Gunn

The news from Josh wasn’t good. I stood at the end of his hospital bed. Angel sat in the chair next to him. The kid was good, but he was scared. Another couple of inches, and the van would have crushed his spine. He knew it. I tried not to let it get to me, but being in this place brought back a lot of shitty memories I’d rather avoid.

Scotty died in my arms, but the paramedics thought they had a pulse when they brought him into the E.R. It was in a room like this just down the hall where I’d had to tell Susan Rose that her son was dead.

“You don’t remember anything about the guy’s face?” Angel asked. Josh shook his head. I knew he looked a lot worse than he felt but it was hard not to see Scotty’s face superimposed with his.

“Nah,” Josh said. “It all happened so fast. But like I told Sly, it’s different than what I told the cops. He was aiming for me. The minute he saw me, that driver swerved and made sure he got me.”

Sly wasn’t crazy about the idea that Josh had been less than forthright with the detectives, but I could see the advantage in it. We all could. If this was the Hawks stirring trouble, Sly would want to deal with it off book. Though the club made its money through legit means, club retaliation was different.

“It’s okay,” I said. “You did good. All you gotta focus on is getting out of that bed and back to work. We’ll take care of everything else. We’ll take care of your family.”

“It’s just my ma,” Josh said. “She’s in Denver visiting her sister. I’d rather not tell her about this. She’ll just freak out. Better to wait until I’m the fuck up out of here and on my feet again.”

“If that’s what you want,” I said. “You sure your Uncle Benny can keep his mouth shut though?”

Josh gave a little shrug. A nurse came in and started checking his vitals. She was older, mid-fifties. She gave Angel and me a hell of a scowl. I knew we were way past visiting hours. Angel got up out of his seat and gave her that killer smile that earned him his nickname. Face of an angel. Of course it worked on her. It always did. But it was easy to see Josh was getting tired so we said our goodbyes and cleared out. With any luck, he’d get discharged tomorrow.

Angel and I walked out together. It was dark again when we walked outside. “Shit,” I said. “Didn’t realize it had gotten so late.” It meant I’d left Brenna at the clubhouse for almost twenty-four hours. Never mind what Sly said, at this rate, she’d want nothing to do with me.

“You okay?” Angel asked. “You seem a little distracted.”

“Nothing wrong with my head, man. How’s yours?” He didn’t deserve the shit I just gave him. I couldn’t help it though. I didn’t like the implication. Sure, Brenna was on my mind, but if anyone thought that meant I couldn’t do my job or stay sharp, they were wrong.

“Sorry,” I said. “It’s just been a long damn day. I’m anxious to get back.”

Angel smirked. “I bet you are. You know, if that girl’s still there when we get back, that ought to tell you something about her.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

Sly slapped his helmet on. “That this ain’t casual for her either.”

I mounted up beside him. Angel and I went back almost as long as I did with Scotty. We’d gotten even tighter after I lost him. He was the first to bring my name up to the table nominating me for a patch. But I wasn’t ready to talk to him or anyone else about Brenna. Not yet. It would be easy to think it was because I needed to sort shit out with her. That wasn’t it though. As we peeled out of the hospital parking lot and headed toward the clubhouse, I knew the truth was even more complicated.

I wanted her. She was mine. She was the one. I just didn’t know if I could keep my promises and keep her safe. Not now.

Angel knew me well enough to leave things there. As the last of the bachelors in the club, I knew he wouldn’t give me a pass forever. With every mile we covered, I felt my insides churn. Brenna might be furious with me. I wouldn’t blame her if she was. I’d basically abandoned her at the club without much of an explanation. Part of me thought it might be easier if she had just decided to leave on her own. But the rest of me held a furious hope that she hadn’t.

We pulled into the lot together. I parked my bike and sat for a second, not knowing how things would be when I went inside. I didn’t have to wait long to find out. Mo came out. She made a beeline for me, her red hair flying.

“Shit,” I muttered. I knew that look. She was about to give it to me with both barrels. I put my hands up in surrender.

“I know, I know,” I said.

“Hmm. You do, huh?”

“Save me the lecture. Just tell me straight. Is Brenna still here? How pissed is she at me?”

My heart soared as Mo gave me a sly smile. “Pissed? Honey, for a smart guy, you can be pretty dense. That girl’s not pissed. That girl is made of stronger stuff than that. But you’re starting to make me think she doesn’t deserve you. She put up with us all day.”

“She waited.” My smile broadened.

Mo held a kitchen towel in her hand and swatted me with it. “Of course she waited. Now get in there and smooth things over with her. I like this one, Gunn. Don’t fuck it up.”

I dismounted and put a big, wet kiss on Mo’s cheek.

I was done for. I could barely fucking breathe as I bounded the steps to my upstairs apartment. Twenty-four hours felt like years. When I opened the door and saw Brenna standing there looking gorgeous, my heart twisted. Her face brightened when she saw me. Fuck. She had me turned around and upside down. But the timing couldn’t have been worse.

“Hey,” I said. I went to her and slid my arm around her waist. More than anything, I wanted to toss her on the bed and pick up where we’d left off yesterday. But we had some things to discuss. She had questions and I knew I owed her answers.

“Hey, yourself.”

“Baby,” I said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you here like that and just bail on you. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d decided to split.”

