1
Only One Question
Waking up in a cold sweat seemed to be the ‘norm’ for me these days. Ever since I was rescued from the cult of the Hexad. But if I was honest with myself, even back when my life seemed far too simple to put into words, to the point where if I had to pick one, it would be cruelly so, I still used to wake in a cold sweat. And the reason certainly wasn’t a simple one.
No, the reason for this I could put down to just one name…
Vincent Draven.
Of course, now I knew his name it didn’t make it any easier. In fact, knowing he was real just seemed to make it a million times worse. It was hard to explain the reasons why the man terrified me the way he did. Even knowing now that the control he had over me in my dreams had been fragmented pieces reflecting the trauma I was living through day to day. Well, this was at least what I told myself. Now if I could just explain why I would wake from these dreams feeling shamelessly wet and needy in a way I couldn’t explain. It was like a craving you couldn’t put your finger on.
Sometimes since my release, I would find myself pacing whatever hotel room I was in just looking for something to do, but not knowing what. As if I had been a caged lion pawing at the bars for so long that now I was out and free, I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I would open up the minibar and find myself umming and ahhing for endless minutes just with the choice I had lay in front of me. In the end, I would reach for a chocolate bar, but first make sure to look over my shoulder to see if I was being watched.
It was a habit and not a healthy one. I knew this. I also knew it was all part of the psychological leftovers that the cult had ingrained in me. But slowly and surely, I was working on carving out their influence bit by agonising bit. Now, if only I didn’t feel so alone in doing so.
“Don’t go there Ari, it’s not her fault,” I said aloud in the dark, shaking my head and trying not to project any blame because I now faced this alone. When I was in the colony I wasn’t alone. I had Katie…my Kay Bear…my sister. I had all the hopes and dreams that were kept alive by the closest person to me as we spent endless hours talking about getting out of that Hell together. I had a sister to depend on, just as she depended on me. We would talk about facing the outside world together, having aspiring ideas of working at the same place and being able to afford our own apartment or should I say, our own slice of heaven away from the colony.
We had planned it to perfection…or so we thought. But then again there was no accounting for the ‘Fathers’ in charge of the colony to actually be Vampires and intent on bringing forth the end of the world with me tied to a slab and being scarified. Or the fact that our entire lives were a complete and utter lie.
Which brings me to now, and my quest for answers as to who I really was. Finding out that Katie wasn’t actually my sister was the biggest blow yet. That day in the hotel room was by far the hardest day of my life…or as far as I knew it was. Forget all the torturous things that were done to me, most of which still haunted my dreams to this day and would no doubt continue to do so for many years to come.
I remember the first thing I said when she had finished.
“What now…what is there left for me?” I had asked her before breaking down into a series of gut wrenching sobs. I saw the tears welling up in her blue grey eyes before she swallowed hard and replied with such emotion I knew I could trust in her words…the words of a sister…
“Ari, we may not be sisters by blood, but we are always going to be sisters by tears, as we have been through too much with each other to ever walk away. You will always have family with me.” After hearing this, something I had needed as much as I needed my next breath, I collapsed in her arms and cried on her shoulder until some of my heartbreak left me.
After this she had asked me if I wanted to talk about what happened to me but the very thought of doing so had me screaming the word no at her. I hated that I had to shut her out, but at the time I felt I had little choice. I couldn’t have her or anyone else for that matter knowing the horrors that had consumed my world every day for four weeks. I knew the guilt she would feel would be immeasurable and it wasn’t fair of me to put that on her. That amount of emotional weight for someone to hold was a crushing one and not something I was yet willing to pass on to another.
Besides, it wasn’t exactly a time in my life I was eager to face or look back upon, so instead I kept it locked and buried, hopefully for the rest of eternity. So, I simply swallowed the rest of my tears until she had left the room and then I could finally begin to process all she had told me.
