The alarm clock wakes me at 8am the next morning, and it takes me a few seconds to register why the voice talking to me is familiar. It’s Liam. The radio’s tuned to his morning show, and I sigh as his smooth voice washes over me. I tell myself I’m being ridiculous, but I swear I can hear the defeat and regret in his voice. For the first time since last night, I allow myself to feel grateful for what they did. It may have been misguided and stupid, but ultimately they were trying to protect me, and I can’t really argue with that—even if I am still livid they did it.

Turning over, I curl into the pillow, trying not to put too much weight on any of my bruises, and I allow the sound of his deep voice filling my ears to relax me. The time we spent together all those weeks ago runs through my mind.

I don’t really hear what he’s talking about until one question registers in my mind. “Have you ever done anything reckless for love? If the answer’s yes, call in. We’d love to hear your stories. Were you forgiven, or was it the end?” His voice takes on a deep, sombre tone, and I can’t help wondering if yesterday’s events spurred on this topic of conversation or whether it’s just a coincidence. I curl up in a ball and listen to the few stories his listeners call in with. Each time they say they were forgiven for their actions, Liam’s voice lightens a little. Of course I’m going to forgive him; I can’t hold it over him forever. He was only trying to protect me, after all, but I’m not ready just yet. His actions last night were thoughtless and reckless. I might not want to admit it, but I need him, and I need him safe. When he hits play on his next song, I can’t help but think he’s directing it personally to me as I listen to Prince’s ‘Purple Rain’. It feels like he’s trying to tell me everything he’s feeling—everything he wants—in those few lyrics.

I spend the next week hibernating inside Nic’s house, using any excuse I can think of not to allow her to drag me out into the big wide world beyond the front door. But I know I can’t keep up this recluse act much longer. This is her house. I need to allow her and Dec some space.

“Morning, how are you feeling?” Nic asks when she joins me in the kitchen where I’m making my morning coffee.

“Better. The pain’s almost gone, and my face isn’t looking so bad.”

“It’s a million times better,” she agrees when I look over at her. My swelling’s practically gone, and what were blue and purple bruises are now a dirty yellow colour. I’m sure I’d look totally normal if I were to put some make up on. But make up means I might have to leave the house, and I’m more than happy in here.

“Hey, Liv,” Dec rumbles behind me, and when I turn again to look, he has his arms wrapped around Nic’s waist as he nibbles on the skin of her neck. Her eyes flutter closed as she sighs softly. A fresh shot of jealously washes through me just like it does every time I see them together. It’s a harsh reminder of what I don’t have but so desperately want. I want to be a man’s everything, I always have. Although, after everything that’s happened, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to trust a man ever again.

I thought David was my knight in shining armour. A mutual uni friend set us up, but I was so busy with work that I kept him at arm’s length. That was, until we were on a night out together. I was at the bar in a club in Cardiff, waiting to be served and chatting to another customer, when he came barging over and ripped my drink out of my hands. I was pissed off. I’d been dancing all night and I was gasping. Turned out he watched the guy I was talking to spike it and he was saving me from the inevitable. The irony isn’t lost on me that that’s how we started yet we almost ended with him witnessing the exact thing that could have happened that night, only at the hands of his own brother. I was grateful, so I agreed to a date, and I guess the rest is history, as they say. Now, I’m in my best friend’s kitchen, with my stuff upstairs in a series of bin bags, trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my life.

I know that I should probably ring my parents, tell them a cut down version of the truth and move back home. I could cover my remaining bruises and they’d be none the wiser, but I can’t think of anything more awful than having my mother breathing down my neck every day. If I’m really honest with myself, this is where I want to be, surrounded by people who accepted me the second I arrived, and who’ve protected me in a way I’ve never experienced before.

Liam’s face flashes through my mind and I feel a little guilty about shutting him out this week. I know he’s desperate to see me. I’ve heard him begging Nic at the front door, but she kept to her word and didn’t allow him inside. Of course, I want to see him—that’s not the issue. The problem is that I’m scared. I know I’m going to take one look at him and he’s going to want more. I do, too. I have since the moment I first saw him. But what if, after everything, I’m not the person he thinks I am? What if it turns out that I’m not what he wants? I’m not sure I can cope with the rejection.

“Liv?” Nic asks with a laugh.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Come and sit down. We want to talk to you about something.”

Glancing between her and Dec, my apprehension soon turns to a belly full of nerves.

“Wha…what?”

“It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just an idea we’ve had.”

“Okay…” I grab my mug from the side and join them at the table.

“So…Dec’s basically moved in here now, which means his room at the house is empty. We were wondering if you’d like it.”

