Chapter Four
Sacha stared at the red front door to their house, hesitant to leave the relative safety of his car and enter. He shouldn’t feel like this, but he knew that as soon as he told Jared the truth, there was no turning back. His revelation would forever alter their relationship, and Sacha was terrified.
Jared would be angry, Sacha was under no illusions regarding the fact. He’d lied to him for years, well, not lied exactly, but he’d hidden the truth, and in Jared’s eyes, that would amount to the same thing.
He knew Jared was home, his car sat in their driveway, but he could also feel the slight pull from their mating bond. It wasn’t as strong as it would be if they were fully mated, but it was there, present in the back of his mind. A depressing comfort. A reminder of what he didn’t have.
Sacha looked at the car, the fading sun shining off the black metal. He knew he’d told his father that he would be honest with Jared and tell him the truth, but now that moment was finally here, Sacha was scared. Terrified.
He broke out in a cold sweat, and the longer he remained in his car, the worse it became. His heart raced in his chest and he swallowed hard, trying not to vomit. He glanced in the mirror, seeing the ashen color of his skin, the tightness in his shoulders. He exhaled shakily. He needed to move or Jared would find him and he didn’t want to have the conversation outside.
After ten minutes, he finally opened the car door and stood, slamming it shut behind him. Walking slowly up to the front door, he grabbed the handle and pushed it open, closing it quietly behind him. He could hear Jared moving around upstairs and smell his aftershave on the air.
Closing his eyes, he leaned back on the door. Jared was getting ready to go out. For years now they’d gone together, and Sacha would watch him leave with some random woman, a little piece of him dying each time.
Ten years they’d known each other, and for that same amount of time, Sacha had lived in the hope that one day, Jared would see him. Not as a friend but as his mate and that their friendship would deepen and become more.
But how could that happen when Sacha hadn’t told Jared the truth about their relationship?
Pushing away from the door, he dropped his briefcase and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer. He needed a drink if he was going to go through with the conversation.
He sat at the table, staring at his hands, and ignored Jared when he called his name. He heard his footsteps coming down the stairs, and he dropped his head into his hands.
His pulse quickened the nearer his mate got, and when Jared entered the kitchen, Sacha lifted his head and stared at him.
“We need to talk,” he muttered, part of him hoping Jared didn’t hear him.
Jared frowned, his head tilting to the side. He pulled up a chair and sat at the table opposite him. “What’s up, Sacha?”
“How’s the arm?” Sacha swallowed. He didn’t want to ask him that question, but struggled to say the words he needed to.
Jared’s frown deepened. “How did you know? You didn’t tell me.”
Sacha sighed, exhaustion pulling at him. Exhaustion from the weight of the truth he’d kept hidden for all these years. “Look, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“What?” Jared reached across the table, gripping Sacha’s arm. “What’s wrong?”
Sacha opened his mouth but nothing came out, and he shook his head in disgust at his inability to speak. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship because, after he’d said those words, he knew it would change.
“Sacha. Tell me. You can tell me anything. What’s going on? Has something happened-?”
Sacha held a hand up, stopping Jared’s words. He looked him straight in the eyes and muttered, “We’re mates.” His heart rate shot up, and Sacha swore it was going to burst from his chest, it pounded so heavily.
Shit, he couldn’t sit still. He fidgeted on the chair, fighting the impulse to run, but he had to stay and see this through. He owed Jared that much.
Jared’s mouth opened and closed several times, his eyes widening in shock. “What?”
“Mates. Us. Me and you.” Sacha spoke quietly, but he knew Jared heard him.
“I don’t understand...”
Sacha heard Jared trail off and understood his confusion. They’d been friends for ten years and not once had he mentioned the true nature of their relationship. Not once had he been honest and told Jared what he deserved to know.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner, but-”
“We’re mates.”
Sacha nodded slowly, watching Jared clench his jaw.
“How long have you known?”
Sacha swallowed, seeing Jared tighten his hands into fists. “Since we met,” he mumbled.
Jared’s stare turned into a glare, his eyes narrowing. His jaw moved from side to side as he gritted his teeth. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded harshly. “All this fucking time, Sacha.”
Sacha spread his hands across the table. “You were a Marine, and you had a girlfriend.”
“You knew she meant nothing to me,” Jared exploded, standing so quickly the chair toppled back and fell to the floor.
The thud it made caused Sacha to jump, and he looked up at Jared. “You’re not gay, Jared.”
“I’m me.” Jared pointed at his chest. “You of all people should know that. We’ve been friends for over ten years. Fuck, we’ve lived together for nine of those, and it didn’t occur to you at any point during all those years to tell me the fucking truth?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to lose you. You know how important mates are. Please don’t-”
“Our whole friendship is based on a lie, Sacha. You lied to me for years. Fucking years, Sacha! How could you do that to me? How could you keep something so important a fucking secret?”
