Who knows what life will bring.
Circumstances aren’t what they seem.
We’ll grasp and hoard the good we get.
As for me, I remember you, but the rest I’ll fight to forget.
--Ataxia
Gia
It’s my first Monday back in Vegas. I have a full week ahead of me and too many things on my to-do list, which includes stopping by The Blackout to beg for my job back.
Rex thinks I should take more time off to recover and says he’s happy to cover me financially, but since I was released from Ridley I’ve been on my own and I like it that way. In the past, trusting someone to take care of me has been a big fat fail. As much as I love Rex, I need to know that I can pay my own way.
This discussion is what brought us to my number-one thing on my to-do list: therapy.
Rex rubs my leg to get it to stop jumping. “Don’t be nervous. Darren’s a good guy.”
“Mm-hm.” I’m sure he is. “Forgive me, but psycho-therapists and I don’t have the best history.” I glare at the speaker on the bookshelf across the room. “What is that music? It’s creepy. You think if I shatter that speaker there Darren will have me recommitted?” I smile at my little joke and turn to Rex.
His jaw is hard, muscle jumping in his cheek. “If anyone, and I mean anyone, tries to take you away, they’ll have to kill me first.”
My smile grows. I’ll never get used to how protective he is. Ever since I woke up in a Denver hospital, he’s barely let me do anything by myself. That’s another reason why I have to work. I like that he wants to take care of me, but I’m not crippled, at least, not physically.
Mentally, I’m not the same as I was before I left Vegas. Rex doesn’t talk about it, but I see it in the way he looks at me, as if he’s waiting for something more. He’s not the only one who misses the old me. I also miss the girl I used to be, and I do feel her coming back slowly. Too slowly. Resurrection is work for the divine, not the broken.
I gaze into the eyes of the man who’s as much a part of me as Gia, Mac, and Annie. He’s the commonality that brings them all together, the missing piece that binds them. The missing peace. I found it, and for the first time in as far as I can remember, my life isn’t only about revenge.
It’s about me.
And Rex.
Us.
The door to a small office opens and a woman and her son walk out hand in hand. My eyes follow the little boy clinging to his mother. That’s about how old Rex was when we met. It took us fourteen years to get where we are, and there’s still so much work to do, but doing it together is all that matters.
“We’ll see you next week.” The man saying goodbye must be Darren.
He’s younger than I thought he’d be. His gaze swings to us, and his face lights with a stunning smile. “Wow.” He shakes his head, his hand covering his mouth.
Rex takes my hand and stands. I follow and he leads me to Darren. His blond hair is longer than I expected with a few gray streaks that are barely noticeable against his light hair. He looks at me through his glasses, and there’s so much kindness in his hazel eyes, so different from what I’m used to.
“Darren.” Rex pulls me in front of him, but places his hands on my shoulders. The heat of his front warms my back and I feel safe. “This is my Gia.”
My Gia. Warmth fills my chest, chasing away my unease.
“Just . . . wow.” Darren holds out his hand. “It’s an honor to finally meet you.”
I reach out and grab his hand. “It’s an honor to meet you as well.”
Rex squeezes my shoulders, and I can’t hide my smile at his show of approval.
Darren motions for us to follow him into his office. We go to a small love seat and squeeze in together. Rex takes my hand, always keeping constant contact. Could I love him anymore than I do? I’d have thought no, and yet my affection for him grows every day.
“Darren?”
His eyes set on mine. “Yes?”
“I don’t know how much Rex’s told you about my past, but—”
“He’s told me all he knows, Gia. And I know you don’t believe this now, but you’re safe here. Rex has agreed to stay with you through therapy for as long as you need him, as long as it takes for you to trust me.”
I exhale and force my shoulders to relax. “Thank you.”
He nods and smiles so sweetly that I can see how Rex came to care so deeply for the man.
His eyes move between us. “You know this isn’t very professional of me to say, but I’ve known Rex for a very long time, so I’m going to say it.” He leans in, elbows on his thighs. “With your history, both the shared experiences and the traumatic events that followed, statistically you guys don’t have a chance at a healthy relationship.”
My stomach lurches and my muscles get tight, but I notice Rex is still relaxed.
“But looking at you now, the obstacles you’ve overcome to get where you are today? Your love makes a believer out of the worst cynic.”
Rex’s hand convulses around mine. “I couldn’t agree more. Now will you tell my girl she shouldn’t go back to work yet?”
My mouth hangs open, and Darren tries unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh.
“I’m thinking I trust Darren now.” I playfully shove Rex. “You can leave.”
The three of us laugh, lightening the air in the room.
Rex pulls my face to his and places a soft kiss on my lips with a drag of his lip ring. His arctic blue eyes bore into mine and he’s not smiling. “I can, but I’m never leaving you, baby. You’ve been a part of me for as long as I can remember, and I’m never letting you go.”
