Sun was already streaming through the curtains when he opened his eyes. Shit, he checked the time, and it was almost noon. He never slept that late. He turned to find Harper’s spot empty. He ran his hand over the sheets and found them cold. He sat up, threw his legs over the edge of the bed, and grabbed his pajama bottoms. It was Saturday, so that meant Harper didn’t have to work, she had to be around there somewhere.

He padded across the room and down the steps, when he stepped into the kitchen he found Harper sitting in front of the sink with a puppy on each thigh. They were making little squeaking sounds as they drank their bottles.

Harper’s hair was in a messy bun, and she wore the same gown from last night. It was perfect against her lightly tanned skin. Shit, she had beard burn on her chest and neck, he was too rough with her. Now that the heat was gone, did she regret it? She was so perfect, and he was…him. He shook his head, he wouldn’t let Joe back into his head, even if he thought she could probably do better. He was too damn selfish to let her go.

He smiled at the puppies’ tiny front legs holding onto Harper’s wrists as if she’d think about taking the bottles away.

“It’s almost noon, why didn’t you wake me?”

She looked up with a smile, but she seemed troubled. Harper had lived there long enough for him to pick up on her moods. He’d feared the morning-after regrets, or maybe he was projecting. When he’d come home to find her naked in his room, he’d barely hung onto his restraint. Weeks, no, months of wanting her hit him, and he’d looked away to allow her her modesty, but he hadn’t been able to force himself to leave.

“I tried, but you growled and rolled over. I thought you were a morning person.”

He chuckled and strode across the room, he bent to kiss her upturned lips, and she didn’t pull away, that was a good sign. He stretched to his full height and started a pot of coffee. As much as Harper loved her coffee, she rarely drank it at home. Iced tea was her thing.

“I like my routine, not crazy about mornings. When I ran my event company, it was a lot of late nights and sleeping until noon.”

He pressed the start button and picked up a mug from the dish drain. No matter how many times he told her to use the dishwasher, she insisted on washing them by hand. Said it was a waste for just dishes for the two of them.

“Do you ever think about going back?”

“No. Don’t get me wrong, I do like to go visit friends, but haven’t been in a while. Would you like to tour the city next time?”

“Me, go with you?”

“Yeah, you can meet my friends and play tourist.”

“I’d…I’d like that.”

“Then we’ll have to plan a trip. Carol’s been begging me to visit.”

“Your partner?”

“Yeah, she started out as my assistant, then I moved her up to planner. She has a way of making the impossible possible. I should also check in with Dem.”

“Dem, you’ve never mentioned them.”

“Demetri Urban. Caterer extraordinaire. Last I heard he was working in his boyfriend’s five-star restaurant and hating it.”

“Hating it?”

“Don’t let the fancy name fool ya, I found him working at his family diner in the Bronx. He’s a natural chef, perfect palette, but his first love is comfort food. The man makes a mean mac and cheese, enough to feed an army. His family is ridiculously large.”

He turned and slid down to sit on the floor beside Harper. He inhaled and took in the scent of his soap on her skin. His shampoo in her hair. Fuck, he loved when she smelled like him.

“Why do you have to check in on him?”

“The man is all about the positive. He hasn’t ever been in a bad mood. If someone isn’t laughing, he isn’t happy. He’s a goof.”

“Did you two—”

“No, I love the man as a friend, but he drives me insane. Last time I talked to him, he was talking about breaking up with his boyfriend.”

“Oh, bad relationship?”

“Not that I know of, his boyfriend is way too serious all the time. You’ve seen Dem. The picture on the mantle.”

He snorted as she started to laugh as she realized who he was talking about.

“The man with the arm crutches with rainbow streamers and wearing the huge red clown nose.”

“That would be Dem. He attached one of those squeeze horns to one of his crutches. We hid that damn thing when he wasn’t looking.”

He loved her laugh, he knew he had fallen way too quickly for her, but he couldn’t regret it. This was all new to her, so he tried to rein in his urge to tell her. Instead, he showed her. He touched her. Complimented her and made sure she knew he appreciated her. He didn’t want her to doubt he wanted her and just not in his bed. As much as he wanted to love on her, he didn’t want to overwhelm her.

“Harper,” he said her name, he needed to ask her about last night.

“I don’t regret it if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I didn’t exactly mean for it to go that far.”

She didn’t answer just took the empty bottles and set them aside, then placed the still unnamed puppies back in their basket.

He leaned back as she suddenly straddled his lap and locked her gaze with his.

“I could’ve said no, Gideon.”

“I know.”

“Everybody might think I’m broken, and maybe in some ways I am, but I’m finally finding myself, where I’m happy. I don’t know what you want from me though.”

He wrapped his arms around her hips and shifted her closer. She relaxed on his lap, and he couldn’t help taking in the expanse of her bare, tanned thighs. Neat rows of pale scars marred the insides, she had matching ones on her ribs and hips. Last night he’d tried not to linger on them, but he’d brushed kisses to them, fleeting but in some way wanting to kiss away the pain she’d put herself through. He knew he almost never even met her. A year ago, she’d attempted suicide for the last time. He knew her secrets, she told him the stories as they cuddled or when he’d come to her to wake her from a nightmare.

The fact that he came so close to never being able to hold her—show her she was important to him—hurt, but he knew he was nowhere near the pain she’d gone through over the years.

“I want you here. Happy. Healthy. I want a chance with you. More than friends or roommates.”

“I think we kinda went past friends and roommates last night unless you’re tacking with benefits on them.”

