Her reflection in the full-length mirror in the corner of Gideon’s room drew her attention. She was still obsessed with Gideon’s shower, so she used it even though she was staying in one of the guest rooms. Inhaling deeply, she held her breath, then let the thick towel fall to the hardwood floor. She slammed her lids closed.

“You can do this, Harper, it’s your body.” She gave herself a pep talk.

She slowly opened her eyes. She rarely studied her body. Yes, it was different than it was the last time she contemplated it. Last time she’d been just starting puberty. She’d been a kid who didn’t recognize the form in front of her. Girls in her class were getting breasts. She remembered them whispering with their friends about getting their first bra.

Harper wasn’t that lanky kid anymore. She raised her hands, and she paused as they covered shape of her breasts. They just filled her hands. Marla, Kyle’s wife, told her on more than one occasion she was jealous. Marla was a tall, large-breasted woman with full curves, the woman told her finding comfortable yet sexy bras was a nightmare.

Her nipples were slightly puffy and dark pink, they’d always been sensitive, but since the hormones, they’d been more so.

She danced her fingertips down her stomach. Tracing the slightly rounded surface. Goosebumps appeared under her ultra-light touch. She had the smallest curve to her stomach, soft and a bit mushy. She’d always kind of liked it. It made her feel softer, and her hips had a subtle curve to them. The weight she’d gained over the years was minimal, but she also went without sometimes to afford her medicine and rent. She gained almost ten pounds since she’d moved out to the farm and even that bit of weight showed.

She smiled to herself as she pinched the bit of softness of her stomach. Her smile fell slightly as her gaze moved lower. Her penis was small, and she had a neatly trimmed nest of blonde curls. She understood who she was had nothing to do with what was between her legs. She was firm, she ached and her nipples beaded.

This was her greatest fear: pleasure. It wasn’t as if she didn’t think about sex; fantasize about it. She’d done a lot of it since she’d met Gideon. Her friends were open about sex. Lily, Lucky’s mother, there wasn’t anything that woman wouldn’t talk about. It wasn’t like she hadn’t walked in on her friends a time or two, they took every opportunity to catch a moment alone together. Psycho and Ben were infamous for outside sex.

She’d seen it all, rough and gentle. She walked in on spankings and moments so sweet, the partners peering into each other’s eyes as they made love. When it happened, she backed out as quickly as possible, but sometimes the images became burned into her memory. Especially the sweet ones. They’d been in every position, but what she was jealous of the most were the times they were face-to-face.

The few men who had used her never wanted to look at her. Simply bent her over, did their business, and moved on.

She checked the time, Hunter had called her to let her know he’d give Gideon a ride home after Brawlers closed. It was only midnight, she still had a few hours, she could do this.

“Sex is completely natural, Harper, people do it all the time. Shit, now, you’re talking to yourself. This is so attractive.”

She huffed as she dropped her arms to her sides and stared at herself. Her hair was a mass of tangled waves. Her nipples were hard, she was there with a half-erection, and she was talking to herself. Thank fuck, she was alone.

“Can’t do this,” she muttered as she leaned over and snatched her towel off the floor and started to wrap it around her.

“Stimulating conversation,” Gideon’s deep voice came from the doorway.

She squeaked and tried to cover all the essentials with the towel. Her gaze jerked in Gideon’s direction and found him looking away from her, his focus on the floor. It didn’t hide the fact he was smiling.

“Are you laughing at me,” she demanded.

“Naw, to be honest, you’re even cuter when you argue with yourself.”

“You’re an asshole.”

She started to back up as soon as the sentence was out of her mouth. Gideon looked up. She had a split second of fear and instantly felt shame when she realized he wasn’t angry. His eyes were wide, and his smile was a bit lop-sided.

“Now, when I walked in I was a gentleman and looked away, I alerted you to my presence, and I’m an asshole.”

“You’re smiling.” She sounded more antagonistic than she felt, but she wasn’t sure what was going on in his head. It also didn’t help she was naked except for a towel with the man she was just about to imagine having sex with while she got herself off. Which was embarrassing enough.

“You make me do that a lot.”

“Really?”

