Brenna

For two weeks, Gunn was all I could think about. I barely made it through my midterms. I checked my phone a thousand times wondering if he’d call or text. I suppose I could have reached out to him. I kept writing a text to him, then deleting it before sending it.

What could I say? I could pretend things were normal. They were anything but. When I closed my eyes at night, I felt his lips on mine. I inhaled the scent of leather and musk and manliness that was all Gunn. I wanted him. I craved him. But it seemed there was nothing I could do about it. He was keeping his distance and in the beginning, it’s exactly what I asked for.

“You gonna pull your head out of that phone long enough to answer my question?” Christine sat on the couch opposite me. We’d come down to the quad to cram. The girls on the other side of our wall were blaring K-Pop and the R.A.s wouldn’t enforce study hours until four o’clock.

Christine lobbed a crumpled-up piece of notebook paper at me, hitting me squarely in the forehead. “Hey!” I flipped her my middle finger.

“Brenna, I’ve asked you three times. Have you really not heard me?”

“What? I ... uh ... no.”

Christine made a big show out of rolling her eyes and flopping over her armrest. “It’s Wednesday, Rapunzel. Tomorrow it’s time to let down your hair.”

“What?”

“Your birthday. Oh, for fuck’s sake. You’re in the clouds, woman. We’re going out.”

I blinked hard. The blood rushed to my head. Christine was right. It was my birthday tomorrow. My twenty-first. I hadn’t forgotten ... I just hadn’t ... remembered.

“What time’s your econ exam?” she asked.

“Uh ... two o’clock.”

“Perfect.” Christine swung her legs back over the armrest. “You’ll be done by four. I’ll be done by five thirty. Rest up. We’re hitting the bars by nine. This time I’ll D.D. for you! Plus also take pictures and post it all over social.”

I sat bolt upright. “No way. Chris ... it’s a bad idea. I’m not in the mood. Really.”

She laughed. “Your mood is irrelevant. I’m not letting you turn twenty-one without a celebration. It’s my sworn duty to keep you from becoming a complete dork.”

Sworn duty. I was getting pretty sick of the people around me and their duties to me. Gunn’s gallantry was straight up pissing me off. For the first time, I wished Scotty were here so I could kick his ass. The thought of it made me smile and I realized I hadn’t been able to do that for such a long time. Somehow, it hurt less to think about him than it had in years. I used to make a game of guessing what he’d say to me at certain points in my life. The truth was, I was pretty sure he’d be siding with Christine on this one.

“Fine,” I said. “One bar. I’ll go to one bar with you. No club crawls. I mean it. They’re stupid anyway. You get a good table and good service, then all of a sudden you get up and start all over again? Stupid.”

“Okay,” Christine said, clasping her hands together. “But I get to pick the bar.”

I raised a skeptical brow.

“The Den it is!” She reached her arms over her head and gave me honest to God spirit fingers. She was winning. I started to laugh.

“No way,” I finally said, putting a hand up in surrender. “Not the Den. Anywhere but there. Plus, even with my legit ID, they’d never let me in. You either.”

She was smiling her face off now so I knew she’d just been baiting me. And I fell for it hard. “So we’re not going to talk about it. Like ... at all?”

I slammed my econ book shut. It was pointless anyway. If I didn’t know this stuff cold by now, an all-nighter wasn’t going to help.

Christine slid off her couch and bounced over to mine. “I let you alone for two weeks, Brenn. You know the kind of willpower that took? Two weeks! Rob and Sonya said they saw that biker hunk walk you to your door. They said you were making out.”

I felt my cheeks flame. “We were not making out!” I had to think for a second. Had Gunn kissed me at the door? It didn’t matter. Once again, the memory of his arms wrapped around me and his searing kiss up on the bluff crowded out all my common sense. Christine knew me well enough to know there was something up, even if Rob and Sonya down the hall hadn’t given me away.

