Chapter Seven

Cody

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I felt the moment the conversation shifted.

I knew we had to talk about things, and I’d already decided to trust Jonah and tell him as much as I could, but I didn’t know how to start the conversation.

“When did you first figure out you were gay?” Jonah asked Isaac, and I was grateful he hadn’t started with me.

“I was twelve. I was hanging out with a friend of mine and he was going on about this girl in our class he wanted to kiss. It was really the first time I thought about kissing someone, and when he asked me who I liked it hadn’t been a girl. What about you?” Isaac asked Jonah.

“I was a bit older. I was fourteen and my friend Travis and I were hanging out. I’d already figured out that I was attracted to boys, but there was still part of me that wanted to like girls.”

“Why is that?” Isaac asked.

“I lived in a conservative area and the kids at school didn’t really accept anything that was different. A girl in our class got pregnant and she was ostracised and bullied until she switched schools. My family was always very open and accepting of everything, but I was worried about what everyone at school would say.

“That had to be tough,” I said quietly as I picked at the label on my beer.

“It was. I had a bit of a crush on Travis but figured he was straight. I was wrong.” Jonah chuckled to himself. “He kissed me. It was my first kiss and I knew right then that I was gay and women didn’t do it for me.”

“Was he your first boyfriend? Or just a guy you messed around with?” Isaac asked.

“First boyfriend. We were together for three years.”

“Nice.” Isaac grinned.

“What about you, Cody?” Jonah asked as he looked at me.

“I didn’t know for sure until I was almost eighteen. Before that I thought I was nothing, like not gay or straight since I didn’t think about anyone in that way.” I looked at the table as I talked, my face flushing hot. “When I started to think about sex or romance, anything like that, it was always guys I was thinking about so that’s when I knew for sure.”

“How did you come out?” Jonah asked Isaac.

“I was outed, actually.” Isaac sighed. “Someone walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing in an empty classroom. We weren’t ready to be out so we pretended like we didn’t know each other while we were at school and hung out after and on the weekends. It was the first time we ever did anything on school grounds, and by the next morning everyone knew.” He shrugged. “It wasn’t too bad. Some people said some stupid shit and all of a sudden every chick wanted to be my new best friend, but for the most part it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“I told my family when Travis and I started dating, but I wasn’t open about it until college when I was in a more liberal environment. I’ve been lucky and never had any issues,” Jonah supplied before Isaac could ask.

I knew what was coming and looked between Jonah and Isaac. “I never came out, not really. It was obvious when I went to Open Arms, and then started working at The Den, so I never bothered to tell anyone outright.”

“Cody, can you tell me about your past?” Jonah asked quietly.

I looked at Isaac, and when I saw his encouraging smile I nodded slowly.

“My mom was an addict. She didn’t start using until my dad died when I was six, but as soon as she started it was like she became a different person. In two years she spent everything we had, sold everything she could, and we ended up in a tiny apartment in a shitty part of town. When the money was gone she started trading herself for drugs, then one of her dealers offered to keep her supplied if he could sell me.”

Isaac’s hand brushed against mine as he took the beer bottle I’d been fiddling with out of my hand and put it on the table. I couldn’t look up at Jonah, but was grateful when Isaac put his hand on the table, his palm up, offering me support.

“How old were you the first time?” Jonah asked quietly as I put my hand on Isaac’s and laced our fingers together.

“Nine.” I glanced up and was glad that Jonah was keeping his expression neutral. I couldn’t handle seeing pity right now.

“How long did it go on?”

“Until my mom overdosed when I was thirteen. After that I went into foster care and bounced around until I aged out.”

“Can you tell me a bit about what happened to you?” he asked quietly.

“I didn’t realize what was happening the first time. I didn’t know who the dealer was when he offered to take me out for ice cream. I was excited because someone was paying attention to me, seemed to care, and I hadn’t had ice cream since before my dad died.” I swallowed and squeezed Isaac’s hand. “He took me to a motel and there was a man waiting for us in the room. Apparently my virginity was worth a lot, and he recorded it.”

Isaac’s hand convulsed around mine. I’d never told him that part, about any of the videos or pictures.

