Chapter Four

Cody

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As I watched Jonah and Isaac leave together I felt the strangest tingle moving up and down my spine.

Both men were gorgeous, and while they were both brunettes with brown eyes, they were hot in completely different ways.

Isaac’s personality and his caring nature enhanced his good looks, and while he was incredibly handsome, he also had this aura around him that drew people in and made him shine.

Jonah was completely different. He didn’t shine, he fucking smoldered. His hair was so dark it was almost black, and his eyes were deep pools that always seemed to be taking in everything around him. His skin tone was slightly olive, and he was built.

I couldn’t be sure, but I’d guess he was just over six feet, and with his broad shoulders, tapered waist, and thick and powerful thighs, he looked like an athlete. He made my breath catch, but there was something soft and gentle about him too.

In the year that I’d known Isaac he’d gone on a few dates here and there, but he hadn’t found a boyfriend, which is what I knew he was looking for. I’d seen him flirt before, but had never seen him look at anyone the way he was looking at Jonah.

It looked like he wanted to devour him, and if they weren’t in the middle of the bar he’d drop to his knees and worship Jonah’s cock. Jonah had the same look when he’d been flirting with Isaac.

Two men I was attracted to, one who was my best friend and the other who’d shown interest in me just a few days ago, had just left the bar together. It should have hurt, but it was turning me on.

Just picturing the two of them kissing and touching each other sent a wave of heat through my body, and my dick instantly hardened. I could almost hear them moaning and grunting in pleasure as I imagined Jonah fucking Isaac in some random bed.

What the fuck was wrong with me? How in the hell could picturing the man I was secretly in love with getting fucked by another man I was wildly attracted to make me hornier than I’d ever been in my life?

I shook my head and tried to focus on the drink orders that were coming in. With Blaze gone I was the only one around to handle the crowd, and the last thing I needed was to start fucking things up.

As I worked I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the last movie night Isaac and I had.

Isaac was incredibly understanding, and patient as fuck. The first few months of our friendship I could barely handle touching him beyond a simple fist bump. I’d tried to hide my aversion to touch, but Isaac was such a tactile person that it had been hard, and within a few weeks he’d started pulling back and giving me my space.

It wasn’t until the night he’d scared the shit out of me with that stupid ringtone that I’d told him anything about my past or why I was the way I was. It had been humiliating. I’d woken up in a panic and my sleep addled brain hadn’t been able to reconcile that I was at Isaac’s place and safe. The fact that I was alone, and in what felt like a strange place had set off a small panic attack and I’d started screaming while I was still half asleep.

Isaac had come tearing into the room, and when he’d seen me I’d been a blubbering mess. He’d sat on the edge of the bed, using his words to soothe me until I’d been able to stop crying and breathe.

He’d apologized up and down, and that had been the moment I’d decided to trust him.

Ever since then Isaac had been wonderful. He’d asked if I’d like help getting used to touch, and offered to ease me into casual intimacy. It had been rough, and every time I’d pulled away from him I’d felt like an asshole, but he never made a big deal out of it, or pushed me. He always asked before doing something new, and he’d helped me more than he could ever know.

The last time we’d gone farther than I’d ever been able to before. I’d never been close enough to kiss someone. Before Isaac I hadn’t wanted to be kissed, but at that moment, when he’d held me close and I’d felt his breath whispering across my cheek, I’d wanted him.

It should have been so easy to tilt my head and move a few inches forward to press my lips against his, but as soon as his hand had touched my upper thigh the familiar panic had welled up in my chest and fear had taken over.

I hated that I was like this, but after years of trying to work through it I was beginning to feel like I’d never be normal.

The worst part of it was that I still felt arousal. I still fantasized and jerked off, but that was all I was able to do.

I guess that’s why I was picturing Isaac and Jonah together. They were both gorgeous so I had to be transferring some of that attraction onto them, because I knew there’s no way I’d ever be able to be with either of them.

That had to be it. I was just making more fantasies to put away in the old spank bank to spice things up.