It had been strange that hearing about this new world of the Supernatural I had been thrown into hadn’t been the hardest part to take. It actually became the easiest, which was even harder to explain because it just ended up adding even more questions to the never-ending pile of crap to deal with.
Like why had I just accepted it as if it was second nature to me? I didn’t know why, but it felt like somewhere along the line I had already had this conversation. Like fragments of such a period remained with me like dusty memories trying to be seen under the thick layers of time. Well, whatever it was, I didn’t understand it then and I didn’t understand it now, even weeks later. All I knew was that night I had known my guardian had been stood guard outside my room and to escape him I had to drag myself off the floor and go and cry in the shower so that he wouldn’t hear me.
I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t seem to break down to anyone but Katie. I think it stemmed from my time at the Colony. Never let them see you break. Never let them see that they have won. And never let them see the power they hold over you. This was our mantra and our own personal prayer. At first, we thought it was all about control disguised under a cloak of religion. But that night in the woods, that cloak was ripped away and the bare naked truth was there for us to see in the form of a girl being brutally murdered.
I only wish I could say that had been the last of the horrors I had faced, but I would be lying if such words ever escaped my lips. The only thing that kept me alive was knowing that my sacrifice hadn’t been in vain and that Katie was safe. Well, after meeting her ‘Demon’ as she used to call him, then I knew that was still true. Just seeing the way that man looked at her was enough to tell me he would battle at the gates of Hell and fight Lucifer himself, if it was what was needed just to keep her safe.
His brother also had this same look when his eyes sought out my face and it scared me more than anything else in this brutal world.
I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my loose hair as I usually did every morning. For the first week of my release I couldn’t bear to have it tied back in any way for fear that I would open my eyes and find myself back there. I swear, sometimes I could still feel the pins there digging into my scalp. Every time it happened, I would scratch at the base of my neck just to wake myself up to the truth…I am free.
“I am free,” I repeated the words again as I often did since that night ‘My Angel’ found me. I will never forget waking up in Katie’s arms and looking past her to the most magnificent sight I had ever seen. A pair of blinding white wings so Heavenly, I first thought I was in Heaven. Everything about that night was so surreal it was the reason that when I finally opened my eyes again after passing out and found myself in his arms, the first question I asked him was,
“Did I die?” He stopped dead and looked down at me with such emotion, at first I thought I had offended him. Then something in him softened as his frown disappeared and he looked at me with such tenderness, I would have crumbled to the floor had he not had hold of me. Then he looked back over his shoulder towards the church and said, thick with emotion,
“No, my brother saved you… for me.”
I had no memory of what happened after this, but the next time I woke I found myself in the comfiest bed I think I had ever been in, in my entire life. It was also the first time I hadn’t woken up cold and shivering but the second my eyes came into focus, I saw him.
I raised a hand to my cheek at the memory of it all and felt my hot skin under my fingertips. Let’s just say my reaction had been one neither of us will forget…
My First Night…
“This…this can’t be happening,” I told him after shifting my body back against the headboard to put further space between us. There he was, and I couldn’t believe it! Maybe I had been drugged or something? Was this all part of the sick bastards at the colony’s next level of torture? I couldn’t say for sure, but I knew one thing, this time seemed more real than ever!
He raised a single eyebrow in question as he silently sat on the edge of the bed taking me in as though he was studying my every reaction to him. I, in turn, found myself taking in a sharp breath at just how breathtakingly handsome he was. He was the epitome of perfection and masculinity. It was like power just pulsated from deep within him and it was as natural as breathing…his breathing, not mine. No mine was laboured and sounded pathetically wheezy around him. And if I thought about how hot and bothered he got me in my dreams, well then that was nothing in comparison. Because now this was real life and he was real life incredible.
Even dressed as casual as he was, in a pair of dark jeans, long sleeved navy t shirt and leather jacket, it was if he could have been wearing a power suit sat at the head of a board meeting. His intense sapphire eyes drinking me in, shamelessly taking in their fill. The way his unruly blonde curls lay in a natural style and his perfect lips seemed to hold back a hidden smile that he kept from me on purpose. It was all an alluring game that had me wanting more, even though it felt as if I would never have a chance at winning.
