After Hawk fell asleep last night, I called Jonathan and tried to come up with a plan of action. We needed to know if any vampire hunters were suspicious or on their way. We needed to have all our allies keep their ears to the ground.
Just in case.
By the time Hawk woke up, I was dressed and ready to head into town. We needed Chris on board as well. If he could find anything about the man who’d spoken with Hawk before he’d come here, we needed that information.
“Good morning,” I said, standing at the door to Hawk’s room.
He blinked at me, clearing his eyes, and frowned. “You’re dressed. Where did you go?”
“Nowhere. I was up early to talk to Jonathan. I thought we might head into town.”
He considered this for a moment and nodded. “Great. I think maybe I should talk to Maya. She sees things when she touches me. Maybe she could get a better picture of the man I saw—who he is. Anything.”
I stepped into the room, my eyes dropping to his bare chest. “I think that’s a good idea.”
He leaned against the headboard, the sheet covering his legs and middle. I knew he was naked underneath, and I wanted more than anything to join him in bed again. To finish what we’d started last night.
But there was too much at stake. Not only was I worried about hurting him, but I needed to protect him and my clan. Making a plan today was necessary first and foremost.
“You look like you’re thinking about joining me,” he said, his lips curving.
“I want to.”
He reached his hand out, and I took it, joining him on the bed. I kissed him hard, with a passion I wished I could unleash.
His skin was smooth and warm under my hands. The feel of him always amazed me. I didn’t think I’d ever tire of what happened with even the slightest touch.
“Hawk,” I murmured.
His tongue mingled with mine, and I groaned. When he pushed off the sheet, it took a Herculean effort not to remove my clothing as well and take him right there.
He touched my cheek. “I’ll be okay.”
I caught his gaze and pressed my hand over his, holding it to my cheek so I could lean into it. So I could feel the warmth swirling into my skin. “We’ll get there,” I said. “I promise.”
His eyes clouded over and he pulled his hand away, dragging the sheet up to cover himself at the same time.
“Hawk,” I started.
He shook his head. “It’s fine. I understand you’re worried. But I wish you’d trust yourself. I wish you’d trust me.”
“I do. I trust you. I—” I broke off when he held up a hand. “Hawk.”
“We need to head into town, right? I’ll get ready.”
He stood abruptly, clutching the sheet to himself, and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Dread trickled down to my stomach. Fuck. He wasn’t happy. And how could I blame him? He wanted the same kind of intimacy as I did. But how could I give that to him without being sure I wouldn’t hurt him?
Or maybe it wasn’t just that. Maybe it was more. He’d asked about being turned last night—he’d mentioned it more than once. But that was out of the question.
On the surface, it might solve both problems, but in turn, it would put him in more danger than I was willing to risk.
Hawk peeked his head out of the bathroom. “I’m assuming it’s okay if I go into town with you. Or would you rather I stay here?”
I stood. “No. I mean, yes, come with me. I don’t want you to stay here. I want—”
I wanted him close by. I wanted to know he was safe. But I didn’t think he wanted to hear that right now.
“Please come with me,” I said instead.
“I’m going to shower. I’ll be ready in twenty minutes.”
“Can I make you breakfast? Or I can get Mr. Dupont—”
“That’s not necessary,” he said. “I’m not hungry.”
Then he shut the door again. I clasped my hands behind my back, debating on whether or not to talk to him. To try to make amends. We needed to finish this conversation. We needed to be on the same page.
But right now, I knew he needed space.
I walked quietly from the room to let him get ready.
Downstairs, Mr. Dupont had made coffee and gestured to the mug on the counter.
“I thought Mr. Verity might want some.” He eyed my outfit. “Shall I make it to go?”
“That would be good. Thank you, Mr. Dupont.”
He nodded, then hesitated. “If I may, sir, you look concerned.”
I glanced out the window, at the overcast sky that seemed to reflect my mood. “I am concerned. But hopefully it’s nothing to worry about.”
“Of course, sir.”
He found an insulated mug and poured coffee, mixing it how Hawk liked it. That was one thing I truly appreciated about Mr. Dupont. He had a sharp memory, even with his age.
