Chapter 18
Brynn
Heaven or Hell
I used to look forward to Lane going out on rides with the guests. It meant we didn’t have to tiptoe around each other and I was able to breathe because there was a break in the suffocating awkwardness that always seemed to surround us. It also meant I wouldn’t have to hear his current bed partner calling his name as his headboard slammed against our shared wall, and I didn’t have to pretend not to notice them sneaking out the next morning. Those were the only nights I managed to sleep soundly. But now that he was mine and I spent every night since we returned home wrapped around him, leaving no room for anyone else, I missed him. I missed that naughty grin and the way his bright blue eyes twinkled with mischief. I missed his low laugh and the way his hands always seemed to be drifting over my ass inappropriately. I missed him riling Cy up and his joking around with Leo as she worked to calm her grouchy man down. Everything felt too quiet and still without him around. It made me restless and gave me way too much time to think.
I tried not to obsess that I hadn’t heard from Bauer in over a week. He was pretty good about answering my calls and checking in with me regularly. He always sounded happy to hear from me, even though I could tell he wasn’t exactly thrilled with his circumstances. His brother was working two part-time jobs and going to school. Mikey was also an eighteen-year-old on his own for the first time, so there was a fair amount of partying and hooking up going on. There was no way Bauer would ever say a disparaging thing against his older brother, but I got the impression Mikey’s lifestyle wasn’t exactly conducive to giving his younger brother a stable, secure home life. I could hear the longing in his voice when he talked about having a quiet place to sit and think.
The fact he hadn’t answered the phone or returned any of my messages was making me anxious and without Lane around to talk me down, I imagined every worst-case scenario possible. The last thing I wanted was Bauer back on the streets. I didn’t want him to run again. I might not like the fact he picked what his brother had to offer over the opportunity I presented to him, but at least I knew where he was and could normally get a hold of him. If he took off again, there would be no end to the ways I would worry, and I would sink every dime I had into trying to find him. I refused to let him disappear into the wind again. My sister told me I was obsessing over his safety the same way I worried myself sick over hers. I couldn’t argue with her, and I couldn’t stop the feelings from consuming me.
I looked up from the dough I was kneading as Leo walked into the kitchen. Her freckled nose was sunburned, and her strawberry-blonde hair was pulled up in a curly mess on the top of her head. She was a solid five inches shorter than I was, but she carried herself with such confidence and poise that she often seemed larger than life. When she first showed up at the ranch with Emrys, I figured they were nothing more than the typical rich-bitch city girls looking for an adventure and a roll in the hay with a hot cowboy. There were photos of Cy, Sutton, and Lane on the ranch's website, and their pictures were also plastered all over the vacation literature. The Warner brothers and their rugged good looks did more for business than the wild Wyoming landscape ever could. When Leo turned out to be just as prickly and stubborn as Cy, it was a refreshing change of pace. She refused to let the stoic, sarcastic cowboy roll over her and gave as good as she got. The fact she was able to melt some of Cy’s icy walls he kept around his heart was a miracle, and I would be forever grateful she had given one of the greatest men I’d ever known reason to smile again.
“How was your tour?” Leo only went out on the range with families and all-girl groups. Cy insisted. We were too isolated, and the property was too large and remote for anyone to react quickly if a problem arose. He refused to let her go out with a group of men when she could so easily be outnumbered and overtaken. At first, Leo’s feminist instincts had bristled at the demand, but eventually, she gave in, realizing it wasn’t worth the fight when Cy had a point, and making him worry would mean he wasn’t concentrating on his end of the business. He merely had to remind Leo of their own clusterfuck they’d barely survived out in the wilderness the first time she stepped foot on the ranch.
The petite redhead pointed at her face and wrinkled her nose. “Good except I forgot sunscreen. I’m going to turn into one giant freckle at this point.” She was as fair as most redheads were and already had a liberal smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. It was a good look for her.
