Chapter Five

Isaac

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As Jonah drove to my place I couldn’t stop checking him out. I was trying to be covert and look at him out of the corner of my eye, but I’m pretty sure he noticed.

The man was gorgeous, and the moment I’d laid eyes on him I’d felt a pull toward him that I couldn’t explain. I wanted him, that was true, but as soon as we’d started talking I’d needed him.

This wasn’t like me. I liked to flirt as much as the next guy, but I never pushed for anything more unless there was some sort of relationship on the horizon. Jonah hadn’t promised me anything and I was probably setting myself up for a one night stand, but that didn’t deter me.

I had no idea if he felt anything close to what I did, but at that point I didn’t care.

“This one?” Jonah asked, pointing at my street as we approached it.

“Yes, almost at the end of the block.”

“What’s the number again?”

“160.”

When Jonah pulled up in front of the converted duplex Noah and I lived in, I turned in my seat to look at him.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked, letting my eyes travel up and down the length of his body.

“Yeah, I do.”

I waited as Jonah parked the car in front of our building, since the driveway was full, then climbed out of the car.

“Is your brother home?” he asked as we made our way up to the house.

“I think so. He didn’t have any plans when I left earlier.”

“Will he mind me coming over?”

“Noah’s cool with me being gay.”

I didn’t want to say that he was cool with me bringing random guys home because that never happened, and I didn’t want to lie. I had a feeling Jonah had a hell of a lot more experience than I did, and I didn’t want to scare him off by telling him the truth about my history.

I’d only been with six guys in the past nine years. Two of them had been long-term boyfriends, one had been a short relationship and three had been pickups while I’d been figuring out what I’d wanted. I hadn’t been with anyone in over a year, and I’d always topped.

It wasn’t that I was against bottoming, it was quite the opposite. I wanted to experience it, but I’d only ever found myself with guys who preferred to bottom. I didn’t know what Jonah’s preference was, but something told me he wasn’t the type to bend over for just anyone.

When we were inside the apartment I could hear music coming from Noah’s room. He was awake, but he wouldn’t be able to hear us.

Feeling a surge of confidence I took Jonah’s hand in mine and led him to my room. When the door was closed behind him I dropped his hand and turned around so I was facing him.

The look he was giving me was hungry, and I swear I could almost feel his eyes as they raked up and down my body. He was smoldering, there was no other way to describe the sensuality and sexiness that was rolling off him in waves, and I swallowed convulsively as I waited to see what he would do.

After a moment he stepped toward me, his arms snaking around my waist as he pulled me flush against his body. He was only a few inches taller than me, but because he was so broad he felt big and powerful, and I fucking loved it.

He tilted his face, moving it toward mine as I gripped his hips and waited for his kiss, but it didn’t come right away.

Instead he stopped so his lips were hovering over mine, close enough I could feel the heat coming off them, but not his actual skin. His hands moved from my waist and slid down so they were cupping my ass. I could feel his cock, hard and hot against me, and even through our clothes I could tell he was big.

Jonah’s eyes were open and searching mine, and holy fuck the man knew how to seduce without uttering a single word. Everything he was doing was relatively innocent in pieces, but put together they were driving me crazy.

When he finally closed the distance between us and pressed his lips against mine, his kiss was gentle.

I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped my throat as he gently kneaded the globes of my ass with his big hands, while his lips played over mine in teasing little kisses. When his tongue finally traced over my bottom lip I eagerly opened to him.

The moment our tongue touched, the kiss went from sweet and gentle to hot and hard. Our lips mashed together, our tongues sliding in and out of each other’s mouths. His hands were relentless as he held me, forcing me to rub my cock against his with each push and pull. My hands found their way into his hair and I threaded my fingers in the soft, thick strands as I pulled him even closer.

I cried out against his lips as my arousal reached levels I’d never experienced before, and I could already feel my body cramping as my lower back tightened.

“Fuck!” I tore my lips from his, shaking my head as I tried to calm down.

It felt like my skin was crawling, and no matter what I did my arousal only built.

“It’s okay,” Jonah said softly, holding me against his body as his hand slid down my stomach. When he cupped my painfully hard cock I jerked away from him.