Why did he have to do that? Be all sweet. She wasn’t used to it, and she didn’t know where they stood since she moved in. Did he still want to date her? Was she just his friend now? She grew more confused by the minute.

“Yep.”

“What are you doing home so early?”

“Elijah came by to talk to Scary and Tank for a few, I caught a ride home. You might want to cover your ass, the mirror is not giving you much modesty.”

“Dammit.” She whipped the towel around her hips and held it in place.

“Shit, asshole, and dammit, within ten minutes of each other, that’s got to be a record.”

“There’s nothing wrong with not cursing.” Yes, most of the people she knew used fuck like a noun, verb and adjective, she couldn’t forget punctuation as well.

“I didn’t say there was, and you’re being very defensive. So, want to share?”

She lowered her gaze to the floor. “I was wondering what I looked like.”

“Looked like?”

“Yeah, if, you know, I was attractive.”

“You’re beautiful and perfect.”

It emboldened some of her self-confidence because she knew Gideon didn’t compliment her just to be nice, but he meant it. “I’ve got scars, and I’m not,” she paused.

“Not what,” Gideon asked.

“I’ve always been jealous of curvier women.”

“Oh, but that isn’t all you were thinking about.”

She shot him a glare and almost went to flip him off, but her towel started to slip.

“I was thinking about sex, okay, sex, fuck.” She bit her lip and turned back to the mirror.

“Four cuss words, baby, you’re on a roll.”

“I’ll make it five and an obscene gesture if you don’t stop.”

“You know why I tease you?”

“Because you’re secretly an asshole?”

“You’re hilarious. No, because you’re sexy when you get all indignant and stand up for yourself. Your cheeks turn all pink, and your eyes brighten. I barely resist kissing you every time it happens.”

She started to protest when he stepped out of the archway and strode toward the bed. He picked up her gown she’d left there. It was silk and fell to the floor, she’d splurged on it with her last paycheck. The silk the same shade as the first dress she’d bought herself.

He slowly approached her, she observed as he stroked the smooth fabric before handing it to her.

“I’ll turn around, and you can get dressed, I’m sure you’re getting a little uncomfortable.”

Strangely, she wasn’t uneasy, but she didn’t admit it. She took her gown, and he turned giving her his back. She dropped the towel and pulled the gown over her head, smoothing it over her hips. It fit tighter, she’d gotten her usual size which meant the weight gain showed. It also felt strange on her bare skin. She was normally cotton and occasional lace.

“What were you doing before I came home?”

There was a gruffness in his voice she hadn’t noticed before. He cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets. With him turned away from her, she felt a bit braver.

“I haven’t studied myself or masturbated in a long time. I’ve gained weight since I’ve been here. I love it. I think it’s because I’m happy here.”

“I want you happy.”

“You can turn around.”

She crossed her arms over her stomach because she didn’t know what to do with them. When he turned, she had to tip her head back to look up at him.

“This is new,” he whispered.

He gripped the gown at her waist and gently smoothed the silk between his fingers. Her breath hitched as his touch stroked her skin.

“I bought it before I came home from work Friday. I hadn’t bought myself anything in a long time.”

“You look…beautiful in it and under it.”

“I thought you didn’t look.”

Large rough hands palmed her jaw and she didn’t have time to think before Gideon’s mouth was on hers. Her arms went around his neck as she tilted her head. She loved when he kissed her. The quick ones he did when he just passed her in the hall. The ones he brushed to her forehead and lips when they cuddled. But this one was different, more like the one in the kitchen that had given her thoughts she hadn’t known how to handle. Unlike last time, his tongue stroked over her lips, nudged them apart, and slipped inside. She arched her upper body fully into his. Her breasts smashed against his chest. The silk of her gown teasing the pointed tips.

She moaned as her feet left the floor and she twined her legs around his waist. At the edge of her mind, she sensed them moving and then her back met the mattress, her head on a pillow. She leaned back and looked up at him, his eyes heated with desire. Oh hell, she’d never seen someone look at her like that before.

“What are we doing?”

“Ever had a good old-fashioned make-out session?”