“They’re cute. I bet Cy likes them.” I tossed the dough into a bowl and set it aside, moving to the sink to wash the flour off my hands. She gave the concoction a curious look and lifted her eyebrows in question. “I’m making chicken pot pie for dinner tonight. That’s the crust.”
She hummed and rubbed her tummy with an exaggerated motion. “I’ll need to order a wedding dress a size bigger than I usually wear now that you’re back home. I can’t believe I used to live on takeout and delivery. Home cooking is so much better.”
I laughed and felt a blush rising in reaction to her praise. “Did you already find a dress?” There was no way she was going to find what she was looking for in Sheridan. She was going to have to go down to Casper, or Cheyenne, or even farther down to Denver to get something special.
She shrugged letting her shoulder drop carelessly. “I’ve looked around online, but nothing is jumping out at me. I want to make sure everything about this wedding is as different from Cy’s first wedding as possible. I don’t want him to have flashbacks.” She wrinkled her nose again and rolled her eyes. “Plus, we have time.” They weren’t having the wedding until well after Emrys gave birth, and she was only six months along at the moment.
“This wedding won’t be anything like the last one. You’re doing it here at the ranch, right?” I felt guilty that I wasn’t more involved. I’d been so caught up in my own drama that I hadn’t been a very good friend, which made me cringe. Leo and Emrys were the first women who had accepted me with open arms even after hearing all the terrible rumors about me and in Leo’s case, after mistakenly thinking I was Cy’s wife. They both had been wonderful to me and showed me what real female friendship was all about. I should have been more invested in both the wedding and the baby.
She nodded and took the lemon poppy seed muffin I handed her. I’d made them for breakfast this morning, and there were several left over. “We are. We’re going to keep it pretty small. You know how much Cy hates being the center of attention.”
He did hate it. Having all eyes on him was more Lane’s thing, and I found myself wondering if we ever got to that point if I would have to put up with a giant production. I would be happy with a courthouse wedding in front of a justice of the peace, something quick and easy, but I doubted the youngest Warner would let me get away with that. He was too proud that we’d finally found our way to each other. He would want to show us off, to flaunt our love for the naysayers and detractors to see. I sighed at the thought and turned to lean against the counter.
“It’s going to be beautiful, and the only people who matter are the two of you. His first wedding was in an old, fancy church in Boston. I remember Sutton and Lane griping because they had to wear tuxes and Boyd fretting over how much everything cost. His first wife was all about the show and display, kind of like Lydia Warner was. She didn’t give a single shit if the wedding had any part of Cy, or his life before her, in it. The fact that you’re having it here already makes it a thousand times better.”
She smiled at me as she broke off the piece of her muffin and handed it to me. I popped it into my mouth as she asked, “What about you and Lane?” She lifted her eyebrows as I started to choke on the flavorful pastry. “What’s next for the two of you? You sort of skipped over the whole dating, boyfriend/girlfriend phase and went right to spending every single night together. I know you have a lifetime of love between the two of you, but do you want something more than that? Do you want to marry him?”
If it were coming from anyone else, it would have been invasive and annoying. Since it was Leo and she had been nothing but supportive I answered her honestly. “I would marry him tomorrow if it wouldn’t look so bad. He’s the only man who’s asked me that I really wanted to say yes to, Leo. Telling him no when we were teenagers was the hardest thing I've ever done. Telling his dad yes was the second hardest. I can’t tell one guy no, especially a good guy like Jack, and turn around and marry another one with barely any time between the two. People in this town already think the worst of me and say terrible things about how I became a Warner. I don’t want to add fuel to the fire and drag Lane into that. He’s given me so much.”
She shook her head and reached out a hand so she could pat me on the arm. “You wouldn’t be dragging Lane anywhere. He would walk willingly through any fire for you. That’s the thing about asking someone to marry you, you both have to decide it’s what you want. You can wait to ask him, and he’ll say yes. Or you can ask him tomorrow and get the same answer. That’s the thing, you’re both finally ready and the time is right. You’re deciding to do this together. No one else matters, Brynn. Not now and not ever.”
