Kyle was falling.

No, jolting—shuddering—someone was grabbing him, shaking him awake.

“Shit.”

“You’re awake now. Are you okay?” Nic’s voice was warm and close to his ear, his hand still tight on Kyle’s shoulder.

Kyle honestly wasn’t sure. His brain was spinning over the events of just moments ago, which had seemed so real to him.

The flames were licking up the walls, the dull roar of oxygen being eaten by the ravenous wall of heat.

He couldn’t get out. Couldn’t see the door through the smoke.

Denver wasn’t there, but now it wasn’t just Denver.

It was Denver, but beyond lay Nic, and then Kevin.

He had to choose one.

“You were having a nightmare,” Nic murmured.

Kyle closed his eyes for a second and rolled onto his side away from Nic, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table. He dabbed the sleep out of his eyes, then rubbed his cheeks briskly. He didn’t want to fall asleep and straight back into that nightmare.

Coming home late from Evie’s house, everything had seemed fine. They’d shared a delicious dinner cooked by Nic, and watched a made-for-TV movie, and gone to bed happy. And then… boom, his brain fucked everything up.

Nic cuddled into him, pressing his chest along Kyle’s back and looping his arm over his side.

“I know,” Kyle mumbled at last, when he couldn’t put it off any longer. “I’ve been getting them ever since.”

“The fire?”

Kyle flinched and nodded. The sight of Nic lying there, chest barely moving, between his boss and his son…

Yeah, he knew it was a psychological trick by his mind, a mirror of his worries, but holy crap. It had felt real. Who would he choose?

It had to be his son. That much was clear, but the cruelty of being forced to consider the near-impossible scenario…

“You need to talk?” Nic murmured, kissing bare skin. The warmth of his lips against the top vertebra of his spine, then the side of his neck, helped ground him.

“I’m still pretty upset over it,” Kyle murmured, his voice quiet. This space didn’t feel real—the gap between bedtime and morning. His emotions were unguarded, his thoughts shifting from moment to moment until his troubles seemed hard-edged and insurmountable.

“That’s so normal. Hon, that was a near-death experience, right? Of course you’re going to be worried about it, thinking about it, for a while,” Nic murmured, his hold on Kyle tightening.

Kyle liked that. He felt… safe, in this little bubble of exhausted intimacy between them. “Yeah. I know.”

“What would help?” Nic murmured. “Other than time?”

Kyle already knew the answer, and he knew Nic knew. “Going back there. I think… I should have picked up my car.” Having Nic do it for him had been a coward’s move. A fortunate one, since he’d had to pick Kevin up, but still…

“You weren’t ready.” Nic rubbed with his thumb along Kyle’s breastbone.

“Still not sure I am.” The thought was scary. Kyle had avoided all mention of the fire—the news articles or the TV coverage. He didn’t want to see how bad it had been, how much was lost, and how damn close he’d come to dying in some stupid, random attack.

And he had this irrational fear, too.

“What if…” Kyle trailed off.

“Mm?”

Kyle swallowed hard. Nic wouldn’t judge him—he reminded himself of that fact several times over. Finally, he drew a breath. “Was it me they were going after?”

Nic caught his breath—the regular warm tickle against Kyle’s neck ceased. He made a quiet sound, then murmured, “Why?”

“I… it was this one-time thing, and since I stayed away, nothing else has happened to any of the board members. Or what if they’re hanging around?” Even as he spoke, Kyle knew it was stupid, but it was like turning a tap. The words just didn’t stop. “What if it’s some, I don’t know, homophobe who doesn’t like the way I am?”

Nic was quiet for a minute, but he idly rubbed along Kyle’s ribs, tracing along the skin slowly. The contact brought Kyle down again, and he raised a hand to rest on Nic’s wrist. “You’re worried you’re too much again,” Nic finally concluded.

Kyle winced. I am. Crap. “I… yeah.”

“And it’s understandable to be afraid of whoever did it. Still no word?”

“Nothing. Denver said the cops have told him they’re still investigating. Interviewing people or whatever, I guess. Nobody knows anything useful.”

“Whoever did it…” Nic trailed off, and Kyle felt the low vibration of a growl in his chest.

“You’re sexy when you’re protective,” Kyle murmured, rubbing Nic’s arm as he tensed up behind him.

Nic chuckled quietly and gradually relaxed. “Sorry. I just… wish I could do more.”

“You’ve given me your damn home. You’ve done a lot.”

“Well,” Nic murmured, his voice playful, “I’ve been getting… benefits.”

