SATAN’S MISTRESS
Jordan
“Mean as a snake. Ice running in her veins. Legit went for the jugular and the balls at the same time. Fortunately, though, I don’t even have balls, according to her.” I drank my beer and slumped into the chair on the deck of the yacht club, regretting everything from the night before. I wasn’t even sure what I’d done to offend her so badly.
“Ouch.” Monty winced.
“Ouch isn’t the right word. She flayed me right there on the subway platform in front of a bunch of strangers. Said I had no integrity.”
“I did warn you.”
“I thought you were warning me against hitting on her because she was practically your sister, not because she was savage as fuck.”
“No. Savage. As. Fuck.” He scoffed. “She can take care of herself. She’s from Brooklyn. I scare guys into thinking I’ll mess with them for hitting on her and wanting some side action, but a lot of the time I’m trying to spare a guy some heartache and humiliation. She’s fast and harsh and witty and smart. It’s deadly.”
“Yeah, I have all the bruises to show for it. She handed me my ass at the party. Chewed my head off in the elevator. Crushed me in the foyer. And then obliterated the last bits on the subway platform.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, she did much worse to France. Homeboy still can’t get a date in New York. Not with a nice girl, that is. He’s seeing models and pretending he’s happy, but I know for a fact his dad is pissed that he’s not with someone proper.”
“Oh, I don’t assume she’s done with me.” I laughed bitterly, almost crying at the end. “I am certain more is coming down the line. She probably saved the real public humiliation for later.”
“Probably. But I bet you won’t ever hit on another girl while you’re still dating anyone else. Like Amy, for example.”
“Amy who?” I gave him a look. “All kidding aside, I asked her out to a late lunch today, hoping to end this civilly. I suspect her family has the same expectations mine does. So there’s no reason we can’t find a mutually beneficial way to break things off without either set of parents making it weird. It’s not like we’ll escape seeing each other. Our dads are dating. But we could try to make this a clean break. I’m thinking if she and I are on the same page, like she wants to call this charade off as well, maybe our dads won’t blame either of us.”
“Bro, you might need something harder than a beer.”
“Why, you got some coke lying around from high school?”
“No.” Monty chuckled. “I missed you. We haven’t hung out in ages.”
“I know, I miss you too. Marcia hating Stephen, even married Stephen, has sort of killed the bromance time.”
“It has. We let girls come between us. Anyway, what are you going to do about the whole Lacey thing? Cause if we’re gonna hang out, you’re going to have to patch things up with her.”
“Pretty sure I won’t be invited back to any parties at Marcia’s house for a long time.”
“Marcia loves me, so at the very least, she’ll have to like you by association, and she didn’t even notice Lacey was gone last night until way later, when everyone was going to the club. Marcia assumed she was drunk and got Darren to drive her home. Lacey had a weird week.”
“Yeah, and I made it so much better by being a dirtbag.”
“You’re not a dirtbag. You made a bad choice getting up in her grill. You should have dealt with Amy before you ever went for Lacey. She’s not one of us. She expects more than girls from the Upper East Side. She doesn’t get the mutual affairs and joint-business-venture side of things either.”
“I don’t understand the mutual affairs and joint-business-venture side of things. And you can’t tell me you and Marcia are cool with them.”
“Hell no. She’s my girl for real. No one touches her.” Monty didn’t kid around when it came to Marcia. His parents were exempt from affairs too. The worst thing they ever did was buy a new penthouse instead of keeping their old family mansion when Old Monty died.
“I’m going to lie low for a while after I break things off with Amy today. If it doesn’t go well, I’ll be having a very long conversation, or short depending on his mood, with my dad about where I stand with our family.” I sighed, knowing how it was going to go.
“You come here, bro. You come here. You know how Mom and Dad feel about your dad. My mom hates him. She’ll rename you as one of her sons. She loves you. So if shit with your dad goes bad and Captain Jack can’t see that this is fucked up, even if it’s a billion dollars of fucked up, then you still have family with us.”
“Thanks, man.”
“And no lying low. Jesus. You’re home for the summer. You have done nothing wrong. Your family shit is unrealistic and insane.”
“I know.” I was grateful for Monty. He saw through the bullshit.
But I would need to lie low.
Last night after the incident, I went home and sent the Test Dummy my gift cards for payment to get the ball rolling and get me tested by them. So I had to assume at some point, I was going to be tested. I would fail, naturally, and if Amy and I couldn’t come to a nice understanding, then she would get that video from me. I would test the waters at lunch and see if she needed that extra excuse to break up or if there was a chance that maybe we were on the same page. Maybe this could be handled mutually and strategically.
“But we’re still on for the poker game tonight, right? No matter what? I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Yeah. Fine. It’ll be fun to have some guy time.” Another lie. I was never going to have fun again. Not until I could get past this Amy thing. “I won’t be long with Amy. Maybe an hour.”
“Okay. I’ll pick you up at seven from your place?”
“Sure. Unless I show up with what’s left of my stuff.” I shrugged.
“Yeah.” He narrowed his steely gaze. “I know you want to stay home and lick your wounds, but the best way to get over this is to prove to Lacey that your intentions were never creepy or underhanded. She’s not a fan of underhanded.”
“I gathered.” I got up and finished off my beer. “I better go and face this music. Wish me luck.”
“Amy isn’t the one you need luck with.” He laughed again and waved me off.
I walked to the car that was waiting for me and climbed into the backseat, jumping when I saw Stephen. “Holy fuck! What are you doing in here?” How did he know where I was?
“Coming to check on my baby bro. When Jenson said he was going to pick you up and take you to the Modern, I knew something was up. Is this the plan to finally get rid of Amy?”
“Yeah. I’m going to do it now. We’re meeting in, like, half an hour. I’m gonna forget everything Mom and Dad and Grandpa said and just end it. Fuck ’em.” I laughed bitterly. “My plan is firstly to try to get her to amicably end it, both of us friends and our dads still friends and business partners. If that doesn’t work, I have another plan in the works. It will get me kicked out of the family, but I can’t do this anymore. A week has been misery.”
“That’s the spirit.” He slapped my leg. “Be a dick, and get what you want. Dad is all talk. Fuck, Grandpa Jack never would have dated someone he didn’t want to. And Dad wouldn’t have either. Mom might have been coerced into hanging with Dad, but he wanted her. Even with all his bullshit, I think he loves her. And in a creepy Stockholm Syndrome sort of way, I think she loves him too.”
“Now you’re pushing it.”
“No, for reals. She doesn’t leave, even though she could. She could have her own life if she wanted it. Instead she sticks it out. She goes on all those fishing trips and lives in the shadow of his life, but she never complains or tries to change things for herself.”
“I don’t know, man.”
“Anyway, don’t pussy out. Be a man. If you get disowned and kicked out, you’re free.” His voice cracked a tiny bit.
“Yeah, I’ve heard I need to man up more.”
“Fuck yes, you do. It’s sad seeing this shit going on. And then once you’re broken up, you can tap Lacey Winters’s ass and give me all the dirty details.”
“You’re disgusting.” I shook my head. He was never going to grow up. Not even when Cynthia forced kids on him. And if I ever had something to tell, I would never spill a single thing about what went on between me and Lacey Winters. In the first place, I was a gentleman and didn’t go for bragging, and in the second place, the way Lacey had treated me so far seemed to indicate that I wouldn’t have anything to brag about, possibly ever. After she had treated me like her personal doormat, I didn’t really want anything from her at the moment anyway, except maybe my dignity handed back to me in one piece.