I didn’t have a response to her spot-on observation. I didn’t want anyone else to define me by the choices I had to make in the past, and here I was using my choices to dictate what I could and couldn’t do in the eyes of people that never wanted anything good for me. Sighing, I looked toward the front door and wished Lane was back from his weekend trip. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to lose myself in his pretty eyes and listen to him sing me to sleep. I wanted him inside of me.
I wanted to ask him to marry me. I did. I really did.
Almost as if I had conjured someone up with the force of my longing, there was a hesitant knock on the massive, wooden front door. The sound made Leo jump and we exchanged a confused glance as the noise sounded again.
“Are you expecting someone?” I asked the question as I started moving toward the door. All the guests were out with the boys, and the mail carrier had already delivered for the day. Opal was spending the night at a friend’s house so they could cram for midterms, so it wasn’t her either. Every now and then one of the ranchers from a nearby property would drop in and let us know about a lost cow or a broken fence, but we were too far outside the city for random visitors which meant we were cautious when we moved toward the door.
She shook her head which sent her curls bouncing. “No. It could be Ten.” The forest ranger did stop by unannounced occasionally. She was usually looking for a free meal though, and it was still hours before I typically had dinner on the table.
I pulled the door open and didn’t bother to stifle the scream of delight when I saw who was standing on the other side. I stepped onto the rustic front porch, pulling the still frail looking teenager into my arms as I did so. I couldn’t believe Cameron Bauer was standing at my front door in the middle of nowhere Wyoming, but I’d never seen a better sight. I squeezed him so tightly that he started to struggle so he could breathe.
“Hey, Brynn. Long time, no see.” His smile was crooked and a little shy. His hair was cut and styled in a trendy undercut that resembled the way Cy wore his. His face was void of the bruises that decorated it when we met, and his clothes looked new and fitting for a fourteen-year-old. He was still too skinny and fragile looking, but his eyes were bright, and he looked as happy to see me as I was to see him.
I couldn’t stop myself from giving him another squeeze and dropping a hurried kiss on his forehead. “How on Earth did you get here?” I didn’t mean Wyoming, I meant the ranch. There was no easy way here from Sheridan, and all the back roads were dirt. They looked the same, and many were unmarked. If you didn’t know exactly where it was you were going, it was super easy to get lost.
“I took a bus to Casper and then caught another one that dropped me off in Sheridan. I was hitchhiking out this way when a cop stopped and asked me where I was going.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, and I noticed the sheriff of Sheridan, Rodie Collins, was waiting in his Blazer. He touched his fingers to his forehead in a salute as I waved and pulled Bauer into the house.
“That wasn’t very safe. This isn’t the city, but hitchhiking is never a good idea. You never know who’s going to stop and pick you up.” I couldn’t keep the concern from bleeding out. All I wanted to do was take care of him. I felt it inside every pore. “I’m so happy to see you. Surprised, but so happy. I was worried when I didn’t hear from you all week.”
He shuffled into the house in front of me, stopping when he caught sight of Leo standing in the hallway, watching us with unvarnished curiosity. She tilted her head to the side and offered him a welcoming smile. “Well, hello there. Who are you?”
Bauer looked over his shoulder at me and then back at Leo with wide eyes. “I’m Cameron Bauer.”
Leo threw her head back and laughed so loudly it made the teenager jump. “Silly. Of course, I know who you are. Brynn and Lane wouldn’t shut up about this wonderful kid they met on their road trip home. You left quite an impression, young man. It’s lovely to meet you. Make yourself at home while you’re here. You picked a good day to visit. Brynn is making pot pie for dinner, yum.” She gave me a wink and moved toward Cy’s office. “I’ll let the two of you catch up.”
I turned Bauer toward the living room and guided him to sit on the comfy, overstuffed leather couch. I reached out for his hand, thrilled that he let me pull the delicate appendage into my own. “As glad as I am that you’re here, I need to know why you just showed up out of the blue, Bauer. What brought you to Wyoming? And why haven’t you answered any of my calls this last week?”
