CHAPTER ELEVEN
LOBSTER BAKES WERE a regular feature during the summer months. Anton, the chef from the Ocean Club, prepared the food the old-fashioned way, steamed in seaweed and cooked in wash kettles over open fires using water from the ocean. The event drew locals and tourists alike, all keen to savor the tradition and taste the very best seafood while enjoying an unparalleled view. Some did a little beachcombing, while others, the braver ones, chose to swim in the sea.
Overseeing it all, Ryan was in midconversation with Alec when he noticed Emily hovering at the edge of the beach. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Lizzy and Skylar were by her side, he wasn’t sure he would have recognized her. She’d swapped her usual discreet, dark colors for a dress that flowed around her curves in a swirl of purple and blue. The breeze breathed life into the fabric, playing with it so that it lifted and revealed a flash of toned leg.
Ryan lost the thread of the conversation. Hit by a punch of sexual awareness, his brain blanked.
Emily was holding Lizzy’s hand firmly. That sight alone should have been enough to damp down the lust.
It didn’t.
He wondered how long it had taken her to pluck up the courage to bring Lizzy to a party on a beach.
“Single mother,” Alec reminded him, handing him another beer. “All your alarms should be going off right now.”
“My alarm is malfunctioning.”
“Then get it fixed. Last time my alarm system malfunctioned I found myself with an expensive divorce.”
Ryan ignored him. “I need you to do me a favor.”
“The answer is no.”
“You don’t know what I’m going to ask.”
“Yes, I do.” Alec drank. “You want me to babysit so that you can drag her back to your cave and get laid. We may have Wi-Fi and hot and cold running water, but that look on your face hasn’t changed since the day man roamed the earth dressed in animal skins.”
“I don’t want you to babysit. I want you to be friendly to Skylar. And you can relax because I’m sure a woman as gorgeous and happy as she seems to be wouldn’t need to ruin her day by getting involved with a moody bastard like you. If it helps, I think she’s already in a relationship. Some guy running for senate.”
“Makes sense. She seems the sort to be turned on by power.”
Ryan didn’t think Skylar seemed that sort at all, but he kept that thought to himself. “So, are you going to do it?”
“You do know you have a major problem, don’t you?”
“You’re talking about my choice of friends?”
“I’m talking about the fact that in order to get the girl, you’re going to have to deal with the child.” Alec lifted his beer to his lips. “For you, that’s like walking through a ring of fire.”
“All I had in mind was a drink and conversation. You’ve gone straight from a single look to divorce in sixty seconds.”
“Every divorce begins with a single look. Never forget that.”
“No chance while I’m hanging around with you. When is this cynicism going to die?”
“Never. It’s keeping me safe.”
“It’s keeping you single.”
“Same thing.”
Ryan shook his head. “I thought you came here to heal.”
“I came here to work.”
But Ryan knew that wasn’t the whole story. For plenty of people, Puffin Island was a sanctuary. It was the reason Lisa had chosen to uproot two small children in an attempt to build a new life. It was the reason Brittany had offered her cottage to Emily.
It was a place where wounds could heal, bathed by the beauty of nature.
Some wounds, he thought. Not all.
He saw Emily tighten her grip on Lizzy’s hand and linger at the edge of the beach as if she were about to step into a pit of alligators. Her anxiety was almost painful to witness. He wanted to stride across the sand, fold her into his arms and stand between her and the sea. It was as if she were frozen.
Another panic attack?
Remembering how she’d been that day Lizzy had wandered onto the beach, Ryan cursed under his breath.
“Damsel in distress,” Alec said flatly, “the most dangerous kind of all. They wait for you to show your soft side, and then they go in for the kill.”
Ryan didn’t think there was a single part of himself that could be classed as “soft” right at that moment. And he knew that nothing his friend had said applied to Emily. “That isn’t what’s happening here.”
The water was her phobia.
The fact that she was here, facing up to the thing she feared most, simply increased his respect for her.
Shit.