And he was loyal.
Loyalty went far with me.
Hawk appeared a few minutes later and accepted the mug from Mr. Dupont with a smile that was much warmer than the one he gave me.
When we got in the car, he buckled, and watched the scenery as we pulled away from the house.
“I wanted to stop by the police station to talk with Chris, but we could go to Maya’s house first.”
“You can drop me off there,” he said. “I don’t know how long it’ll take and I know you have business to deal with.”
“I don’t mind waiting.”
He sighed and glanced over. “Jacob. I need a little space. I…”
He didn’t continue, and I reached out, my fingers brushing the back of his hand. “I understand. It worries me to leave you there, though.”
“I’ll be with Maya.”
He would. And if he needed space, I had to understand that. I hadn’t done the relationship thing in a while, but I understood the need for space. The need to be alone with one’s own thoughts. Even Jonathan and I had needed our own space when we’d been closer.
An hour. That’s all. It was a short amount of time, and then we could talk. Figure this out.
We might have vampire hunters after us—we didn’t need to be angry with each other, too. We needed to stand together. Either that or I needed to find some other way to keep Hawk safe.
“Of course,” I said.
To my relief, he turned his hand over to link his fingers with mine. The heat that swirled into my hand and then to my arms was an instant anxiety reducer.
I drove in the direction of Maya’s house instead of to the police station. “I’ll leave you there with the car,” I said before Hawk could protest. “That way you’ll have it in case you need it.”
It made more sense for me to walk to the station. I was faster than him, and more immune to the cold.
He nodded. “Thanks.”
I parked at the curb, hesitating before I got out. I didn’t want to leave things like this, with this tension between us.
“Please don’t be mad at me,” I said, shifting in the seat to face him.
“I’m not mad.” I started to protest, but he shook his head. “I’m hurt.”
“Hawk.” I reached for him immediately, taking his hand in mine. “That wasn’t my intention.”
He looked out the window, breaking eye-contact. “I know. But I want to compromise with this. I want…”
“Tell me. I can fix this.”
His gaze came back to mine. “Make me a vampire.”
My teeth clenched together. “Hawk. Think about what you’re asking me.”
“I have thought about it. I’ve considered what it would mean for me and for my career. I’ve also considered what it would mean for us. We could be together—in every way. And I could help protect you, too. I—”
“That’s out of the question. It simply doesn’t make sense right now.”
He arched one brow. “That’s the opposite of compromise.”
“There isn’t a middle ground here,” I told him. “You can’t compromise on something if both parties are on the opposite page and are unwilling to budge.”
“Then budge.”
I took a moment to calm myself, to try to see his perspective. “If I were in your position, I would probably want the same thing,” I told him.
“Thank you.”
“But—”
“Don’t say it,” he warned.
“But,” I repeated calmly, “there’s more to it than that. If you become a vampire, you become a target. It’s that simple. The hunters will stop at nothing to kill you.”
“So it’s okay if they’re after you but not me?” he asked. “If you die, then I lose the man I care about. I lose. If you can’t understand that, I—” He snapped his mouth closed. “I can’t talk about anymore.”
He yanked off his seatbelt and got out of the car, walking with quick strides up the front steps while I sat in shock.
The man he cared about? He said it like he was in love with me, with words so strong, so full of feeling, I couldn’t deny what we had was special.
My body filled with a sense of purpose, a feeling I hadn’t had for so long. For years it had been about keeping my clan safe. About going from one day to the next to make sure the people around me were taken care of.
But I hadn’t given much thought to if I was taken care of.
Hawk had changed it all. He was everything to me now. And I loved him.
I stared at the house, prepared to race after him. To pull him into my arms and tell him how I felt. But that still wouldn’t fix the issue.
That wouldn’t take away the threat of danger.
There wasn’t much I could do about that. But one step was visiting with Chris, talking with Jonathan. Taking every precaution we could.
After that, after we both calmed down, I’d speak with Hawk again. I’d tell him I loved him.
And maybe, one day, we could be together the way I hoped.