Jacob looked like a beautiful predator, hunched over me with his eyes full of heat and hunger. He was so beautiful, more than I could describe—even as a writer.
And he was all mine.
I saw it, I felt it, and I was about to experience it. If I had a doubt before, this was enough to convince me that we belonged together.
His lips moved down my shaft, taking me further into his mouth. I groaned.
“That feels so good,” I told him, my hips automatically moving to meet him.
It wasn’t just the heat, it was the tingling, its own vibration that was going to drive me mad before he had the chance to suck.
His hand gripped the base of my cock, squeezing gently enough I wiggled against him. I didn’t need him to be gentle—I needed him to do what came naturally.
To make me come with speed and fierceness—or even better, let himself come inside of me, with our bodies linked as closely as possible.
But when he hollowed his cheeks and pulled back, the suction made my eyes close as the heat level rose.
My cock throbbed in his mouth, building toward a release I knew was going to be huge.
“Keep going,” I murmured.
His hand pumped at the same time he moved his mouth, creating so much friction my body bowed off the bed. When he flicked his tongue underneath the head of my cock, I exploded.
My hips bucked against his mouth. He kept me sheathed as I emptied, my body shuddering as I found my release.
When I was finished, he ran his hands back up my body, pausing on my chest to feel my heart still beating out of control.
“I miss this,” he whispered. “Something as simple as a heartbeat.”
It was the first moment I paused to think about how things might change between us if I wasn’t human anymore. These moments would be different. I’d only just started experiencing him.
But if it meant him holding back—or more, meant he was in danger—being human wasn’t worth it for me.
I leaned up to kiss him, letting my hands slid down to his waist. He was still hard, clearly needing a release. This wasn’t a one-sided relationship, and I knew he could see that.
With some coaxing.
“Hawk,” he murmured against my lips.
I touched his cock, sliding my hand along his smooth shaft. He groaned, and the sound turned me on all over again.
“Not yet,” he said, even as his body leaned into me, craving my touch. “I can’t.”
I stopped immediately. I didn’t want to pressure him. But I did want to please him. “You’re not going to hurt me.”
“I can’t take that risk,” he said, repeating the same thing he’d said before.
“If I was a vampire, you wouldn’t have to worry.”
“No.”
The snap of his voice made me wince. I leaned back against the headboard, watching his face in the light of the moon streaming through the window, watching the play of emotions there.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, touching my bare leg.
“You didn’t. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I want to touch you the same way you touch me.”
“God, Hawk, don’t you think I know that? Your hands on me—fuck, your mouth—it feels like heaven. I want this more than you know. But…” He curled his fingers into a fist. “I don’t know what will happen if I lose control. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. You make me want everything I thought I might never want again.”
“I feel the same.”
“Then please understand,” he continued, voice raw. “I’m not saying no forever. I’m saying no for now.”
“No about sex or no about me being turned?”
He closed his eyes as if what I had said caused him pain. “Hawk. Please.”
“Please, what? I can’t understand where you’re coming from if you don’t open up to me.”
His eyes opened and locked on mine. After a long moment, he reclined on the bed and held out his arm. “Come here,” he murmured.
I balked, but he moved his hand, waving me to lay against his chest. “I’ll tell you a story.”
Wary, I leaned against him, then finally relaxed with my head against his chest, right above where his heart was. A heart that didn’t beat anymore.
“My family meant everything to me,” he said, lips brushing my hair. “It was my mother and father, and my younger sister. Us four in a house not much larger than this room. And we were happy.
“Until the war started. I had to go, and that meant not being able to help take care of my family. I made friends, however, and learned things about the world I never would have if I’d stayed sheltered in my home. I killed men and saw lives lost—more lives than you could imagine.
“It didn’t take long to realize I wasn’t invincible. And one day, I was shot. I was on the brink of death when my new friend came. I begged him to do something. To help me. I said I had to see my family again. He gave me his blood and then I died.”
“You became a vampire then?” I asked, looking up at him.
He kissed my temple. “I did. I went back home. My family had heard I’d died, but when they saw me, my mother cried. My sister wouldn’t let me go. They had no idea who I was and I was so grateful to be with them, I didn’t want to say anything. I just wanted that uninterrupted happiness we’d once had.”
His voice lowered, and when he spoke again, it was laced with sadness. “Then the hunters found me. They were ruthless. They came to my home looking for me, and in my absence—I was out working to help pay for food for my sister—they killed my family. It was swift and brutal.
“When I came home, I found them. All of them at the kitchen table, their throats slit. One hunter was still there, and I nearly tore his limbs off. It…” He closed his eyes, remembering. “I was in a rage and I regret it. But before he died, he said that more were coming. And they wouldn’t stop until every vampire was dead.”
“I hadn’t hurt anyone outside of war before that. Even as a vampire, I hadn’t taken a life. But the hunters and vampires have been at war for a long time. I realized that I couldn’t go after them all, I couldn’t stand against them all. My best choice was to flee and to help people wherever and however I could.”
Like he’d helped my mom. And surely countless other people along the way.
“Since then, I’ve done what I could to keep my family—my new family, my clan—safe,” he continued. “And now you’re part of that. I won’t risk your life like I risked my family’s.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I started, reaching up to touch his cheek.
He only gripped my hand gently and brought it to his lips, kissing my fingers one by one. “I understand that now, but I still put them at risk by being there. I’m putting you at risk by being around you.”
I sat up abruptly. “Do not tell me you’re running again. You can’t—”
“No. Shh. That’s not what I mean. Please.” He waved me back down.
I looked at him warily, but finally gave in, craving his warmth again.
“I don’t know if I could stand being away from you for long. But you…you could go home. Or go away for a while. I know another clan in—”
“No,” I said firmly. “Don’t say it. I won’t leave you. I swear, it’s going to kill me if you do this. Jacob—”
“Okay. It’s okay,” he soothed. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to talk about it tomorrow. It’s not something that’s happening.”
“All right,” he said, though I could tell he was simply placating me. “Rest now. You’ve had a long day.”
I kept my thoughts to myself, but there was no way I was going to let him send me away. I saw only one solution to the problem, and I knew exactly who could help me.