“It’s my job to greet guests, so I’m going over there—”
“Of course you are. Since that was always going to be the outcome, you should have done it five minutes ago.”
Ryan ground his teeth. “Next time we’re out in the boat, I hope the beam cracks your skull.”
“I’m not the one who needs a smack round the head.”
“You can stay here growling if you like, but I’m going to be sociable.”
“You mean you’re going to see if there’s any chance comfort could lead to grateful sex.”
Ryan gave a half smile. “Brittany asked me to look out for a friend in trouble. That’s what I’m doing.”
Part of him recognized that he might be the one in trouble, but he decided to ignore that along with the speculative look from Alec.
He strolled across the sand, checking everyone had what they needed and that there were no problems simmering. South Beach was one of the best beaches for swimming on the island, a curve of sand where the sea shelved gently and lacked the strong undertows characteristic of other parts of the island. One end of the beach was rocky, but those large gray slabs of granite provided a perfect platform for jumping into the water. Some of the braver individuals were swimming, their shrieks cutting through the air as they dipped into the cold waters of the Atlantic. Ryan might have joined them if it hadn’t been for the woman hovering on the edge of the party. He’d put two of the guys who worked behind the bar on lifeguard duty. Kirsti was handing out drinks and welcoming people with her own individual brand of warmth that involved a significant amount of matchmaking.
As Ryan walked past her, she handed him a couple of extra beers from a bucket brimming with ice and winked.
He took the beers, ignored the wink and joined Skylar and Emily.
“This is a surprise.” He handed over the beers and then dropped to his haunches to greet Lizzy, noticing the bows in her hair. “Pretty necklace.”
Lizzy fingered it. “I made it with Skylar.”
“Emily!” Lisa arrived with the twins, holding on to each hand. “Can Lizzy join us? We’re hunting for shells on the far side of the beach with Rachel.”
The request seemed to stir Emily from her trance. “Rachel?”
“My sister,” Ryan murmured in response to her blank expression. “Even on her day off she doesn’t miss the opportunity to grab a group of young children and stimulate their minds.”
Emily held tight to Lizzy’s hand. “That sounds like fun.” The tone she used told a different story. “I’ll come, too.”
Ryan understood that for Emily, being here was an enormous step. It was too much to expect for her to leave the child in someone else’s care. Blocking out Alec’s comment that in order to get the girl he had to deal with the child, he swung a giggling Lizzy onto his shoulders.
“Now you have a seagull’s view.”
He ignored Kirsti’s approving glance and strolled across the sand, wincing as Lizzy’s small hands tugged at his hair.
“Hey, that’s attached to me.”
“I’m too high up. I don’t want to fall.” But she was giggling, and he saw Emily glance at the child and smile, too.
By the time he reached Rachel and the twins, his scalp was sore from being pulled, and he swung Lizzy down, forgetting to make allowances for his injury.
He said nothing, but something must have shown on his face because Emily reached out and touched his shoulder gently.
“You hurt yourself?”
“It’s fine.” He could feel the warmth of her hand through his shirt. He remembered those fingers sliding under his shirt and resting lightly on his back. Sliding over his jaw and into his hair. Locked with his as he’d lifted her arms above her head and plundered her mouth.
Her gaze lifted to his, and he knew she was remembering the same thing.
She withdrew her hand quickly.
“Ryan?” Rachel was glancing between them curiously, and Ryan pulled himself together and introduced Emily and Lizzy. After that, all he had to do then was stand back and watch while his sister worked her magic. Even as a child, Rachel had wanted to be a teacher. He remembered her lining up all her toys and standing up to teach the “class.”
The tide was far out, exposing granite boulders crowded with rockweed, barnacles, whelks and mussel shells. Within seconds Lizzy was holding Rachel’s hand and searching nearby tide pools for sea creatures while Emily stood tense as a bow.
“I should go with them.”
He wondered whether it was the sexual chemistry that was responsible for her tension or the proximity of the water.