“I’m too close.” I shook my head against his neck. “I can’t—”

“It’s okay.” He deftly pulled my pants open and reached into my boxer briefs. “Just feel, okay? I’m going to take the edge off for you.”

I didn’t get a chance to answer because the moment he gripped my shaft in his slightly calloused hand, I lost all control.

My dick was already slick with pre-cum, and as soon as he began dragging his hand over me, I felt my orgasm begin.

Less than a dozen strokes later and it was like the world exploded as my orgasm crashed over me. It was as though my mind temporarily went somewhere else, to a place where only pleasure and bliss exist, and I wasn’t aware of anything other than Jonah’s body against mine and his arms holding me up.

When I finally came back to earth I was lying on my bed with Jonah next to me. He was holding me against his body with one arm, as the other traced over my torso. His lips ghosted over my cheek and I blinked as I turned to look at him.

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t.” He shook his head, cutting me off. “That was beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

“It’s been a while for me.” I felt my face flush but didn’t look away. This might be a one night stand, but he deserved to know the truth.

“It’s okay. I loved watching you come. You have no idea how perfect you looked.”

His words stirred something inside me, and I could feel life returning to my spent cock as it twitched.

At some point he must have wiped his hand clean because I didn’t seen any of my semen on him, or on myself for that matter. How long had I been in lala land?

“I don’t usually do this.” I swallowed. “Bring guys home. I mean.”

“Oh?”

“I know a lot of guys say that, but I’m not usually into casual sex.”

“Isaac, we don’t have to have sex tonight.”

I tried to keep my face neutral as disappointment washed over me. Not only had I come like some newbie virgin the second he’d touched me, I’d fucked up any chance of getting to be with him.

“We have plenty of time for that.”

“What?”

Was he saying what I thought he was? Did he want more than one night?

“I hope I’m not being too forward, but I’d like to see you again.” He reached up and gently traced his thumb over my eyebrow.

“I’d like that too.”

Jonah smiled and leaned over to give me a soft kiss. I could feel his erection against my hip, and slid my hand over him.

“Fuck,” he hissed as I gripped his thick shaft in my hand.

Just because we were going to see each other again didn’t mean I was willing to give up my chance to touch him. I rolled toward him and quickly undid his pants as he gathered me up in his arms.

Reaching into his pants I rubbed my hand over his briefs a few times before sliding them under that last layer of material.

As I gripped and stroked him, I marvelled at his size. He was thicker than I’d ever felt, and while he didn’t feel overly long, his girth was well above average.

Jonah’s lips found mine, and he groaned against our kiss as I gently spread his pre-cum around the head of his cock to lube it up. He was dripping, but I wanted to tease him a bit before I got him off.

I toyed with him, pressing my thumb against his circumcision scar before rubbing light circles over it.

“Fuck, Isaac,” he groaned, his lips hovering over mine as he made the hottest noises of pleasure I’d ever heard.

Biting back my grin I pressed my lips against the side of his neck, feasting on his warm skin as I began stroking him with long, hard drags. After only a few moments of letting me tease him, Jonah’s hips began shifting and he started fucking my fist as his arms tightened around me.

“That’s it, fuck my hand. Come for me.” I ran my tongue over the shell of his ear as I whispered my encouragement, and was rewarded with a gasp as his cock pulsed before his entire body jerked.

I held him as he shook and shuddered in my arms, his cum spilling over my hand as he shouted my name.

When he’d calmed he lifted his head from the crook of my neck and gave me a sweet kiss. I smiled against his lips, and when he pulled away I untangled myself from his arms and sat up to find a shirt or something to clean up with. I’d have to remember to pick up some wipes the next time I was at the store.

I found one at the foot of my bed and grabbed it, wiping my hand and then giving it to Jonah so he could clean up a bit. When he was done I tossed the shirt into my hamper and we both did up our pants.

“Do you want to lie down for a while?” I asked hopefully, not wanting the night to end.

Jonah smiled and shifted so he could lie down, and I nestled my body against his side as he pulled me close.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” I looked up at him and could see he was chewing his lip. “What is it?” I asked when he didn’t say anything right away.

“It’s about Cody.”

“Okay.”

