Chapter 16
Brynn
All or Nothing
“This is bullshit. I’m never going to be able to afford to replace all of this stuff.”
The agitated young man was the spitting image of his younger brother. However, he was filled out and carried more bulk than Bauer since he wasn’t living on the streets. The older teen was alternating between kicking around the remnants of his belongings and pulling on his reddish-brown hair in aggravation. He appeared oblivious to how his actions were affecting his younger brother. Bauer was practically cowering in a corner, repeatedly apologizing to Mikey for bringing trouble his way, and shooting contrite looks in my direction. The kid was awash in guilt and regret, and the older boy’s exaggerated mourning for his MacBook wasn’t doing anything to soothe the younger boy’s ragged edges. So far, I was unimpressed with his display of brotherly concern. In fact, the teenager seemed more interested in checking out me and the pretty cop who showed up to talk to both of them than reuniting with his younger sibling. It was a typical reaction from an eighteen-year-old, but I was disappointed that he didn’t come across as the altruistic hero Bauer had built him up to be.
“I’ll help you replace everything. It’s my fault it all got broken.” Bauer’s voice was shaky and thin. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, and he was jumping out of his skin every time the police officer directed a question at him. She assured him she wasn’t going to haul him in as a runaway. She only wanted information on the men who had taken him. She explained that they had the man from the RV in custody and they wanted to coax him to lead them to the men behind the website and abduction. She promised him that Jonathan Goddard was never going to get his filthy hands on him.
Wyatt Bryant finally landed, so Webb took off a little while ago to pick him up from the airport. The DEA agent was already in touch with his contact in the FBI looking into what they could do about Goddard’s involvement. Apparently, the politician was in the middle of a shit storm back home already. His stepdaughter had come forward with irrefutable proof of sexual assault, and an anonymous source had to uncover the fact that Goddard was using a nonprofit funded entirely by donations for nefarious deeds. The man was a slimeball, and he was going away for a long time, and Wyatt wanted to see if they could get federal charges thrown at him as well. They wanted the wheels of justice to grind the crooked politician up and leave nothing but corrupt dust behind. Right now, the scumbag was in custody back in his hometown, and his downfall was slowly starting to hit the media.
Officer Cross explained gently that Bauer was going to have to be a witness against the RV guy, which made him balk. He didn’t want to see the man who had spent days violating him, and abusing him again. I thought he was going to break down in tears when he explained to the officer just how awful his time locked in the RV had been. He seemed embarrassed for his brother to know the intimate details of the last few months of his life, but the tall young man, still seething about his trashed apartment, seemed oblivious to his brother’s discomfort and suffering.
Unable to stomach the dejected look on Bauer’s face anymore, I moved across the room and pulled him into my arms. I kept my back to the rest of the room, blocking everyone else out as I tried to pour every ounce of relief and support I could into him. I rested my cheek on the top of his head and whispered, “None of this is your fault. They’re just things. They can be replaced…you can’t. When he has a second to calm down, he’ll remember that.” At least I hoped he would.
I turned my head when the other woman in the room asked, “Why didn’t you respond to any of the messages Cameron sent you, Mikey?” The cop was scribbling notes and watching the scene between the brothers play out with a sharp eye. It was clear she wasn’t any more impressed by Mikey Bauer than I was. “You had a lot of people worried about you.”
The redheaded young man pouted and crossed his arms over his chest in a purely petulant pose. “A friend hooked me up with free lift passes. I hitched a ride up to the mountains so service was spotty and I don’t have very many minutes. Mom and Dad cut me off when I moved out of the house because I told them I was going to find Cam and let him live with me now that I’m eighteen. They aren’t speaking to me which means I’m on my own for everything. Money is tight.”
I gritted my teeth to keep from snapping that he had been on his own for a few months, while his younger brother had been on his own for years at a much younger age. It wasn’t fair to gloss over that making it on your own at whatever age was a struggle, but I was feeling fiercely protective over the emotionally fragile boy in my arms. All he wanted was to be loved by his family, to be cared for by the people who were supposed to do so without question, and yet, there was no mistaking his older brother was alluding to the fact that Bauer was going to be a burden on his already limited means.
The thin body shook against me, and I heard him sniff noisily. “I’ll help you with the bills.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
Finally, Mikey shook himself out of his shock and anger, looking over at where his brother was huddled against me like a wounded animal. “You’re too young to get a job, Cam. And there is no way in hell Mom or Dad would sign off on a work permit. But thank you for the offer.” He shoved his hand through his hair again and shifted his gaze over to the cop. “We’ll figure something out. We can make this work. Hey, if he’s going to be your main witness against some big sex trafficking ring shouldn’t he be compensated for that? Isn’t there some kind of reward in it for him?”