“She’ll be safe with my sister.” He saw Rachel point out where Lizzy should step to be safe on the rocks. “Rachel is the best teacher Puffin Elementary has ever had. She adores the kids, and she knows exactly how to handle them. And she’ll be working at Camp Puffin all summer. Relax.”
“We’re on a beach,” she muttered. “I don’t think relaxing is possible.”
“Try.” Against his better judgment, he put a comforting hand on her back. He felt her stiffen and then relax into the reassuring pressure and draw a deep, shuddering breath through her body.
“Pathetic.”
“Who is pathetic?”
“I am.” She kept her eyes fixed on Lizzy the whole time, every muscle in her body tense and ready to move in an instant.
“You’re here. You’re standing on a beach. That’s not pathetic. It’s brave.”
“Brave would be getting in the water.”
He glanced at her profile. “One step at a time.”
“They’re having fun.” She watched a group of mothers play with their children in the shallows, an activity punctuated by much delighted squealing.
“You sound surprised.”
“I guess for me beaches are more about fear than fun.”
“I didn’t expect you to be here.”
“Would you rather I hadn’t come?”
“No.” He was beginning to wonder why he was fighting it. He glanced at her, wondering if she felt it, too, but she was staring at Lizzy, her green eyes focused on the child. Emily’s hair was loose and softly curling, strands of blond and caramel floating around blush-tinted ivory skin that reminded him of the strawberries-and-cream flavor Lisa served in Summer Scoop.
If she were a dessert, he would have eaten her in two mouthfuls.
She stirred, her arm brushing against his. “I came because of you.”
“Me?” For a moment he thought she was propositioning him, and then he realized their minds were working along different tracks, and she was still thinking about Lizzy.
“You told me she needed to have fun and lead a normal life. On Puffin Island a beach picnic is normal. I don’t want her to be afraid of the water.”
“Can she swim?”
“I have no idea.” She turned slightly green. “You’re worried she might fall in?”
“No, but swimming is an important life skill. It will give her confidence. In the summer, the pool at the Ocean Club is closed to the public in the mornings so that Rachel can give swimming lessons to the kids as part of Camp Puffin. I’m sure she’d take Lizzy.”
Emily’s expression showed an agony of indecision, and then she nodded. “Yes. It’s a good idea.” She said it as if it were the worst idea in the world.
“Every kid should be able to swim.”
“Yes.” She stared straight ahead, and he knew she was wondering whether she might have been able to prevent what had happened if she’d known how to swim.
“It wouldn’t have made a difference.” He spoke softly, so they couldn’t be overheard. “You were too little. Most grown-ups don’t know what to do when they’re caught in a riptide. Even if you’d been able to swim, there is no way you would have been able to save her.”
“I’ll never know. You’re right. I’ll ask Rachel if she’ll teach Lizzy.” She watched as Lizzy scooped water from a tide pool into her bucket. When it was too dark to play any longer, they picked their way back across the rocks, juggling children, brimming buckets and sandy feet.
Anton and his team were layering potatoes, onions and garlic on top of the lobster in four large kettles over open fires. Then came corn and hot dogs and finally the whole meal was sealed to keep in the steam. Small tables were groaning under the weight of various appetizers, freshly baked bread and mixed salads. As well as hot dogs, the menu included hamburgers for the children, and the smell of cooking scented the air, mingling with the scent of the sea.
At the far edge of the beach, the forest crowded the edge of the water, and the setting sun sent a mosaic of warm light over the treetops and the sand.
Lizzy was clutching the bucket Ryan had given her, now filled with shells and other interesting objects she’d found in the pools.
As they sat down on blankets near the fire, Emily examined the contents of the bucket.
“That’s pretty.” Skylar leaned across and helped herself to a piece of turquoise sea glass, the ends of her hair sweeping the sand. “Polished up, that would be gorgeous.”
“Ryan, look!” Lizzy crawled over to him and dropped a shell in his lap.
He picked it up and duly admired it. It was impossible not to respond to Lizzy’s enthusiasm, and he caught his sister watching him curiously.
It was obvious from her expression she was wondering what he was doing.
He was wondering the same thing.