Just like that, work, money, history . . . none of it matters.
Something shifts within my soul and another sliver of the old me is brought back to life.
~*~
Rex
“You’re fucking lying.” Talon points at me, a smile on his face and a beer in his hand. “No way you’ve been seeing Mac since last summer. It’s damn near Christmas. I would’ve known.”
I play with the tuning on my guitar from the couch in our backstage dressing room. “Why the hell would I lie about that? She’s fucking living with me.”
Gia and I haven’t been seen together by anyone outside of the UFL guys, and we weren’t together for very long before she took off. I’m not surprised Talon thinks I’m bullshitting.
“So she left for six months to visit family, and now she’s back and living with you?” Talon shakes his head.
“Yeah, why is that so hard to believe?”
“Um, I don’t know, maybe because this is the first time I’ve heard you even talk about her.”
“I don’t give a fuck if you believe me—”
The door to the dressing room swings open and Lane and Ty come in.
“Fucking mad house out there.” Lane digs in his pocket and pulls out a smoke.
“Ever since we played House of Blues we’ve been packin’ ’em in.” Talon rubs his shaved head and drops down on the opposite side of the couch.
Ty picks up a small ice bucket that was full of beers. “I need a drink.”
Lane takes a long drag off his smoke. “You check out the new waitress?”
I go back to tuning my guitar and fight a grin.
Talon shakes his head. “No. She hot?”
“Ha! Hot’s an understatement. She’s fucking phenomenal.” Ty brings his hands to his chest. “Big tits, tiny waist, and a tight little ass.”
A growl rolls from my throat. “Easy, Ty.”
All three of them glare at me.
Ty doesn’t seem to get my warning or care, because he shakes me off and keeps talking. “Dude, the best part is she’s a redhead. You know what they say about redheads, right?”
I don’t know what they say about redheads, but I know I’m not gonna like it.
He points to his head—“Fire hair”—then to his crotch—“Fire there.” He flexes his hips forward. “Fire fucking everywhere.”
All three of the guys laugh hard while I prepare how best to rip out Ty’s Adam’s apple with my bare hands. “You stupid fu—”
There’s a knock on the door and it swings open. My blood immediately goes from hot to warm when my eyes land on Gia.
She got her job back but has agreed to work part-time until she’s gotten her strength back. After our counseling session with Darren at the beginning of the week, she seems to be getting better and better every day. She’s eating well and started running with me in the mornings to build back all the muscle she lost.
I asked her the other night if she ever misses the drugs, and she swears she doesn’t. She said the only reason she felt she needed them was to try to forget me and now that she has me all she wants to do is remember.
“Hey, guys.” Her gray eyes land on me, and just like every time they do, I’m caught up in them. Her bright red hair is smoothed out, giving her a sophisticated look as it pops against her all black uniform. Only I know how soft it is when it runs through my fingers or trails down my torso to between my legs. A tiny grin ticks her lips and a small blush colors her cheeks. “Mario said you guys have about thirty minutes. Can I get you anything to drink?”
I lick my lips, and going by the way her blush intensifies, I think she knows the only thing I want to put in my mouth is her. After our first night home, I haven’t been able to get enough of her sweet body, the soft sounds she makes when I touch her or the frustrated whimpers when I tease. And although some things about our lovemaking still make me nervous, I’ve yet to get sick or even nauseated afterwards.
“Well fuck, Ty.” Talon moves toward her and stops way too close. “You weren’t kidding. The new girl is fine.”
Yeah, well this shit ain’t happenin’. I set down my guitar and stand.
“You got a name, Red?”
Red? How original.
I take a step toward her, but she locks eyes with mine and shakes her head no. I stop and watch, ready to intervene if I need to break a fucker.
A smile curls her lips. “My name’s Gia. What’s yours?”
He reaches out and puts his motherfucking fingers through the ends of her hair. I roll my shoulders and glare at my girl. Whatever joke she’s trying to play she better get the fuck to it before I rip my drummer’s hands off.
“Talon.” He narrows his eyes. “You look familiar. Have we met before?”
She shrugs and flutters her eyelashes. Five more seconds of this shit and I’m done. I roll my hand for her to get on with it.
“I don’t think so. You’d have remembered me.” Her gaze slides to mine, a tiny smile tugs her lips. “I’m hard to forget.”
Ah hell, I want to kiss her so badly my lips burn. I take a step toward her and she looks back at Talon.
“I bet you are, sweetheart. Why don’t you give me your number? We’ll hook up after the show.”
Her smile goes from wolfish to straight up wicked. “Sure. Give me your phone.”
I grin wide but duck my chin.
He hands over his phone, and she types in a few numbers before giving it back. “There ya go.”
