Phoenix
Tuesday afternoon found Phoenix back in his studio, bent over the table. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, he worried it while tracing a thick, curved line across the paper. This drawing was for his own, personal collection. No one else would ever see it. And for good reason. The image depicted was Ace, one arm flung over his face, his lips parted. At a passing glance, he might have been sleeping. But Phoenix knew better.
The drawing was the memory of Ace in Phoenix’s bed, shortly after he’d come. A moment captured by charcoal. Phoenix only hoped he had done it justice. Using his finger, he shaded in Ace’s thigh, before drawing the line of Ace’s hip. He paused, staring down at what he’d done so far.
Ordinarily, he didn’t draw people. For one, he didn’t have many people to draw. But also, it felt invasive. Voyeuristic in a way. He could remember the faces of almost every single person in Wilmingson, but actually putting them down on paper seemed wrong. But Ace wasn’t just anyone. He had been special. Still was special, if he were being honest with himself.
Lucy stirred at his feet, pulling herself up. Her ears perked. She barked, then let out a low whine and ran toward the door. Phoenix hadn’t bothered putting in a dog door yet, so she whined again and pawed at the wood. Sighing, Phoenix set his charcoal down.
“What is it, girl? Do you hear the mailman?”
That couldn’t be right, though. His mailbox was at the end of the long road leading up to the house. She wouldn’t have been able to hear it.
Opening the door, he followed her out. She raced ahead, tail wagging, around the side of the house. Someone coming to visit, then. Phoenix would have to tell them to leave. He wasn’t feeling up to company. Even Ben.
As he came around the house, he stopped dead in his tracks. That wasn’t Ben’s Jeep. It was Ace’s truck. But Ace was in New York. He wasn’t here. It didn’t make any sense. The door opened and his mouth went dry as Ace stepped out of the cab, leaning down to rub Lucy behind the ears. He blinked, trying to process what he was seeing. His eyes were lying to him. They had to be.
“Is this a dream?” he asked quietly.
Ace shook his head. “No. I’m really here.”
“No, that isn’t right. You’re in New York. You moved three weeks ago. You—you left.” His voice broke, and he silently cursed himself.
“I did leave,” Ace said. “But I’m here now. I came back.”
Phoenix frowned and tried to remember what day it was. “It’s… it’s Tuesday. You can’t be back for a visit.”
One corner of Ace’s mouth twitched. “I never said I was here for a visit.”
“Then what are you here for?” He still couldn’t quite believe that Ace was back. Even though Ace was right in front of him, it didn’t seem possible.
“I’m here to stay. I came back for good.” Something flickered across Ace’s face, but Phoenix couldn’t read the expression. “I came back for you.”
“Why?” Phoenix whispered.
Ace had everything he wanted in New York. The city life he had craved, the job he’d worked for his entire career, a chance to meet someone new. Someone who wouldn’t come with so many requirements. Why would he ever come back here?
Ace sighed and closed the space between them. He reached out and took Phoenix’s hand, threading their fingers together. “Because I love you.”
It was as though his entire world had been thrown off its axis. Ace loved him? Why? How? He blinked quickly, trying to think of something to say. There was something obvious, he knew, but it was as though his brain had short circuited.
Finally, he settled on, “Oh.”
“Oh?” Ace’s brow was furrowed. “I have to admit that isn’t the reaction I was anticipating.”
Right. He’d said the wrong thing. “That isn’t what I meant,” he said quickly. “I just… it’s a lot to process. You’re here and you love me and you’re not in New York. Can we go inside?”
“Sure.” Ace drew the word out.
Still holding Phoenix’s hand, he turned and headed toward the front door. Phoenix allowed himself to be led into the living room. Rather than taking his seat in his chair, he sat beside Ace on the sofa. If he let go of Ace’s hand, he worried he would blink and Ace would be gone.