To give himself space from Lizzy’s impromptu show-and-tell, he rose to his feet and excused himself on the pretext of checking in with Anton, but Rachel reached him before he made it halfway across the beach.
“What’s going on, Ryan?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, please—” she anchored her dark hair with her hand “—you’re carrying Lizzy on your shoulders and looking at shells. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
“You’re not funny.”
“No, what isn’t funny is you using a child to get access to Emily’s body!”
He ground his teeth. “Do you want to speak a little louder? I don’t think they heard you in Boston.”
“It’s not fair, Ryan.”
He swore under his breath and dragged his fingers through his hair. “That isn’t what I’m doing.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“Honestly? I don’t know.”
“But you like Emily.”
Like? Such an insipid word didn’t even begin to describe his complex feelings. “I sympathize with her situation.”
“That wasn’t sympathy I saw in your eyes when you looked at her.”
“Back off.”
“We both know you’re not interested in taking on anyone’s kids long-term, so just be careful, Ryan. I’m thinking of Lizzy. She’s young. Kids get attached.”
“Are you lecturing me?”
“Yeah, so now you know how it feels.” She punched him lightly on the arm and walked back to the group at the far side of the beach, leaving him staring after her.
She was right, of course.
He wasn’t interested in taking responsibility for a child.
He thought about Lizzy’s hands locked in his hair and the delicious sound of her giggle as he’d bounced her across the sand.
What the hell was he doing?
He’d told Rachel to back off, but he was the one who needed to back off.
He talked to Anton for a few minutes, exchanged small talk with a few locals and then returned to where the others were sitting.
Instantly Lizzy slid across the blanket to show him another shell, but this time he encouraged her to show Skylar instead and sat detached while they continued to sift through their personal hoard of treasure.
When the food was ready, they used rocks to crack open the lobsters and ate until they were full.
Ryan watched Emily, wondering why he’d never before seen a beach picnic as a sensual activity. There was too much licking of lips and sucking of fingers for his own personal comfort.
The twins and Lizzy, tired from so much outdoor activity, fell asleep in a heap between Rachel and Lisa who were talking about plans for the summer. Skylar was still sorting through sea glass and shells, holding up each piece to the light of the fire to take a closer look.
Emily leaned forward, too, and the soft fabric at the neckline of her dress gaped slightly, giving him an uninterrupted view of smooth, full breasts.
Remembering exactly how they looked bare and aching for his touch, Ryan felt a raging hunger that had nothing to do with food.
Lust was hot, liquid and brutal. The final straw was when he saw a couple of the male swimming instructors from the Ocean Club pool almost fall on their faces as they tried to get a better look at Emily’s luxuriant curves. Ryan gave them an icy glare that had them backing away, and then sprang to his feet.
“I need to talk to Anton again.”
Emily glanced up at him in surprise. “You’re leaving?” Her disappointment was so obvious he almost changed his mind.
And then he saw his sister’s eyes narrow and knew he was in trouble.
“I’ll be back.” He stumbled and planted his foot on a shell, earning his sister’s wrath.
“Ryan! Get your great big feet off the blanket. Ugh. You have no idea how many of my paintings he ruined when I was little.”
He turned his back on seashells, children and Emily’s curves and walked across the beach.
Alec was deep in conversation with a couple of marine biologists, and Kirsti was dancing with one of the instructors from the kayak school.
Across the sand he saw Jared end a conversation with a couple of lobstermen and glance toward Rachel.
Ryan ground his teeth and carried on walking.
His sister was right, her life was her business.
He had his own problems.
His problem caught up with him as he reached the edge of the beach.
“Ryan!” She sounded breathless, and he clenched his jaw and turned.
“What?”
“I thought you were going to talk to Anton?”
“He’s busy.” The truth was he’d forgotten about Anton; he’d been so intent on giving himself some space.
“Is everything all right? Lizzy was all over you. I hope she didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. Or irritated.”
