CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Crystal

The day promised to be hell.

Starting the moment I realized it was time to leave the lake house, I knew my life would never be the same again. I kissed Liam good-bye, got into my car and pushed the gas pedal, hoping the distance would make me feel better. But no miracle happened.

When about twenty minutes later I parked at the studio’s entrance, I felt like crap. Good news – Trevor was there, waiting for me with a giant cup of coffee in his hands and the widest smile I had ever seen on his face.

“Looks like someone had a great night,” I said, getting out of the car.

“I wish I could say the same about you, Doll, but… What happened to your iron?”

“What?”

He pointed at my wrinkled outfit. It looked even worse than I felt at the moment.

“Oh, that…”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Where did you spend last night?”

“I thought I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, but I want to hear it all.”

“Trust me, you don’t…”

Trevor gave me a curious look. I swear he could see right through me. And even if I wanted, I wouldn’t be able to hide anything from him. I bet my desperation was written all over my vinegar face. When the realization hit him, his expression changed from curious to stormy.

“You two finally did it?”

“I told you - you didn’t want to hear it.”

Wordlessly, he gave me the coffee cup and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“So… You are together now?”

“No.” I brushed past him and headed for the studio.

He followed me, saying, “I knew it would happen, sooner or later.”

I stopped and turned around to look at him. “How did you know that?”

“I’m a psychic.”

I smirked. “Right. I forgot.”

Trevor opened the door for me and said, “Seriously, Crystal, how long exactly is this shit going to last? Aren’t you tired of it?”

“I am. And it’s over now. So there’s nothing to worry about.”

He mimicked me. “Right.”

“It was good-bye sex.”

I heard Trevor laughing behind me.

“What’s so funny?” I took the key to my office and unlocked the door.

“Good-bye sex never ends well.”

“You sound like an expert in it.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, Sweetheart, but good-bye sex is like a boomerang: you throw it away, and it comes back sooner than you know, knocking you down and making the story repeat.”

“My story with Liam is different. So please, let’s stop talking about it. Better tell me, what was so important that you couldn’t wait to tell me?”

Trevor took a seat in one of the chairs and crossed his arms, watching me.

I watched him back. There was only one thing he could be so excited to share with me.

“You saw your dad, didn’t you?”

He sighed and looked down at his crossed arms. “I thought it was time to clear the air. I went home, mentally preparing myself for the worst conversation of my life, but when I saw him, no words came out of my mouth.” He paused and I waited for him to continue. “The moment he saw me, he started crying. Can you believe that? It was probably the first time ever that I saw the old man demonstrating anything but his usual poker-face attitude. He came to give me a hug, I hugged him back, and we stayed like that for what felt like forever. I had never felt more like home than at that very moment.”

“Awe, I’m so happy for you two.”

“We had been talking for hours. Mom made us supper and we ate and joked as if those years of cold war never existed.” Trevor looked at me and I knew more news was coming. “He asked me to move back to the States. I said I would think about it.”

“Do you want to come back here?”

Another thoughtful look in my direction followed.

“I would come back here… If I knew you would be mine again.”

“Trevor…”

“I know we have already discussed that. But you asked a question and I answered it. I love you, Crystal. Always have.”

Oh, hell, no…

He stood up and came over to me. “I want you to be happy.” He put one finger under my chin and made me look at him. “Let me make you happy. I will do anything for you, Beautiful.”

For a moment, I felt like saying ‘Yes, please, take me away from here; make me forget my past, make me happy.’ But then, the door to my office opened and Liam walked in, without asking for permission.

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” he said in a dry voice.

“You are, actually,” Trevor barked back.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Liam. Trevor stood next to my chair, as if he wanted to protect me from the love of my life, which we both knew was not necessary.

“I thought we could have lunch together.”

“I told you,” Trevor said. “The boomerang, remember?”

Liam squinted his eyes, probably trying to understand what Trevor was talking about.

“Anyway, I have things to do, so I’ll talk to you later.” He gave me a quick kiss – on the lips – and left the office, shutting the door behind him.

Liam’s brows pulled together.

“I thought we had a deal,” I said. I knew he was still thinking about Trevor’s frivolous ‘good-bye’, but I was not going to focus on it. Knowing Trevor, I had no doubt he did it to protect me and my hurt feelings, that to be honest, still bothered me too much to stop thinking about them. And, well, there could be selfish reasons to show Liam that he was not the only candidate for my heart.

“It was a shitty deal, and we both know it.”

“A deal is a deal.”

“Whatever you say. But I’m starving and I thought you wouldn’t mind sharing lunch with me.”

“I’m at work, Liam. You can’t just come here and take me out for lunch whenever you want. Besides, Liz knows I was late today and I don’t want her to see us together.”

“Because she might think that you were late because of me?”

“Exactly.”

