You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (Leviticus 18:22)

Shrewsbury House Children’s Home.

It was the day I’d been dreading.

I was happy for Bradley, but deep down, unbearably sad my best friend was leaving me behind. Don’t get me wrong, I was pleased he’d finally been adopted by, who I hoped would be, a decent, loving couple. I wanted them to embrace him as their own child, and in turn, he would grow to love them as his parents.

Bradley’s adoption forced me to question who I was. Why did nobody want me? Wasn’t I good enough? I was jealous, but what right did I have to feel that way? It was every person for themselves here.

But who was I kidding? It had never been like that for me, or Bradley. We’d bonded from our first meeting and been glued to one another ever since. We were like two sides of the same coin and seemed to know what the other was thinking. Often finishing each other’s sentences, we could have been twins. We looked completely different, but our personalities were eerily similar, but the fact we were best friends was so much better in my mind. We weren’t tied to one another for any other reason but love and respect. I believed the bond we shared was unbreakable by time or distance.

I watched as he packed the last of his meagre belongings into an old brown suitcase before closing the lid and turning to face me.

“I don’t wanna go, Matty,” he said, and I could see him fighting back tears. His brown eyes glistened.

I felt a lump in my throat and didn’t want him to see me cry. I was usually the brave one, the one that wouldn’t cry even when he did. He was always the most sensitive out of the two of us. “Don’t be stupid – you’re one of the lucky ones. If it was me, I’d be running out those gates.”

“But we’ve been together since we were...” He breathed deeply. “You’re the only person I trust.”

“And that’s why you should be glad to get out of this shit hole. We’ve been here too long as it is, and now you’ve got a new family to take care of you it won’t be long before you trust them like you do me.” Even as I said the words, a feeling of loss crept over me. I was losing my one and only friend.

Don’t cry, I told myself. It was for the best. We’d both agreed, if either of us were ever lucky enough to be adopted, we’d take the chance, embrace our new life, but at the same time, wouldn’t forget the other.

“I’ll never see you again. We’re moving away. My supposed dad has a new job.” He choked back a sob.

“You can still call me here, and when we’re both eighteen, we can get our own place together, just like we always talked about.” Something told me despite our pact with one another, it wouldn’t happen, but I loved him enough to let him go. “They can’t stop us, Brad.”

“You’ve watched too many Disney movies,” he said, a cheeky grin on his face. “Not all of us get our happily ever after ending.”

“We will, just wait and see,” I said, trying to sound as upbeat as possible. He smiled -- the tiny chip in his front tooth showing. I reached forward and ruffled his dark brown hair with my hand, just like I usually did. It was a comfort thing, probably for me as much as him. He could see through my lies, but I needed Bradley to leave without the burden of guilt weighing him down.

“Promise.” He looked deep into my eyes, needing that final push before he could leave.

“I swear,” I replied, pulling him into a slightly awkward hug, and even at fourteen years of age, I felt my heart breaking. Bradley was not just my best friend, the only person I thought of as family, but he was the first boy I’d ever kissed. It wasn’t a big kiss, nothing as dramatic as that, but even as it happened it felt right. I loved him, and I know he loved me too.

The sound of footsteps forced us out of our embrace. I quickly kissed his cheek. It was time for him to leave.

Bradley’s social worker, Mrs Wiggins came waddling into the room. Her jacket was fastened with rolls of blubber threatening to spill out of the material already stretched to its limits. In my mind’s eye, I could see the buttons pop one by one, shooting off in every direction, forcing Bradley and me to duck for cover.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” she said, all tight curls and stinking of lavender. Her fake smile put me in mind of a wide mouth toad.

“No,” Bradley replied, curtly. “Not yet. Gimme a few minutes.”

“Okay,” she replied, sickly sweet. “But don’t keep your parents waiting too long now. You’ve all got to be at the ferry terminal in Holyhead tomorrow morning, then onward to start your new life.” She clapped her chubby hands together. “Isn’t that exciting,” she squealed. It wasn’t a question, more of a statement.

She left the room, closing the door behind her.

“This is it,” Bradley said, and I watched as his lip trembled.

“It’s not forever,” I said. “A few years and we can do what we like.”