Uncomfortable, he could have handled. Irritated, he could have handled. What he couldn’t handle was the fact he’d found her adorable. “She was great. Every kid loves the beach.” Too late, he remembered that she hated it. “Listen, Emily—”
“It’s fine. You don’t have to walk on eggshells—or maybe I should say seashells.” A dimple appeared at the corner of her mouth. “Can I walk with you for a minute? I could use five minutes of adult time.”
Unable to find a response that wouldn’t seem rude, he nodded. “Are you cold? Do you need a wrap or something?”
“I’m fine.”
It was a good job one of them was, he thought dourly, fixing his gaze on the rocks ahead. “When the tide is out you can walk right around to the next beach.”
“It’s pretty. I was thinking about what you said the other day,” she said quickly, “about teaching me to swim. If you meant it, then I’d like to.”
“You want to swim?”
She pulled a face. “No, but I think I should. It’s important for Lizzy. I’m sending the message that water is scary and to be avoided, and that’s not only unfair, it’s dangerous. She needs to learn how to swim, and once she’s learned, I need to be able to take her.”
“What changed your mind?”
“Watching the kids in the water. They were having so much fun. And listening to Rachel and Lisa talking about all the summer activities they have planned at Camp Puffin. Beach camp, kayaking, sailing. I want her to be able to do those things one day. I thought maybe Agnes would be willing to watch Lizzy for an hour while you teach me. Would you do it?”
He wanted to refuse. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Say no.
“I’m sure. What would I need to bring?”
His mouth was dry. “Just yourself and a bathing suit. But if you don’t have a suit, then—”
“I have one.”
He hoped to hell it hadn’t been chosen by Skylar, or they would both be in serious trouble. He was tempted to suggest a wet suit but then decided that wasn’t going to hide much, either. “Maybe you should wait a few weeks and—”
“I don’t want to wait. Let’s set a time. That way I can’t change my mind.”
He felt sweat bead on his forehead. “I need to look at my schedule.”
“How about tomorrow? It’s Sunday.”
“Weekends are our busiest time at the Ocean Club. Lunches are always crazy, and we’re fully booked for dinner.”
“So how about five o’clock?”
They’d walked as far as the next beach where the rocks opened up into a cave. When the tide was in, it filled with water, but right now it was a moonlit, cavernous grotto.
It was a favorite tourist spot on the island.
It was also a favorite haunt for teenagers looking for somewhere to have sex.
“Ryan?”
“Yeah.” His voice didn’t sound like his own. He was wishing he’d walked in the opposite direction. “Five o’clock should work. But if you change your mind, just let me know.”
“Don’t let me change my mind, even if I go on my knees and beg you.”
The thought of her on her knees almost made him stumble. “Emily—”
“Look!” She tugged her hand from his and walked toward the cave. “This place is amazing. Did you know it was here?” Her almost childlike wonder was in direct contrast to the dark, carnal thoughts that filled every inch of his brain.
“Yes.” He was so aroused, it was difficult to walk. “Be careful. The sea gets trapped in a few places and the pools can be deep.”
“How far back does it go?”
“When the tide is out, you can walk through to the next beach.” Or you could stop halfway and—
“Lizzy would love it.”
Even the mention of a child right now seemed inappropriate given that his thoughts were definitely adult only. “It’s a dangerous place. It fills up when the tide comes in. The coast guard has rescued more people from here than any other part of Puffin Island. Promise me you won’t come here without someone who knows the tides.”
“I promise.” Her voice was soft, and she slid her arm into his. “And thank you.”
“For what?”
“For not making fun of the fact I’m scared of water. For caring enough to warn me. I appreciate it.”
He had a feeling she wouldn’t be thanking him if she could read his mind.
The sound of music wafted on the breeze, and he knew a few people would be dancing on the beach.
“We should go back.”
“In a minute. Rachel is lovely. So warm and sweet-natured. Lizzy loved her instantly.”
“Yes. Fortunately she’s nothing like me.”
“You’re kind, too.”
The breath hissed through his teeth. “I’ve already told you, I’m not kind.”
