Chapter Seven
Leah
I never knew sex could be magical. Ethan has always taken what he wanted, and I'd always willingly given it to him. He’s never looked at me like I’m the answer to his prayers. He’s never kissed me like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He’s never caressed my skin like I’m something to be worshiped. I never knew what I was missing until Nick. I didn't even know sleep in a man's arms could be so peaceful and safe.
The moment my eyes open the next morning, Nick is still sound asleep in bed next to me. He’s on his side, his arms wrapped tight around me. His skin smells so good and manly. I breathe it in before kissing his chest. He’s warm and cradles my body so perfectly. It’s too soon to know. Way too soon. But I already know. I’m in love with him. I love him more than I've ever loved another person before, and it’s terrifying.
I know I have to cherish the moments I have with him. Make myself believe he could love me too, because once he realizes how unworthy I am, he isn’t going to want me anymore. He'll see right through my sweet girl act once he gets to know me. He'll figure out what happened that night I found him unconscious in the street. He'll discover all the things I’ve done for Ethan. He'll understand I’m trash, and he'll give up on loving me.
But for now, I can pretend.
I squeeze out of his grasp. His arms collapse in front of his chest as he rolls onto his back and smacks his lips. He’s so handsome. I could stare at his sleeping face all day long, but I have to go. I don’t know for sure if Nick will let me stay with him or not, but I know I have to leave Ethan today, no matter what.
Being with Nick for this short amount of time has already shown me how I could be treated. My parents never cared for me. My brother abandoned me. Ethan has always taken advantage of me. I can't keep living like everything's okay. Like I don't want more of my life. Staying with Ethan is no longer an option if I want to change.
Sarah and I had discussed a plan before I left work and spent the night with Nick. She promised to find out if I could get my last check in advance. Any money I could scrounge together would be used to help me get as far away from Ethan as humanly possible. I need to separate myself, or I’ll never be free.
I dress quickly and quietly, leaving a note for Nick on the bedside table. There are plenty of loose papers and pens lying around. I kiss his sweaty forehead then smile at his peaceful face one more time before I leave.
Although it’s still early in the morning, the temperature outside is already hot as hell. Heat waves bounce off the pavement as sweat already begins to trickle down my forehead and back on my way to the bus stop.
Ethan isn’t much of an early riser, so I know he's probably still be sleeping, even if he was pissed I didn't go home last night.
Ethan's truck isn’t in front of our apartment as the bus drives by, but luckily it isn’t in front of the hotel either. I take note of my surroundings in case he’s staking out, waiting to pounce. Sarah meets me out front. "Don't worry. He's not here."
I nod, following her inside. We go to her back office. I pass by the morning girl I never see and don’t know, but we wave at each other anyway. Sarah closes the office door behind her then fills me in on all the drama from the night before after I’d left from my shift.
Ethan called the office phone repeatedly all night. She goes off about how she wishes she would have known earlier he was crazy. If I had told her, and she would have helped me. She succeeded in making me feel guilty as shit.
"Sarah," I interrupt. She stops. "Relax." She tries, slumping into her office chair. I sit in the one across then rub my temple.
Her head shakes as tears start to form in her eyes. "Leah. If I had known…” She hiccups, and I hate seeing her like this. "If I had known he was hurting you, I would have done something."
I reach for her hand across the desk and keep my eyes locked on hers. "I didn't want you to do anything, okay? Don't blame yourself. I was complacent. He was all I knew. I thought I was happy."
She considers that for a moment before nodding. "It's your new guy, huh? You like him?"
I nod. "I love him."
She scoffs, tears disappearing as she moves her hand from mine. "That's silly, Leah. You barely know him. He could be another Ethan for all you know. They say girls in abusive relationships follow a pattern, you know."
I shake my head, my stomach filling with butterflies as I think of last night. "He's not like Ethan. I know it. The way he looks at me… Ethan would never look at another person like that."
She blinks. She doesn’t say anything as she digs into one of the drawers at her desk then pulls out my cell phone. I turn it on and wait as the logos flash on the screen. "I'll get us coffee," she offers, getting up and leaving me alone.