“What was he doing here?” Liam pointed to the closed door.

“He brought me coffee.”

“Did he start working in a coffee shop?”

“No. But he knows how much I love iced caramel coffee.”

“As well as caramel ice-cream, caramel syrup and anything that has caramel in it.” Liam stepped closer, so close I could see the tiny wrinkles in the corners of his eyes that became more visible whenever he smiled. “I know a few things about you too, remember?”

“You wouldn’t let me forget it, would you?”

“Do you want to forget it?”

Less than four hours without him, and I already felt like breaking the damn deal. But he didn’t need to know that.

“When I said you could come to see me, it didn’t mean coming to see me today.”

“Sharing lunch with me won’t kill you.”

But it will!

Trevor was right, the less time I spend in Liam’s company, the better.

“I’m sorry, I have work to do.” I turned away from his stare and sat back in my chair.

“Fine. We can order lunch here.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Whatever.”

Needless to say, to concentrate on my work with Liam breathing down my neck was an impossible task. Even without looking at him, I knew his eyes never stopped following my every move. He was passing my office, dancing and singing a song I had never heard before, which I must admit, was not helping my concentration, at all. I hoped lunch would be delivered before I tried to kill him with my bare hands.

But when, after an hour or so, no food was delivered, I realized that sharing lunch was not the reason for Liam’s desire to see me.

“Okay, what’s going on?” I asked, irritated.

“I thought you would never talk to me again. Are you finished working?”

I chuckled. “Working? Do you really believe I could work with you dancing and singing in my office?”

“I thought I was being inspirational.”

I gave him a doubtful look.

“No? Okay, you are right – I wasn’t trying to be inspirational.”

“What do you want, Liam?”

“You.” As soon as my face told him everything I thought about his response, he said, “Just kidding. Scratch that, I’m not kidding. I do want you, always. But I wanted to talk to you about something very important.” He paused and his expression became very serious. I didn’t like it. “It’s about your scar...”

“We are not going to talk about it. Period.”

“Why don’t you listen to what I’m going to tell you first?”

“I know what you have in mind, and the answer is NO.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want anyone to operate on me. I’m scared, okay? I hate needles, not to mention scalpels and other surgical instruments. If you want me dead, take me to the surgery.”

“What if I perform the operation?”

I stared at him, not sure how to respond. My heart raced in my chest. He couldn’t be serious right now, could he?

“Bad idea.”

“It’s not,” Liam said stubbornly. “It’s not just about the fear to see a scalpel in my hands, is it?”

Damn his intuition.

“Tell me, Crystal? Why don’t you want your scar to be removed?”

I lowered my eyes to my hands that suddenly got sweaty. I felt like I lacked air. Liam was right, my fears had nothing to do with the surgery. There was more to it.

I swallowed and said, “I don’t want to be sedated again. Last time it happened, I thought my recovery time would never come.” While Stanley was stitching my wound, I was in a deep sleep. Most people say they don’t dream while being under, but my case was different – I was having a nightmare, living through the most terrible night of my life, over and over again.

The nightmares after it didn’t matter. I woke up and everything ended, unlike the only time when I was affected by the anesthetics Stan gave me and couldn’t open my eyes when I wanted to. The agony of helplessness… I still remembered the feeling so well; blood froze in my veins at the mere thought of getting into the dream I would not be able to wake up from.

I didn’t notice the tears running down my cheeks, but when I felt Liam’s arms around me, I knew that something was wrong with me.

He didn’t say a word, but his embrace said it all for him.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” he whispered, kissing my forehead. “I will never forgive myself for leaving you that night. Never.”

“Like I said, it’s not your fault. I was being a stupid lovestruck girl. I should have thought twice before going to the damn club. If only I could turn back time…”

Liam spoke again, “If I could turn back time, I would never let you out of my arms again.”

I moved a little so I could see his face. His lips were so close to mine; I could feel his heart beating wildly beneath his shirt. The look in his eyes made it harder to breathe. All I could think about was kissing him, losing myself in that spellbinding scent of his cologne and never come back to my senses again.

One more heartbeat, one small move…

And the door to my office flew open, and Liz walked in, breaking the magic of the moment.

I broke out of Liam’s embrace and cleared my throat.

“Am I interrupting?” Liz asked, switching her eyes between Liam and me. Her eyes stayed focused on him a little longer than on me, as if she wanted to tell him something I was not supposed to hear.

“Liam was just leaving,” I said.

“Good.” Liz gave him another look full of something I didn’t get and then walked to my desk and opened a catalogue with different fabrics in it. “I can’t decide which one to choose for my Christmas collection. Silk or velvet? What do you think?”

Liam responded for me, “Velvet.”

He and I shared a glance and then he turned to the door and left without saying another word.

Liz shut the catalogue and stared at me.