I put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. You’re right. But it’s not something I’ve wanted to talk about. Still don’t. Gunn is ... well ... we go way back. He was my brother’s best friend. That’s all.”

“Nice!” Christine nodded. “It’s all kind of steamy forbidden love. Man ... you get all the good shit, Brenna. That man was hawt. I asked around. He’s rich too. Did you know that? He rakes in a fortune at that bike shop outside of town. My cousin’s boyfriend’s brother bought a Harley from him last year.”

I rolled my eyes. Christine was one of those people who had a cousin who knew everyone and everything.

“Enough!” I raised my hands. “On all fronts. I’m hitting the shower. I’m turning in early. I’m taking my last exam. Then, you can have me for the night. One bar. Anywhere but the Wolf Den. Provided we don’t have to talk about Gunn or your cousin’s brother’s sister’s accountant or whoever it is. Deal?”

She stuck her hand out to shake mine. “Deal … ish?”

Laughing, I took her hand, knowing it was likely the best I could do with her.

I finished my econ exam early and headed back to the dorms. I was beat. Though I was confident about my school work, all the studying had taken its toll. I did what I said I would and took a late afternoon nap before Christine got back. She dragged me out of bed by eight and stood in the doorway to my room overseeing what I chose to wear for the evening. I went with a blue silk halter, a pair of jeans, and my cowboy boots. Chris wasn’t thrilled, she wanted me to wear a dress. But she finally relented.

What she hadn’t given in about was the crowd she’d invited to come out with us. Late March, and I was one of the last of our group to turn twenty-one except for poor Christine. Her parents had let her skip a grade and her birthday wasn’t until next January.

I put on a smile. I pulled up my boots, and I headed out into the hall, handing Christine the keys to my car.

I ended up on Rob’s lap in the front seat while Sonya, Zach, and Christine’s cousins Louis and Shane crowded the back seat. Ben had to go home for the weekend and I missed him. He would have been on my side tonight. I just hoped Christine wasn’t planning to collect any more passengers before the night was over. She pulled into Rowdy’s off Highway 18. The place was your typical dive bar but it was mostly a college crowd on Thursday nights. As much as I really did want to go to the Den, I had to admit this was a good choice. There was no chance my dad would show up. Plus, Rowdy’s was less of a meat market than some places. Of course, Christine had another cousin who dated the owner. He’d reserved a table for us in the back and by the time we got there, the waitress already had pitchers of beer waiting for us.

“Come on!” Christine and Zach grabbed me by either arm and practically carried me up to the bar.

“Oh man,” I protested, though I knew it was no use. I had to admit, Christine’s joy was infectious. I did deserve a night to just cut loose. I slapped my ID on the bar and ordered a shot of tequila. Our little crowd of friends cheered as I downed it and grabbed the lemon Christine held out.

The liquid burned my throat but quickly left a good warmth behind it. At Zach’s urging, I did one more and tried to tap out.

“If you’re not sick tomorrow, you’re not doing this right!” he yelled over the noise. My head was already starting to spin. I would have a good time, but I wasn’t going to be an idiot about it. Christine leaned over and said something to Zach. He shot me a smile and put his hands up in surrender. I’d be sticking to beer for the next little while.

We went back to the table and Chris raised her Diet Coke in the air to start the first toast. “To my bestie above the resties. Brenna, you rock. As your friend, I take my duty to get you hammered on your birthday to heart. Let ’er rip!” Our little group of friends raised their glasses and cheered. The tequila had me loose and I cheered along with them. Clinking glasses with Christine, I drank my beer. It was cold going down though I didn’t really like the taste. Rob bought the first round so I didn’t want to be rude. He and Sonya excused themselves and made their way to the dance floor. There was a live local band tonight. They kicked into a line dance and half the table disappeared.

“Come on!” Christine grabbed me by the arm. I was already a little wobbly on my feet. I’d only been drunk a total of twice in my life, having seen too much of the carnage alcohol does to a person. Plus, I’d always worried whether my daddy’s genes would turn me into something I didn’t want to be. Tonight though, it felt good to just let go. I knew in my heart Scotty would approve.