He put his head down, and I knew he didn’t want to show me how upset he was. I bit down on my lip, willing my own tears not to betray me, and pulled him into the tightest of hugs.

He wrapped his arms around me, kissed me on the cheek, and pulled away.

I picked up the suitcase from the bed.

“No,” he said. “I don’t want you to see me go.”

He held out his hand and I passed him the suitcase. He took hold and walked away.

Stopping at the door, he turned around as my tears finally fell.

“I love you, Matty,” he said, opening the door, then he disappeared out of my life.

“I love you too,” I croaked, but I don’t think he heard me. And it wasn’t a lie. I loved Bradley with my whole heart.

Standing at the window, I touched the spot on my cheek where he’d kissed me.

A few minutes later, I watched as he walked slowly out of the main doors. His new parents hugged him, and I managed a bittersweet smile. They’ll love him, I thought, and that brought me a sense of comfort. He looked up at the window, as though he sensed me watching, then he climbed into the waiting car. Moments later, he was gone. I slumped face down on my bunk bed and exhausted, cried myself to sleep.

* * *

Two Years Later.

I was tidying my room when Mrs Wiggins knocked on the door and walked in.

“What do you want?” I asked, not in the mood to deal with her holier than thou attitude.

“Some respect for a start,” she snapped, an impatient look on her face. Before me was the real person prospective parents didn’t get to see.

“You have to earn it,” I snapped back. “Now, get out of my room if you’ve just come to bitch at me again.”

“I came to talk to you about Bradley,” she replied, walking back toward the door. “But if you’re not interested, fine.”

“Wait,” I said, furious the sour faced old witch had me where she wanted me. “What about Bradley?”

She stood just outside my room, hands on either side of the doorframe. “It’s bad news, I’m afraid to say.”

I rushed toward her. “Is he okay?”

“No,” she replied, bluntly.

“For fuck's sake, will you just tell me?”

“If you remember your limited manners and say please, I’ll tell you,” she said, and I knew she wasn’t going to volunteer any information until she made me suffer the humiliation of saying please to her.

“Please, tell me,” I said, as politely as I could. Inside, I wanted to throttle her.

She knew she’d won and smirked. “Since you asked so nicely, I’m afraid to say your friend was involved in a nasty accident last weekend.”

Cold shivers ran throughout my body. Don’t say it, I thought. Please don’t say it. “Is he okay?”

“He’s dead. Killed instantly from what I’ve been told, so you can stop trying to contact him now.”

“You’re lying,” I said, noting the hysterical tone in my voice.

“I don’t tell lies, young man.” Her lips pressed together into a thin line and all but disappeared.

“Where did it happen?”

“I wasn’t made aware of the intricacies, but from what little I was told, Bradley was fooling about on a deserted bridge and lost his footing. A big drop from what I’ve been led to believe.”

“Bradley wouldn’t do that,” I said. “He was scared of his own shadow, and you know it.”

“The boy had a new life – how do you know what he would and wouldn’t do. Now, I can see the news has upset you, so I’ll take my leave, and if I hear anything further, I’ll let you know.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said.

“That’s entirely up to you. All I ask is you don’t contact his parents. The boy was buried today, and they’re understandably devastated by what happened and you’ll only upset them more with your questions. Now, take some time for yourself – you know where I am if you need to talk.”

“As if.” There was no way I’d talk to her unless I had to.

She closed the door quietly for a change and I rushed to the window and looked out at the spot I’d last seen Bradley. I’d tried so many times to get in contact with him, and just once, he’d managed to get through, but Wiggins beat me to the phone, and I never got to speak to him. Now he was dead, I’d never get the chance.

I couldn’t breathe and needed to get out of there. Rushing down the staircase and into the entrance hall, I pulled the doors, but they’d been locked. Trying to prize them open, I roared as the full force of grief hit me.

“It’s too late to be outside, Matthew.” Mrs Wiggins stood at the entrance to her office, the key dangling from a ring hooked over her little finger. “Go back to your room before you make a fool of yourself.”

I leaned on the doors for support as tears rolled down my cheeks. My sobs echoed around the hallway.

My friend Bex came from the dining room area and hurried over to me. “What’s wrong, Matt?”

“Bradley’s dead,” was all I could manage to say before I collapsed into her arms and cried.