His mouth, mustache and beard tickled the side of her neck. “N…no.” She stuttered as he rested his weight on her. Nervousness tightened her throat as a thick ridge of hard dick pushed into her soft stomach. Involuntarily her legs fell open wider, made more room for him, and he shifted heavier atop her.

“Well, we need to remedy that. You know what to say if I do something you don’t like?”

She remained silent and nodded.

He lifted onto his forearms and stared down at her. “No, I need to hear you say it. I want you vocal. If I do anything and you want to stop, what do you say to me, baby?”

“No.”

“So, yes or no, baby, tell me what you want?”

“You.”

A feral smile spread across his wide mouth, and the backs of his fingers caressed her cheeks. She squirmed at the intensity of his gaze. The emotion in them she couldn’t name. He placed small kisses over her face, throat and upper chest. His breath teased the shallow valley of her cleavage. For a minute she became insecure, sensed him start to move lower then his lips were on hers again. He changed tactics with each push of their mouths, soft and slow, deep and rough.

She dug her fingers into the muscles of his cotton covered back. The powerful dance of muscle beneath her hands caused her to knead. The sounds coming from her would’ve embarrassed her if not for the fact his groans drowned out her labored breathing and whimpers. His hands fisted in her hair, and she arched, rubbing her nipples against his chest.

Damn, they had to slow down. She opened her mouth to say so, but Gideon shifted on top of her and placed his hand on her ribs. His thumb nudged the underside of her breast. His lips, beard, the weight of him, and the strength in his touch made her brain go blank. The way her body shook mortified her. It was too much and not enough at the same time.

She pushed her head back into the pillows as he stroked down her side to her hip, then lower to curve around the back of her thigh. A squeak sounded in her throat as his fingertips dug into her flesh. The skirt of her gown rose higher. The cool air in the room prickled her hot skin.

“Is…is it supposed…” Gideon sucked at her throat. “Oh hell.”

Where silk separated his bare hand from her leg, his warm, calloused hands glided along her thigh, gripped her hip in a rough hold. Was this supposed to be happening? Her mind empty except for what Gideon’s touch did to her. Her lips wouldn’t form the word no even if she wanted it to.

Desperation and desire caused her muscles to tighten as she sharply arched into Gideon. She’s fantasized, dreamed of what being aroused would be like but everything she’d conjured in her brain paled in comparison. It was an overload to her senses, frightening and intoxicating at the same time. It was like a free fall with no parachute.

Then it happened, she froze as she realized nothing was between their lower bodies but his jeans. Would he be disgusted by her? She’d never denied being transgender, but he could look at her clothed and see her as a woman. Her nails sinking into his back must have alerted him because he froze. She watched as he lifted his head to look down at her. His face was flushed and shimmered with sweat.

“Hey, easy, it’s okay.”

He kissed her so gently and with such tenderness that tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Gideon kissed those away too, one eye then the other. He gentled her instead of berating her.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

His voice gruff, but—no she didn’t want to say loving. It was too close to all the dreams she’d had over the years. The ones she’d held secret. She wanted love; the happily ever after her friends had.

“Did I do something you didn’t like?”

“No, it was too…my gown isn’t covering…”

To her complete horror, he looked down between them.

“Baby, you do know I saw all of you before you covered up, right?”

“I’m being stupid.”

“When is the last time a partner took care of you?”

“Took…oh no, never.”

“May I, my clothes stay on, and same rule applies. It only takes you saying no.”

“What…what are you doing to do?”

The speed with which he straightened and knelt between her thighs didn’t give her time to react. He gripped the thin straps of her gown and pulled them down her arms, working the nightdress down her body until he removed it. He tossed it over the edge of the bed.

She couldn’t take her gaze off his face. She waited for his reaction. The moment she caught Gideon adjusting his cock behind his zipper, she couldn’t take her attention away from it. Her imagination started to form a picture of what his dick looked like.

Then he leaned over her, his hot breath fanned her nipple. He plumped her breasts in his hands.

“Oh fuck,” she groaned as his lips circled the hard peak and sucked.

