Chapter 12
Jordan
I gave her a moment to collect herself, but it was more for me than it was for her. Crying women always made me uneasy. They often brought out that old misplaced sense of chivalry in me—like I was somehow responsible for the crying and it fell on me to stop it.
I’d made a woman or three cry in my lifetime. Sometimes I felt guilty about it. More often, I didn’t. But this one was shaking me more than I’d anticipated. I rubbed my jaw and watched her quietly pull herself together, straighten her shoulders and turn to face me.
Her blue eyes were clouded with uncertainty, self-questioning. I’d wanted to crack her cool façade, but this wasn’t what I had in mind. April was tender and vulnerable inside. The thickness of the walls she’d built to protect herself didn’t change that.
I took a breath and let it go. “Are you okay?”
She pressed her hands to her cheeks and shook her head.
I sighed and looked away. “She’s not going to say anything now that I’ve put the fear of God into her.”
She shook her head again, apparently still too emotional to speak.
I clenched my teeth, annoyed at how much it was bothering me to see her this way. “Weiss. You need to take a deep breath and calm down. You don’t have anything to be scared about.”
“I—I’m not scared. I’m guilty. I’m a horrible person. I—”
“You aren’t a horrible person. Stop it.”
“Everyone had to do all that because of me. Because of what I did. I don’t even know why you are covering for me like this. You—”
“Because you’re part of my team and I protect my own. I’m the only one who has the right to torment you and make your life hell, got it? She’s not—”
“But why?” Her dark brows scrunched, and she scanned my face as if she were trying to solve a puzzle. “Why are you letting me stay on your team? You could have let me go on the first day. I know you lied to her just now, about the fact that Adam knows it’s me. He doesn’t know it’s me. But he should.”
That worried me. I shook my head. “Calm down. You don’t even know what you’re saying.”
She straightened, lifting her chin. “I’m going to end this.”
I did not like the sound of that. At all. “What do you mean?”
“I’m going to talk to Adam and tell him that I’m responsible for the video, explain it was an accident, and then I’m going to apologize and resign on the spot.”
My entire body tensed and my gut tightened. “And what will that solve?”
She turned, grabbed a tissue and dried her face. “It will get Cari off my case and make me feel better.”
“Cari is already off your case. And how will it make you feel better to be dismissed from your internship in disgrace, with no chance of getting a recommendation for business school?”
She looked away, her bottom lip trembling. “So, you know how…how I was the one who made the video? And you know that question you asked Essie…about one of the people not knowing they were being recorded?”
I blinked and swallowed, suddenly feeling more than a little guilty. I didn’t say anything though, and she took that as a prompt to continue talking—even if I preferred that she drop it.
“Well, you were right. He didn’t know…the guy, I mean. It was so stupid. I was drunk and feeling pretty high on the whole experience. I’d never done anything like that before and…well, it was a bit of a fantasy, I have to admit. So, on an impulse, I pulled out the phone to record it. I figured I’d erase it right away. But…” She took in a deep breath and let it go. “I had no idea I was committing a crime. I feel wretched. And the poor guy, he had no idea. I need to find him. I need to apologize.”
“Hold the phone. Just calm down, all right? He’s fine. He’s safe. Nobody knows who he is. He has no reason to want to come after you and put you in jail. The sexual harassment stuff, well, all companies have to do that sort of training by law anyway. So yeah¸ there’s been extra inconvenience brought about by what you did, but I’ve got it handled, okay? No need to go throwing yourself on a sword in self-sacrifice. Nobody needs that kind of drama.”
She huffed. “I didn’t want it to be about drama. I’m just…I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“Sometimes it’s best not to. That’s another thing you need to learn about business. Ethics are slippery things.” And God, wouldn’t I know about that? This would have been an appropriate time to let her know that I knew all about her partner in the video because it was me.
It occurred to me—it honestly did. But the less she knew, the better. At least that was the lie I told myself so as to not hate what I was doing. It would be for her own good.
