Sandy

Lex and I were sunbathing on her deck. The back of her house faced the ocean, and had an unobstructed view of the water, which placed what I expected to be an emotional conversation in a very relaxing setting.

She took a drink of tea, and then tilted her head toward me. “It’s really rare for a person to fall in love first and have sex later. Especially now. I mean, crap. Girls have apps on their phone to hook up with guys. Swipe right, swipe left. It’s crazy. They hook up, and if they like it, they do it again. If they get along after that, they end up hanging out for a few months while they continue to have sex, and then they fall in love. Falling in love is the last step for millennials.”

“Did you and Cholo fall in love first?”

She let out a sigh. “Yeah.”

I sat up in my lounge chair and pushed my sunglasses up the bridge of my nose. “I knew it! You were just trying to make me feel better.”

“I was not. It’s true,” she said. “You know, if you guys would have kept seeing each other, maybe you would have fallen in love. But, you got pregnant first. And, just like Adam says, it is what it is. You can’t change it, Sandy. You can only learn to live with it. I don’t know. Maybe be grateful that he’s not being a dick about it.”

“I am grateful.”

“You don’t sound like it.”

“I think I’m…I don’t know. Maybe I’m scared.”

I hated to admit it, but I was scared, and I knew it.

“Of what?”

“Failure. Of us not making it.”

She pulled off her sunglasses. “Because you didn’t fall in love first?”

I nodded. “Uh huh.”

She laughed and then raised her index finger. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed. But that’s ridiculous.” She sat up and turned to face me. “Do you trust him?”

“I do.”

“Do you think he’ll cheat?”

“No, I don’t. He made that pretty clear. Until this.” I waved my hands over my stomach. “He didn’t do relationships. But he said he didn’t cheat, and never would. I believe him.”

“Okay. So, if you would have fallen in love with whoever – some other random guy – do you think that would have been an assurance that they’d be faithful? Because you fell in love first?”

I shrugged. “I guess not.”

“If Smokey doesn’t cheat, you guys can get through anything. Believe me.” She shook her head lightly. “The problem isn’t the lack of love. It really isn’t. It’s the baby. It’s being pregnant.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you weren’t pregnant, and you were seeing Smokey, you know, dating or whatever. And after a while he asked you to move in, would you be scared?”

My response was immediate, and without thought. “No.”

“Even if you weren’t in love?”

“Scared? No, I don’t think so. I’d probably just move in. I’d have nothing to lose. If it didn’t work out, I’d move out.”

“Okay. Now you’re pregnant. He asks you to move in, and you’re all flipping out over it. The difference is the baby. Act like you’re not pregnant. Move in, settle into place, and before you know it, you’ll be in love. Problem solved. But the lack of love doesn’t change a thing. He cares enough about you to take care of the baby, and not to cheat on you. You’re far better off than most women who are in love.”

As much as I hadn’t liked my friendships with girls in the past, I sure liked being friends with Lex. Being without a mother for so long, I’d forgotten how important the interaction with another girl could be. Throughout our friendship, her advice was well thought out and worthy of my consideration.

I sat up and smiled. “We can be pregnant together.”

She rubbed her belly. “We don’t have a choice.”

I relaxed into the lounge, put on my sunglasses, and gazed out at the horizon. “You’re right, we don’t.”

As I watched the waves repeatedly crash into the shore, I began to wonder if I would change things even if I could.

In no time, I decided I wouldn’t.

It was at that moment that I realized I was ready to begin my journey to fall in love with Grayson Edward Wallace.