“You’ve been very kind to me. You stayed with me when I had a panic attack. Most men would have run. You’re patient with Lizzy, even though I know you’ve already done all the child rearing you intend to do. And now you’ve offered to teach me to swim.”
He must have been out of his mind. “About that—”
“Thank you.” She stood on tiptoe and put her arms around him. “I’m so sorry I yelled at you.”
He caught her arms in his hands. “Emily, I lied to you. You were right to yell at me. And I’m not kind.”
“I think you are. And you lied because you didn’t want me to freak out. It was the right decision.”
“Emily—”
“I know you didn’t do it for me exactly, you did it for Brittany, but that makes you a loyal friend and I respect that.”
His control snapped. “You want to know how kind I am? Right now I’m thinking of all the ways I could have sex with you in this cave without one of us injuring ourselves on the rocks.”
She went still. “Here? Right now?” Her voice was breathy with shock. “Someone might come.”
Yeah, you, he thought, but he managed to trap the words inside his brain for once instead of letting them escape from his mouth.
“I tell you I want to have sex with you in an infinite number of positions and that’s what worries you?” He waited for her to pull away but she didn’t.
Instead, she looked at his mouth. “Maybe if we did it quickly, we wouldn’t be caught.” Her voice was a whisper, and the gleam in her eyes made everything inside him tighten.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that to me.”
“Have you ever had sex in this cave?”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, either.”
Her eyes danced. “I’m pretty sure you’re not a virgin, Ryan.”
And he was pretty sure she was close to being one. He wondered how many lovers she’d had before Neil and decided he didn’t want to know the answer.
She was certainly an outdoor-sex virgin, and he wasn’t going to be the one to do something about that.
“We should go back.”
“Not yet.” She rested her hand on his chest, her features indistinct in the moonlit cave. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that kiss. I wondered if you’d thought about it, too.”
He’d been trying not to. “We should definitely go back.”
“There’s something I want to do first.” She stood on tiptoe again and brushed her mouth over his, and his grip on control unraveled like the chain of an anchor that had been tossed overboard. When her tongue licked into his mouth, he could no longer remember why he was fighting this.
Forgetting Rachel, Lizzy and all the obstacles he’d been trying to keep in the foreground of his brain, he buried his hands in her hair, angled his mouth over hers and kissed her back, opening her mouth with his, exploring those sweet depths with skilled, ruthless strokes of his tongue.
He tasted the delicious sweetness of her and buried his hands in that glorious hair. She smelled of summer blossoms and rose petals, everything about her silky smooth and feminine. She pressed her luscious curves against him, winding around him like a delicate plant growing up a rough rock face.
He felt her tug at his shirt and then slide her hands over his skin, and the feel of her brought him to his senses.
The cave magnified sound. Her gasps blended with soft echoes and the hollow drip of water sliding off rock. From beyond the cave came the faint rush of moonlit waves hitting the sand and the distant sound of laughter.
It was the laughter that penetrated his desire-clouded brain.
He eased his mouth from hers and heard her moan a protest.
“Ryan—” She breathed his name and opened her eyes reluctantly. “I want—”
“I know what you want.” Despite the dim light, he could see the dark streaks of color on her cheeks.
“But you don’t want the same thing. You’re not interested.”
He wondered how the hell she could think he wasn’t interested, given that seconds ago she’d been welded against a part of him that should have told her exactly how he felt on that subject.
He thought about what Rachel had said. He thought about Lizzy. “We should get back. People will wonder where we are.”
She registered the rejection. “You’re right, we should get back.” She stepped away unsteadily, like someone absorbing a punch. “It was unfair of me to ask you to teach me to swim when you’re so busy. I’ll book with one of the swimming instructors.”
He thought about the two swimming instructors who worked at the Ocean Club, both of who had almost fallen on their faces trying to look down Emily’s dress.
“I’ll do it.”
“That isn’t necessary. I can—”
“I said, I’ll do it.”
“In that case, I’ll see you at the pool tomorrow.” The exchange was awkward and stilted.
“Sounds good.”
It didn’t sound good at all.