I parked the car and went straight over to the church, hoping Mrs Murphy would still be there.

She wasn’t, but I did have a missed call on my phone from Bishop O’Malley. My heart sank when the voicemail icon flashed.

It didn’t take her long to get the jungle drums beating.

I was furious. The last thing I needed was her spying on me, but I’d be making a point of talking to her about breaching my trust as soon as she showed her face again. In fact, she would have to go.

* * *

I finished the service and crossed the road, wanting to put my feet up, but no such luck. Bishop O’Malley would be popping in at four.

The kettle was on and the biscuits laid out on the best china as the doorbell rang. Punctual as ever, I thought.

After niceties were observed, he addressed the matter at hand.

“Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is, Declan.”

“Not quite,” I answered. “But I won’t lie to you.”

He stood up, pacing back and forth furiously.

Any faster and he’d burn a hole into the carpet.

“You were seen, Declan,” he stated, incredulous, but still obviously trying to contain his anger. “By one of your own parishioners no less – that young man leaving this very house, in broad daylight.” He shook his head. “What in God’s name were you thinking?”

I shook my head as there wasn’t anything to say to make it sound better. “I can’t help how I feel, and seeing him again after all this time…”

“You’re a highly respected Priest.” He cut in. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“It means everything to me, but I’m trying to tell you the truth.”

“Why did you seek him out?”

“I fought it for so long, but in the end, I had to see him again.”

“That may be so, but you mustn’t see him again. You know how Mrs Murphy likes to gossip.”

“He knows I’m a Priest.”

“Obviously, but does he know who you really are?”

“I don’t know how to tell him.”

“Why?”

“You know the lies my parents told, and how I found my way to the church.”

“Yes, Declan, I do.” He paused, choosing his words wisely. He pressed his hands together as if he was praying. “Now let me guess, you’re questioning why you found your way to us.”

“I hate the fact I’m even entertaining it.”

“And what does your heart tell you?”

“It tells me I love God, but my head tells me I made a snap decision bolstered by grief.”

“Then you have some thinking to do, my child.”

“I love him, Bishop.”

“Fiddlesticks,” was his only comment.

“Do you know what it is to feel love?” I asked. “To truly love somebody with your whole heart. To feel lost when you’re apart?”

“Oh, really, Declan, control yourself -- there’s no need for dramatics.” He sounded uncomfortable. “Let’s deal with the matter at hand.”

“Throw me out of the church – do anything you feel you need to, but if you make me choose right now, I can’t promise the church will win.”

“It’s not about choice,” he said, sharply. “It’s about the vows you took when you entered the Priesthood. You know what the bible says, or do I need to refresh your memory?”

“Don’t patronise me, we’ve known one another too long.”

“Then stop living in the past and think about what you’re giving up. I can contain this little, what shall we call it, indiscretion, but you can’t stay here. A move to another parish would be beneficial for all parties.”

“Shipping me off won’t change how I feel. I’m in love with him – every part of me and exiling me isn’t going to stop how I feel.”

“Rubbish! With distance comes clarity and with prayer, you’ll re-dedicate yourself to the church and we can forget all about this.”

“No, I said, defiantly.

“Do you think this is the first conversation I’ve had with one of my Priests about the sins of the flesh?” His eyes were locked. “Well, let me tell you, it isn’t. This – plague affects many of us, right to the very top, and…”

“Plague.” I said, incredulous. “Are you serious? It’s not a plague or some disease – it’s love, plain and simple.”

“Homosexuality is a scourge on humanity. Your soul will burn in hell for eternity if you insist on continuing down this road of self-destruction.”

“Get out of this house while you can walk out,” I ordered. “For years I’ve devoted my life to the church, to caring for people, whatever way of life they chose. These people brought me comfort when I felt alone, and I truly believed my purpose in life was to serve the church, that God called me to do his work.”

“You were called into our Lord’s service, but the Devil has whispered into your ear, swayed you from the path of righteousness.”

“I was taught not to believe in the Devil – not to give him life by believing in him, and now, you use him for your own selfish purposes.”

“The Bible says…”

“Fuck your Bible,” I cursed, shocked to have used such profanity. I was ashamed of myself. “Please forgive me – I didn’t mean that.” I made the sign of the cross and said a silent prayer. “I’d give my own life for God but believe he may have chosen another path for me. How can my love for another human being be wrong?”

“It isn’t your love that is wrong, my son, but who you choose to love.”

“I fell in love. It wasn’t a choice.”