Chapter Twenty-Two
Nick
A slap goes straight to my face, pulling me from my drunken stupor. "What did you do?" Carrie asks, seething with rage as my eyes pry open.
I glance at the clock. It’s almost midnight. When did I fall asleep? What the fuck did I do to piss my sister off? "Nothing," I croak, laying my head back down and closing my eyes.
"Oh, no." She pulls my hair. "You don't get to cop out and go to sleep."
I shove her hand away. "Ow. Would you quit? I'm not playing around, Car."
She jumps on the bed, knees digging into the back of my thighs, elbows pressing hard into my shoulder blades. "I'm not playing around either. What happened with Leah?"
"Leah?" I shove her off of me to the free space on the bed. "What about Leah? She's gone."
"We saw her out on the street, dude," Sean tells me, looking very disappointed. I almost give a shit. "She looked pretty messed up. Told us she'd just talked to you."
"What did you say?" Carrie asks, grabbing my arm. I can now see the distraught in her eyes, making me feel like the world’s biggest asshole.
"Nothing." I pull my arm out of her grasp.
"What'd you do?" Michael asks this time. What the hell is up with my bandmates getting in my business?
Growling, I run my fingers through my messy hair. "We fucked. Big deal. She's gone now." I lay back down and cover my head with the blanket.
Carrie pulls it back off, making me groan. Her eyes are filled with concern, and those damn tears are like kryptonite. "This isn't a joke, Nick. She was crying. She looked hopeless."
"Yeah, well, not my problem. She bailed after I poured my heart out to her, so she can fuck herself. I'm done with women like that. You were right all along. She's like Katie." Sean and Carrie groan. "You can't fix broken people."
"Uh," Michael speaks up, "who's Katie?"
Carrie scoffs, rolling her eyes in the process as she finally backs off and sits on her end of the bed. "My old best friend. She could sing like an angel but was evil incarnate. Nick followed her around like a puppy until she broke his heart. She left him for some other lead singer for another band."
"That's not what happened."
"Pretty close to what happened," Sean agrees. Asshole.
"Whatever," Carrie continues. "The point is, Leah's not Katie, and she didn't use you."
I sigh. "I'm tired of talking about this. It's over. Done. She ended it, so I gave her exactly what she wanted. Now we can all move on."
They glance at one another, disappointment all across their faces, like they’re the heartbroken ones. Like they're the ones invested in my pathetic love life. Leah and I are done. We have to be. We aren’t meant for each other, and in the end, we’d only keep hurting again and again.
What if she ran again? What if I wouldn’t be enough for her? We fell too deep too fast, and it ruined us. I don’t have what it takes to keep her, and I’m not gonna kill myself trying.
✵ ✵ ✵
The months passed slowly, and winter break was right around the corner. I'd spent most of last night holding a seance, calling on the dead for help to salvage at least a B in a few of my classes. This semester was turning out to be the most distracting of my college career and Leah was always on my mind, in my head, and torturing my heart.
I saw her everywhere. In the face of every pretty blonde girl I passed. But none of them were her. None had those haunting green eyes or those puffy pink lips. None of them made me question everything I'd ever known about myself, wanting to throw it all away for love. Yes, this semester I'd turned into a sap.
A regretful sap, of course. The way I'd ended things with Leah was wrong. If she never talked to me again, I’d deserve it. I deserve worse for the way I'd been a total jackass. It took a few days of reflection to bring me to that conclusion, and I wished I could turn back time.
I hope that wherever she may be, she’s happy. That's all I want. Her dark past and tortured soul warranted a release. I hope she didn't lie about her ex-boyfriend being in jail. I hope she’s far away from him, and me, and is moving on. Even if that means with someone else.
My bandmates hadn't mentioned her since New Orleans. Carrie had given me the silent treatment all the way back to Central Texas that next morning, but then she dropped it once we needed to set up for our next show, then she went back to normal after that. Everyone accepted it was over. Leah’s gone, and she's never coming back.
One good thing from the summer was that our band gained some momentum. Our Facebook page blew up (okay, two hundred likes, but still a big deal) right before the school year. People from all over the south wanted to know when we'd be back. The awesome feedback from new fans gave us the energy to start writing new shit and make what we had tighter. Our goal for next summer was to at least double our fan base.
But for now, I’m just ready for winter break. My mom will be back to visit for Christmas. We haven’t seen her since Carrie's birthday in October. She was oblivious to most of what happened with Leah, but she still patted me on the shoulder at the end of the night, telling me everything was gonna be okay.
I know it will be. Like most broken hearts, time is the only cure. I just want the be done with school, and I only have one more semester left until graduation. Just five more months of this torture then I’d be free to pursue whatever I want.
My final paper is in my professor's mailbox. The weight has lifted off my shoulders as I go on my way to meet with Carrie and Sean for celebratory tacos.
The damn wind has been blowing like crazy all day, making a jacket necessary. Branches and abandoned papers slide across the ground in front of me as I walk to meet the two lovebirds. Yep, that's right. My sister and lifelong buddy.