Her eyes flicked over me as she worked something out for herself. “You asked me to stay.”

“I know. But …”

“But.” Brenna slid out of my arm and sat on the edge of the bed. I took in every detail of her. I loved the way the light caught her hair, highlighting little flecks of gold. She wore one of my old t-shirts. It was huge on her but she’d tied the bottom into a knot just below her breasts. It showed off her flat, tanned stomach and the tiny little rhinestone she had in her belly button. A flare of protective fury went through me. Had she been downstairs looking like that? I couldn’t stand the idea that any of the guys would see that much of her. I knew what it did to me. I knew what it would do to them.

I also knew Mo and Charlie would never have let anyone mess with Brenna.

“Are things okay?” She looked up at me. “With your friend ... and the shop?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to keep her all to myself. I just ... wanted.

“For now,” I said. It was as much of the truth as I could give her.

“You know,” she said. “When Scotty was alive, he told me there would be times like this with the club.”

My throat felt like sandpaper. I had enough of my own reminders about Scotty today. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Brenna might too. Which only made me feel like that much more of a shit.

“I know,” I said. I sat beside her on the bed. I did know. We’d talked about it a hundred times. Maybe she forgot, but I’d been there for a few of them when Scotty told her what to do.

“He said there would be times when he would tell me to do something and that I should just do it. No questions asked. It scared me then. It scares me now.”

“It’s under control,” I said. Fuck. So here I was, already lying to her.

“Don’t say that,” she said. “I mean ... say it if it’s true. But don’t say it because you think it’s easier for me to hear.”

“So what has Mo been talking to you about today?” I asked.

Brenna’s smile lit me up inside. She turned to me and put her hands on my shoulders. “She loves you,” she said. “I think she loves you like a son. All of you. You know, I don’t think I ever really understood it before today. This club. The draw. When I was a kid, I thought it was just the flashy motorcycles and thrill rides. Scotty was a danger junkie, just like our dad. But that’s not it, is it? I mean, it’s not all of it. These men, Mo, Charlie. They’re your family. They were becoming Scotty’s second family too.”

A tremor went through her. It was as if I could feel her heart beating then breaking a little.

“Yes,” I finally answered. “It’s never just been about the bikes.”

“I get that now. And I get why Scotty was willing to die for it.”

I dropped my head. Her words hit me like gunfire. She put a finger under my chin and lifted my head. Her eyes glistened with tears as I met them, but she wasn’t sad. Wistful, maybe. But she got some answers today I never realized she’d needed. I only wish I’d been here.

“Club life,” she said. “You asked me what Mo and I talked about. She was great. But she doesn’t sugarcoat things. I like that about her.”

“Yeah. Just watch out. You stick around her long enough, someday she’ll give it to you straight between the eyes. Then you’ll wish for a little sugarcoating.”

Brenna laughed. She leaned in and kissed me. It stirred me. Again, I wanted to throw her over the bed and just keep her there. It wasn’t fair to her. Sly’s words hung heavy in my head. This was shitty timing, to say the least. I didn’t know what was coming down the pike, but it was better for Brenna if she were far away from it. No matter what else this club was, people around me had a history of getting hurt.

“Come on,” I said. “Time to get you back home.”

“Are you serious?” Her face fell. “I thought …”

“I told you, this was temporary. We’re not on full lockdown. I’ll take you back. Just, do me a favor and don’t do anything crazy, like heading off to Rowdy’s again.”

She rose on unsteady legs. Dammit, I wanted to keep her here. It would be easy enough to tell her Sly ordered it. Hell, I wouldn’t even need to. I think she would have stayed just because I asked her. I only had to remember Josh’s scared eyes to remind myself why I had to cut her loose for now. Not forever. A week. Maybe two. Until we knew for sure how deep this trouble would get.

Brenna followed me downstairs. She wasn’t happy, but she didn’t question anything. It made me wonder just what Mo really had said to her. I had every reason to think she’d been given a warning like the one Sly had given me.

She slid on the back of my bike and wrapped her thighs around me. Switch and Angel shared a smoke near the dumpster in back. I lifted my chin toward them. They waved. The Harley’s engine roared to life and I chased the moon taking Brenna back home.

There were tears in her eyes that she tried to hide as I idled the engine in front of her dorm. I knew what she felt. I’d felt it too. For the last day and a half, we’d been in a bubble. Now our worlds crashed back in.

“I’ll call you in a day or two,” I said. “In the meantime ... if you …”

“I know the drill,” she said. “Watch my back. Call you if I need anything. I got it, Gunn.”

She was angry with me. Hurt. Fuck. I didn’t figure on this being so hard. But I had to keep a cool head and do what was best for both of us. She put her hand to my cheek and leaned in. I kissed her. Every part of me wanted to throw her back on my bike and tear out of here. I had to let her go.

“Gunn,” she said. This time, she couldn’t keep the tremble out of her voice. “Promise me you’ll be careful. I’m trying to pretend I don’t already know that look in your eyes. I’ve seen it before in Scotty’s.”

My hand went up where she held my cheek. I squeezed her fingers gently and pulled it away. “Baby, don’t.”

“Promise me! You’re the one that’s so big into keeping your oaths. Keep this one. Be okay.”

I said the words. I kissed her palm. But we both knew I couldn’t make that kind of promise. It tore my guts apart, but she was crying when I finally pulled away.