My feet are like lead weights as I drag my weary body up the dingy stairwell towards our flat. The sole light that still works flickers above my head as the unwelcome familiar smell of piss and old cigarette smoke fills my nose. Welcome home, I think with a sad laugh.

I realised once I was on the road that I’d probably made a mistake leaving like that. But what else was I meant to do? Wake up this morning and pretend that everything’s fine? Or worse—tell the truth. Tell them everything I’m desperately trying to keep hidden. Just spill out all the ugliness that is my life. If I did that, they would never allow me out of their sight again, let alone return to this hellhole. But as shit as my life is here, it’s where I need to be. I have people relying on me, people I need to try to protect.

I’m lost in my thoughts, and I’m on autopilot as I push the key in the lock and give the door a hard shove to get it to open. Ever since it was almost ripped from its hinges, it’s not all that happy about functioning as it should.

The flat’s in darkness as I step into the hallway and toe off my shoes. Expecting David to be sleeping, or passed out, I’m not prepared for the loud crash and deep growl to filter through from the living room. My stomach knots and my hands begin to tremble as my fear takes over. I hadn’t even considered that he’d be here. I feel so stupid for not expecting it.

A garbled cry vibrates off the walls before I hear the recognisable sound of skin connecting with skin.

They’ve no idea I’m here. I could turn and run. I could go back to where I came from, and they’d be none the wiser.

“No, please,” David begs, and the defeat in his voice has me jumping into action. He’s the reason I can’t just walk out.

He must hear me coming because the second I step into the doorway, his head turns, and his haunted eyes land on me.

“Oh, here she is,” he spits. “Your little bitch has come to your rescue. Or maybe she wants to play, too.” His gaze drops from my eyes in favour of running over my body. I swallow down the bile that threatens to rise up my throat at being objectified.

Tearing my eyes away from the monster stood in front of me, I look down to my boyfriend as he splutters, trying to drag in as much oxygen as possible with his brother’s dirty, calloused hand wrapped around his neck. His eye is already swelling and fresh blood is dripping from his split lip. Anger ignites within me that this pathetic excuse for a man has ruined what was my boyfriend. David’s so scared of him, the man who’s meant to be his older brother, that he’s totally lost himself. He’s drowning, and I’m fighting to keep him above water the best I can, but I feel I’m losing the battle a little more every time he comes crashing into our lives.

“Let him go, Griff.” My voice is steady and strong, the exact opposite of how I feel right now with his bloodshot eyes staring daggers at me. They’re exactly like in my nightmares. His greasy, long hair hangs limply around his sullen face; he looks like hell.

“Not until he gives me what he owes me.”

“I…don’t ha…”

“You keep saying that, you little rat,” he spits down at David.

“How much?” I ask. I usually refuse any demands for money, but I’m too exhausted right now to fight. If he turns on me, I’m fucked.

Griff stares down at David, who’s starting to turn blue, with hatred pouring from his eyes.

“Hundred,” he manages to force out. “For now.”

Reaching for my purse, I pull out some notes I withdrew to put towards this month’s rent. That fucker knew we’d have money here.

“Here.” My voice trembles, and when he turns to look at me, a cold sweat breaks across my skin. If I never look into those evil eyes again, it wouldn’t be too soon.

“Good girl,” he slurs when he spots the wad of cash between my fingers.

He releases David after giving him one last shove, and he collapses onto his side on the sofa, gasping for breath. Griff turns on me.

Adrenaline races through me, and my muscles twitch with the need to escape. I swallow it down and prepare to go toe to toe with the man of my nightmares.

He comes to a stop in front of me and stares down, caging me in between his six foot two height and the wall at my back.

“That was easier than I was hoping for.” He lifts his arm and I flinch when his cold fingertips touch my cheek. He runs them down until he gets to the faint bruise he left on my collarbone and presses into it. Stepping forward, his shallow breaths fan my face, my stomach turning over as he presses the entire length of his body against me. The smell of whiskey mixes with stale cigarettes and what I can only assume is week-old sweat. I can feel how much my fear turns him on, and I’m desperate to react, but I know it’s futile; he’d only get off on it more.