The moment I let him enter my thoughts, old familiar tears sprang up. He should be here. He would have shared this night with me and made sure I celebrated right. Maybe by now I would be at the Den with him. I tried to overcompensate and danced alongside Zach and Louis. Louis swung me around, laughing. My stomach flipped, but I held my liquor and kept the beat.

I tried to throw my worries away with the music. The bass pumped hard, vibrating through me. Zach and Louis led me to the front of the crowd closest to the band. Our group spread out, making a little circle for me as I lifted my hands above my head and swayed my hips. Someone handed me another shot and I took it even though part of me knew I was reaching the danger zone. Fuck it, I thought. Just like Zach said. If I didn’t get sick tonight, I wasn’t doing it right. You only turn twenty-one once in your life. In my head, it got hard to separate Zach’s words with what Scotty would have said. I could hear his voice rising above the crowd.

The band broke into a barn burner of a song. Louis twirled me around. I went wild. My eyes caught the look of the lead guitar player. He was young, cute with sandy blond hair that fell over his brow. He winked at me and gave me a nod of encouragement as I fell in step with the song. I knew the words, I think. I sang loud, blood rushing to my head.

I was on stage, swaying back to back with the guitar player. The music filled me, lifting me away. I kept singing even as the crowd shifted away from the bandstand. There was something going on in the back of the bar. I couldn’t see. I didn’t care. Zach and Louis were closest to me, lifting their beer mugs to egg me on.

At some point, there was more tequila. Things got fuzzy, but I think it was the guitar player who gave it to me. The room spun. The band switched into a slow song. I nodded to the guitar player. What was his name? In the back of my mind, I felt like I should know it. He said something to me. We were on stage together. Then, all of a sudden, I was up against the wall.

Hands were everywhere. Hot breath. I heard breaking glass and the floor was slick and sticky.

“You okay?” he said. Dirk. His name was Dirk. Had I known him before?

“Come on,” he said. “Looks like this is getting out of hand. Some drunk back there started a fight with one of the bartenders. We can head out the back door. Wait it out in the parking lot while things cool down.”

I pulled away, sliding my hand out of Dirk’s. He still had his guitar slung over his shoulder. I caught the eye of the lead singer. Dirk turned and gestured to him. There was a knowing smile between them. I sensed danger but felt like I was rooted to this spot against the wall. My feet were stuck in tar.

“Come on, baby,” Dirk said. “I’ll take care of you.”

I had a full beer mug in my hand. I didn’t even remember who gave it to me. But the last shreds of the sober part of my brain kicked in. Dirk turned and his eyes went dead and cold. I lifted the mug and doused him in cold beer.

“Oh shit!” I started laughing and covered my mouth. Dirk’s eyes flashed with rage. There was a scuffle behind him. My vision blurred. Dirk was gone.

“Come on!”

I was walking. Or trying to. I couldn’t get my feet to move. Cold air hit my chest. I was outside.

“Let me go!” I shouted, struggling against the arms that held me. He did. I turned, raising my fist, ready to strike.

A strong hand stopped my blow. Dark eyes glinted and I caught the whiff of leather and musk. Gunn stood before me, tall as a mountain. His nostrils flared and a muscle jumped in his jaw.

“Gunn?” I said, sliding my hands over his leather vest. My fingers settled on the patch above his breast. “Where did you come from?”

“Brenna, you’re drunk.” He was all alpha male and barely contained fury. I reached for his hand. His knuckles were bloodied.

“Did you get in a fight?” I asked, trying to make my brain work. Something happened.

I went up on my tiptoes, lacing my fingers through his hair. “It’s my birthday,” I said stupidly. Gunn got his arm around my waist just in time before I slid to the ground.

I doubled over and got neatly sick.

“Come on,” he said. “I’m taking you home.”