Chapter 23
The rest of the week crawled by. I could barely keep my focus on work, but I must have done well enough, because my boss was very pleased with my progress. The conversation with Brady’s principal weighed on my mind.
Each night we talked about how important it was to know the difference between funny and disruptive. But I didn’t think I was getting through to him.
Was Mr. Walker right? Were my boys missing out on something they needed because I was single? Their father was still involved, but they lived with me and they only saw him for visits. Maybe it was crazy of me to think that they still had everything they needed.
Saturday morning I woke up to my phone ringing. I grabbed it and saw that it was Dawn.
“Hello?” I attempted to talk as I looked at the digital clock. It was barely after six.
“Guess who I found at the airport?” Dawn squealed over the phone.
“Who?” I laughed, and immediately my mood brightened.
“Samantha and Blu! We’re heading to Common Grounds now. I hope to see you there soon!”
“I’ll be there.” I grinned, then hung up the phone. It was going to be a great day—that I was sure of.
After I dropped the boys off at my mother’s, I headed straight for the coffee shop. I was so excited to see Samantha and Blu that I forgot entirely about my rough dating spell.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. Alex had our usual table set up, but I noticed she had added a few delicious treats to it.
“I thought we needed to celebrate today.” She smiled as she gave me a hug. “How are you doing?”
“Pretty good actually. I’m so excited to see Samantha and Blu. I can’t believe Blu’s getting married!”
“Me either. I can remember conversations we’ve had about her never wanting to take the dive. And I have to admit, I’m so happy that it’s AJ. The way she would talk about him—it always made me think that he was the one for her.”
“The one?” I settled into my chair and Alex sat down across from me. “Do you think that’s really a thing? Even my friend Wes mentioned he’s looking for this one right person. I mean, I thought I found my one with my husband. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. So how can you be sure that the one is really the one or even that a ‘one’ exists?”
“You can’t be.”
“What?” I laughed. “That wasn’t the answer that I was expecting.”
“I’m all about honesty, Noella. You can’t be sure. The act of falling in love in itself is an act of believing in something more—something magical. And not everyone does. But I’ve seen the way Hanna looks at Jake, the way that Dawn and Garrett peek at each other when the other isn’t looking. I’ve seen things blossoming between Trent and Zoe. I’ve had the luxury of witnessing so much love, and no one will ever be able to convince me that it’s not real or that it’s not magical.”
“That’s for sure.” I sighed as I recalled Hanna’s rough journey to accepting that Jake actually loved her. Prior to that, she had such low self-esteem that she was convinced no one ever could. I’d never really thought about my level of self-esteem. It just didn’t seem to matter in my day-to-day life. “I see what you’re saying. You can’t prove it, but you can certainly witness it. I’m still not sure that leads me to believe there’s one right person out there for everyone, though. I don’t know, I think in some way Hanna always knew there was someone out there for her, someone waiting. But I don’t feel that way.”
“That’s because you still think your ex was the one.” She gave my hand a light pat and smiled sadly. “You won’t be able to see any other possibilities until you can let that go.”
“What?” I shook my head. “Sorry, Alex, you’re absolutely wrong about that. I would never want to get back together with him.”
“I may be, but that’s not what I mean. You may not ever want to get back together with him, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t view him as your one shot at love that didn’t work out. Maybe there is even still a part of you that blames yourself for the relationship not working out. You and I both know it wasn’t your fault, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t programmed yourself to think that it might be.”
“Wow.” I slid down in my chair some as her words echoed through my mind.
I was so quick to deny her opinion at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized she might be right. Maybe I wanted to give up on dating so easily because I truly didn’t think there was anyone else out there for me.
I’d been through the wedding and having babies. I’d been through marriage with one man—the man I’d intended to spend the rest of my life with. As much as I hated to admit it, there was still a deep sadness within me about that, and perhaps I didn’t expect that to ever go away.
Could the boys sense that sadness?
The thought was pushed out of my mind as Zoe and Hanna bounded through the door. Well, Zoe bounded, Hanna waddled. I grinned as I stood to greet them.
Today was about joy and I was going to be sure I was present for it.