Teaching River self-defense was more rewarding than training any newbie ever had been.

Not only did River learn fast once he had the reason behind the physical movements figured out, but he was confident. He’d fought before to keep himself safe, anyone with Zeph’s experience could tell. He just needed help stringing the moves together in the best order.

That fact alone made Zeph’s blood boil, but he didn’t mention a word. Someday, if he were very lucky and managed to go that long without totally pissing River off and ending their friendship, River might tell him more. It wasn’t hard to guess anyway.

The thrill of accomplishment surged through Zeph when he tried it full-speed and hit the ground, his arm giving a sharp twinge until he grunted for River to let go.

“Yes!” he exclaimed, beaming up at him.

River might be dressed in loose, comfortable clothes with no makeup, but he’d never looked prettier. Seeing him sweat and work out would never get old.

It had taken all Zeph’s focus not to drag the loose t-shirt and sweatpants off his body and kiss him from head to toe until he begged for more.

When River grabbed his hand, their palms pressing alone made his skin tingle as he let him help him get to his feet. Fuck, he was going to need a minute before he got close to River again.

Or… not.

River’s eyes were fixed on his, that gaze intense and as easy to read as ever.

Just when Zeph had wondered if they could tamp down the sparks between them that they were so desperately trying not to acknowledge, they ignited again.

River leaned into Zeph, and he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to touch River, to kiss him, to hold him and make up for every damn thing he’d clumsily said to make River think he didn’t want him.

He slid his hands from River’s hips up his sides, under his shirt, and the bare skin had never felt better to touch.

They kissed hard, their bodies fitting together just right, River’s lean thigh between Zeph’s and his chest pressing against his. It was easy to support his weight, just as he had dozens of times before.

Zeph ran his hands slowly back down his back again, stopping just short of grabbing his ass.

Not that he didn’t want to—he did, so badly it made his head spin—but he owed him words before he did that.

“I… should… hold on,” he managed against those warm, sweet lips. He couldn’t resist stealing a few more slow, deep kisses before he put his thoughts together.

“I’m holding on,” River mumbled against his mouth, that devilish little smirk appearing.

Dammit. Every time he thought he had control of himself, River did something else that captivated him. Some tiny little mannerism he might not have even known would pull Zeph’s interest straight back to him.

If MMA was his addiction, he’d never known one like it until River. He was fucking addicted to this man, too.

So much so that he’d nearly forgotten his training. They were close to his first fight—very close.

No sex until afterward.

It was, apparently, a distraction. Even if testosterone levels were elevated afterward, to get the benefits, he’d have to perform under the same conditions… Not that the idea of fucking River hard and fast in the dressing room before the fight didn’t get Zeph hard on the spot, but that was better left to fantasy.

“What?” River whispered against his mouth, which brought his thoughts back to the moment.

Zeph slowly pulled back until River stood on his own two feet again, pushing a hand back through his hair as he chuckled. “Man, you kiss like nobody else.” He ran a finger up the center of River’s chest from around where he figured his belly button was to his collarbone.

“Compliment accepted, but tell me what’s going through that brain of yours,” River prompted, swatting his hand playfully.

“Oh. Right.” Jesus, focus for ten seconds. No wonder he doesn’t want me fucking before a fight. “Us,” Zephyr murmured, clearing his throat.

He was pretty sure it was up to him to start that conversation, since he’d been the one to freak out and run the last time it was brought up.

River eyed him, then nodded slightly. “Mm?”

“You know why I’m so nervous about the idea, but… as long as I don’t hurt you, I could… I would. I mean, I want to. I want you.” Zeph was still having trouble with the actual words, but River, bless him, showed him more patience than he fucking deserved.

It actually made him… afraid? No, uneasy? Whatever the emotion, it hurt Zeph to be shown that much concern.

River’s gaze was steady and knowing as he pulled his t-shirt back into place. “You’ve never hurt me.”

“I…” Zeph furrowed his brows. “No?”

“Not once,” River emphasized. “And I’ve never felt unsafe, or even unheard. You’re the most considerate lover I’ve ever had.”

“Oh.” Zeph looked away to compose himself, and River looked away, too, to give him space. Again with the consideration. Zeph started to wonder if maybe River could make it work with him, despite his fucked-up brain.

“I’m not allowed to have sex until after the fight. That’s in two days. Or… to hang out with you much,” he admitted. “I had to practically bribe my trainer to get away. Bo would fucking rip into me five ways from Sunday if he knew what I was doing,” he admitted with a laugh. He could see the look on Bo’s face now. The risk of injury? Oh, yeah. He’d hear every conjugation of every swear word Bo knew, in every language.

Still, it was pretty funny. Maybe he’d tell Bo. In about a year, when he’d learned how to avoid the ear pinch Bo so loved when he was being an idiot. With his luck, he’d give him that same ear pinch when he heard about River, since everyone seemed to agree he needed to man up and give it a try with this guy.

Right. He had to say that. He could probably skip all the rest of those words. “But I want to give it a try. I want you,” Zeph repeated firmly.

And when River’s cheeks rounded and he beamed at him like he’d been waiting a lifetime to hear those words, Zeph could read the answer on his face before he even spoke a word.

“You really want to try?” River sounded breathless, like he didn’t know he deserved it. That, too, made Zeph want to pull him into his protective embrace until he could find and personally break the face of anyone who made him feel otherwise. “Yeah. If you do. I… yeah. I want you, Zeph.”

Zeph breathed out slowly and looped his arms around his lover’s waist, pulling him in to rest their foreheads together.

There was no manual to tell him how to handle a guy who made him feel things he’d never felt with any boyfriend or crush before. But he could deal with this, one step at a time.

Of course it was worth a try. More than that, even. It was worth all the weirdness and the uncertainty between them, and not knowing where exactly he stood.

River was worth his best fucking try.