After that, it was just a blur of indescribable pleasure. His touches, kisses, and bites took her to the edge only to be brought back when he softened and slowed. He found all the spots she hadn’t even thought were erogenous zones. When he abandoned her nipples, her hands took the place of his mouth, pinching and tugging. He dipped his tongue into her belly button. She had no time to protest before he took her into his mouth and sucked her thin length. Rode it in shallow thrusts.

She cried out as she orgasmed embarrassingly fast. Her hips jerked up from the bed. Pleasure radiated from outward along her lips, sending a hard shiver over her. She froze as she screamed as it only intensified. She was caught between the need to push him away or pull his mouth closer, closer won. She fisted her hands in his hair, and her thighs gripped his head, he growled, and another intense wave hit her.

She collapsed in a mass of quivering muscles and sweaty skin. She looked down at him from under heavy lids to find his chin resting on her stomach, a small smile on his face. His hands kneaded her thighs.

“Do you…want—”

“Have you ever watched a man get off for you?”

Oh hell, did he…she shook her head. He was once again knelt before her. His t-shirt quickly disappeared, exposed his hairy upper body. He undid his belt and jeans, his hands shook, and he never stopped looking at her. His pale dick appeared, hard and flushed, his length was impressive, but the girth was terrifying. She clenched at the thought of having him inside her.

He wrapped his large hand around his cock and started to stroke. He groaned and trembled, sweat damped his chest hair, but he never took his eyes from her. She watched as he stared at her body. Desire darkened the blueish green of his eyes. When she realized he focused on her breasts, she raised her hands and cupped them, rolled her nipples and pulled. His breathing was loud and rough, he grunted, and she dropped her gaze to take in his quickened pumps as he jacked his dick. It was harder and redder, leaking pre-cum, the hot drops falling to her pubic hair.

“I’ve imagined this, jerked off to this.” He fell forward to brace his hand beside her head. “Since I found you in my field.”

His words were slurred and broken by groans. His cock painted wet patterns on her belly. She couldn’t resist, she lowered her hands and pushed his out of the way, she circled him with both. He pushed and pulled.

“Tighter, baby, yes.”

He lowered his head, he sucked at her nipples again, and she lifted her hips, rubbed against his heavy, furry balls. His thrusts became harder and faster, the power of them rocked her body, and she wanted to come again. The hairiness of his body teased every inch of her that pressed against him.

His skin was silky and hot in her hands, he jerked every time the tip popped through the circle of her fingers.

His mouth slammed onto hers as wet, heat painted her hands and stomach. She used one seed covered hand to rub her slender length. It didn’t take long, and her scream was muffled by his tongue teasing hers. She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he tried to roll to the side. She wanted him there. She wasn’t ready for him to leave her yet.

“We’ve gotta get you clean up so we can go to bed.”

“I want to stay here.”

“Baby, where else would you go?”

“My own room.”

“No, Harper, we’ll take a shower and then you’re going to sleep right here. Nowhere else.”

“Really?” A sob broke her question.

He once again kissed her face, the tears from her eyes, and then her mouth.

“There’s no fucking way I’d let you sleep anywhere but with me. Thank you.”

“For what,” she asked.

“Trusting me, letting me see how sexy and beautiful you are, every inch of you and I mean that.”

“My body doesn’t bother you.”

“I love every inch of you. Now, shower, and no clothes when we come to bed.”

“I’ve never slept nude before.”

“Another first, come on.”

She smiled at the sudden happiness that infused her as he kissed her, then he helped her from the bed. It was still weird to be exposed and naked with someone. It was even weirder that it was after sex. She ordered herself not to question it. Gideon saw her, and he said he loved what she looked like. She wanted to be confident, to be all the things she’d always dreamed of and finally, she felt she could have them.

He released her hand, turned the water on and helped her inside. She watched enraptured as he stripped out of his clothes. Took in the hairiness of his thick thighs and calves, and dark ginger hair to match his chest. She held out her arms as he stepped inside with her. He came to her with a happy smile. She lost herself in his kiss as steamed filled with enclosure. Even as her pessimistic side reared its ugly head, she memorized it all. Good memories for when the bad times returned, but she hoped she wouldn’t need them. Because at that moment she felt right and whole, Gideon had given her a place to be safe and happy. It was the best gift she’d ever received, and she wouldn’t take it for granted.