Carrie thought I'd freak out or murder Sean, but I saw it coming from a mile away. The way she depended on him and the way he stared at her, even when she wasn't looking. Did they think I was blind? It was so obvious, but whatever. They've been cool all semester, keeping the PDA down.
I stop at a busy street, waiting for the light to turn red when I see her. I know one-hundred percent it’s her. Sure, I'd mistaken about a million blonde girls on campus for her from behind, but that has to be her. The girl standing by the street, staring up at the university, is Leah. My beautiful Leah.
Okay, she isn’t mine anymore. I have to remind myself of that as another man comes to her side and touches the small of her back. I'd screwed all that up forever, but she had been mine at one point. I have no right to be jealous, but that doesn’t stop my hands from shaking as I watch them.
She smiles up at him like she loves him, then he kisses her forehead so intimately it gives me chills. Glancing back across the street, I decide I don’t want Torchy's anymore. I want to go home and wallow in my own self-pity. I turn around, ready to head back to my apartment as I sneak one last look at Leah.
Mr. Tall, Tan, and Handsome has his arms around another woman. One with darker hair who beams up at him like she definitely loves him. Now I’m confused. What’s their relationship? Who is that? Why aren’t my legs moving?
"Nick?" I hear come from those beautiful lips. It’s then that I realize the three of them had been walking in my direction where Leah easily spotted me. Even with my hood on, I still look the same.
The couple she’s with stop in their tracks, staring at me. Do they know who I am? Had she mentioned me over the last few months?
"Wow," Leah breathes out, bringing my attention back to her. Oh, man, she’s more beautiful than I remembered. Her soft, creamy cheeks are flushed from the cold. Her long, beautiful hair is blowing in the wind. Those incredible green eyes and those luscious lips. "You look great," she adds, still without breath.
The guy looks at both of us before catching the eyes of the woman in his arms. "We'll, uh, give you guys some space," he announces. Grabbing the woman's hand, he pulls her further along the sidewalk.
Leah catches my eye again as she approaches me, slow as ever. She gives me a kind smile that sends butterflies right to my damn stomach. "Hi," she says, blinking with those pretty, long eyelashes as she gazes into my eyes.
"Are you really here?" I finally ask, star-struck. Had I actually fallen asleep in the library? Is all this a dream?
Her smile turns brighter as she runs her fingers through her hair. "Yes, I'm really here."
"Why?" I ask, a little too quickly with a tone I instantly regret.
It doesn’t seem to bother her as she shrugs. "Just visiting… Dreaming about what could have been…” Her eyes venture off toward campus.
"Do you plan on going?"
She scoffs, rolling her eyes back onto me. "I have to take classes first. I can't up and go to UT after barely getting my GED."
My eyes widen. "You got your GED?"
She smiles as she nods. "Yeah. My brother and I wanted to visit our parents. You know, clear the air and all that. Make amends, but we couldn't find them." She shrugs. "So we stopped by in Austin on the way back." She glances at campus again. "Wanted to actually see it up close. I'd only ever seen it as I drove past. It's amazing."
"There are other nicer schools."
She shrugs, looking at me again, those stunning eyes sparkling. "Yeah, but you don't go to those other schools."
My eyes almost bulge out of my head as my mouth goes dry. "You came here to see me?"
She shakes her head, fighting the corners of her lips to stay down. "No, I just wished I could." She chuckles. "It's fate we happened to pass by each other, and I'm glad." She smiles. "It feels like closure, you know? I've been telling my heart to stop loving you for months. Telling myself you don’t want me anymore, and I have to accept that. Seeing you here now, it still hurts. It hurts like hell, but it feels final, you know?"
I want to say, No, I don't know, because things between Leah and I would never feel final. I want to reach out and touch her, tell her I still love her, but I can’t. My body won’t move. I’m tongue-tied and still in shock from seeing her so suddenly after so many months.
She continues on. "I feel like I can go back to New Orleans without wondering what you'd wear in winter or how you'd look if we ever meet again. I wouldn't have to drive myself crazy wondering what could happen if I showed up, asking you to be with me again. I can let go."
"Don't let go," I finally manage to breathe out.
She blinks. "What?"
Stepping forward, my hands grasp her arms, pulling her to me. She gasps as her gorgeous eyes flutter up at mine. "Don't let go. Don't let me go. Leah," I cup her cheek as she sighs, relaxing into me. "I'm sorry for everything. I can't let you go either. I was wrong. So, so wrong when I hurt you."
"I hurt you too," she answers back, eyes filling with tears. "I was so scared you'd wake up one day and realize how much of a loser I was. How much of myself Ethan took away. I wanted to be more for you."
"You are more for me. You're everything." A tear escapes from her eye as I brush it away with my thumb. She sighs again, gripping my jacket with her dainty hands. I was ready to plunge right in and cover her mouth with mine before she stops me with her hand.
Her eyes are full of determination. So beautiful and hypnotizing. I want to stare at them forever. She opens her beautiful mouth as she says, “We need to talk first.”