And yeah, it helped that it was for my own good as well.
She sniffed and then looked at me—really looked at me—with a gaze that seemed to penetrate my own façade. I almost drew back, startled.
“Why are you doing this, Jordan? Why do you care so much?”
I blinked. Her question took me totally by surprise. Why do you care so much? Good question. I had no idea. I wasn’t supposed to care. I’d told myself a long time ago that I wasn’t going to ever care again. It had hurt too much, that once.
But this woman was doing something…something she didn’t even know she was doing.
And I was allowing it to happen.
I rubbed a hand over my mouth and shrugged. “I care about this company. I care about the IPO being successful. I care about you keeping your nose clean and getting out of here without upsetting more than you have already. That’s what I care about.”
Her brows drew together and I stepped back. I didn’t want to feel her near me again, didn’t want to smell her. I didn’t want to care. So, I wouldn’t. That was it. I’d flip it off, like a switch. I was good at that. I could do that.
I had to.
But there was still a thing or two that I wanted to know. “Why didn’t you speak up for yourself with Cari? Why’d you let her trample all over you like that?”
She shrugged.
“That’s not an answer and you aren’t four,” I ground out. “Somewhere along the line, you learned that you aren’t worth standing up for. That other people’s feelings and opinions are more valuable than your own. You keep those feelings inside and show the world a brave face.”
She looked at me like I’d slapped her. “And there’s something wrong with that?”
I nodded. “In the process of trying to save everyone else’s feelings, you give no value to your own. Because you’re too nice. That will get you nowhere. I learned a long time ago that nice guys finish last. Do you want to finish last?”
“Is this some kind of race?”
I stared at her. “It’s life. And it’s passing you by because all of those jackasses who walk all over you are doing just that to get ahead of you. And you are letting them.”
She blinked. “So that explains why you’re an asshole.”
I sent her a wicked grin. “And damn proud of it.”
She wasn’t smiling in return. Instead, she was watching me with those perceptive blue eyes. Even in the semi-darkness of the bathroom, I could see them, glued to my face, inspecting every inch—maybe even seeing things I didn’t want her to see.
I stepped out of the bathroom, breaking the moment. “I’ll, uh, let you get yourself together.”
While she tidied up, I packed up my stuff, ready to finish this godforsaken day. When she came out, she quietly leaned on the edge of the doorway, tilting her head and watching me again. This time, her face was easier to read as her eyes slipped down my body, warming parts of me I’d like her hands touching instead. She licked her lips when her gaze met mine again.
Fuck. I was in trouble with this one. Deep, deep trouble. I knew that and yet I allowed myself to get pulled into dangerous waters again and again, either oblivious or willingly ignorant to the pull she had on me. And any good surfer knew you avoided a riptide whenever you could. They were nothing but danger—a massive expense of energy to escape with your life intact.
“Quitting time,” I said, because I honestly had nothing else to say. And I was trying not to remember the taste of her from last night. Trying to push my way out of that dangerous current that was my attraction to her.
“So I actually get to go home on time?” Her dark brows rose hopefully.
“Don’t get cocky. It’s only because you have to be back here before dawn.”
She drew back. “Say what? I don’t do ‘before dawn.’”
“Well,” I said, slipping my shoulder strap on and hefting the weight of the laptop bag. “You do now. I need you here at six.”
“A.M.?” she said, alarmed. “What for?”
“I have a meeting with a banker in Santa Barbara tomorrow morning. You’re coming with. Wear a business suit. These assholes are conservative as hell.”
She opened her mouth and then shut it.
I turned to walk out the door, calling over my shoulder. “Knock off the fish face.”
As much as I didn’t relish the idea of being alone in a car with her for hours, I needed to make sure she wasn’t here at the complex and not under my watchful eye, that she wouldn’t go running to Adam with her confession the first chance she got.
I had to hedge my bets. And besides, I was safe with her in the car as long as I was driving. What could possibly happen?