“What the hell was that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You and Liam. I’m not blind, you know?”

“I know. But I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Oh, no, my dear friend, you are not going to lie again. I’m sick and tired of the old story named ‘My first crush, aka Liam. Chapter 100’. What was he doing here?”

“He came to have lunch with me. Is that a problem?”

She looked around the room and smirked. “Was he having you for lunch? Because I don’t see any food in the room.”

She just had to say those very words. They reminded me of what Liam said that morning about having me for breakfast. My cheeks turned red in a heartbeat.

“Sweet baby Jesus… You didn’t sleep with him, did you?”

“Of course, not! I mean…not here…not during my lunch time.”

Liz sat on a small couch and shook her head. “But you did sleep with him somewhere else, right?”

I nodded, as ashamed of something people don’t usually feel ashamed about as ever. After all, making love with someone you love is not a crime, is it?

“What were you thinking?”

I didn’t have the answer to that question.

“Liam, he’s… never mind.” Liz shook her head again. “I hope it was a one-time thing?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Because I don’t want to watch you cry yourself to death.” She got back to discussing the fabrics for her next collection and we didn’t talk about Liam again. But I had this weird feeling telling me that she did want to tell me something, only she never did.

***

On Sunday night I felt like my life was quickly rolling down the drain, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. I didn’t hear from Liam after our failed lunch, but it didn’t lessen my desire to see him again. Like crazy, I’d run to my phone every time it rang, hoping to see his name flashing on the screen. But he never called, or texted.

I wondered if he had finally given up on the idea of being ‘friends with no benefits’ with me and was going to pretend he didn’t know me at all. I should have been glad to know that I wouldn’t need to deal with his impossible attitude again. But a part of me, a huge part of me, still craved him, and it was incurable.

Apart from missing Liam, I was about to start missing Trevor. It was the night he was going back to Canada, and I was not going there with him.

“Are you sure you wanna stay here?” He asked like a hundred times for the last half an hour. “You don’t have to sleep with me if you don’t want to. There are two guest rooms in my apartment. I won’t try to sneak under your blanket in the middle of the night, I swear.”

I giggled. “I don’t believe you. “

“What do I need to do to make you go to Canada with me?”

I sighed. “There’s nothing you can do to make me change my mind. But I promise to think about paying you a visit one day. You still owe me a civilized date, remember?”

“Will that date end up with you asking for a few drops of my sperm to complete your crazy plan about your future?”

I laughed. “I’d prefer it to be dinner with an old friend.”

He made the most disappointed expression ever. “I like my version of your visit more. Even though I would prefer to not think about what you might need my sperm for.”

“See? You can’t stop thinking about sleeping with me again and this is exactly why it’s better if we stay where we are now.”

“Boring.”

“Safe.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled me into his embrace. “I’m gonna miss you, Crystal.”

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and said, “Likewise.” I wished him all the best, and I truly wanted him to be happy. Too bad I was too crazy about another guy to jump into the plane, fly away with Trevor and never come back.

“Call me when you land, okay?”

He nodded. “Will do. And you promise to be a good girl, okay? No bad guys and tears. Deal?”

“Ugh, you know how much I suck at dating good guys. I make them hate me.”

“At least promise me you won’t cry over one particular guy anymore, or I will come and kick his ass.”

“I can promise you that.”

Trevor grimaced. “I knew you would say that, because you still care about his ass.”

“Not true.”

“Whatever. But remember my words – if he dares to hurt you again, he’d better find a well-protected place to hide from me.”

“I’ll pass your message to him.”

“Good. Now, come here for one more hug. The plane isn’t going to wait forever. And I guess I’m the last passenger to get aboard.”

I smiled, wished him a safe flight, then waited for him to get through customs and went back to my car, waiting for me outside.

When I got in, I saw an envelope lying on the passenger’s seat. I opened it and found a note written by Trevor.

“It doesn’t matter how far away I am, one call is all I need to come back and save you from everything and everyone that might want to erase that beautiful smile from your face. You are stronger that you think. Remember it. Whatever it is that upsets you, face it and then let it go, say ‘screw it’ and take the first flight to Canada. I might not be a prince charming, but once a beast turned into someone’s love, remember? P.S. Friends don’t let you do stupid things... Alone. So next time you feel like doing something stupid, call me. I will gladly get naughty with you.”

I laughed and put the note back into the envelope. I hoped he would find his love one day, he deserved to be happy. But not with me.

The weather sucked just like my mood. I didn’t want to go back home, so I called Liz and offered my babysitting services. Playing with Liv always made me feel better. Or maybe she simply filled the blank space where I still hoped to see my own kids one day. If I could find a man I would want to have them with of course, which was hard to imagine, considering my high expectations and little desire to share anything but one night with the father-on-paper-to-be.