My phone vibrates like crazy as text messages, missed calls, and voicemails pop up. All from Ethan.
The text messages escalate quickly.
Please come home.
Baby, I miss you so much. Come back, please.
I'm sorry for whatever I did. I love you so much. Come back.
I'll find you.
Don't think you can run from me, you stupid bitch. I'll find you, and I'll hurt you, and I'll make sure you never fucking leave me again.
Leah, please.
Please come back to me, baby.
My hands shake as I read through them. I don’t want to listen to the voicemails, because I know they will all be the same bullshit. Sarah comes back a few minutes later with two cups of coffee. She knows how I take mine, so it tastes like heaven once I have a sip. "I talked to Don and can get your check first thing tomorrow morning. Come back in, same time."
I nod, shoulders slumping at the idea of having to wait another day. "Thank you so much, Sarah. You don't know what this means to me."
She clicks her tongue. "Honey, I know. I had a cousin like you. Cute girl with shitty parents who didn't teach her how to protect herself from a predator like Ethan." She shakes her head. "The shit he spewed at us last night… All the threats… It was disgusting. I told him if we so much as get a scent of him on this property we were calling the police. All calls to the office are recorded."
"I know." My hands grasp tighter around my cup. "I hope I can leave town soon. Nick’s going on a tour next week, and I think they're going to be gone a while. Long enough for Ethan to go back on another bender so I can get my stuff and leave him for good."
Her eyes widen. "Think he'll still have your stuff when you get back?"
I shrug. "Maybe. I could not go back at all. I have some money I've been saving, but it's at the apartment. Ethan doesn't know where it is, but he’ll have plenty of time to find out while I’m gone."
Sarah tilts her head to the side. "Do you need me to go with you to get it?"
I quickly shake my head. "I can't ask you to do that."
She gives me a kind smile. "Leah. Come on. We're better friends than that. I will do what I can to help you."
I sigh, rubbing my temples again. Sarah has already done so much for me. I can’t expect her to help me with this too, but she’s willing, and what other options do I have?
I'd never ask Nick. He doesn’t even know Ethan exists, and I'd rather it stays that way. At least, for now. Maybe I really can use her help.
"Okay,” I say. “We'll do it. Together."
✵ ✵ ✵
Ethan still isn’t home in the time it takes for Sarah's shift to end. We pull up with the windows rolled down at the gas station across the street. I am disguised in all black with a beanie covering my hair and a baseball cap over it. I have on a giant pair of sunglasses with a hood pulled over my head, hiding as much of my face as possible. Sarah got into the spirit, but she couldn't take it in the heat. She's already unzipped her jacket and rolled her shirt up to her bra line.
"Okay," I start, turning in the passenger seat to face her, "you're gonna pull up to the dumpsters behind the building. I'm going to go upstairs and grab all the stuff I'll need. Keep a lookout for a big red truck. If you see him, holler, and then I'll jump out the window."
Her eyes widen as she shakes her head. "You're on the second floor, Leah. That's too dangerous."
I blink at her a few times, taking in the reality of my plan, because, yes, it is very dangerous to jump from that high. "I'll tuck and roll. I'll survive. If not, take me to the hospital. I don't care." She still seems as if she isn’t convinced, but she nods anyway. "It shouldn't take me longer than five minutes. If I'm not back in ten, then drive off, and I'll see you tomorrow at work, okay?"
She shakes her head again, horrified. "I'm not going to leave you with that psychopath."
I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment to collect my thoughts. "Sarah. It's fine. It’s not like he’ll kill me. He loves me too much."
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Ethan’s feelings for me aren’t the healthiest, but I know I’m important to him. It’s another one of the long list of reasons I’ve stayed with him for so long.
His mom left when he was just a baby, leaving him alone with a monster for a father. His dad drank a lot and was hardly around, but when he was, bad shit always happened. Ethan had horror stories about the stuff he’s seen his dad do to the women who walked through the front door with him earlier in the night. It gave me nightmares when he confessed to the type of abuse his father did to him. I excused a lot of Ethan’s behavior. Growing up like that had to be tough, but there comes a time when enough was enough. I can’t let the cycle continue anymore.