The policewoman lifted one of her rust-colored eyebrows, and her dark eyes flashed in annoyance. It was amazing how similar our coloring was. Everything about how she looked was a shade or two lighter than how I looked. Her hair more strawberry than fire, her skin more honey than gold, and her eyes were a warm, chocolate brown instead of nearly black like mine. Aside from those small differences, we could almost pass for sisters. The way she was clearly frustrated with Mikey also mirrored my current emotional state. I liked her instantly, and I was so relieved she was the one who had shown up to handle Bauer’s case. I didn’t get the impression she was willing to throw the disaffected youth to the wolves in favor of her career.
“I think your brother’s reward will be in making sure these bastards can’t do what they did to him to anyone else. By testifying against these guys, Cameron is taking a stand against anyone victimizing children for profit. He’s going to be a hero.” I rubbed a hand up and down Bauer’s arm as he shook violently at the policewoman’s words. “I think I have what I need from you boys for now. We’ll need to be able to contact you both as we move forward with charges. If you’re going to change locations, please be sure you inform me, and if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. You’re a very brave young man, Cameron Bauer.”
She gave me a grin as she walked to the door. “It sounds like you have yourself the kind of guy who finds himself in trouble even when he isn't looking for it, Ms. Warner. I have one of those myself, complete with a southern accent that makes everyone who gets near him act stupid and goofy. Keep an eye on your man. Your cowboy seems like a good guy.”
A surprised laugh tumbled over my lips. “He’s the best. I’ve had my eyes on him since I was five years old. He just now started looking back.” I couldn’t imagine the kind of effect Lane Warner would have on the unsuspecting female population if he had a southern twang. He was already dangerous, that would make him deadly.
The cop chuckled, and we shared the kind of smile that only women who loved difficult, shortsighted men could share. “I wish you all the best. It’s a good thing you stumbled across that kid out there in the desert. This story could have had a much sadder ending. He needed you so badly.”
She slipped out the door as her radio went off. Once she was out of the room, Bauer seemed to relax marginally. He shyly returned my hug and took a moment to pull himself together while I was still acting as a shield between him and his brother.
“Is Lane okay?” It didn’t take a genius to know he was blaming himself for the injuries Lane had sustained in the truck stop bathroom as well as the wreckage of his brother’s belongings.
I nodded. “He’ll be fine. He needed a couple of stitches, and the fight didn’t do his cracked ribs any favors, but he’s okay. Ten said he didn’t even want to go to the hospital, but the police made him so they could get his statement and take pictures of his wounds for evidence. He’s more worried about you than he is about a little ol’ knife wound.” That was glossing over the damage my cowboy sustained but Bauer didn’t need to know the grisly details of Lane’s wound.
I got a wobbly smile for my efforts to lighten the mood and moved back as the teenager stepped around me. His brother was watching our interaction with open curiosity but for once remained silent, which was a good thing. I already wanted to scream and yell at him to have some compassion for everything he’s learned about his little brother’s past today.
The older Bauer boy cocked his head to the side and asked, “You’re still gay, right?”
I gasped as Bauer blustered and tripped over his words. “What? Of course I am. Why would you even ask me that?” He stalked to the middle of the room and started absently moving piles of junk around in a futile effort to return order to some of the trashed belongings. “It’s not something you randomly grow out of, Mike.”
The older boy shrugged. “I was just wondering. If you suddenly decided that you liked girls, it would make things a lot easier. Dad might not ever get over himself, but I bet Mom would lighten up a little. It’s hard to do this day in and out every day without any help from anyone.”
I saw Bauer’s jaw clench and watched as his hands curled into fists at his sides. “I know that. I’ve been on my own since the night Dad put you in the hospital. I haven’t had anyone to ask for help in over two years.”
His hopeless words were like an arrow that pierced through all the pieces of my shattered heart. I remembered how despondent I was when I thought there was nowhere to turn to for help for Opal and me. I could feel the weight of the world pressing down on me from every direction back then. My circumstances were a cage I was sure I was going to be trapped in forever. No way out was the reality I pushed against every minute of every day. When Boyd Warner stepped in and offered me an escape, it was the first time in my entire existence I felt free. There was no way I couldn’t at least offer Bauer the same kind of key so that he could escape his very familiar prison.
I walked over to him and nudged his shoulder with mine. “Hey. I want to talk to you about something important.” I looked over at Mikey who was openly staring at my ass. I rolled my eyes and snapped my fingers to get his attention. “Can you give us a minute? I want to talk to your brother alone. I’ll help you clean up this mess when we’re done, and I’ll have Ten and Lane bring us all something to eat when they’re released from the hospital.”