“What would you have done if I’d told you?” Sacha cried. “Would you have stayed friends with me or would you have left?”
“I’ll never know, will I?” Jared screamed in response. “You took that choice away from me.”
“But I’m giving you a choice now,” Sacha begged. He desperately needed Jared to see why he’d kept it hidden for all these years.
“But you lied to me. You’ve kept this huge fucking secret. All these years, Sacha. All these years I thought you were someone I could trust, and it was all a fucking lie!” Jared leaned over the table, inching closer to Sacha. His nostrils flared with every breath he took, his eyes protruded from his head, the stare cold, flinty and hard.
Sacha stood, pushing his chair back. His chest tightened, afraid of Jared even though he knew his mate would never hurt him. “No, it wasn’t. You know me like no one else does. No one! This is the only thing, and I didn’t tell you because... because...”
“Because what, Sacha?” Jared took a deep breath in, closing his eyes. When he opened them, he said in a quieter voice, “I had a right to know, and you took that right away from me.”
Sacha shook his head. “I’m sorry-”
“Is that how you knew I’d been shot? Is it how you have always known when something has happened to me?”
“Yes,” Sacha whispered.
Frowning, Jared said, “I thought we had to be mated first.”
“I think it’s because we live together that I can tune into you.” Sacha shrugged, glancing away. Even now, he couldn’t tell him everything.
“Great,” Jared muttered. Running a hand through his hair, he said, “I’m leaving.”
Sacha gasped, pain slicing through his chest at those words. He held out his hands towards Jared. “Please don’t leave-”
“No, Sacha. It’s done.” Jared stared at him for a long time before finally shaking his head. “Sacha... How... Why?” Jared finally stopped talking and, shaking his head again, he left the kitchen.
Sacha slumped to the floor, his legs unable to hold his weight and his head shaking in denial. His mouth fell open, but no sound came out. He wrapped his arms around his chest and hunched over, a whimper finally escaping.
He stared at the floor, not really seeing it as their conversation bounced around his head. What could he have said differently to stop his mate leaving? What could he have done? He was losing him.
His mate. His beautiful, wonderful, caring mate. Oh god, how could he manage without him? What was he going to do? Jared was his life, his everything. That missing piece of him. He’d been so very lucky to find him, and now he was leaving, and Sacha was lost, and he didn’t know what to do or say to keep Jared with him.
Jared.
Jared.
What could he do? What? Who would help?
He lifted his head when he heard the front door slam shut, and seconds later, a car engine rumbled. He keened, a high-pitched sound that turned into a full-throated scream. He jammed his fist into his mouth, tears streaming down his face, and he fell onto his side, his head thumping the floor, but he didn’t feel it. All Sacha knew was that his mate was gone, and he was all alone.
Alone. Left behind.
He screamed again and again, trying to scream the pain and loss away. Finally, he screamed one last time as darkness swept over him. One name. The one name that meant everything to him.
“Jared!”
❊❊❊
Jared drove recklessly away from the one person he thought he could rely on. Sacha. Why had he lied to him? Why hadn’t he told him? Ten years, they’d lived a lie. Ten long fucking years!
He pummeled the wheel, screaming in frustration and anger. All those years living together and Sacha hadn’t said one lousy fucking word to him. One word about the truth of their relationship. No wonder he felt the way he did about him.
Sacha was his fucking mate.
Ten fucking years.
“Ten fucking years!” he screamed inside the car.
He pulled over, flipping off the driver behind when he beeped his horn. He got out, slamming the door behind him, and screamed again, the tendons standing out in his neck as he arched his head back. He clenched his fists and screamed a second time.
He paced the side of his car, ignoring the passing traffic, the conversation running through his mind. The look on Sacha’s face when he told him caused Jared to grit his teeth. His fucking mate. All this time, gone, lost.
He was fucking furious. No, that didn’t even begin to describe how fucking angry and betrayed he felt. How could he keep this a secret? Why?
Jared screamed again and lashed a foot out at a rock, watching it fly through the air. He needed to hit something hard. Really fucking hard. He felt like he was going to explode, his body was so tense, his muscles quivering under the strain. Sweat was pouring from him, soaking his shirt.
The conversation kept replaying over and over in his head. He screamed again when he remembered Sacha telling him, but stopped suddenly when he remembered how Sacha had looked when he walked away from him.
He dropped to the ground and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He honestly didn’t know what to do. He was so angry at him for keeping it from him. Ten years.
Taking several deep, calming breaths, he leaned back on the car. It explained so much to him now. How he’d reacted when Sacha had brought a boyfriend home, the jealousy that had consumed him. He’d thought he was ill or some shit. Sacha was his friend, and he shouldn’t have been feeling jealous, but now looking back on it, was that what Sacha had hoped he’d feel?
Shit, he didn’t know. He scrubbed his face with his hands and stood wearily. Getting back into his car, he drove to the one place, the one man who he knew could help him.