My eyes flick between the two of them but I’m too shocked to say anything.

“Rent free,” Dec adds. “It’s just sitting there empty, so if it means you get some space to restart your life, then it’s all yours.” Tears begin to sting my eyes the more Dec talks. “It’s the best room in the house—views of the ocean, a balcony…”

“Are you serious?” I ask, eventually finding my voice, even if it is a little gravelly.

“Of course. Being stuck here in that little room with us isn’t a long-term solution, and we know how much it is to rent around here.”

“That would be amazing. Thank you so much.”

“You’re more than welcome. I’m sure the guys will love having a woman around.”

The mention of who I’d be living with brings my earlier thoughts back to the surface. “I’m…uh…not sure they’ll—”

“They’ll be fine. Just don’t let them walk all over you and expect you to do all the cleaning or any of that shit.”

“Do they know about this?”

“Not yet, but it’s my house. I can do what I want. They’ll be jealous as fuck as they’ve both had dibs on my room since we got together. We can move you in as soon as you’re ready. Nic’s already been over and cleaned it for you.”

I’m utterly speechless. It’s more than anyone’s ever done for me, but the thought of living with BJ and Liam has my heart pounding.

“What’s wrong?” Nic asks, seeing my panic.

“It’s just…I’m not sure…I’m sorry.” Pushing the chair out behind me, I run from the room and up to the safety of my bedroom.

It’s only a couple of minutes before a soft knock sounds out around the room. “Liv, can I come in?”

“Yeah,” I breathe so quietly that she can’t have heard, but she lets herself in regardless.

Sitting myself up, I lean back against the headboard, hugging my knees to my chest.

Nic walks to the end of the bed before crawling up until she’s squeezed in beside me. She sits there in silence for the longest time. I don’t really want to talk, but I find the words falling from my lips, anyway.

“I’m scared.” My voice is barely a whisper.

“I know. But you’re safe here,” she says, not understanding what I mean.

“I know I am. I’m not worried about him finding me. I’m scared of Liam,” I admit.

“What, why?” She’s shocked, her voice giving her away before she turns to me, her brows drawn together. “Liam would never hurt you.”

“Not intentionally,” I whisper as I stare at the wall ahead.

“Liv?” The heat of her hand on my forearm forces me to look back at her.

“I just…I know he wants more, and…” I trail off. My head’s such a mess, I’m not sure I can vocalise my thoughts.

“You’re scared you won’t be what he needs?” Nic finishes for me.

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“I can see it every time you look at him. Liam’s not David, Liv. He’s loyal, he’s determined, and most importantly, he’s got a massive heart. He doesn’t flaunt it around like BJ. He’s never told me why but I think he just wants the real thing, something a little more meaningful. He’d never push you into something you’re not ready for.”

“But it’s so intense.”

“Just tell him to cool it if it gets too much.”

“Not him. Us. When we’re together, it’s just…ugh…I don’t know.” I drop my forehead to my knees as I try to get my thoughts together.

“Just give it time, Liv. Stop worrying about what might happen and enjoy being here and not having to look over your shoulder every two seconds. If something is meant to happen with Liam, then it will. Stop putting pressure on yourself to be okay. You’ve just been through something massive; give yourself the time you need to deal with it all.”

“But what if I can’t trust a man again?” I ask the question that’s really been bothering me. Every night, I wake up in a cold sweat, my skin prickling as I remember what it felt like when he touched me. What if I can’t cope with a man’s touch? What if it always reminds me of his disgusting hands on me?

“If a man deserves your trust, he has to earn it. Whether that’s Liam or someone else you meet. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself to forget what happened. It’s only been a week. Just take each day as it comes. Let him in, let him be your friend. He won’t push unless you ask for it.”

I rest back against the headboard and let out a long breath as I try to put my thoughts aside and focus on what Nic’s just said. I know she’s right, but rational thinking isn’t my speciality right now.

“Okay. You’re right.”

“I know,” she states proudly. “So, how do you feel about moving to Dec’s house, really?”

I let the question roll around my head for a few minutes. I’ve only been there once, but the memories make my lips twitch into a small smile. The house is massive but so homely at the same time—not what you’d expect from a bachelor pad, but it’s definitely a place I can see myself living in.

“Good, actually. Plus, it’s time I got out of your hair.”

“This isn’t about us. You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you need. We just thought you might want the space. This room’s barely more than a cupboard at best,” she says with a laugh.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Jumping from the bed, I start grabbing the few things I have floating around the room.

“Now?”

“Now. Before I change my mind.”

“Liv, I really mean it, you don’t—”

“I’m joking. I’m ready.” I think.