“I can assure you, this is happening,” he said in such a way that the last part sounded more like a promise. I found I couldn’t argue. Not that I would, because I had learnt my lesson for such in my dreams. Which begged the question…would he be the same?
When I first started dreaming of him, he had seemed so kind and gentle, it had given me just what I had needed at the time. But as the time had gone on, not only the stronger the connection, but also the more layers seemed to be peeled back from my mysterious Angel. At first, I had told Katie all about my dreams and the comfort they brought me, warming my cold nights of desolation. But then, after about eight months, they had started to change.
The intensity of them had grown in such a way that he started to feel like my own personal puppet master. One that merely had to whisper his commands and my strings would pull at my body in a way that had me blushing just thinking about it. One look, or one worded command spoken, and I would find myself obeying in such a way that it felt natural and that scared me beyond words. To give myself to someone like that went against the grain and fought against that barrier I had built up around me like a fortress. One that a handsome face and strong body would tear down with little force.
“But you’re real? You’re really here?” I asked feeling as though the words had just burst from me and then after hearing how stupid they sounded I quickly mumbled out,
“I mean…well… of course you’re really here.” Upon hearing this, he granted me a small grin that had me taking in another deep breath.
“That I am and here to stay,” he said adding on yet another promise that held a hint of authority to it and I knew it was almost said as a challenge, one I didn’t think wise to accept right now.
“And where is here exactly?” I asked thinking this a safer question.
“You’re safe,” was his answer and I couldn’t help but frown.
“That’s not answering my question,” I told him and then noticed his lips twitch before he told me sternly,
“No, but it’s the only answer you need to hear right now.” Then I looked down to see him clench one fist before stretching out his fingers making me wonder what prompted that action?
“Fine, then you can answer another.” I told him, doing what I always did when I felt backed into a corner. I hissed like a threatened cat, portraying a bravery I didn’t really feel. Again, I noticed the same reaction, only this time his eyes seemed to glow for a second, like they always did in my dreams when he didn’t get what he wanted. It was almost as if someone had flipped a switch and lit up his soul from beneath the skin.
“That we shall see,” he replied and then nodded for me to continue.
“Where is my sister, where is Katie?” The second I asked it, I knew he knew something I didn’t because instead of a cryptic response, now his eyes softened. I knew that look, as it was one that had often been passed to another in the colony. The type of look that tells another that I feel your pain and wish they could help you. This usually happened when one of us, either Katie or I, was being mishandled by one of the Fathers for some petty misdemeanour they classed as blasphemy. Let’s just say they weren’t big on smiles and giggles in the Hell of the Hexad.
“What?! What is it? Is she alright?!” I asked in panic, sitting up straight and almost ready to jump out of bed and run to the door. He must have sensed my panic setting in because he quickly replied,
“Have no fear, for Katie is fine and will be here shortly to…” He paused for a second as though he was trying to think of the right words to say what he needed to.
“To what?” I asked getting impatient.
“…To explain things to you.” he answered softly, and I frowned, shaking my head slightly as if trying to think what he could mean. I was usually good at reading people but with this man, this Angel, it felt like a near impossible task. He was so controlled, so precise it made me wonder if he ever just let go? Was there ever an action taken just for the sheer pleasure of it?
Who was this man?
I was about to ask what he meant when, as if by the power of his thought, Katie arrived. I will never forget the way he left the room, lingering at the door and telling me,
“I won’t be far.” And wasn’t that the truth. Unbeknown to me at the time, after this day he would barely let me out of his sight, no matter how I tried to reason with him. I didn’t know who had appointed him my protector or personal guard, but for the next few weeks he would remain by my side. And what did I learn about him in that time, well other than him obviously being rich, (if the hotel rooms were anything to go by) being well dressed and without a doubt, a control freak, then very little. He was a closed book whose only mission seemed to be to get to know everything he could about me. That in itself was both a daunting and disappointing outcome for us both, considering I was terrified of saying anything that might hint of me dreaming about him every night for the last ten months. So, because of this, I said little.