“Okay, I admit, the benefits are amazing.” He chuckled as she pushed at his chest and glared at him. “But I’d prefer lovers, partners, to be able to introduce you as the girlfriend, not just friend.”

“You want that with me?”

“Of course, maybe I’ve been too subtle about it.”

“I know you’ve been patient and I appreciate it.”

“But?”

“I want to be enough on my own. I’ve got all these hang-ups. I didn’t have a choice about living openly as a transwoman. Everyone knew me before the dresses and the hormones.”

“I didn’t, yes, I knew when you told me your name who you were. It didn’t change anything about my attraction to you. I’ve been bi for as long as I remember. Why should gender or gender identity change how I feel about someone—feel about you? I want you confident in your own skin and body, independent and happy. I don’t want to change you. You be you, I’ll be me, this is just us in this relationship. No one other than us has to get it or approve.”

“You won’t be embarrassed by me?”

“Baby, there is nothing about you that would embarrass me or anyone else.”

“So, we’re dating?”

“Technically—”

“We’re living together, smartass.”

“You’re sounding like a member of the Crews already.”

“I always wanted to belong, to be a part of them. Even when I was a kid, I saw Gib and Peaches, the way they were when Landon was unapologetically out, or Lucky and his high school boyfriend. I wanted that freedom, but I felt…” She paused and sighed.

“You still felt different.”

“I looked in the mirror and knew, was positive I was a girl. I was so jealous when the other girls were getting bras or came to school in a new dress. When they were allowed to wear makeup. Kyle’s parents let me wear my first dress, and his mom taught me how to do my makeup, they were supportive, but because of who I was, I had to hide.”

“No need to hide anymore. The good people outnumber the bad ones in Powers, Pelter won’t overlook hate crimes. He took a report, has your back. I understand it’ll take awhile for you to find a comfortable medium.”

“Strangely, I’d already found it. I just didn’t want to accept it. So, I have some news.”

“Oh, and what might that be.”

“Joker is coming for dinner tonight.”

“You ready to give one of them up?”

“One of them reminds me of Joker.”

He knew which one she was talking about. One of them had a split ear and a scar that married its nose. It also had a bit of a shitty personality. She made the cutest little growls like she thought she was a hundred pounds and not barely over a pound. “She’s a bit of cranky puppy.”

“Exactly. I even got her a t-shirt and goggles.”

She reached up and grabbed a bag off the counter. When she pulled out the items, he lost it. It had to be custom because it had a flaming skull with the caption my bite is bigger than my growl on it. The goggles in question were almost like Joker’s welding ones.

“Her outfit for tonight?”

“She needs a bit of an advantage.”

“Yes, she does. Grocery run?”

“We definitely need to go. The freezer is getting low on meat. We have like two eggs left.”

He watched her with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as she picked her phone up from the floor and started making a list. He slipped his hands beneath the soft fabric of her skirt and gripped the lush curves of her ass. He smirked as she fumbled the phone. His dick hardened, and he rubbed her against him.

“I’m trying to concentrate.”

“You saying I’m a distraction.”

“A really, really good one.”

“Fine, grocery shopping first, then some more making out when we get home.”

“Fine, if that’s what you want.”

“I know you’re joking, but whatever happens between us is always mutually consensual. I just want to make that clear. I don’t care if we’re friends or lovers, you always have the right to tell me no.”

She nodded, and he kissed her.

“Let’s go get ready, you want to shop local or head out to the highway and hit the big grocery store.”

“Probably cheaper to take the road trip.”

“Alright, let’s get moving. Steak and baked potato is all Joker will eat.”

“He’s so picky, six pancakes, lots of butter, minimal syrup every day for breakfast. Peanut butter sandwich for lunch, dinner meat and potato, no dessert.”

Which he found weird, he’d watched Joker stare longingly at Ben’s pastry display more times than he could count, but only ever orders a black coffee. He’d heard the story about when Twitch baked Joker a cake the first time, and it ended up splattered against the kitchen wall, Joker had disappeared for days after that. There were strict rules when dealing with Joker. Don’t come up behind him. Don’t touch him—ever. Don’t bring him sweets. He wondered how the man would handle a present. If things went bad, both puppies would stay with them.

“His mom made him a birthday cake before she disappeared on his sixth birthday. She hadn’t been able to afford decorating icing, but she had some pink icing leftover from a cake she’d made for a friend’s daughter. His dad beat them both, smashed Joker’s face into the cake and called him names. Said he had a son, not a daughter.”

He didn’t know what to say, but it all made sense. He’d seen the whip marks on Joker’s lower back when Joker had stripped out of hoodie not long after he’d moved there. He’d pretended he didn’t see them and then the stories made the rounds when it was discovered he was friends with Joker. There was no reason to repeat them, it was Joker’s business. Joker’s pain to share.

“Joker used to talk to me when he’d bring me home from the hospital after Bill’s attacks, and he thought I was sleeping. I’ve never told him I heard every story. Joker deserved to be able to talk them out, even if he thought he was confessing every nightmare to a sleeping woman.”

“He’ll be fine. He’ll love his present. Joker needs something to come home to.”

It was all they said when he helped her to her feet, and he got up so they could go get ready for the trip to pick up supplies. They were going through groceries quicker with the two of them.

They’d make dinner for Joker, see if he’d like to crash there so he didn’t have to go home to his tiny trailer. Maybe even if Joker said no to the puppy first, an evening around her would make him want to take her home. If not, there was always Harper’s option, break into his place and leave it for him. Either way, Joker was getting a friend.