God help him, he was thinking about doing it.

River had been sitting on his couch with a now-cold cup of coffee in front of him for the last… half an hour? At least? His phone was pressed against his lips and between his palms, elbows braced on his knees.

He’d been thinking about calling Zeph that whole time, but he hadn’t gotten up the courage to do it yet.

In thinking about it, though, all his friends were right, along with his own gut instinct. He had to ignore the impulse to cut Zephyr out of his life before he could get his heart broken, because it was too late for that.

Even if they weren’t together, Zeph had always made him feel safe, and he needed that. He hated admitting it, but it was so fucking rare, and it soothed his soul in ways he didn’t fully understand.

River clicked the button on top of his phone to glance at the time, then registered it.

Shit. He’d been delaying the call for too long, and now he really had to get to work, or he’d be late.

He launched into action, grabbing his keys on the way past the table and swaying into the bathroom just long enough to make sure he looked all right. Yeah—he could touch his lips up in the car before he headed into the mall.

After work, then, he’d call Zeph.

* * *

“River? Can you come into the office for a sec?”

That was Ashley’s voice catching River on the way to the floor, just as he tightened the makeup artist’s equivalent of a tool belt—the kit he wore around his waist.

“Of course.” But instantly, River’s mind was turning over the possibilities.

Maybe someone had complained about his drag queen friends coming in. Maybe he’d oversold or he wasn’t selling enough. He’d forgotten what one of the shades looked like, but one of his coworkers had helped him. But everyone did that from time to time…

He stepped into the office, glancing around the space with its stark furnishings. Nothing detracted attention from the campaign posters, paint-swatch-like palettes, and celebrity photos plastering the walls.

River closed the door and dropped into the chair opposite Ashley, crossing his legs at the knee and folding his hands. “Yes?”

Ashley’s lips were pressed together slightly as she pulled an envelope from her drawer.

It was in a faded flower card envelope, which made his heart sink instantly.

Shit, shit, shit. No way.

Half of him hoped that it was Zeph apologizing for talking about his feelings and running, but then there’d be flowers accompanying it.

“Please tell me there wasn’t some dead animal with that,” River mumbled as he reached out to take the envelope. There was no name on it, but there was no question the card was for him.

Part-time lady, full-time whore. The more you tease, the harder it is. xox.

He tried not to touch the card as he slid it back into the envelope, but no way was there any fingerprint evidence left now.

No need to ask how she knew it was his, then.

“I need to know what’s going on.” Ashley’s expression was sympathetic, if professional. “You’re not the first staff member to have… an unwanted admirer.”

“Oh, thank God. I didn’t ask for this,” River breathed out, relaxing into his chair as he covered his face with his hand for a moment to try to hide the extent of his relief.

The last thing he wanted was to be the new guy who was bringing attention with him.

“Have you gone to the cops yet?”

“Yeah. There’s a detective assigned… I’ll give this to him.” he waved the envelope slightly, then pocketed it, avoiding her gaze. “He might be on the security tapes, huh?”

“It was kind of hidden under a display, so it could have shown up anytime in the last day or two,” Ashley told him. “They can go through the mall security tapes but it might not yield much.”

“Shit,” River muttered, then winced. “Sorry.”

Ashley shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. How long has this been going on?”

“A couple weeks. Between the interview and my first day, remember I said I was going on a tour? I managed to pick this creep up then.” River realized how he’d phrased it and winced. “I mean, he picked me.”

Ashley nodded. “And he’s followed you to… home, too?”

“Yeah. Or he wouldn’t know where to find me at work. Jesus, he’s everywhere.” River’s gut clenched as he realized this was exactly what the guy wanted him to feel. And he didn’t even know his name.

“Okay. Keep me posted on what the detective said. We can go to mall security, too, and make sure someone walks you to your car. At least let a coworker do that.”

River shook his head. “I don’t want any of the girls getting hurt on my account.” He pushed his lip around with his teeth. Shit, he should be able to deal with this without dragging the whole world into… whatever the fuck made guys lose their minds about him and insert him into that world of fantasy.

“You’re no different than them,” Ashley said firmly, leaning in over the desk to catch his eyes. “You don’t have to deal with this on your own. But if he’s that creepy, we’ll make sure mall security walks out with everyone who closes up, then.”

River rubbed his face again, trying not to smear his makeup. “Thanks,” he murmured. “It… shouldn’t be long before they catch him, I hope. And I’m getting an MMA fighter friend to teach me self-defense, if he agrees, which… I think he will. I’m texting him right now,” he laughed under his breath. Time to stop pretending he wasn’t rattled.

“Okay. Keep me posted, River. I’ll go grab someone from mall security right now.”

River nodded and pulled out his phone as he stepped out of the office, letting her pass. He leaned in the hall and composed a quick text.

Can we talk about self defense? I hate saying it but I need help. Please.

He ignored the shame that swept through him and burned his cheeks as he hit Send.

“Dress like that and you’re asking for it.”

River was seventeen, holding together the ripped-open front of his blouse. He’d just made it through the front door without the guys next door getting hold of him. And his dad had finally been home early enough to see. His lucky streak couldn’t have lasted forever.

“Get that shit off.”

Not even a dress or a skirt, but something tame. He hadn’t been sure of it, but now he was. He was going to lose his family the moment he was eighteen, if not sooner.

So River backed down. He lied. He said what he had to in order to survive: that it was a dare by the guys at school.

A decade later, he’d barely remember what words his father used, but all of them hurt. His dad told him off for letting the guys treat him like a girl. If only they knew what he got up to during recess.

But when he couldn’t keep it the secret they all pretended it was anymore, or when he was eighteen and he could get the fuck out—he honestly wasn’t sure which would happen first—he was going to be damn well ready.

River pulled his mind off the memory and pocketed his phone. Ashley didn’t mind if they used them on the floor, as long as customers weren’t around.

Good thing, because waiting for Zeph’s response otherwise would be a damn long day.

But, much sooner than he expected, it went off and he had to dig it right back out again, his heart pounding until he read the answer.

Of course. When and where?

River closed his eyes for a second and thanked whatever God was out there for Zephyr North.