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Michael
I slap my hand on the elevator door to stop it from closing and hop inside with Brianna. Her eyes widen when she sees me, but then her faces closes off. She crosses her arms, but doesn’t say a word.
I press the button for the next floor down, where I know there’s an empty conference room.
“What are you doing?” she asks. “I need to go.”
“Go where?”
“Home.” She blinks, and I swear her lips tremble. “I mean, not home. I—”
“Just wait, okay? I’ll explain about Chet.”
“And about why you’re acting like such an ass this week? What?” she says, shaking her head. “Things got too serious for you?”
She’s talking about why I’ve been so quiet. And it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. Things did get serious, and I let them. I shouldn’t have because I didn’t want to hurt her. But I couldn’t help myself because I’d fallen for Brianna, too.
The elevator doors open and I reach for her.
“Don’t touch me,” she hisses, but walks out of the doors. “Where are the stairs? I’ll walk down.”
“Brianna—”
“No! I have nothing to say to you.”
“Will you just listen to me?” I ask, glancing around to make sure no one overhears us. The lobby is empty, as is most of the rest of the floor. Still, I really don’t want to do this here.
“What else is there to say? You’ve been keeping secrets from me, you hurt Chet, and you don’t have the same feelings as I do. I think I know enough.”
“Damn it, Brianna,” I snap. “Just listen.”
She points her finger at me, precariously close to my face. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”
I grit my teeth. “You’re making it hard.”
“I’m making it hard?”
She gives a choked laugh that almost breaks my heart, but something in this moment becomes clear to me. This is my way out. I can’t give Brianna kids—I’ve known for a while now that kids aren’t a possibility. After a sickness when I was younger, I don’t have that option anymore. I knew it wasn’t going to work out, and now’s my chance to let her go.
But damn it, I don’t want to. Not like this.
“I’m making it hard?” Brianna asks again. “I’ve been at your fucking office every day because you asked me to, I told you about my parents even though it was hard, and I told you I—I—”
She breaks off. She told me she’s falling in love with me. And it meant the world to me.
“Forget it,” she says. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“I didn’t hurt Chet,” I tell her. At the very least, I’m clearing that up.
“He says you went to his work—”
“I did. He’s been following you and me. I have proof. And I got sick of it. I went to tell him to stop or I’d get a restraining order.”
Her face reflects shock. “Then why didn’t you tell me this? I was open with you and you said you’d be open with me. Why did you lie?”
“I didn’t want you to have to deal with it.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t you think it’s my choice whether or not I have to deal with it? It’s my life.”
“Like hell. Once you signed that contract, it became my business. Your life became my life. That’s just how it works and you know it.”
“Then why didn’t you share that part of your life with me?” she asks.
“Because I told you. I didn’t want you to have to fucking deal with it, okay? Chet’s an ass and he needs to leave you alone.”
“So you beat him up?”
I cross my arms. “What the hell are you talking about? Did he tell you that? Fuck. He came to see you, didn’t he?”
She doesn’t answer, but I know it’s true. Damn it all. He probably went to her spouting off all sorts of lies to make me look bad.
So what? a voice in my head says. You can’t be together anyway. You can’t give her what she wants.
“He said you came to his work and beat him up,” Brianna says.
I give a harsh laugh. “Seriously? I grabbed his collar. That’s it. I told him if he doesn’t leave you alone, we’ll serve him with a restraining order. Then I left.”
“He—he had a black eye. And—and—”
“A black eye,” I scoff. “What—did he have one of his friends do it? What a douche. Of course you believe him, right?”
Her eyes flash with hurt. “What am I supposed to believe? You lied to me!”
“To protect you.”
“Then why are you treating me like this? Ever since last Friday you’ve been acting like I barely exist. Like you’re ready to break it off with me.”
My heart twists. This is it. This is where I do it. I tell her that I can’t be the person she needs. “Is that what you want?” I ask instead. “To break up?”
“I’ve already gotten out of one relationship with a liar. Someone who broke my heart. I don’t want to stay in another one.”
But even as she says it, her eyes overflow with tears. I take a step forward, ready to reach out and comfort her. But why? She’s not going to believe me. And even if we do stay together, I have no future with her.
“I was just trying to do what was best for you,” I say quietly. “To take care of you. But clearly I’m not the person you thought I was. And…I can’t give you what you want. Marriage, kids, a future. It’s not there for us.”
She swallows, one tear slipping out. “I never asked you for marriage or any of that.”
“You said you wanted kids.”
“So? That’s—that’s far away and—and not just about me. It’s about us—I mean, whoever I’m with. I….” Her voice trails off and she wipes her eyes, trying to compose herself. “You’re right, you’re not the person I thought you were. I…I can’t do this anymore.”
This time when she turns, I don’t try to stop her even though it rips my heart out. She doesn’t know the truth, but maybe it’s better this way.
I did lie to her about Chet. But that’s because she was so happy. It killed me to ruin it by bringing her past back into her life.
She gets onto the elevator and presses the button, then wraps her arms around herself as if to protect herself from the pain. My mouth was glued shut, but no—I can’t do this. I can’t just let her leave.
I jog toward the elevator, her name on my lips. “Brianna!”
But the doors shut. Shit. No, no, no. This isn’t what I want. I can’t do this to her or myself.
I jam my finger against the elevator button once, twice, three times. “Come on. Damn it!”
When another elevator opens up, I jump inside and press the button for the main lobby. The doors close, but they’re so slow. When another light comes up and the elevator stops halfway down to pick up someone else on separate floor, I curse.
“Fuck.” I press the lobby button again, ignoring the looks from the passenger.
By the time I reach the bottom floor, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to tell her the truth. I’m going to lay it all out there.
And I’m going to tell I love her.
I practically sprint into the lobby. There are people walking everywhere, and I dodge them, searching for Brianna. For her honey blonde hair and her graceful walk. Where the hell is she?
When I don’t find her inside, I run outside, scanning the sidewalk and then the street.
I stop myself from calling out her name, but inside that’s all I feel like doing. Calling for her until I find her. Until I can fix this.
But she’s nowhere.
I turn in a circle, feeling lost. I had my chance at love with the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. And I fucked it up.