“Until next time, sweetheart. You know I like to keep you waiting.” His fingers thread into my hair and he tugs. The sting shoots down my spine but I don’t react. He doesn’t need to know he’s getting to me. “Anticipation is everything,” he drawls, running his nose softly along my jaw and breathing me in before releasing me, turning on his heel and marching from the flat.

Sagging back against the wall, I allow myself to just breathe for a few seconds. When I eventually look up from our faded carpet, I find my boyfriend cowering in the corner of the sofa, his eyes wide. Fear, apology and defeat pour from them.

None of it means anything.

Tearing my gaze from his, I square my shoulders and walk into our bedroom, slamming the door loudly behind me. It’s only once I’m alone that I allow everything to rush out of me. Sliding my back down the door, I come to a rest on my bum and wrap my arms around my knees as tears stream down my face and tremors of fear continue to shake my body.

“David, we’re meant to be meeting your parents in an hour. You need to get yourself together.” After collecting the bottles and cans littered around the living room, I take them all to the kitchen and deposit them with the others waiting to go down to the recycling.

It’s been a week since Griff’s last visit, and life has got back to what seems to be normality. David spends most of his days drunk as he tries to drown everything with as much vodka as he can get his hands on. I understand his need to escape, I really do, but I wish he’d fight. He’s better than this. The man I first met, the man I fell in love with, wasn’t this weak. He knew how to look after himself. He knew how to protect me. None of this is his fault. He’s the victim. It’s why I’m still here. I’m desperate to drag the real David back out of wherever he’s hiding. I want to go back to how we once were—before Griff turned our lives into living nightmares.

He groans and rolls onto his back as I walk back towards him. “For fuck’s sake. Get up. It’s your dad’s birthday; they’re expecting you to turn up fucking sober.” Shoving his legs from the sofa in frustration, I try to drag him up.

When he eventually gets himself into a sitting position, I thrust a mug of black coffee at him. “Drink,” I demand. “Then get in the shower. You fucking stink.”

He looks up at me and I can see everything in his eyes that he’s too afraid to say. He knows all to well that I don’t need to be here. Every time he looks at me, it’s as if he’s begging for me to get out while I still can.

After what feels like a decade, he manages to stumble his way to the bathroom. When everything goes quiet, I let out a sigh and march in to see what’s going on. Usually, I would just leave him to do his thing, but I told his mum that he’d make an effort today, like she is.

Their family was very different when I first met them. His mum was full of life, his dad was full of jokes and banter, and David was…perfect. I had no idea of the pain that was only just around the corner that would bring them all to their knees.

I always knew David had an older brother. There were photos of the two of them growing up all over his parents’ house, and when they told me he’d moved away, I had no reason to question them.

Then, everything changed overnight. At the time, I was totally in the dark as to why, but it was like someone flicked a switch and all the lightness drained from what once was a happy family. David hit the bottle, his mum’s depression pulled her under, and his dad continued mostly as he was, but had his head so far in the clouds as he ignored what was going on. It was unbelievable. They needed someone to be strong, to help pull them through whatever it was that was going on.

Then I met the reason.

Griff.

He hadn’t just moved away. He’d been in prison, and everyone was terrified of him.

When I find David, he’s leaning forward with his hands on the basin and his head hanging between his shoulders. Walking past him, I turn the shower on before stripping him out of his disgusting clothes and shoving him towards the water.

“Why are you doing this?” he asks, his eyes locked onto the floor.

“Because your mum deserves it.”

She’s really been trying to drag herself back from her depression recently. She’s started seeing a therapist after finally accepting she has an issue. We’ve met for coffee a couple of times, like we used to do before everything kicked off. I can see how badly she wants a normal life again. I want that for them all as well, but I fear that while Griff’s presence is still hanging over all of us, it won’t be possible. I need to at least try. These people are practically my family; I won’t abandon them just because things have become hard.