The only time we shared an understanding was that night at the hotel when he found me in a pit of my own misery. Now, I can’t help but think back to it without feeling ashamed, which was why I was grateful he never mentioned that night again. He walked into the hotel room only an hour after Katie had left and found me fully dressed curled at the bottom of the shower shivering under the rain of warm water. I looked up at him and asked,
“Why can’t I get warm?”
Thankfully, he never replied. No, instead he simply opened the door and soaked himself as he stepped inside so that he could pick me up and carry me from my wet, protective ball I had put myself in. Then he wrapped me in towels and placed me on the bed so gently anyone would have thought I was made of glass. Which, given how breakable I felt in that moment, was a wise decision on his part.
However, I also had never remembered ever feeling so safe as I did when I was in his arms. The way he silently looked at me, as if assessing me for damage and caring about what he might find there. The way he touched me as if he had all the right in the world. And right in that moment, I had needed it as though what life I had left in me had depended on it to continue on this broken path and not just give up.
It was only then that he spoke and when it came, it was hoarse and thick with some unspoken emotion he kept hidden.
“I am going to undress you,” he told me, and I swallowed hard before replying in a quiet voice,
“I can do it,” I said putting my hands to the bottom of the t-shirt I had been dressed in, suddenly begging the question…by who? His hands shot to mine and covered them, encasing them in a large strong grip. The intense reaction was like someone had just zapped me with a painless voltage of electricity. Then he spoke and unbelievably it intensified,
“I don’t repeat myself, sweetheart,” he said as he pried my fingers from the death grip they had on the hem. Just as my mouth had dropped in shock at the barely spoken threat, he had gripped my top and was slowly peeling it up over my shivering body. I had never had anyone this close to me before and the feel of the back of his fingers and knuckles grazing over my cold skin was enough to make me close my eyes against the powerful feelings it invoked within me.
I felt as though I was back in my dreams relinquishing myself to his control and freeing myself in the process. But the only difference was, I could amplify the sensation by a hundred. The heat from his touch leaving a trail against my body like a memory for me to follow. The scent of his body coming at me like waves, trying to entice me like a jungle cat trying to imprint its pheromones on a mate. It all added for a heady mixture of raw sexual energy I could feel building within me and for once, it was no dream.
As soon I was only in my bra I felt him move back and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me in way that was nothing short of burning my image to his memory bank. The heated look alone was enough to heat my body from its core outwards, making my once pale skin blush. I was in no way as pale as Katie but given that I was dripping wet and now half naked, then yes, I was pale under the moonlight that was peeking through the window. But this look only lasted seconds before it was gone, being swiftly replaced with concern as he gathered the towel closer together. Then he nodded for me to hold it closed at my chest. I did as he silently asked but accidently let it slip off one shoulder when he shifted from the bed.
I nearly voiced a protest, asking him not to leave me in my weakness, but it didn’t take long before I realised he wasn’t going anywhere…not yet anyway. No, instead he stood by the edge of the bed looking down at me before he shocked me once more. He lowered himself to his knees and before I could ask what he was doing, he reached across and gripped the back of my knees.
Getting as far as to open my mouth to ask ended in a yelp of surprise when he yanked me closer to the edge and opposite him so that my legs dangled off the edge in between his arms.
“Www…what are you…?” My broken question died and faded away with one pointed look at my bare shoulder. I looked to where he did and quickly covered myself once again seemingly making him happy with my compliance. Then he reached up to my waistband and in one swift move he yanked the stretchy material down my legs before I could utter a sound. I even surprised myself as the abrupt action even managed to make me lift my bottom off the bed, until only my plain white panties remained to cover my modesty.