“I noticed something about him...”

“How he doesn’t handle touch very well?”

“Yeah. And attention. I flirted with him a bit and he almost seemed to panic.”

“Cody had a rough childhood,” I said carefully. I didn’t want to get into too many details since it wasn’t my story to tell, but wanted to let Jonah know that it wasn’t about him. “He was abused, and because of that he can’t handle touch or physical closeness. He also has problems dealing with any sort of attention because it confuses him.”

“The abuse, was it sexual?” he asked carefully.

“Yeah, but that’s not all of it.”

“I see.”

“He’s a great guy, but it really fucked him up. He’s better now. We’ve been working on getting him used to casual touching and he’s come a long way.”

“Has he seen anyone?”

“He was in therapy for a while but stopped. He said it wasn’t helping him anymore and he was broken beyond repair.”

“Do you have feelings for him?” Jonah asked quietly.

I didn’t want to lie to him, especially if he was thinking of starting something. He deserved to know the truth, even if it drove him away.

“Yes.”

Instead of sitting up and leaving, Jonah just held me tighter and dropped a few tender kisses on my forehead.

“Does he have feelings for you?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think he does, but we’ve never talked about it. I think we’re both afraid of ruining things if we’re not on the same page, plus there’s the whole part where I wouldn’t be able to touch him.”

“That has to be hard.”

“How are you so understanding about this?” I looked up at him. “We just messed around and decided to see each other again, but now we’re talking about my feelings for my best friend? How are you not running as far and as fast as you can?”

“Because I know how you feel.”

“What do you mean?”

Jonah pulled in a deep breath and paused. For a moment I thought the conversation was over, then he started talking.

“In my first year of college I shared a room with a guy named David. He was shy and withdrawn, but there was something about him that instantly attracted me to him. I’d come out and was openly gay, but David struggled with his sexuality.”

“How come?”

“His father used to beat him to try and get the gay out of him. It went on for years and only stopped when his father died in a car accident when he was a few months away from graduating high school. He had so much guilt in him because he loved his dad and missed him, but he was grateful the beatings had stopped.”

“Wow, poor guy.”

“We became good friends and he opened up to me. I fell in love with him, hard, but I was afraid of losing him so I never made a move. He had a lot of internalized homophobia and would get disgusted with himself for giving in to his desires.”

“What do you mean?”

“He never dated or flirted with anyone that I could see. One day I came back to the dorm and found him crying. After a lot of prodding he’d admitted that he’d jerked off while thinking about me. It had messed him up because we were friends and he thought he shouldn’t be thinking about any guy like that. That’s when I knew I could never act on my attraction for him, so I tried to help him see that being gay wasn’t some disease and that his father couldn’t hurt him anymore.”

“Did he get better?”

“I thought so. We lost touch during summer break. I had to pick up two jobs to try and help pay for school since my parents were stretched pretty thin. We talked a few times a week and he seemed like he was doing good. A week before classes started his mother called to tell me David had committed suicide.”

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Jonah.”

“That’s when I decided to study psychology, so I could help kids who’d been abused before they did what David had. It’s why I moved here to work at Open Arms.”

I wrapped my arms around him a little tighter and pressed a few chaste kisses against his lips when he turned to look at me.

“I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose someone that you love, especially like that,” I said softly as he held me a little tighter. “I’m so sorry.”

“If us being together is going to hurt Cody in any way, then I don’t think I can do this,” he said after a pause.

“I honestly don’t know if it will, but I’ll talk to him.” I was so touched with how understanding and wonderful Jonah was being. I couldn’t imagine anyone else being this kind, or putting Cody’s needs above his own after only meeting him once. It really told me a lot about what kind of man Jonah was.

“Good.” He gave me one last kiss and lay back on the pillow.

Things had just gotten hella complicated, but Jonah was right. If us being together hurt Cody, then I couldn’t do it either.

* * * * *

“So, what’s up?” Cody asked as he opened the door to his apartment.

“Nothing. How are you?”

He stepped aside so I could come in and gave me a look.

“I’m good. Are you sure it’s nothing? Your text made it seem like you had something to talk to me about.”

“Let’s sit.”

“Okay...”

