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Brianna
“L
iv gave me some pictures and a video,” Brianna says.
“Did you look at them?”
“No. I want the truth from you.”
Michael nods and leans back in his chair, keeping his eyes on mine the entire time he explains the situation with Chet. How Chet threatened to make my life worse if he told me the truth about the visit and what was really on the video. It’s a shock to me. Deb told me I needed to see it, but by that point, I’d decided I needed to hear it from Michael.
What he’s saying is crazy, but I don’t doubt he’s telling the truth.
“I…” I consider my words before answer. “I believe you.”
“I’m telling you the truth,” he says. “And from here on out, I’m an open book.”
The words hit me right in the heart. From here on out. Like he believes there will be more after this. But he can’t be thinking anything more, can he? Just friends, right? Because he already told me we aren’t right for each other.
I lean back in my seat. “Okay,” I whisper. “That’s all I needed to know.”
He angles his head. “What?”
“I appreciate you trying to look out for me with Chet. That was a very…noble thing to do.” Something someone who truly cares about you might try to do. And it gives me some of the closure I need.
It doesn’t take away the pain of him not sharing the same feelings I do, but it helps clear up the rest. And it shows me what a good guy Michael is.
“I’m sorry, then,” I say. “I should have believed you and trusted you about Chet. You were trying to look out for me, and I couldn’t see that because…because I was hurt about everything else. So, thanks. And, again, I’m sorry.”
I struggle with everything else I want to say, but tell myself to let it go. Michael has told me how he feels, and I don’t want to hash it out again. I want to respect his feelings, and I don’t want to ruin things between us. I don’t want to leave hating him or him hating me.
“So, I…” I shift in my seat, and then stand. “I can be in touch about the job? Is that okay? Or would it be better to just—to take a break for a while?”
His mouth opens, like he’s not sure what to say.
I shake my head. “Sorry. That’s a lot of pressure. I’ll go. And—and if I hear from you, then we can figure it out. And if not, I promise I won’t hold it against you.”
I turn to the door, but before I can blink, Michael is in front of me. “Brianna.”
My breath catches. “What?”
“That’s it? You just wanted to know about Chet and that’s it?”
“Well, yeah. I mean…” What am I supposed to say? He’s staring at me with those intense blue eyes, smelling so good, standing so close. What I want to say is I love you, but I know I shouldn’t. It’ll just make this harder.
“What about the rest?” he asks. “What about us?”
Why’s he doing this? Maybe he needs closure as much as I do?
“I…I just don’t want to—to make this harder for you. I know how you feel. That—that you don’t think you’re the right person for me.” I lower my chin, trying not to cry. “I’m trying to accept that. To—to respect your decision.”
“It’s not my decision. It’s a fact.” He lifts my chin. “It’s not what I want. It’s what’s right for you.”
I nearly break at his touch. God, I’ve dreamed of this every night. But, still…it’s not right. We’re not on the same page.
“I know that you cared for me,” I say. “Truly. But if you don’t want to be with me—”
“I want to,” Michael says. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want you.”
“But—”
“I said I’m not right for you because I can’t give you what you want.”
“Kids?” I choke on a painful laugh. “You think that’s all I want? Of course I want a family. But first comes a man I’m in love with. And then—then we figure it out together. I can adopt kids, I can—”
He doesn’t let me finish, just leans in and kisses me long and hard. My whole body responds to it, leaning into him, wanting to shut out the rest of the world and feel.
I pull back, though. “Michael. This—I can’t just—”
“No, wait. Hold on. Don’t say anything yet, please. I’m trying to fix this—and trying to say what I should have said last time we talked. Or the time before. I’m trying to be open and make this right.”
I release a breath, aware that his hands are still on my arms. “I’m listening.”
“Just two things,” he says, then lowers his gaze. “The first one is hard…it’s not something I’ve ever told another woman because I’ve never been at the point where it mattered. But with you, it matters. Even though we’re not there yet—and we may never be there—I still want you to know even though it seems like Liv might have already told you. I can’t have kids.”
I touch his cheek, bringing his eyes back up.
“I was sick when I was a kid and…it’s a long story,” he says, “but I can’t have kids. And, like I said, maybe we won’t ever get to that point, but that’s why I didn’t think we could be together.”
“I understand.” I rub his cheek, loving the way he leans into my palm. “And it’s not a make it or break it kind of thing for me. It’s a partnership and we’ll figure it out together. When I’m with the person I love, we can have kids, adopt them, get artificially inseminated—whatever—as long as we figure it out together.”
“Which brings me to the other thing,” Michael says.
“What other thing?”
“I love you.” He takes my hand and squeezes it. “I couldn’t say the words before because I didn’t think we had a chance together, but now that everything else is out there…I love you, Brianna.”
I wait a long moment, savoring the words. Watching as his face grows worried again. “I love you, too. I—”
He stops me with another kiss, making me laugh. “Please, please don’t take it back. I couldn’t stand it. I love you, Brianna, and if you love me, too, I want to make this work.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on tight. “God, Michael…is this real?”
“Completely real. I can put it in writing if you need me to.”
“No.” I pull back. “No more contracts. Just us. Let’s figure this out together.”
He kisses me again. “I agree. No contracts. Just us.”
I kiss him again, and it’s the lightest I’ve felt in a long time. Just me and Michael.
Together.