His thin fingers twitched in mine as I ran my thumb over the thick scar that now decorated the back of his hand. His gaze darted around the room landing anywhere but on mine as he softly replied, “Mikey has my phone. His kept running out of data and minutes. He took mine since you gave me unlimited services.”
I gritted my teeth and told myself I had to remain calm. I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him by telling him how selfish and immature I thought his brother was. “Okay. I’ll talk to Lane about adding another phone line onto the plan for your brother. Not being able to get in touch with you doesn’t sit well with me. It makes me worry. I need to know that you’re doing okay. Did you talk to the school about getting enrolled? Are you eating enough? Did you go buy yourself some stuff for your room like I told you to?”
He tugged his hand free and used it to push at his hair. Finally, he lifted his eyes to mine, and I could see so many familiar shadows darkening them. “I can’t enroll without my parents’ permission. They refuse to sign legal guardianship over to Mikey, not that he really wants that responsibility. I can’t do anything without them; work, school, drive. Even with them out of my life they are still controlling everything.” He sounded so defeated it made all the broken pieces of my heart shutter.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. That isn’t fair to you. Let’s look at what other options you might have while you’re here. I know in some cases you can ask to be legally emancipated from your parents. It’s like getting a divorce from them. You don’t need them to sign off on anything then.”
His face twisted up in a look of disbelief and then sort of wilted right before my eyes. His head dropped, and his shoulders fell. He put his face in his hands and shook his head back and forth.
“It’s so hard, Brynn. I thought it would be easy, well, easier, but it’s not. The cops are all over me about testifying and being part of the trial. They want me to make statements about RV guy and Goddard. They want me to identify the kid with the BMW. It’s all overwhelming, and Mikey is no help. He keeps telling me not to cooperate unless I get paid. He’s never home, and when he is, all he does is party. He brings home the kind of people I tried to avoid while I was on the streets. It’s nothing like I thought it would be. I’m still all alone, and now I feel even more alone than I did before.” He lifted his head, and I could see twin tracks of moisture on his cheeks as tears rolled down his face. “Talking to you when you called every week is the only time I didn’t feel like I was forgotten about. Knowing you still cared is the only thing getting me by. I missed you, Brynn. So, so much.”
He threw himself across my lap, shoulders trembling as he started to cry. I stroked the soft hair at the back of his head and patted him on the back. “I missed you, too, Cameron. Do you care if I call you that sometimes?” He nodded his head. “Good. Bauer was the boy on the run, Cameron is the young man with so many options in front of him. I’ve been worried about you since the minute we left Denver.” He swallowed so hard I could hear it. “Tell me what you need from me, and I’ll give it to you.” I would give him anything if it made him feel like he wasn’t alone anymore.
“I want to go to school. I want to get through this trial without feeling like every move I make is wrong. It’s so scary every time the police show up to talk to me. I don’t want to face the guy with the RV again, I don’t want to tell a courtroom full of people what he did to me. I want to go to bed and not have to push my dresser in front of the door. I want to like my brother again because right now I kind of hate him. I want to prove you can trust me and show you that I won’t take off every time something gets hard.” He lifted his head, and his eyes were shiny with unshed tears as he finally met my gaze. “I want to be the version of me you and Lane see. I want to be the guy who’s worthy of having people like you in my life. I want to be someone worth saving, Brynn.”
I cupped his cheeks in my hands, wiping away his tears with my thumbs as I offered him a wobbly smile. This kid hit right at the center of my heart without even trying. “You already are that guy, Cameron. You just need to see it.”
He nodded slowly. “I want to see it. Do you…uh…do you think…is the offer to stay with you while I figure my shit out still open? Do you think Lane will mind having me around?” Shyly, he asked, “Do you think he still wants to teach me how to ride a horse, and maybe he could teach me to play the guitar?”
“Oh, Cameron,” I leaned forward and touched my forehead to his. I closed my eyes and exhaled all the worry and concern I’d been carrying around for this young man since leaving him on his own. “Welcome home, kid.”