“What? No. Absolutely not. She doesn’t need to prove herself.”

My husband was my hero. Nate knew what I needed better than I did. And sensing that I’d gotten myself into this mess during a moment of weakness, he put his foot solidly on the ground and said I wasn’t to be their inside man.

I’d barely touched my breakfast, instead feeling awful at the idea of helping set up a robbery at my place of employment. Sure, it would be a robbery where no one was physically hurt, and the school did have insurance against break-ins, but would that policy cover the loss of that much cash? That cash was used every year to fund programs like drama, music and art. We were a private school, and the tuition costs were high, but the allocated funding for the arts wasn’t always the best.

“We don’t need your permission,” Sam pointed out around a mouthful of waffles. His appetite wasn’t affected at all by the thought of devastating a school full of young girls. “We know enough to plan it ourselves.” He gave me a wink as if thanking me.

“No,” Nate insisted. “Can’t we just let one member of this fucking family live a life that doesn’t revolve around the next score?” I literally swooned a little at his side.

Jasmine waited a moment before responding. “She’s either a Cartwright or she isn’t. We don’t allow freeloaders.”

“The fact that she works means she’s making her own money,” Nate returned.

“How does that benefit us?” Jasmine asked.

Toby cut in, adding his own thoughts to the situation at hand. “Maybe since Holland is the one who gave us the job, she should be the one who decides if it goes ahead.”

All eyes landed on me.

“I—” I started, gulping because I knew that my answer, whether it was a yes or no, was going to cause a shit-show.

Nate stared at me, his eyes disbelieving. “You don’t want to be like us, duchess,” he reminded me. “You’re better than we are. You’re good. Stay good.”

“Ain’t no room for good people round our table, brother,” Abbot put in.

Nate stood up immediately. “Fuck this. We’re leaving. Holland, go get your things.”

I was quick to comply, happy to get away from the uncomfortable conversation. I heard him yell at them all, threatening to rain hell down on them if they dared touch this score. Even I was scared of what he’d do.

“What possessed you to tell them that shit?” Nate demanded once we were in the car. “Now they’ll never let it go.”

“But you told them not to do it.”

“No such thing as an honest thief, duchess.”

“But you’re honest.”

He shook his head. “I’m not. The only thing that’s good and honest in my life is you. Now that’s going to be fucked up when you’re forced to lie to the cops about your involvement.”

“Why would they interview me?”

“They’ll interview everyone who knew about the money. What possessed you to mention it?” He slapped the steering wheel.

“I was asked to come up with a job. And when I couldn’t think of anything, Alesha mentioned the fundraiser. Then everything snowballed.”

“So you went out to get coffee, and they just slipped asking you to come up with a job into the conversation?”

“It wasn’t quite like that.”

“Then how was it? Explain this to me, Holland, because I can’t wrap my head around it.”

I considered not telling him how it came about, but I was never very good at lying and he knew that. I could keep a secret like the best of them, but lying? I was crap. “I was told to choose if I wanted in or out.”

He glanced at me. “Who did that?”

“Your mother.”

“She told you that you could get out if you wanted?”

“Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you take it? Why didn’t you grab my car keys and run?”

“Because of you, you idiot! I love you, you know that! How can I walk away now?” The fact that he so easily told me to leave made tears flood my eyes. I turned my head away.

“Oh, duchess,” he said softly, pulling over to the side of the road and wrapping me in his arms.

“Why don’t you want me to stay?” I sobbed.

“Of course I want you to stay,” he soothed. “I want you all the time. I love you more than anything in this world. But I see what this life is doing to you. You’re too good for it. If she’s given you an out, fucking take it. Run. Go back to what you knew and forget about our shit. Forget about me.”

“How could I possibly forget about you? I can’t just switch off my feelings and go back to being the woman I was before. I’d be heartbroken. I won’t go unless you come with me.”

“I can’t. They’ll hunt me down.”

“Not Toby. He wants out too.” Shit, I’m not supposed to repeat that. Seemed my ability to keep secrets was also compromised in that moment.

He brushed his fingers through my hair, he didn’t seem surprised to hear that. “It’s not that simple.”

“It is, Nate! We pack a bag and we run. So fast and so far that no one can catch us. We can leave everything. I have a little money invested and we could use that to get settled. We don’t need anything from this life. I can’t believe that your mother or your brothers would actually kill you if you try to leave.”

He pressed his lips together, still running his fingers through my hair. “I want you to go, duchess. This is the best choice for you.”

