A week later and my bruises are almost gone. The visible scars from those long, terrifying nights might fade, but the emotional scars will always be there. Regardless, I will always wear them with pride. I’m a fighter, a survivor, and it’s made me the strong, determined woman I am today.

People say you shouldn’t live with regrets, but I’d rather live with them than never experience the passion and conviction that they’re carried out with. But I won’t dwell on them because life ahead of us is too promising to spend my days looking back.

I swallow down my emotion as Ruck’s coffin is laid in the ground. His name engraved into the plaque adorning the lid of the box.

The turnout is immense. Bikers from all the local chapters have come to pay their respects, and the graveyard is full of a sea of black leather.

 A proper biker send off.

When you take away the somber reason for the occasion, it’s actually quite spectacular. For the past week, Ram has grieved hard for his brother. He cried himself to sleep for many nights, clutching at me for support. He’s drunk himself almost into a coma and yelled at everyone in the bar. And he’s tried to rationalize it all in his head. But he always came back to the same conclusion; Ruck is at peace now. No amount of wishes, promises, or tears could bring him back, and Ruck wouldn’t want anyone wasting time and putting their life on hold when they could be out there living every day as if it’s their last, and making every minute count.

He lived for Ramsey, and now he will live on through him.

Ram steps forward, raising a bottle of Jack in his hand, and taking a long draw from the bottle neck.

“My brother, Ruck, was a pain in my ass!” he calls loudly, making everyone chuckle. “He was the most loyal, dedicated, funny fucker that I’ve ever known, and I’m gonna miss him more than I’d miss my right fucking arm.” He takes another swig, and someone calls from the crowd.

“We know you’d be lost without your jerk-off arm, but maybe not now that you have your old lady.”

He spins around, narrowing his eyes but with a genuinely big smile. “Thank you, Tank.” He glances down into the hole that the coffin has been laid in. “But seriously, you were the best brother a guy could have asked for. I’ll miss your stupid jokes. You moaning in my ear when you’re hungry on a stakeout,” he laughs but his breath catches in his chest, and he takes another large swig. “But most of all, I’ll miss knowing that you’re right across the hall—that I don’t get to see your face again or kick your ass at darts. I’m gonna miss everything about you, brother. Party hard up there, and make the most of it because one day, I’ll be up there with you and on your case.”

His words trigger a sob that rattles through my chest, and the tears flow freely down my cheeks. Lia takes my hand between both of hers, and she leans into me, resting her head on my shoulder as Ram pours the remainder of the bottle onto the coffin. “Be at peace, brother. Souls forever. Forever Souls.”

“Forever Souls!” Everyone around us chants, including Dev, who we managed to smuggle out of the hospital this morning. He stands quietly with Tex, his face still bandaged and his head hung low. The only person missing is Vinny. He’s pissed that he couldn’t be here, kicking up a storm in the hospital, and keeping the nurses on their toes. But it’s a miracle that he’s alive, and after life-saving surgery to remove the bullet from his chest, the nurses say he’s not well enough to travel the distance home yet.

Ramsey kicks the earth surrounding the coffin, scattering it into the hole, and JJ steps forward, placing his arms around Ramsey and kicking earth in too. All the other close brothers from the MC follow their lead, Tex, Dev, Dingo, Razor, Fuzz, Mo and a few others whose names I haven’t learned yet. They all step forward until they’re standing around the coffin, arms draped across each other’s shoulders, and they all start kicking earth into the hole, covering the coffin.

“And that’s how we do a send off.” Lia smiles wistfully as she watches the men.

“Is JJ doing okay?” I ask her, not taking my eyes off Ramsey.

“Yeah, he’ll be okay. He’s got you back.” She smiles up at me, linking her arm in mine and holding me tightly. “And you’re everything he’s wanted all his life.”

“Thanks, Lia,” I whisper, dropping my chin to my chest.

“What for?” she questions.

“Everything.” I let out a huge sigh.

For all we’ve been through, we’ve gained so much more. Loss might bring pain and tears, but it also demands respect. For life, for each other, for the new day that’s just around the corner. And, for me, that new day consists of my new family—my real family, and hope for our future, and that my brother is still alive. My heart is lighter knowing he’s out there somewhere, and maybe, if someone wanted him enough to buy him, I have to hope that they’ve treated him like the special kid he was.

“Time to go, Raven.” Ram steps into me, giving me a long, lingering kiss. I’m not fooled by the bad boy persona, he’s seeking reassurance, and I’m more than happy to give it to him.

Lia unlinks her arm from mine and slips her hands around JJ’s waist as he approaches.

“Ready to get back?” JJ asks.

“Ready to feed the five thousand, you mean?” Lia jokes.

“Ready to party with my boys, and make sweet love to my woman.” JJ stoops low and nibbles on her neck, making her giggle like a schoolgirl.

We ride back to HQ. Ram and me up front, followed by Lia and JJ, then the rest of the MC. It’s an open house today. A celebration of Ruck’s life and we’re sending him off with a hell of a bang.

With the party in full swing and all the day’s formalities over, Ram lets loose and allows himself to smile properly for the first time since Ruck’s death. He’s been plagued with guilt and taunted by what ifs, but each day gets easier as he learns to live with his new reality. He can’t change the past or bring his brother back, but he can look ahead, to his future, to our future.

“You good, babe?” he asks, slipping one arm around my waist and tugging me closer.

“I’m always good in your arms, Ram.” I smile up at him, as the fire pit behind me blazes in the glossy reflection of his eyes.

He tilts his head, a lazy smirk playing on his lips. “How’d I get so lucky?”

“Must’a been a saint in a former life,” I say, and he laughs.

“Haven’t been a saint in this one, that’s for sure.” He frowns, taking a swig from the beer bottle in his free hand.

“No one is perfect, Ram. No one is ever trouble free, or even does the right thing one hundred percent of the time. But you have a good heart, and that’s all that matters. You’re a good man, Ram. You’re my man.” I slide my hand up his chest, settling it gently over his heart.

“I’m gonna miss the moody fucker.” He nods, referring to Ruck.

“I know.” I stroke my thumb softly across his chest. “There will always be a missing piece where he was, but you have a lifetime of memories, and a duty to make every moment count.”

Ramsey tosses his beer bottle aside and takes my hand in his, pulling me in even tighter with his other hand around my waist. “We’ll find your brother, Sadie.”

I nod. Not knowing if it’s at all possible, but vowing to search for him as long as there’s breath in my body. “We’ve missed so much of each other’s lives—like I did with JJ.”

“You say my name?” JJ comments behind me, and I twist my head around. “You okay, princess?” he asks, placing his hand in the middle of my back.

“Yeah.” I smile. “I was just telling Ram how much time we have to make up for.”

“It’ll always be my regret, Sadie.” He lowers his head. “But I’ll spend my life trying to make up for it.”

“Don’t try, JJ. Just be you, this…” I gesture around us. “Everything that you already are. I don’t want it any other way.”

Lia moves into his side and pulls her arms around all of us, gathering us together as best she can manage, despite her arms not being long enough to reach around us all. And at that moment, the world is right. It might not be perfect, or conventional, but it’s mine—it’s ours, and it’s everything I ever wanted my life to be.

 

~Souls Forever. Forever Souls~

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