I leave him to wash, hoping he’s capable of it, while I attempt to clean up the mess he’s left behind.

I left clothes out on the bed for him, and when he reappears wearing them a while later, I’m transported back to when things were good. The little snippets of what our relationship was once like is another reason I stay. I know that he can fight this and be the David I knew and loved. I’m sure of it.

His blonde hair is still damp and pushed back off his face, and his black shirt hugs his slim frame. I ignore the things that never used to be there like his dark, haunted eyes, the slightly sunken cheekbones and his constant frown.

His eyes run over my body, taking in my floral dress and kitten heels, but I don’t think he really sees them…me. His eyes are just as emotionless when they meet mine again as they were when I first woke him. I fear any love left in this house is very much one-sided. I wonder for the millionth time whether, if the situation was reversed, he’d still be with me, fighting to keep just any tiny bit of what we had. Just like all the other times, I push away the answer that I don’t want to hear. I’m doing the right thing. Stepping up to him, I reach up on my tiptoes and drop a kiss to his freshly shaven cheek. This situation isn’t about me. David and his family deserve for me to fight it out with them.

“Ready?” I ask, and he silently nods before turning towards the front door. I grab my bag from the coffee table just as my phone pings with a message. Pulling it out, I’m not surprised to see Nicole’s name on the screen. She’s been relentless since I ran away. Thankfully, she’s stopped demanding to know what’s going on. She’s changed tact now and just talks about how much fun we could have if I were down there. She also drops in as often as possible that Liam keeps asking about me, and how much he misses me. It’s like a knife to my heart every time she even says his name. He was so incredible the night of her engagement party. He was kind and gentle with me. I feel awful for leaving the way I did and refusing to have any contact with him since, but I’ll be fucked if I’m going to allow them to get in the middle of what’s going on here. They seem to think they can just swoop in, take me away and everything will be okay, but what about the people I’d be leaving behind?

I reply to her message that I’m fine and tell her I’m just heading out and will speak to her later. She probably thinks I’m just fobbing her off, but unlike most times I make excuses not to talk, this time I’m actually being truthful.

I drive us to the pub where Lynn has booked a table. David’s silent the entire journey, and I can sense the tension radiating from him almost as strongly as the stench of last night’s alcohol that’s still clinging to his skin, despite the shower and fresh clothes.

Lynn assured me it would just be the four of us for this meal, but her words don’t stop me from letting out a sigh of relief when I see a table laid up for just four and the two of them already waiting for us as we walk into the restaurant. She’s under some illusion that prison sorted her eldest son out, something I sincerely hope the therapist is working on with her, so I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he’s been invited at the last minute.

“Liv, David, it’s so good to see you both.” She’s up and pulling us both into hugs the second we step up to the table. If she smells the alcohol on David, she doesn’t react—neither does his dad, but I’m not really surprised. I think the place could collapse around him and he wouldn’t notice right now.

The tension hangs thick around us all as we try to make polite conversation. Lynn asks me about my shitty call centre job like it’s the best job in the world, and I answer her questions with as much enthusiasm as possible. In reality, I’m on my last warning after disappearing off for two weeks in the summer and having a couple of sick days recently. Apparently, a zero hour contract only works one way, and it’s certainly not in my favour.

We’re waiting for the waitress to come over and take our orders when the atmosphere changes and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Looking at Lynn, I see a wide smile on her face. Joy radiates from her, while dread sits heavy in my belly.

David visibly stiffens next to me.

“I didn’t think you were going to make it,” Lynn says, her eyes still locked on the person behind me. I pray to whomever might be listening that it isn’t going to be the inevitable and that she’s invited her sister or someone, but I know it’s pointless. My body knew he was here the second he stepped foot in the place.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” His words are so insincere. I almost want to laugh. Since the day he got out of prison, all he’s done is screw over the people sitting around this table.