Unlike Caleb, Talon looks at the number. Gia bites her full lips between her teeth. I close the space between us just as Talon’s head jerks up.
“What the hell? This is Rex’s number.”
I slide my arm over her shoulder and pull her to my side. “No shit, jackass. That’s because she lives with me.”
Talon’s eyes go back and forth between us but linger longer on Gia. It’s obvious when it finally sinks in and his eyes go wide. “No shit!”
She buries her face into my pec and laughs.
“Dude, you’re Mac!” he says.
Ty and Lane come closer, squinting.
“Yes,” she says. “And no.”
“Guys, this is Gia or Mac. She’s cool with whatever, but I think it’s only fair that I let you know you’re all getting jumped after the show for having inappropriate thoughts.” I point at Ty. “Especially you, dipshit. As soon as that last song is played, you either run like hell or take your beating like a man.”
Ty’s staring at Gia. “No way. You look hot as a redhead.”
I shove him hard. “Did you not hear what I just said?”
“He’s kidding, Ty.” She curls into my side. “He’s not going to hurt you, are you, babe.”
I glare down at her. “The fuck I’m not.”
She’s insane if she thinks these fucks aren’t getting a beat-down for disrespecting her in front of me.
“You’re a lucky shit, you know that?” Lane’s shaking his head, a half smile directed at me.
Dropping a kiss to the top of her head, I breathe her in, amazed that one person could change my life the way she has. “I do.”
“You guys need me to bring you anything before you take the stage?” She’s back to waitressing mode but stays close to my side.
Looking back, it’s where she’s always been. Although I’d repressed most of my memories, there’s a part of me that held onto her. And she’d always held onto me.
I’ve never known that kind of love. Until now.
~*~
The crowd cheers, chanting the words “one more song” over and over. I look over my shoulder to my band, their expressions reflecting the energy from the crowd.
I turn back toward the audience, shielding my eyes past the lights. There, standing at the end of a long table that seats my friends, is my Gia. She’s grinning big and clapping. I run my gaze down the long table. Blake is sitting with Layla pulled into his arms and Raven, my sister, sits wrapped in Jonah’s arms. Mason, Caleb, Owen and his wife Nikki, Eve, all of them are here to show their support.
They’ve welcomed Gia into the fold as if she’d been there the whole time. She waves at me. I wink and she blows me a kiss. Damn, my head’s fuzzy with the euphoria of it all.
I strum the beginning of a new song we’ve been working on. Talon joins in with the snare and double bass hits. “One more song, huh?”
The crowd erupts in cheers, and Lane and Ty fade in with rhythm guitar and bass.
“You got it.” I step back from the mic stand and concentrate on the intricate picking of the lead-guitar part.
I’m pumped and feel alive for the first time in my life. The music curls around me like an embrace, and looking out into the faces of adoring fans and my family is something I never thought I’d do.
The words flow from my lips as an extension of my soul. Pouring out my heart in lyrical form, I belt out the words and hope that she knows there for her. I pray that they penetrate to erase the memories of the past again so that we can replace them with possibilities for our future.
You came into my life, like a gentle breeze.
Bringing me fresh air that enabled me to breathe.
And with all that you are, your kindness filled me up.
The first taste of your lips I knew would never be enough.
Your body’s my sanctuary; I worship at its gate.
Unworthy of its treasure, you let me in anyway.
I found my cure within your heaven and the miracle of you.
I devote my life to proving I’m worthy of everything you do.
Because . . .
You I will remember.
Your love’s my safety net.
Keeps me from memories that destroy.
Gives me strength when I’m fighting to forget.
The road ahead is paved with pain and shards of a broken past.
Life offers no guarantees, and no good is good that lasts.
But when the darkness closes in, we’ll do what gets us through.
We’ll clasp hands through the storm; I’ll find my refuge in you.
Because . . .
You I will remember.
Your love’s my safety net.
Keeps me from memories that destroy.
Gives me strength when I’m fighting to forget.
And I’ll fight to forget.
Together we’ll fight . . .
Keep fighting to forget.
With my eyes closed, I sing the vow I wrote to Gia, while sitting in the hospital waiting for her to come back to me, my promise to devote my life to her and do everything I can to bring light into the darkness of our souls—to give our love a chance despite all the shit we have to work through.
The last chord rings out, and the room erupts in hollers and whistles. I squint into the crowd, searching for the bright hair and gray eyes of the other part of me. Finally, I find her. She’s standing close to the stage, eyes brimming with tears, her full lips pulled into a shaky smile.
So gorgeous and all mine. Forever.
I put my lips to the mic. “The girl does cry.”
She smiles through her tears and it hits me hard. That’s what she’s always done, faced the worst possible circumstances with a grin and her fists raised.
Fuck, but I love this woman. Her passion, fight, determination to take on the worst of evils and come out on top.
My girl.
My Gia.