“I didn’t understand what was happening and it hurt so bad. I cried and screamed but he seemed to like it. I thought I was going to die, that he was going to kill me. Then it was over and the dealer brought me home. Mom was so strung out she didn’t even notice me crying in the bathroom. After that it happened a few times a week. Some days there’d be more than one, others he would make videos of me doing stuff, take pictures of me.” I closed my eyes and drew in a shaky breath. “I came home from school one day and found mom after she’d overdosed. I called the cops and they took her away. They put me in foster care and it ended. I bounced around a few homes, but I was so skittish and afraid of everything I never stayed long. I spent most of my time in group homes.”

“How did you hear about Open Arms?” Jonah asked when I paused.

“A case worker came to the group home I was in and talked to us. She told us about this shelter that helped gay kids, gave them a place to live and found them jobs. After I was kicked out of the group home I went there and asked for help.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Cody.”

I nodded and glanced over at Isaac.

“It kind of fucked up how I saw sex, you know? The first few times I got hard I freaked out, thinking that there was something wrong with me. I used to do everything I could to not get turned on, but after I went to Open Arms and started talking with a therapist I realized that arousal wasn’t a bad thing, but I still couldn’t handle being touched.”

“And now?” Jonah asked softly.

“I want to be okay with it. I hate not being able to touch people I care about. I don’t want to be this way.”

“What do you want? What can we do to make this easier for you?” Isaac asked.

“I don’t know.” I sighed and shook my head.

“Is it the idea of sex, or arousal that makes you uncomfortable?” Jonah asked after a pause.

“Both. I’ve never seen sex when it’s not violent or...”

“You’ve never watched porn?” Isaac asked.

“No. I was afraid of what I’d see.”

“But imagining me and Isaac together was arousing, and it didn’t scare you,” Jonah pointed out.

“Not at all. I liked it.” I swallowed and then licked my lip as my cock swelled slightly.

“Would seeing Isaac and I together be something you’d want? If we could show you that arousal and sex is natural and can be a wonderful thing?”

The thought of being there and experiencing them together, even as a voyeur, was exciting and made my cock go rock hard, and I found myself squirming as I tried to find a more comfortable way to sit.

“Cody?” I looked over at Isaac and saw he was staring at me with heat in his eyes. “Would you like that?”

“Yes.” I breathed. “Would you be okay with that?”

Isaac looked between me and Jonah, and then nodded. “As long as you’re with us in whatever way you can be.”

I looked at Jonah.

“It’s the same for me.” Jonah nodded. “As long as you’re with us.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to do anything...”

“It’s fine. Even just you watching, being there. It’ll make you a part of it.” Isaac squeezed my hand.

“You never have to do anything, okay?” Jonah added. “No matter what, you can say no, stop things or walk away. You never owe us or anyone anything, do you understand?”

“Yeah, I know you guys would never hurt me.” I looked between them and bit my lip.

“I want Jonah to be my first, baby. And I want you to watch us. To see how good it can be when someone takes you for the first time.” Isaac leaned forward until his lips hovered over mine, but he didn’t close the distance between us.

“You’ve never...”

“No, I’ve never bottomed before.” He shook his head and pressed his lips against the corner of my mouth before pulling back. “But I want to.”

“If we do, it wouldn’t be my first time—”

“Yes, it would,” Jonah cut in and Isaac nodded before sitting back. “Nothing that happened to you before means shit. If you choose to experience it with us, then it’s your first time.”

I felt heat creeping over my cheeks as I nodded. They had no idea how much those words meant to me.

I’d been fucked more times than I could count. I’d sucked more dicks than I wanted to remember, but I’d never kissed anyone until Isaac. I’d never had an orgasm that wasn’t from my own hand, and I’d never felt a hand, a mouth, or an ass around my cock. I truly felt like a virgin even though my virtue had been stolen over a decade ago.

“What do you want, Cody. Right now. What do you want?” Isaac asked.

“I want to watch you two together.” My breath hitched and I almost choked on the words as my heart seemed to skip a few beats, but it was the truth.

Isaac smiled and reached down for my hand. As he pulled me up I glanced over at Jonah to make sure he was okay with my request. He was staring at Isaac and I with hunger in his eyes, and I swallowed convulsively.

As Isaac and I made our way around the table Jonah met us, and he reached down and took my other hand.