My hands are clenched so tightly that my nails are beginning to cut into the skin. I try to contain the trembling of my body so it’s not obvious to everyone around me, but when I look up once again, I realise I don’t need to worry. David’s staring at the table, his dad’s focus is on something the other side of the room, and Lynn is still lovingly gazing at her eldest son.

I hear his footsteps behind me before the heat of his hand lands on my bare shoulder. It burns, and I flinch.

“Olivia, a pleasure as always,” he drawls, and my skin crawls. I try discreetly moving away from his touch, but he has other ideas, and instead trails his fingertips along the base of my neck. My stomach turns over as my need to run starts to get the better of me.

I hear Lynn asking a nearby waiter to lay another place, so I make the most of the distraction and excuse myself to the bathroom.

My legs are like jelly as I force them to move as fast as they’ll go. His eyes burn into me the whole way. I don’t need to look over my shoulder to know, but at the very last minute, my head spins and our eyes lock. The skin around his bloodshot eyes creases as he narrows them at me in amusement. I know how much he enjoys getting to me. It’s why I try so hard to appear unaffected by him. But he knows. He always knows.

Tripping over the little step into the ladies’, I stumble forward and just about manage to steady myself when my hands land on the basin. I keep my head hung for a couple of seconds and breathe in a few deep breaths. We’re here with his family. Nothing will happen. I’m safe, I repeat again and again, but it does little for my racing heart or the shaking of my hands.

Squaring my shoulders, I wash my hands, just to waste a little more time before trying to walk back to the table with my head high, like a woman who’s in control.

The situation around the table is much the same as when I left. David and Gareth are still focused on anything but the people around them, and Lynn is looking at Griff like he’s just hung the moon, which is a joke, because what he’s doing in reality is scratching his forearms, looking like the junkie that he is. She seems totally oblivious and I feel anger start to lick at my insides.

“Ah, Olivia, I thought we were going to have to send a search party. Are you ready to order?”

“Yes.”

Lynn waves the waitress over and, once everyone is distracted, I feel his hand brush my thigh. My already tense body jolts and I bump into David—not that he notices.

“I thought you’d run,” he whispers, his voice and the look in his eyes making me want to get far away from this place and never return.

Thankfully, he pulls his hand back and I feel like I can breathe in a little air.

“How was your friend’s engagement party the other week?” Lynn asks, turning to me as I push pasta around my plate. Any appetite I did have vanished the second Griff walked in.

The mention of the party has images in my head that I don’t need. Nicole’s concerned face every time she tries to dig into my life. Liam’s dark eyes as he stared down at me in Nic’s guest bed like he was barely holding himself back.

My cheeks heat at the thought and I chastise myself. I’m with my boyfriend. I almost laugh out loud at how ridiculous I sound.

“It was…fine,” I eventually say.

She tries digging a little more and I give her as little information as I can. I’m aware Griff’s listening to everything, and I have no intention of giving him any information on my friends. He treats his family bad enough; I can’t imagine what he’d do to strangers.

Other than her incessant questions, everyone is deadly silent. Gareth is on his fourth or fifth pint, and David switched his Coke to something stronger a while ago, even though he promised me he’d stay off it today. I feel like I’m sat in the middle of a very bad soap opera, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more relieved in my life when our dessert plates are cleared away.

“Excuse me,” I say, once again getting up to use the toilet.

I do what I need to do and leave as soon as possible, knowing this torture is almost over. I want to get out of here and away from him. I can still feel his stares over the table while we were eating.

Pulling the door open, I go to march down the narrow hallway to get the hell out of here when I crash into someone. The smell is my first clue, so I’m not surprised when I glance up into his evil eyes.

“All in good time, Olivia.” His eyes bore into me as he grips my upper arms so tightly I know they’re going to bruise.