We sat on his couch and I turned to face him.

“What’s going on, Isaac? You’re kinda freaking me out.”

“On Saturday, when I left with Jonah...”

“Yeah?”

“We hooked up.”

“Oh?”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Why would I feel anything about that?” he asked defensively.

“Please, Cody.”

“I...I don’t know.”

“Does it bother you at all?” I asked softly.

“No...not bother, exactly...”

“Cody.” I reached out and gently put my hand on his, grateful when he didn’t pull away from me. “Do you have feelings for me? Please, be honest.”

“I...why are you asking me this?”

“I have feelings for you, Cody. I have for a long time now. I never said anything because I didn’t want to put you on the spot or make you feel uncomfortable, but I do.”

Cody stared at me, his eyes wide.

“Are you okay?” I asked when the silence dragged out and became uncomfortable.

“You...you do?”

“Yes. I do.”

“I do too. For you,” he added quickly.

My mouth dropped open and I couldn’t help staring at him. A part of me had always wondered if maybe Cody had feelings for me too, but to actually hear him admit it was almost too much. I loved him, so much, and while I didn’t know how strong his feelings for me were, the fact that they were there meant everything to me.

It felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders and a rush of warmth went through me, but it quickly dissipated when I realized just how complicated things were about to get.

“Jonah and I... we were talking.”

“About?” Cody prompted when I paused.

“You.”

“Me?”

“Tell me honestly, how do you feel about me and Jonah being together?”

“It...”

“It what, Cody.”

“It turned me on,” he admitted softly.

“What?”

“I don’t know why, but when I saw you leaving with him and I pictured you guys together... it turned me on.” He looked away, his cheeks flaming as he pulled his hand from mine.

“It did?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what’s wrong with me—”

“Why would that mean something’s wrong with you?”

“Who gets all hot and bothered thinking about the guy they’re in love with fucking the guy he’s crushing on? That’s messed up, man.”

“You love me?” I asked stupidly.

“Yeah.” He sighed, keeping his eyes on his hands as he held them in his lap.

It was almost more than I could have hoped for. He might have told me by mistake, but that couldn’t take away the fact that the feelings were there. Cody loved me.

“I love you too, Cody.”

He looked up at me, his eyes bright and hopeful. “You do?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Taking a chance I reached up and brushed the back of my hand over his cheek. He didn’t jerk away or flinch. That was something.

“What about Jonah?” he asked quietly.

“He told me he wasn’t willing to pursue anything if it would hurt you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He’s noticed some things about you— like how you couldn’t flirt with him and you don’t handle touch. He was worried that us being together would hurt you.”

“You like him?”

“I do,” I said honestly. “I don’t know him all that well, but yeah, I like him.”

“I don’t want to stand in the way of anything, Isaac.”

“Cody—”

“What can I possibly give you? I can’t even kiss you. I freaked out when you touched my fucking thigh. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if we can’t even be together?”

“I don’t care about any of that.”

“Did you and Jonah have sex?”

“No. We jerked each other off, but we didn’t do more than that.”

I saw something in his eyes flare as he looked at me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was getting turned on.

“Can you...”

“Can I what, Cody?”

“Can you tell me about what it was like, with him?”

“Yeah. If you want me to.”

“I do.”

“It was hot. He’s an amazing kisser. It’s like he puts every part of himself into his kisses.”

“Yeah? What else?” Cody asked, his voice catching and his cheeks flushing.

“He felt incredible. So strong and solid, but he was gentle and soft, too. I got so turned on just from kissing him I almost came.”

“Wow.”

Cody looked completely enraptured by my story, so I kept talking.

“He was amazing. He jerked me off, told me to relax and to feel. I’ve never come harder than I did with him. It was fucking amazing, Cody. Like I went to another place.”

“Fuck...” he breathed, still staring at me.

“I was embarrassed for coming so quick, but he told me I was beautiful and he loved watching me. Then it was my turn to touch him. He was big, so thick, and fuck he was dripping for me. It was so hot, stroking him, getting him off, and when he came he shouted my name.”

Cody’s breath hitched and he swallowed convulsively.