“So,” he started. “You’re here. For good.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I already—”
“No.” Phoenix shook his head. “I told you to go. I told you to choose your career. You can’t tell me you gave all of it up for me.”
“I didn’t,” Ace said firmly. “Well, not entirely.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow, and Ace continued. “I tried to be happy there. I really did. I knew you wanted me to follow my dreams, and I was grateful for that. But I figured something out while I was in New York. The dream I started off with wasn’t my dream anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Phoenix asked, frowning.
“The job was fine, I guess. But none of the articles were allowed to be personal. Even the features. There was always a distance between the writer and the subject. It wasn’t like that here. It didn’t help that I had an issue with one of my coworkers. For someone, it would have been the right job. But not for me. Not anymore.”
“Then why not find another job?” Phoenix pressed. “If that one wasn’t what you wanted, you could have found something else.”
“It wasn’t just the job,” Ace said. “I hated the city. It was lonely. I only ever went out for coffee and groceries.”
“Even after I told you to go out?”
“Well, no. I tried going out. I really did. The night after we talked, I went out to a club and met someone. We danced, and he tried to kiss me, but I just… I couldn’t.”
Jealousy flared deep inside Phoenix. He tried to tell himself there was no basis for it. After all, whatever they’d had before, they’d ended it when Ace moved to New York. Not to mention, Ace had just confessed his love for Phoenix. Clearly, it hadn’t meant anything. But the thought of someone else touching Ace, dancing with him, wanting him, sent his heart racing.
“Why couldn’t you?” He knew the answer, but he needed to hear it again.
“Because I’m in love with you. Dancing with him, kissing him, it felt like I was cheating on you.”
Phoenix scooted closer, so their sides were touching. After only a moment, he rested his head on Ace’s shoulder. “I love you too,” he whispered. “It’s why I told you to go. You had everything there. Everything you wanted. I couldn’t hold you back.”
“You aren’t! Look, I thought I knew what I wanted. To be this amazing reporter. To write stories that changed the world. But I don’t want that anymore.”
“You say that now, but—”
“But nothing. Do you think I haven’t thought this through? I spent all night Saturday and all day Sunday trying to decide what it was I wanted. I listed the pros and cons. Hell, I even drew up a SWOT analysis.”
“A… what?”
“It’s a graph to help you make decisions. Anyway, the point is, this isn’t just an impulse decision, and it isn’t just about you. I mean that in the nicest way possible.”
“That’s good. I don’t want it to be about me. I don’t want you to be back because you’re choosing me over your career.”
“I’m choosing you and my career,” Ace said. “I’ve got an interview on Thursday with Bud for the editor-in-chief position at the Herald.”
“Is that really what you want? It’s a small-town newspaper. Not something big. No one’s going to know your name outside of Wilmingson.”
Ace sighed, then leaned over to kiss his cheek. “You can be so stubborn when you think you’re right. I don’t care that no one is going to know my name. And honestly, I was having second thoughts before I even moved up to New York.”
Phoenix frowned. “You were?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to tell you because you seemed so happy I was living my dream. I thought maybe if I just got up there, I would settle in and things would be fine. But I should have listened to my instincts. I belong here. At the Herald, and with you.”
Though Phoenix still couldn’t understand why Ace had chosen him—and the town—over the career he’d always wanted, he knew better than to press the issue any further. Ace wanted to stay here, he knew that for sure. And he wanted Ace to stay.
“I’ve missed you,” he said quietly. Moving Ace’s arm, he tucked himself against his side, resting his head on Ace’s chest. Ace didn’t seem to mind being manhandled.
“I’ve missed you too.”
Phoenix let his eyes close as Ace pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He never thought he would miss being touched, but going without holding Ace’s hand, or feeling Ace’s arms around him, or going to bed with him, had left him feeling empty.
“Can we… I mean… I want to show you how much I’ve missed you.”
Ace’s chest rumbled as he chuckled. “You do? Well then, by all means. Lead the way.”