I flinched away from his touch. “Don’t you think I should be the one to decide what’s best for me? Hell, you dragged me into this life with your marriage plan and now you’re sending me on my way? Am I not enough for you anymore? Are you already bored? Was everything between us bullshit?”

“Jesus, duchess, no! In an ideal world, I’d be a regular guy, and we’d meet in a regular way and have a regular life together. But I’m not regular. Being with me is a risk to you. It was selfish of me to go after you, and even worse for me to keep you. And now this opportunity for you to be free is here, and I want you to take it.” He wants me to take the opportunity to leave him? He doesn’t want me to choose to be with him? What? I knew Nate was a good liar. And I had to wonder how many lies he’d been spinning to keep me, that maybe he couldn’t wait to be rid of me? Was that it? Or was I still paranoid and a little raw? I’d lost Alesha, the brothers didn’t want me around, Toby could barely look at me, and now I’d further ostracised Jasmine. Fuck, I hate this. But… I don’t want to leave Nate. My life is him.

“I don’t want to go,” I said. “I don’t care who you are or what you do. I love you, and I want to be with you.”

He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes wide. I could see his mind churning with the stress of the situation. Then he took a breath and put the ute into gear. “I want to be with you too. But there’s something you need to see.”

We drove for nearly an hour, turning down an unmarked road that wound through thick bush and was bumpy as hell.

“Where are we going?” I asked, my hand pressed against the roof of the car to stop from hitting my head while on the uneven road.

He flattened his lips into a grave line. “You’ll see. We’re almost there.”

An earthy smell assailed my nostrils as I looked out at a sea of red. “Are they what I think they are?” I asked, my voice small and tight as I stood at the mouth of gully that was filled with flowers.

“Poppies.” Nate nodded, hands on his hips as he stood beside me.

“Poppies,” I repeated. I couldn’t believe it. “So this… this is your investment.” My voice squeaked on that last word as my head reeled. I was struggling to stay upright and conscious.

Does this mean my husband is a drug lord?

“This is my investment,” he whispered.

“And it’s for drugs, right? Not the little black seeds on bread rolls?”

“That’s right.”

I sat on the ground, unable to stay up any longer. “This is what Toby kept referring to?”

Nate nodded.

“Do the rest of them know about this?”

“Only Toby and Jasmine. We were approached at the same time. A big-time dealer needed someone to build the crop and supply them. I’m the only one who was greedy enough to do it. They didn’t want any part of it, but they hold it over my head. I help with their business, and they keep quiet over mine while letting me launder my profit through the family businesses.”

“Why are you showing me this? Why now?”

“Because you asked. You think my family is bad. They steal and they’ll kill to protect their way of life. But I’m worse. I’ll do anything for the love of money.”

“I don’t believe that,” I whispered. “Explain this away, Nate. Tell me this isn’t a field of drugs. Tell me why this is needed for the economy. Do something, say anything that will make this OK.”

“I can’t do that, duchess. I’m a monster who cares more about money than people. You’re looking at the proof.” His voice was so soft that his words had to be a lie. This couldn’t be real.

I shook my head. “I can’t believe this,” I whispered, shifting to kneel so I could stand, Nate reached down to try and help me but I shoved him away. “Don’t.” I looked again at the flowers. “Just… don’t touch me.”

I took a few steps away, shaking my head as I tried to register the full extent of the day. My brain wanted to explode. “Drugs, Nate? Drugs? All this time? We talked about this. I told you I’d hate you if you were a drug dealer. And you are. You fucking are.” I kept walking backwards, shaking, too shocked to cry but knowing there was only one option left for me.

I couldn’t be a part of this.

I couldn’t stay with him.

Not anymore.

I had to run.

Had to Leave.

Go.

I held up the keys I’d stolen from his pocket when he’d moved to help me up. “I love you, Nate. But I can’t do this. Not drugs.” He closed his eyes for a moment and nodded once. “Goodbye, Nate.”

A set of tortured blue eyes met mine, but he didn’t speak or do anything to stop me when I got into the driver side of the car. Didn’t move an inch as I turned the key and the engine roared to life. And when I drove away, his form becoming smaller and smaller as I increased the distance between us, he remained statue-still. He didn’t try to stop me.

I burst into tears as I turned off the dirt road and planted my foot, going where, I had no clue. I just kept driving until the petrol ran out and I found myself in a town I didn’t recognise, somewhere on the New South Wales coast. He didn’t stop me.