"He'll still hurt you." Sarah feels the need to remind me.
I shrug, trying not to look as worried as I actually am. "Yeah. Probably, but I'll be okay." I force the most genuine smile I can. "Let's go. He could come back any second."
Her eyebrows scrunch together as she assesses me, trying to decide if she believes me or not. She finally rolls her eyes with a sigh. "Alright. Let's steal your life back."
✵ ✵ ✵
First roadblock in my plan, Ethan already changed the locks. Sneaky bastard. I lose my shit on the door, banging it with my fists, kicking it hard enough that one of my neighbors peeks through their blinds to glare at me. Take a good look, buddy.
This is okay. It’s fine. Ethan doesn’t know I always leave the back window unlocked. It’ll still be difficult to get up to the second floor that way, but my choices are limited.
"Leah?" I freeze, slowly turning my attention to the landlord who had appeared at my side sometime during my tirade. "I was dropping off the new keys. Ethan said it was urgent. Here you go." He hands them over, eyeing my outfit since it’s almost ninety degrees outside.
"Thanks, Mr. Kelly." He nods, still confused and unsure, before turning away. I glance up at the sky, thanking God for looking out.
I push the key into the lock then turn. The apartment is a wreck. My notebooks are spread all around the living room, and the few framed photos of us in existence lay shattered on the carpet. Ethan must have lost his shit when I didn't come home. I dart to our bedroom, knowing I don’t have much time to stand around and take in more of his destruction.
The room is essentially untouched. Just an unmade bed that looks as if he'd been tossing and turning all night in his sleep. I open the closet and move boxes around until I find my secret one labeled Scarves, then open it. I dig past all the scarves until I get to a little box. I pick it up, open it, and take out the six hundred dollars I've been saving. That should be enough to cover me for the next month. Hopefully.
As quickly as possible, I put together some clothes. I pack as much underwear as I can fit in my backpack, along with a few of my favorite jeans and shirts. It’s a terrible fit, and I can’t completely close my bag, but it’s enough. Suddenly Sarah starts hollering like a mad woman.
I rush out of the bedroom and look out the living room window as Ethan climbs out of his big truck. He has a big black bag with him, filled with God only knows what type of supplies. My spine tingles, and suddenly I feel sick. My confidence is waning. Would I be able to run down the stairs quick enough to pass him? Would it be worth the risk?
His fingers run through his messy blonde hair. He’s tall enough to fill the whole door frame, and broad enough to be a bouncer. He glances up at our apartment and sees me in the window. My heart leaps into my throat as my eyes widen and I jump back, tripping over his work boots and falling to the ground.
I run to the bedroom window, looking down at Sarah waving her arms around as an SOS. There’s a ladder I can crawl to, but as I try to come up with a plan to get over to it, Ethan bangs on the front door. The thumps are loud and angry, carrying through the apartment with enough weight to make my hands shake. I can’t think straight. All I know is that I need to get out of this damn apartment and as far away from him as possible.
Fuck it. I open the window, and my eyes widen. It’s a far drop. A lot farther than I imagined. I don’t want to jump. "I'll pull up!" Sarah shouts before jumping back into the car then pulling it forward. She’s an idiot for letting me drop onto her car, because I’m going to dent the hell out of it, but whatever.
She pulls closer as I push my legs out first. I throw my backpack down and watch it fall with a thud on her car. The front door crashes open behind me, and Ethan’s voice filters through the empty apartment. “Leah? Baby? I know you’re in here. I saw you through the fucking window, you stupid bitch.”
It’s now or never. I take a deep breath then jump out, attempting to make my body go limp as I pound off the hood then roll to the floor. I’m banged up pretty bad, and I'll have bruises, but nothing’s broken.
I spring up then dart into the passenger side. Sarah screams like hell as she takes off before I'd even closed my door. We whip out of the parking lot then down the street. I hold the 'Oh, shit' handle for dear life as we race out into traffic heading north to my new life. To my new future. To Nick.