love, please let me get you off the floor and then we can talk.” Boxer is almost pleading. I’ve missed being called ‘love’ in that British accent of his.
“The truth… please.” I won’t allow myself to be moved until I know. Call me petty, but I call it being in control.
Boxer lies down beside me on the floor, his eyes searching mine. “You were bolted to a table through your hands and feet,” he replies, sounding hollow on the inside.
I don’t have the energy to be horrified by what was done to me. Nearly twenty years with William will do that to a girl.
“You promised to keep me safe.” I didn’t mean to say the words out loud. Even to my own ears I sound so sad. Unfortunately nothing good lasts for long in my life.
“I did—and I failed.” Boxer looks destroyed by my words, they’ve cut him deep. “I’m so sorry… I know I let you down.” He’s hurting because I’m hurting.
I find myself staring at the white floor unable to look at him. I know I’m not being fair. None of this is his fault.
I let Boxer and Miss Catherine down as well.
I’m so full of pain for the monster hidden inside me. My eyes are drawn back to the man who I have grown to love in such a short time.
I want to explain I became a monster.
I became like Cezar.
This is why I can no longer be Whisper. I have her memories and her pain, but I can’t carry all those boxes around at the moment, they’re too damn heavy.
It’s Dr. Castille’s turn to coax me into bed. “Honey, would you allow me and Phoenix to help you back into bed?” She’s worried I don’t want a man touching me. She’s right, but for the wrong reasons. Boxer won’t hurt me, but my mind is playing tricks on me, convincing me I’m not good enough to be his daughter anymore.
I am tainted with evil.
I want Miss Catherine, she won’t judge me. “Where is Miss Catherine?” My voice shakes, afraid she’s been hurt like Boxer and Lincoln.
Dr. Castille hands Jenny, my ragdoll, to Boxer and he places her by my face. Edge brought Jenny for me. I know he did. I try to remember when, but I can’t.
“She’s here, in Jenny.” A forced smile softens his face.
Why is she in Jenny? Is Miss Catherine dead? Has she been hurt?
A tear escapes me as I reach out and curl Jenny into my chest. “Is Miss Catherine alive?” I ask, afraid of the answer.
“Yes, of course. Nobody hurt her, love. She’s back in Connard waiting for you.” Relief swamps me. “I left Lenny in charge to look after her. She’s old, and it’s a long flight. I thought it would be a quick turnaround to bring you home, but it looks like I was wrong.”
“You and Lincoln were hurt because of me.” I can see the moon boot he has on his leg. He still suffers.
“That story is for another day, as you can see, I’m still here, and so is Lincoln. He and Joel are not too far away. If you want, they can visit as soon as you’re ready.”
“Lincoln is here?”
“Yes, he and Joel flew to Alaska to help out.”
I gasp out loud. “I’m in Alaska?” No wonder it was so cold and snowing when I escaped. Edge flew all the way to Alaska to find me. “Where is Edge?”
Boxer’s eyes go straight to my stomach.
“You know he’s the father,” I say quietly. It isn’t a question. Our eyes connect and I see the carefully contained storm brewing behind his.
“I do.” He’s very angry, but tries to hide it from me by reaching out slowly and moving a piece of fallen hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear.
“You are mad with me.”
“With Edge—never with you, love.” He tries to smile again. “I will only ever give you honesty.” The next words tear me up inside. “I’m your dad—I’m allowed to be angry when my girl is hurting and I broke a promise. I was away on a job and a man took advantage of your body.” He sucks in an unsteady breath, his eyes glistening.
“He didn’t take advantage of me.” I can feel my face warming. “I’m not a little girl. I had that taken away from me a long time ago.”
Boxer looks like he doesn’t know what to say, so I give him something to do instead.
“You can put me back in bed,” I say softly. He needs this from me. He needs to feel like he is protecting me. “I’m sorry for what I said…” I trail off, because he didn’t let me down.
“Christ, love, no need to be sorry. Shall we do this?”
My name is Sara, she can do anything.
Only bad things happen to Whisper.