Kyle chuckled quietly, then raised Nic’s hand to his lips to kiss the palm gently. “That’s a plus for both of us.”

There were a few moments of silence as Nic shifted his head against the pillow, seemingly contented to hold him like this while they drifted off again. He wasn’t showing signs of moving. Kyle was already more relaxed.

“I’ll bring you to the spot in the morning,” Nic murmured. “If you want me to.”

Kyle nodded as he closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure he trusted himself to drive there, and he didn’t want to go through that alone. “Yeah. Thanks, hon.”

“Welcome. Get some sleep.”

He couldn’t remember anything else until dawn.

* * *

Two cups of coffee made their idea from the previous night feel less harebrained and terrifying, and more sensible.

It didn’t stop Kyle’s hands from shaking as he locked them together in his lap, leaning back in the passenger seat of Nic’s car. But, because he was perfect, Nic didn’t comment if he noticed. He just turned up the radio to danceable pop and shimmied along in his seat until Kyle couldn’t resist joining in.

God, Nic was adorable, and Kyle so appreciated the distraction. It made him almost forget where they were going until they pulled around the final corner.

It was impossible to miss the scorched building, and it jarred him at first—like his brain expected to see the intact office and tried to superimpose it on the reality of what his eyes were showing him.

He reeled, reaching for the cupholder and hooking his fingers into it, just for something solid to grip.

Nic’s hand covered his own and he cast him a quick sideways look as he drove up to the building, slowing to pull over by the side of the road.

Kyle’s chest was tight as he shook his head quickly. “No, go to the parking lot.”

Nic didn’t question him, but he cast another quick look before rolling down the street to turn into the lot.

The building—or lack thereof—loomed into view, impossible to look away from. It wasn’t leveled, but it was pretty damn close.

“Shit. Did the firefighters even turn the water on?”

“It was a bad day for it or something, apparently,” Nic told him, unbuckling his seatbelt. “And it was set alight from multiple points. Someone was determined.”

Prompted by the movement, Kyle did the same, then climbed out of the car for a closer look. There were steel fences around the place for the safety hazard, but it was easy to see everything through the fence.

Fuck. He could pick out, among the larger chunks, the burnt, twisted remains of lighting fixtures and furniture.

He cast a quick, sharp look around, but there was no movement from any of the nearby buildings. No firefighters hanging around being useless, and no spectators. Especially no victims.

We all made it. “Nobody was hurt, were they?”

“Nope.” Nic came up behind him and wrapped his arms slowly around his waist. Though Nic’s hold was light, Kyle pressed back into him to ask for more contact, and Nic obediently squeezed him.

It was a hell of a lot easier to wrap his head around the fire now that he saw the final consequences. It wasn’t unmanageable. It was hard to see, hard to adjust to, and God knew he was probably going to keep having nightmares, but… he could overcome it.

“It’s not that bad,” Kyle murmured at last.

He felt Nic’s breath of relief against his neck. Nic murmured, “Yeah. It’s just a building. Stuff is stuff.”

“And Denver said the insurance company’s being great.” Kyle tensed up again, then let a breath escape. He couldn’t let himself obsess over who did it and why. For all they knew, it had been stupid teens on a dare, and not about them specifically. Or him.

Nic nodded slightly. “Mmhmm. And a little birdie tells me you’re on track to get your new software installed from scratch on all your brand-new systems when the charity moves into their temporary office.”

“Oh.” Kyle’s lips quirked into a smile. “Did they?”

“Mmm.” Nic swayed with him slightly, and Kyle let himself close his eyes for a moment.

Yeah, he was going to see this image in his mind’s eye for a while, but it wasn’t that bad. Everyone had made it.

“It’s like starting from scratch, I guess. No more old filing cabinets to worry about,” Kyle chuckled quietly.

Nic breathed out a quick laugh. “Yeah. Right?”

“Right.” Kyle patted Nic’s arm. There was nothing to see here. If this was closure, he was glad he felt it now. “Come on. This is boring.”

Nic kissed the back of his neck and let go, pulling Kyle’s hand to lead him back to the car. “Okay. Let’s get milkshakes and go for a drive.”

“God, yes.”

Kyle didn’t notice how hard he was smiling until he checked his hair in the rearview mirror. When Nic pulled away and rested his hand on the gear shift, Kyle covered it with his own for a moment.

Nic rolled down the windows, turned up the music, and shot Kyle a bright smile as he started to drum on the wheel. “Excuse me.”

“What?” Kyle laughed.

“Backup vocals, please.”