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Brianna
I don’t want to break down in front of Michael. And really, I’ve shed enough tears over my family and my situation with them, there’s not much left to cry about. It’s also not worth the energy anymore. But I do need to tell him.
I drink the rest of my wine, and Michael grabs the bottle to fill my glass again.
“Thanks,” I say, grateful. If I’m going to tell him my secrets, I’m going to need a little liquid encouragement.
“I don’t really talk about my family with anyone.”
Michael takes my hand and guides me to a lounge chair at the side of the deck, still giving me a view of the mountains. Instead of sitting on the chair next to me, he sits on the end and sets his hand on my leg.
Support. Even Chet hadn’t been the this supportive when I told him about my family or my worries or anything else. He’d usually just shrug and say the past is the past.
“There are a lot of things I don’t talk about with other people, too,” Michael says. “I keep things close—which kills my family. My mom and my sister especially because they love to share.”
I smile. “That sounds nice.”
“It can be. A blessing and a curse. It makes me feel like I don’t fit sometimes.”
I clasp my hand over his. “You’re lucky to have a family, though. I guess…that’s why I was so devastated when everything happened with Chet.” Michael’s jaw clenches at the mention of my ex-fiancé, and I clamp my mouth shut.
I take a long swallow of wine and point to the table. “I can clean this up.”
“Not yet,” he murmurs. “You’re opening up to me—don’t stop now.”
When I open my mouth, trying to think of an excuse to get up, he leans in and kisses me. With my wine in hand, I scoot forward just slightly so I can reach him better. And so I can lose myself, even if just for a moment, in him.
Michael brushes his fingers down my cheeks, and the tenderness there nearly breaks me. My eyes fill with tears again.
When he leans back, I drop my chin. “I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.”
Michael’s eyebrows furrow. Of course that’s strange for him to hear—he sees his family almost every week.
“My dad—my biological father—died when I was twelve. My mom remarried less than two years later to—to Lewis. He…” I shake my head, trying to block out the emotions. But my fingers still clench dangerously tight on the stem of the wine glass. “He was verbally and physically abusive and when I turned seventeen, I gave my mom an ultimatum. I told her either she leaves him or I’m leaving forever.” I swallow down heartache. “She chose him.”
Michael takes the glass from me gently, having to pry my fingers loose at the bottom. “Where did you go?”
“I lived with a friend for a few weeks and then in my car for a while and—”
“You were homeless?” Michael asks, shock in his voice.
“I thought you knew,” I say calmly. “I mean, you did a background check, right? I guess I—I don’t know if you can tell that kind of stuff from a—a background check because I had to be really discreet until I turned eighteen. But—”
“I’m not judging you,” Michael says, taking my hand. “And no. I didn’t know. I didn’t read any of the info on you or look at the background check.”
I blink. “What? I thought…”
“Derek did but he told me there wasn’t anything concerning and so I said I didn’t want to see. I wanted everything I learn about you to come from you.”
I launch myself into his arms, nearly making him spill my wine. “Thank you,” I whisper.
“For what?”
“For letting me tell you my secrets instead of reading about them on some paper. And for being here with me now.”
He runs his fingers through my hair, and kisses me gently on the mouth. “Of course.”
“I feel like an idiot,” I whisper.
He leans back. “Why?”
“I think I was more in love with the idea of having someone in my life—a family—than I was with Chet.”
“You’re not an idiot.”
“I almost married someone I didn’t love—then I would’ve ended up in the same position as my mom.”
Michael sets the wine aside and cups my cheeks between both hands. “Did he hurt you? If he ever laid a hand on you or—”
“No. No, Michael. That’s not what I meant. I should have phrased that better. I just meant I would have ended up in a marriage that was unhealthy and made me unhappy.”
“Are you sure?” Michael asks. “Because you can tell me. I promise—”
“Michael.” I pull his hands from my cheeks. “I swear he didn’t hurt me. Not like that.”
His jaw clenches. “He hurt you. That’s already bad enough. I wish…” He sighs. “I wish I could take all the pain away for you.”
“You’re already doing a good job.”
His eyes lock on mine. “Really?”
“Really. I know this isn’t forever, and I know there are a lot of other things involved, but I’m happy. Right now, here with you, I’m happy.”
There’s a sea of conflict in his eyes. I can’t tell if it’s because I said it wasn’t forever or because he doesn’t believe I’m truly happy.
I squeeze his hand. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“You look like you’re not telling me something.”
His face relaxes into a smile. “This is a lot to process. But it helps me understand why family is so important to you.”
“It is. I want to have a family someday and I want to be healthy enough to be in a place where I won’t make the same mistakes with my kids.” The words churn over and over in my head, but I can’t seem to say them out loud.
Do you want kids?
But it’s too crazy to even think. Michael and I are just learning about each other, just getting settled with each other. We’re dating. That’s all. And who knows what will happen when the year is up? Bringing up kids seems like rushing something that shouldn’t be rushed.
I lean forward and kiss him. “How about we leave our mess here and go for a walk before it gets to dark? Relax a little. And then…” I grin. “I think I saw a hot tub somewhere.”
His eyes heat. “Yes.”
I laugh. “That was easy.”
“I can be easy,” he says with a grin. “With you, it doesn’t take much. I’m at your beck and call.”
“Then I say you take me for a walk and then find some champagne before we get into the hot tub.”
“Your wish is my command.”
He stands and helps me to my feet. The moment of seriousness is over, and it makes me feel relieved. But now that I’ve told him about my past, about my worries, I’m hoping Michael will open up with me about his.