Nic and Dec help me carry my few bags to my car before they follow me to the house. I tell them it’s not necessary, but they insist on getting me settled. As I pull up on the driveway, I realise the house is much bigger than I remembered. It’s got huge windows to make the most of the bay beyond, and a giant black front door. It looks like a perfect family home and nothing like the bachelor pad it really is.

I’m lost in my thoughts, staring up at the brickwork, when Nic scares the shit out of me by looking through the car window. I scream in fright and my heart races in panic. I’m immediately transported back to that night last week when the door crashed open behind me.

“I’m sorry.”

Resting my head back for a few seconds, I take a deep breath and try to remind myself that I’m here and safe. I hate how that bastard still has an effect on me, but as much as I want to forget about that whole nightmare, I think I’d be kidding myself to think it’s going to happen overnight. He got himself deep inside my mind, and he knew it.

Pushing him and everything he did to me to the back of my mind, I jump out the car to embark on the next part of my life. I’ve got friends who’ve already proved how far they’ll go for me. I owe it to them not to drown in my own sorrow.

“Wow, Dec. This room’s incredible,” I say, looking around what I presume is the master bedroom.

“It’s not bad, huh?”

“Do you want us to stay and help you unpack?”

“No, you two have already done so much for me. Go and spend some alone time together.” Dec’s eyes light up at my suggestion. Nic starts to argue but he’s having none of it, and, after threading his fingers through hers, he pulls her from the room.

“Call me if you need anything,” she yells, giggling as she goes. I agree with a laugh as I walk over to the little balcony and breathe in a lungful of fresh sea air. A little slither of positivity nudges its way in. It’s an odd feeling after living a life full of grey and muted colours for so long.

After a few minutes, I pull myself back to the here and now and start figuring out where I want to put everything. I have nowhere near enough stuff to fill all the storage in the room, and I’m a little deflated at what my life consists of.

“Has Nic come to her senses and kicked your arse to the curb?” is shouted up the stairs, followed by heavy footsteps.

Sucking in a giant breath, I prepare to see him in the doorway. His footsteps get louder until they’re right outside. My heart pounds and my eyes flick to the opening as he appears. Dressed in a pair of stonewash jeans and a black t-shirt, he looks like a freaking model stood there with his windblown hair. The second his eyes land on me, he mutters, “Damn,” before running his hand though the shaggy mess that’s his hair, pulling it away from his face, and biting down on his lip.

“Hey,” I say awkwardly, before dragging my eyes away when I fear he sees too much.

When I come in and hear movement up in Dec’s room, the last thing I expect to find is Liv in a pair of cut-off shorts, showing off her mile-long legs, and a vest. Her hair’s hanging loosely around her shoulders, and the need to thread my fingers through it has me clenching my fists and shoving them deep in my pockets. Knowing she’s been so close yet so far away this past week has been torture. Every day, I’ve either been at Nic’s front door begging to be allowed in, or on the other end of the phone trying to find out if Liv’s okay, if there’s anything I can do. I was desperate to march in there and demand she forgive me, but I knew Nic was right and that I had to give her the time she asked for. But she’s right here, in front of me, in the house I call home. Has it been long enough?

Taking a step forward, I watch as her head spins back around to me. I don’t stop moving until I’m right in front of her. I can feel the heat of her body against mine, and every one of my muscles tenses with the need to reach out and touch her. Her sweet scent engulfs me, making my mouth water. “Liv,” I breathe, staring right into her blue eyes. I can see her fear and her lingering anger, but there’s more. There’s hope, fight, passion. It’s staring right back at me. She just needs to be strong enough to allow it to fuel her instead of everything she’s afraid of.

“D…Dec said…” She swallows and I watch the smooth skin of her neck ripple as she tries to get a hold of herself. A huge part of me wishes she wouldn’t; I like knowing how much I affect her. “He said I could mo…move in.”

“Motherfucker,” I mutter, dragging myself away from her and walking over to the open balcony doors. I scrub my hands over my face as I try to get any inappropriate ideas to do with us living under the same roof out of my head.

“Fuck you,” she spits, clearly getting the wrong impression about my reaction. “I won’t leave just because you don’t like it.”

“It’s not that—”

“You need to leave.”

“What?”

“Get out.” Her arm comes up. I half expect her to slap me, but instead she points towards the door. “Go.”

Running my eyes over her face, I can see that her shutters have come down. I’m not going to break through them, so I may as well do as she says.

“Fine. But this isn’t over, Liv. We’re going to talk.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m going to cook. There’ll be enough if you want some.”

Turning her head away from me and jutting her jaw out is the only response she gives me. I reluctantly walk away from her. Again.

I seem to spend a lot of time walking away from the one person I want to get closer to.