“Does that turn you on? Thinking about me and Jonah together gets you hot?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

I had no idea what the fuck was happening, but I’d never seen Cody react like this to anything. Before I could say something else he was leaning toward me.

I held still, watching his lips as they came closer. At the last second I closed my eyes and Cody’s lips gently pressed against mine in a sweet and tentative kiss.

I barely breathed as Cody’s lips brushed against mine a second time, then a third. I desperately wanted more, but I was terrified I would ruin the moment if I moved.

“Was that okay?” he asked, pulling away from me.

“That was fucking incredible.”

“Can you try to kiss me?” he asked softly, his gaze moving between my lips and my eyes. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“Tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

“Okay.”

Willing my body to calm down and move slow, I reached out and gently placed my hand on Cody’s cheek. His skin was hot under mine and a tingle moved through my palm at the contact. I used my hand to angle his face the way I wanted him, then I leaned forward.

His breath moved over my face as I gently pressed my lips against his. They were warm and soft, and so pliant it made my dick ache. I ghosted several more kisses against his mouth, then I took a chance and moved my tongue out to trace his bottom lip.

Cody moaned as I stroked the seam of his lips with my tongue, and then he opened to me.

I could tell he was completely inexperienced, but it was perfect. Fucking perfect. I slid my tongue into his mouth, rubbing it over his a few times before he began to respond. His movements were hesitant, but it was the fact that it was Cody was what made the kiss so incredible.

I was kissing the man I loved, and he was kissing me back.

A rush of desire went through me and I gave him one last nipping kiss before pulling away. I only had so much resolve, and if we kept going, I’d end up pushing things too far and scare him.

As I sat back I studied Cody, trying to see how he was doing with what had just happened.

He was sitting with his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. They were wet and pink from my kisses, and I had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss him again.

“Cody?” I asked when he opened his eyes and looked at me. “Was that okay?”

“That was amazing.” He touched his fingers to his lips and smiled. “Wow.”

I knew that was Cody’s first kiss, and I was honored he’d chosen me to share it with. Love bloomed out into my chest as I watched him, but then Jonah flashed into my mind and I felt a surge of regret go through me.

I had no idea what to do. It was true I was in love with Cody, and I’d told him the truth about how not being able to be with him didn’t bother me. But I couldn’t deny the feelings I had for Jonah, and was mourning the loss of what could have been.

“Isaac?”

“Sorry. Just thinking.” I shook my head and focused on him.

“About Jonah?”

“Yeah.”

“I meant it when I said I didn’t want to get in the way of you and him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Why don’t you go out with him again and see what’s really there. If you want to start something with him I’ll be okay with it. I promise, it won’t hurt me.”

“Are you sure? I feel like things shifted here.”

“They did. But I’m sure. We don’t have to decide anything right now. Okay?”

“What did you think of him? He said he flirted with you but you freaked a bit.”

Cody bit his lip before shrugging. “I thought he was hot, and nice. I liked talking with him and wanted to flirt and be coy and all that shit, but he reminded me of...”

I put my hand on Cody’s thigh when he trailed off, and noticed how he didn’t even flinch.

“I get it. He is kind of an alpha male.”

“Is it hot, being with a guy like that?”

“It is.” I nodded, grinning. “I’ve only ever been with guys who consider me the alpha. I love the fact that he’s big and strong. Like he could do anything with me and I’d love every second of it.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wished I could take them back, but Cody’s breath caught as his face flushed.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So you’ll see him again?”

“I’ll see him again.”

“Good.”

“Are you working today?”

“In about an hour.”

“Want a ride?”

“Thanks. Chill while I take a shower and get ready?”

“Cool.”

I watched as Cody stood and headed into his bedroom.

I had no idea what the fuck had just happened. I’d kissed Cody, he’d told me he loved me, but then he’d wanted me to see Jonah again so I could sort out my feelings. Talking about my hook up had turned him on and prompted our first kiss... what the actual fuck?

I’d been hoping for less complicated when I’d come here, now it felt like I could barely see complicated in the rear view mirror.

Choosing between them should have been easy. I was in love with Cody and he loved me, but I couldn’t just walk away from Jonah. It was true I didn’t know him very well yet, but it felt like there was something there. Something very real and worth exploring.