The surly young man begrudgingly agreed, disappearing down a short hallway and into what I assumed was his bedroom.
I tugged Bauer over to the slashed couch and searched around for a place that seemed like it still had enough stuffing in it for us to sit. Perching gingerly on the edge, I pulled him down next to me and gave him a smile that I was sure had my heart, and my intentions stamped all over it. He’d finally fessed up and told the pretty police officer that he was only fourteen. Knowing how young he was, yet seeing how ancient and tired his eyes looked, it was a struggle to find the words to describe how heavy the pain from my past was. I didn’t want to weigh him down with more than he already had on his plate, but he needed to know there was another door he could walk through, and that there was so much more than what he was used to waiting on the other side of it.
“When I was seventeen my mother had a boyfriend who liked to gamble. He was a drunk and mean, but he left me and my little sister alone for the most part as long as we stayed out of his way. All I wanted to do was turn eighteen so I could get out of that trailer that was rusting away on the reservation. I was kind of like Mikey because I was convinced that once I was the legal age, I could get my sister out of there and take care of her as well. I had so many plans, but they all fell apart.”
I twisted some of my hair around my finger and let the memories drag me back to a place I swore I would never revisit. “I had no idea how powerless I really was. The boyfriend lost more than he could afford to lose on the Super Bowl and made a deal with his bookie. He sold me, promised me to the man he owed money to like I was currency. He drugged me and was handing me off for payment when social services showed up to check on my sister. Someone at her school finally noticed something wasn’t right. They saved my life that night, but if they had been five minutes later, I would have been in the exact same situation as you just were.”
Bauer was watching me with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open. I nodded to show him that I understood how similar we really were. “The problem was that I knew there was little anyone could do to keep the system from giving us back to my mother. Where I come from they want Native kids with Native parents, even if those parents are entirely unfit. That boyfriend went to jail, but what about the next one, and the one after that? I had no idea what I was going to do, and I was terrified.”
“What happened?” His voice was breathless and scared for me.
“The Warner’s happened. Lane and I were best friends, but I was deeply, madly in love with him. I always have been. When he heard what happened, he showed up at the hospital where they were pumping my stomach to try and get rid of the drugs in my system. He had a cheap gumball machine ring he got from a gas station. He asked me to marry him. He told me I never had to go back to the trailer, that I could come live with him and he would make sure my mother never got anywhere near me again.”
Bauer gasped and looked pointedly at my ringless finger. “But you’re not married? When you picked me up, you were just friends.” His confusion was evident.
My smile wavered slightly, and I felt all those old feelings start to swirl around under the surface. “No, we’re not. Lane wanted to take care of me, but he didn’t love me, or at least he didn’t know he loved me back then. We were so young, and my family was such a mess there was no way I wanted to drag him into all of that. I was trapped, I didn’t want him stuck with me. And I had my sister to think about. Even if I married Lane and got everything I ever wanted, what was I going to do about her? I couldn’t leave her behind.”
He nodded and started to chew on his lower lip. “You’re a good sister.”
“I try to be. Anyway, when I was getting ready to give up all hope, when I was resigned to spending another year stuck in my own personal hell, Lane’s dad approached me and offered me a way out. He told me that he was sick. His doctors only gave him a couple years max to live. He knew what was going on at home and he knew Lane had been willing to sacrifice his entire future to get me out of that situation. He also knew how worried I was about my sister, so he made me a deal. He told me I could marry him and take his name. I could live on the ranch, and he would make sure my mother no longer put my sister in danger. I remember asking him what in the world he got out of the situation, and all he said was ‘I want my last days on this Earth to matter.’ He gave me a way out, and he changed my life. I knew it was going to hurt Lane and change our relationship forever, but I couldn’t walk away from everything his father offered. If Lane’s dad hadn’t stepped in, I would be dead, Bauer. I have no doubt about it, and I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to my sister.”
“That’s amazing. I never knew there were people like that in the world until I met you and Lane.” His wonder and amazement were clear in both his voice and his expression. I hated that basic human decency was so foreign to him.
“The whole Warner clan is pretty special, and I’m so lucky I get to call them my family. The point is I wouldn’t be here if someone who could help, hadn’t. I want to help you, Bauer. I want to give you a way out like someone gave to me. I want you to see that you have options, and people willing to make sure you succeed. I know you love your brother and that he sacrificed a lot for you, but he’s still so young. He’s going to have his hands full making it on his own, add in caring for someone else and that might be enough to break him. He loves you, but loving and taking care of are two very different things.” I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I can do both in my sleep. I can love you and care for you without even thinking twice about it. I also understand where you’re coming from, I know how hard it is to move on from everything you’ve been through. I would love for you to come home with me, Bauer. Come to Wyoming. Come to the ranch. Come be part of my family. Let me show you how good it feels to be safe, how amazing it is when you don’t go to bed afraid that you might not wake up. I promise you will be surrounded by people you can count on. You will have so many adults trying to help you that you’ll have to remind them you’re more than capable of doing things for yourself. It’s your turn to escape.”