In that moment, I knew my life would never be the same again and to be honest, there were so many other times that this should have resonated with me. But it was as if a bombardment of life changes had quickly overridden the ones before and suddenly having this man on his knees in front me had started ticking some kind of life clock. Like flipping a switch and starting a life I should have been living all along. It was strange and hard to explain any other way other than it was like living a lie and blindfolded. Now seeing him this way and that blindfold hadn’t just been removed, it had been thrown in the eternal flame burning at the core of who we truly were.
Which was why I asked,
“Is it true what she said…are you really an…an Angel?” His eyes found mine and the startling blue glow was back, telling me without words that he was, but I wanted his voice to confirm it, not his silent reaction.
He got to his feet and took a step back, seemingly taking a deep breath before he answered me,
“I am.” I took a shuddering breath and nodded telling him I understood. Everything Katie had told me about this man was true and now all I needed to know was why…
Why me?
Why was I the one dreaming of him every night? But more importantly, why was he here with me now, taking care of me? Was it the reason I used to fantasize about all those months I needed him in my life? Was it why I had fixated all my hopes and dreams on to him being a real-life hero? The one to save me from my living nightmares like some shining knight on horseback, charging the gates and claiming me as his.
It seemed silly now, all things considered but then again, just invading my dreams for all those months had helped keep me going and kept me strong for not only myself but for Katie as well. I always felt as if I had to take care of my sister, but that first had to come from somewhere deep within me and Vincent had definitely managed to give me the strength to do just that.
Of course, no one knew but for the last four weeks my dreams of him had been filled with that hero turning murderous trying to battle against those darker forces keeping me from him. It had been us trying to fight our way through some Hellish thorny gates, trying to make it to each other.
Like on an endless loop it would play out the same every time my broken body would manage to sleep. We seemed to be in a different time where a dusting of snow blanketed the cobbled road under our feet. The old oil lamps barely penetrated the thick fog that surrounded us, but I ran all the same. I knew he was there. He was waiting for me but just as I made it to the gates, suddenly they slammed shut.
I screamed out my frustration and banged a fist against them in my anger. Then I would be thrown backwards and be left to watch as black demonic plants grew around them, trying to block out my view. But it wasn’t enough. I got up and ran back, caring little for the pain I inflicted upon myself.
My hand would make it through to the other side, all cut up and slashed by razor sharp thorns, but I wouldn’t care. I would force my way through, placing my tear stained cheek and pushing it against the cold rusty metal. I would be calling his name, screaming it into the night and begging for the connection. But faceless shadows would hold him back from getting to me. Creatures void of bodies and floating around him like smoke serpents restraining him. That outstretched hand of his was so close yet felt a lifetime away from ever reaching me.
And all the time I asked myself why?
Why was this happening to us?
I would then wake, silently calling his name as my mouth would be open on the scream, but no sound would make it through. Well, I wouldn’t allow that now. No, now he was here I would ask him. I would actually get to ask the one question that had ignited my obsession. The reason why I believed he was here with me.
So, as he made his way to the door, I forced the words from trembling lips.
“Does this mean, what I think it means?” He paused and asked,
“Ask it of me, Arianna.” It was the first time I had heard him speak my name and for a second, I found I couldn’t get past it. I wanted to fixate it in my mind and never let go of the sound. To be able to replay it over in my mind ready to offer a comfort when I knew I would need it next. But he was waiting, and I knew from experience, if my dreams were anything to go by, he didn’t like waiting where I was concerned.
So, I swallowed my fear of rejection and asked him the only thing in that moment that mattered,
“Are you my…my Guardian Angel?” It became a breathy whisper but one I knew he had heard. I noticed him grip the door hard and swallow even harder before he finally gave me the truth I had needed all this time alone…
“Yes, I am.”
Vincent’s Curse
Kings of Afterlife
Book1
Due for release
Summer 2018