As my men— I loved the sound of that, my men— led me out of the dining room and toward the stairs, I was excited and a bit nervous, but not scared. I wanted this, god how I wanted this. Even though I wished I could be an active participant, it felt like they were making this about me.

The walk up to Jonah’s room couldn’t have taken more than ninety seconds, but it felt like an eternity had passed before we were inside the spacious and well decorated room.

Curiosity forced me to look around, and I saw that Jonah was a simple man. There was a queen-sized bed with a matching bedroom set. A chair was pushed up in one corner and covered with what looked like clean laundry, and that made me smile. I liked how Jonah was letting us see his room exactly how he lived in it. The bedspread was blue and his pillows were white. There were tons of pictures of what I assumed were his family scattered around the room, and a door to what looked like a master bathroom and another that lead to a walk-in closet.

After Jonah closed the door he turned to face Isaac and I, still holding my hand.

“What would make you comfortable?” he asked softly, his eyes focused on me.

“Maybe I could be over there?” I nodded to the chair. “And you guys can be there?” I looked at the bed, my face hot and my voice shaking slightly.

“Okay.” He glanced at Isaac who nodded. “But promise you’ll stop things if you get overwhelmed or aren’t enjoying it, okay?”

I nodded. I honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to handle watching them, but I decided right then and there to not interrupt unless I was about to have a panic attack. This wasn’t just about me, and they deserved to enjoy this without worrying about whether or not I was about to freak out on them.

Isaac stepped closer to me and bent his head to brush his lips over mine in a soft kiss. I sighed and followed his mouth as he drew back, needing more from him.

His lips pressed against mine in a firmer kiss, and when the tip of his tongue darted out to tease the seam of my lips I opened to him. His tongue slipped into my mouth, sliding sensually against mine as his free hand gripped my hip.

I gasped when I felt another hand on the small of my back, not pushing me at all, but holding me firmly.

I unconsciously pressed back against Jonah’s hand, and reached behind me. My hand found Jonah’s stomach and I gripped his shirt to pull him closer to us.

With Isaac in front of me and Jonah pressed up against my back, I should have felt crowded and overwhelmed, but the only thing I felt was excitement as Isaac continued to kiss me and Jonah’s lips traced over the back of my neck.

A moment later Isaac broke our kiss, his eyes hooded and his lips glistening as he stared at me. His gaze shifted to Jonah and when I saw him bite his lip, I turned so I was facing Jonah.

Jonah’s look was so hungry it was almost primal, but his virility didn’t scare me. It was fucking amazing, and my cock rubbed painfully against the waistband of my boxer briefs where it was nestled.

Jonah’s mouth found mine in a hot but still light kiss. He didn’t press for more until I parted my lips for him, and when his tongue teased and licked the recesses of my mouth, I couldn’t help moaning.

Isaac’s hand ran up and down my side, gripping my hip and then ghosting over my ribs, and when Jonah pulled away I looked between them.

I needed to see them kiss, to watch as they enjoyed each other’s mouths. I tugged Isaac closer and stepped out of the way so he and Jonah were in front of each other.

I watched as they stared at each other, their lips parted and their eyes dark with lust. Then Jonah bent his head and Isaac tilted his face up to meet him.

The kiss was beautiful. I didn’t know how else to describe it.

Their lips pressed against each other as their tongues danced and played, and when I saw Jonah grip Isaac’s lower lip between his teeth and tug before soothing it with his tongue, I started to feel a bit dizzy.

Not wanting to interrupt them I squeezed Isaac’s hand before letting go and patted Jonah’s side, hoping they would understand that I wanted them to continue while I moved to the chair.

As soon as I stepped back the two men enfolded each other in their arms. Jonah held Isaac with one hand behind his neck and the other at the small of his back, while Isaac held Jonah by the hips so their bodies were flush.

I carefully made my way over to the chair and moved the laundry to the floor before sitting down.

Watching them kiss and hold each other was amazing, and I had to reach into my pants to shift my cock so it wasn’t being compressed by my elastic waistband.

I wanted to touch myself, to pull my dick out and stroke it while I watched them, but I didn’t know if I was ready for that. Instead I palmed myself a few times and concentrated on watching the two men in front of me.