I could barely contain my excitement at being with Declan, but what the hell was I doing?

He could never give me what I wanted, and there was no way I would ever be somebody’s bit on the side, hidden from the world, only brought out of the closet when it suited the other person.

Saying this, I really didn’t think Declan was capable of living a double life, he was too good. I could see that much. His honesty was refreshing, but while he was being honest with me, he was lying to somebody else, and why that bothered me, I can’t say. I had no interest in religion of any form and always respected people’s right to believe as long as they didn’t try to ram their beliefs down my throat. Declan lying to his superiors, if you can even call them that shouldn’t bother me, but it did. I was conflicted about spending time with him, and I have no ties or commitments, but how must Declan feel?

I told myself it wouldn’t matter after tonight because I’d never see him again, and if need be, I’d find somewhere else to pick up clients when I had to.

Looking across at him as he drove, I couldn’t help but notice the veins in his muscular arms – he was undeniably sexy, wasted if I was totally honest, but he’d made his choice.

He caught me staring and smiled at me. Damn. Don’t smile at me, I thought. I wanted him to pull the car over, kiss me again, just like the first time, then make love to me, if only just once, and even though it wouldn’t help matters at all, I’d sacrifice a bit of heartbreak for that one moment in time.

Why did I feel so connected to this guy? Shit, after that first meeting, if he’d asked, I would have married him. Stupid I know, but there’s something about him that makes me feel secure, comfortable, loved even. I feel love from him, but I don’t know if that’s just the aura of a Priest, or him as a person.

“So, where do you want to go for food?” he asked.

I was grateful for the break in my train of thought. “Anywhere, as long as it’s not curry. I’ll be farting all night if I eat that.”

He roared laughing. “We’ll give that a miss then. How about Pizza Hut?”

“Perfect, and it’s a weekday so it’s all we can eat.” My mouth was watering at the thought of it.

“When did you last eat?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Earlier,” I lied, not wanting to tell him I’d had no time due to Mr BBC. “But give me a buffet and I’m all yours.” Fuck, why did I just say that?

“Buffet it is then,” he replied, offering a cheeky wink and a grin.

Jesus, I wanna marry this man. “Anywhere is fine, really.”

“Pizza is fine, Matt. I don’t often go overboard with junk food, but you’re a bad influence.”

“Ha, don’t blame me for your gluttony.”

“Oh, harsh, using one of the seven deadly sins against me.”

“Ugh,” I said. “That reminds me of the woman who used to work in the home I was raised in.”

“Oh?” he said.

“Yeah, she was a bitch that one. Holier than thou when it suited. Fake smiles when anybody was around, but when the doors were closed, she was a total c u next Tuesday.”

He laughed. “She sounds delightful.”

“Yeah, as delightful as genital warts,” I replied, realising what I’d said. “Not that I’ve ever had those, just a turn of phrase.”

“I believe you, thousands wouldn’t.”

Why did I just say that? I’d made it sound like I was riddled when in fact, I’d never had an STI in my life. “There it is over there,” I said, pointing to the glowing neon sign.

“Gotcha,” indicating then turning into the car park.

* * *

The food was delicious, as was the company. For some reason, I didn’t think a Priest would consume as much as he did.

“I’m stuffed,” I said. “I need to get home and undo my jeans before the button pops off.”

“You can come back to mine and relax if you like,” he offered.

“I don’t think me popping my jeans open in a Priest’s house is a good idea, do you?”

He looked at me, and I could see the fire in his eyes. “I think it’s an amazing idea if I’m totally honest, and besides, you’ve already been naked in my home if I remember correctly?”

“I don’t know, Declan.” I wanted to, that was the problem, and if push came to shove, I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist him.

“Leave me to wrestle with my conscience. I’m a big boy and can handle it. I just want to get to know you, that’s all – is that so wrong?”

“Depends in which way you want to get to know me. A relationship is out of the question for many reasons – our chosen professions for a start.”

“We could get new ones,” he replied, shocking me with his candour.

I laughed nervously. “Behave yourself.”

“I’m serious.”

I didn’t doubt his seriousness. “Well, come on, let’s go back to yours for a drink, and drop the silly talk. We’re both allowed friends and as long as we know the limits of our friendship, we have nothing to worry about.”

* * *

I tried my hardest but couldn’t stop gawping at him. He dazzled me in every way, and all the love I felt for him was right there, just bubbling under the surface. Time and again, I wanted to tell him who I really was. The Bradley of old no longer existed thanks to the lies told by others, but the one part of me that remained was my never-ending love for him. I had a new name and a life Matt didn’t understand. The old me, Bradley, broke the only promise that was important to both of us, and right now, I’d rather him in my life with a lie between us, than not at all.