“Get off me,” I snap, trying to free my arms, but all it achieves is him tightening his grip. His eyes burn with desire the more I fight, and I know I’ve made a mistake. This is what he loves.

“I’ll be seeing you very soon,” he promises, his voice deep and husky with lust.

Pushing me away from him, I go crashing into the wall. Pain burns through my shoulder where I collide with a large picture frame, and tears sting my eyes, but when I look up, he’s gone. It’s almost as if it didn’t happen. But I know it did, and I also know he’s going to make good on that promise.

“Liv, are you okay?” Lynn asks, sounding concerned when I make it back to the table. I don’t want to know what I look like right now. I just need to get out of here.

“I’m not feeling great.”

“Oh no, do you think it was something you ate?”

“I’m not sure. I really could do with getting home, though. David?” I nudge his shoulder and he mumbles something in response before getting up and walking towards the door.

“Griff had to go, he had a thing. He said to tell you that it was lovely to see you,” Lynn says sweetly, like it was the most thoughtful thing she’s ever heard.

I nod as I roll my eyes. He had a thing. I guess that’s her way of saying he had to go and shoot up.

We say quick goodbyes before I help to get a once again drunk David into my car before slamming my foot on the accelerator and speeding towards our flat.

I leave him in the passenger seat. He should be big enough to look after himself, although if he pukes in my car, I’m going to be seriously pissed off.

Running up the stairs, I make quick work of unlocking the front door and marching straight towards the bedroom. I slam the door behind me and flick the lock that I fitted a few weeks ago in case I needed it.

I collapse onto the bed and allow everything to flow out of me. The fear, the disgust, the total disbelief that I allow myself to continue with this charade even though I know deep down that it’s never going to end well.

I’ve no idea how long I lay there and cry, but eventually, I hear movement out in the flat before someone tries the door handle.

My heart jumps into my throat. When he said he’d see me soon, he really meant it. I would have put money on him waiting a few days just so I’ll be on edge.

“Liv, it’s me,” I hear David say softly. “I’m sorry,” he admits. There’s a thud—I guess his forehead against the door.

I don’t respond. I don’t really have anything I want to say to him.

“Liv, please. I need to see you.”

Letting out a long breath, I drag my weary body from the bed and unlock the door. When I pull it open, the sight of him makes my heart ache. He looks utterly defeated.

Stepping forward, he forces the door wider before pulling me to him and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I do the same, but he doesn’t feel the way I remember. He was always on the leaner side, but now, he’s just skinny. He definitely doesn’t smell like he used to, that’s for sure.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes, his face tucked into my neck, and his breath tickles over my skin. I feel nothing. An image of dark eyes and dark hair once again pops into my mind. I try to banish it but he’s there, taunting me. If it were him holding me like this, I know I’d have a different reaction. I feel awful. I shouldn’t be thinking about him.

He eventually pulls back but he doesn’t let me go. Instead, he grabs my hand in his and pulls me gently towards the bed. I sit myself beside him but continue to look ahead as I wait for whatever it is he wants to say.

“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”

My eyes snap to his with surprise. It’s the first time he’s acknowledged that there’s an issue here.

“I…uh…”

“Please, Liv. I promise to sort myself out. I know I’ve been a mess, but I need you. I’m not sure I can do this without you.”

My chin drops at his admission. I wasn’t aware that my presence here was really having any effect on him. I hoped I was helping but I had my doubts. But hearing him say those words isn’t making me feel any better. They’re actually doing the exact opposite. If he knows how bad things are, then he also knows he’s been doing absolutely nothing to make any of it better. I guess I hoped that he was so far down the rabbit hole he didn’t see any of this, but he does, and he allows it to continue.

“Please. Please don’t leave me. I won’t make it without you.” He pulls me against him once again, and his heat is anything but comforting. I allow him to take what he needs, but it’s not easy—all I want to do is throw him off me and run. Run as far away from all this bullshit as I can.