The more I talked, the wider his eyes got and the faster his breathing became. His face alternated between blushing bright red and leeching to an almost gray color. His unreadable eyes were flashing too many emotions for me to name and when his lower lip started to tremble, I knew what his answer was going to be before he said a word.
He ripped his sullen gaze away, fastening his eyes on the floor. Slowly and deliberately he turned his body away from mine, and I could see him shutting down. His thin shoulders hunched over and he wrapped his trembling arms around his middle like he was giving himself a hug.
“I can’t go with you, Brynn. My brother gave up everything so I could be here. He’s the only person who’s always come through for me.” His loyalty was admirable but wholly misplaced.
“I don’t doubt that Mikey wants to give you a fresh start. What I question is his ability to provide that not only for you but for himself as well. He seems like a decent kid, but he’s still just a kid. The last thing I want is for you to fall back on the one way you know you can get by if times get hard. I don’t want you to have to make desperate choices anymore, Bauer. I want you to have the time and space to grow up, to learn to be the man you were always meant to be before your parents robbed you of that opportunity.” I was pleading with him, but I could tell it wasn’t getting me anywhere. He felt that he owed it to Mikey to stick around. He was taking on the responsibility of getting his older brother on his feet, considering he’d already been forced to figure out surviving on his own.
“I’ll be okay. It means a lot that you offered everything you have to me, Brynn. You saved my life, and a bunch of other kids too. Lane’s dad did more than just turn your life around when he made that deal with you, he put the wheels in motion so that you could be a lot of other kids’ guardian angel the way he was for you.” He shrugged and climbed to his feet. I watched as he shoved his hands down into his front pockets, still refusing to meet my gaze. “We’ve only known each other a handful of days. You think I’m worth saving, that I deserve a better kind of life, but you don’t know me very well. I told you when we first met that I wasn’t a good person, if I were I would have found another way to get by all these years. I’ve stolen things, I’ve lied and cheated. I’ve stood by silently while people I cared about were hurt and did nothing to stop it. I’m not like you, Brynn. You worried and sacrificed for your sister, you’ve put yourself in danger for my safety, and the only person I tried to take care of when I was out on the streets, is me.” He looked away as he chewed on his lower lip so violently I was worried he was going to draw blood. “If I went home with you, eventually you would figure out I’m not worth the effort of trying to save. I think you should help someone who deserves it, someone who earned it, who earned you.”
I climbed to my feet ready to keep fighting with him, but I could see how close he was to breaking. He wasn’t telling me no because he wanted to. He was turning me down because he had to. At least that was what he believed.
“Find one of the good people Lane keeps telling me about. I know they’re out there now. Offer them a chance to start over. They’ll appreciate it and won’t screw it up like I would. I’ll never forget you, Brynn. I mean that.”
He turned to walk away, but I wasn’t ready to let him go yet. I captured him in a hug so tight that it made him squeak. When I let him go, I pointed a shaking finger at him and told him flatly, “I’m having Lane bring you a phone before we go. I’ll be checking in on you every week. If you need help with anything, you will ask. If you and your brother are struggling financially, you will ask for help. I pay my mother every single month to make sure she keeps her nose clean and all her garbage boyfriends away from my sister, I’ll do the same for you. No more turning tricks in truck stops. You’re going to school and acting like a normal teenager. Do you understand me?”
I fully intended to give Mikey the same lecture. Where Bauer would never want to take advantage of my kindness, I had no doubt his squirrely, immature brother would.
“I’m not abandoning you. Not now, not ever. Okay?” After everything, he had to believe I wouldn’t walk away…didn’t he?
Finally, after what felt like forever, I got the tiniest nod in response.
“Okay.” He sounded as broken as my heart felt. We were in so many pieces I had no clue how either of us was ever expected to be put back together again. There wasn’t enough glue in the world for a project that big. Luckily love seemed to do the trick. It held all those sharp, jagged shards in place and filled up all the gaps where thoughtless, cruel people had stolen chunks of our souls.
I was going to have to work extra hard to let this lonely, stubborn boy know I had an endless supply to give to him.
There was no giving up on anyone I loved. If I had done that I never would have ended up where I was always meant to be—by Lane Warner’s side.