Once Nate’s anger towards his family had cooled to a simmer, we headed out to Torquay, once again trying to make amends. It seemed to be the theme where I was concerned. Alesha fit into the family like a missing piece of a puzzle, and I was the burr in their britches, causing nothing but discomfort whenever I was around. Perhaps that was my fault for not trying hard enough. Perhaps it was theirs for not being genuine enough. Either way, I knew there was no way I could ever truly be comfortable around them. They’d threatened my life, for fuck’s sake. The best I could do for them was be tolerant for the sake of my relationship with Nate.

“Welcome, welcome!” Jasmine smiled, meeting us at the door and ushering us into the air-conditioned cool. Nate and I exchanged glances; that kind of greeting was over the top even for her.

“I’ve made cocktails,” she gushed. “Alesha said you like margaritas, Holland.”

I didn’t even get to respond before Alesha appeared and placed a drink in my hand, Sam by her side handing a beer to Nate.

“Brother,” he said with a formal nod. It seemed there was more going on than I knew about. Sam turned to Alesha. “Why don’t you take Holland to sit outside while the boys have a chat to Nate?”

Alesha placed a hand on my arm and smiled. “Sure. Come on, Holland.”

Nate gave my hand a squeeze and my arse a pat before I headed off, relegated to the WAG seating while the men did their thing.

“I’ve missed you,” Alesha said, nudging me with her arm when we took a seat by the pool.

“Really?” I asked. “You wouldn’t have known since you never call or text, and when we’re all together, you’re Jasmine two-point-oh. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

Her doe eyes flashed. “That’s not fair. I’m just trying to make the best of things. You see where fighting against all this gets you.”

I closed my eyes against her truth. “At least I’m still me.”

“Maybe,” she said with a shrug, then looked away. “I’m going to see if Jasmine needs some help. Will you be fine out here on your own?”

“Sure.”

She couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I missed my best friend.

Dinner was, to put it in a word, strained. Everyone was so busy trying to act normal that they were overly nice, which just made things more uncomfortable. Toby spoke to no one but the dog, and Jasmine played Betty Homemaker, waiting on everyone hand and foot with Alesha joining in. The twins were oblivious as always, and Sam just seemed to think it was all funny. Nate seethed for the most part, glaring at Toby across the table and even growling like an animal at one point.

“Behave,” I said out the corner of my mouth as I squeezed his thigh.

His solution was to suck down a few too many beers. In a way, I was relieved, because it meant I could get out of there faster and go home. But when it came time to load him into the car, I realised it wasn’t going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

“Why don’t you just stay here?” Jasmine offered when I asked Abbot and Kristian to help get him into the ute. “You won’t be able to get him out of the car on your own, and the room is already made up. It’s no problem.”

I didn’t think Nate would be happy staying there when things were so tense, but I also knew that Jasmine was right. He was too big and too drunk for me to handle on my own.

“OK,” I said, reluctance in my voice.

Once we got Nate settled in bed, I went to the kitchen to fetch him some water and painkillers for when he woke up.

I ran into Toby.

Alone.

Nervous after our last encounter, I looked past him to see if anyone else was close by.

“I’m not here to corner you,” he assured me. “I just came for water.”

Nodding briefly, I took my items and moved to leave the room, then stopped and turned to face him. “I’m sorry if I somehow gave you the wrong impression.” He shouldn’t have touched me regardless, but I did feel some guilt over the situation.

Shutting off the tap, he held his water partway to his lips and shook his head. “You didn’t. I’m the one who owes you an apology. I drank when I shouldn’t, and I behaved poorly. I shouldn’t have put you in that situation, and I shouldn’t have wronged Nate the way I did. This is all on me.”

“I… I didn’t know any of that. The stuff about how you felt towards me.”

“How were you to know?” he asked, taking a mouthful of water. “It’s not like I told anyone.”

“OK. But… I just want to make things really clear between us—I love Nate. There’ll never be anyone else for me. He owns my heart.”

“I understand,” he replied quietly.

“OK.” This is awkward. “Well, I’m glad we cleared that up. Have a good night, Toby. Sleep well.” I turned to leave.

“Holland.”

I paused. “Yes?”

“Did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

“About my plans.”

I shook my head. “I don’t betray confidences.”

He knitted his brow. “Thank you.”

I gave him a small smile. I didn’t hate Toby. He made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t hate him. Out of all of them, he was the only one who was truly honest with me.

“And Holland?”

“Yes?”

“Ask him to tell you about his investment. Before….” He paused to clear his throat. “You need to know what he’s into.”

It seemed so important to him, so I nodded and promised I would.

When I returned to the room, it was to the tune of Nate snoring his head off and smelling like a brewery. I placed the water and pills on the bedside table, then slipped into bed beside him, gently running my fingers through his hair as I studied his passed-out form.

“What are you hiding in that head of yours?” I asked. “Toby seems to think it’s important. Will you even tell me when I ask?”

His only response was a snorting grunt before he rolled over and flung his arm around my middle, pulling me close.

“I hope it isn’t too bad,” I whispered. “I love you too much to hate you too.”