Twenty.

 

Finn.

 

Her words don’t register at first. They just drift around us on the wind. But then they hit home like a fucking bullet, each one tearing my heart open as I realize what she’s saying.

“What are you talking about?” I demand, praying to God this is all some crazy mistake. A baby? Our baby? “Eva, I don’t understand.”

Her face is so fragile right now. She looks seventeen all over again.

“I didn’t realize,” she whispers, taking a shaking breath. “You left, and I fell apart. I was so heartbroken that I cried for days. I was so busy trying to put on a brave face for my parents and Lottie I didn’t even notice when I missed my period.”

I stand there, my head spinning. What the fuck did I do?

“I didn’t find out until it was too late,” Eva tells me, sounding hollow. “I was helping out at the shelter, and I got the worst cramps. So bad, I nearly passed out. Edith drove me to the medical practice in the next town. A nurse there ran some tests, and she told me. I was eight weeks pregnant, and I.” She pauses. “I was miscarrying.”

I curse under my breath. I pull her into my arms, holding her tightly. I should have held her all those years ago. I should have been there.

I should have been a fucking man.

“I lied to Edith,” Eva says softly against me. “I told her it was just bad cramps, and went home. I spent the night in bed with a hot water bottle and painkillers until.” She pauses. “Until it was over. It wasn’t much, in the end,” she swallows. “Just like a regular period. If I hadn’t gone to the doctor, I would never even have known.”

I draw back, cradling her face. Damn, I can’t bear the pain I see in her eyes, the shadows of this secret she’s been carrying alone for so long. “Why didn’t you tell me? If I’d known.”

Eva shakes her head. “It wouldn’t have changed anything. You were gone. Even I didn’t know, not until it was already too late.”

“But you were alone.” I clench my jaw, hating myself right now. “You should never have gone through that on your own.”

“But I did.” Her voice is soft but steady. “You weren’t here, and I had no way of reaching you.”

It’s a gut punch, and I deserve it. “Eva.”

She shakes her head, looking stronger now. “I’m not trying to blame you. I just wanted to tell you, so there wouldn’t be any secrets between us anymore.” She wipes her tears, and I can feel her pulling away from me. I take her hand, trying to keep the connection open before her walls go up again.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry. I can’t imagine what you went through,” I don’t know what the fuck to say, because no words can ever touch this. “Please, talk to me.”

Eva gives me a sad smile. “There’s nothing else to say about it, not really. It was over a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

But she’s wrong. I watch her start walking slowly back up the beach, leaving a trail of footsteps on the wet sand. It does matter. This explains everything. Why she went so far off the rails in New York, abandoning the dreams of acting she’d always worked so hard to pursue. That’s on me, too. Fuck. She was trying so damn hard to move on that she went hurtling in the wrong direction, and meanwhile I was off drinking myself into oblivion, thinking I’d done the right thing in leaving for good.

I catch up with her, still searching to make sense of it all. “Is this why you came back home when Lottie got pregnant?” I ask, something clicking into place.

She gives a halting nod. “I didn’t want her to feel alone.”

Alone like she’d been.

I reach out and take hold of her hand, waiting for her to talk, but Eva stays silent until we reach our blanket. “We should hit the road,” she says brightly, like this whole conversation never happened. “It’s getting late, and Dee said something about meeting at Dixie’s later.”

I study her, wary. I don’t want to push, so I just squeeze her hand. “But we’re okay?” I check.

She nods, her eyes skittering away. “We’re fine. Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

I drive Eva back to her place in uneasy silence. The mood has shifted. She’s quiet and withdrawn now beside me in the passenger seat, all our earlier laughter forgotten.

Fuck, I hate myself for pushing her back there. But I couldn’t help it. I’ve been patient these last days, waiting for her to confide and share whatever’s on her mind. I thought maybe after that night together, she’d relax and show me some of that old spark again – and she has. Alone in the dark, stripping back all her inhibitions, I’ve seen the old Eva come blazing through. Passionate and wild, a force to be reckoned with.

I thought if we could just talk, if she’d let me in, then all those walls would come tumbling down. Well, I got what I wanted. She told me everything she’s been hiding, but instead of bringing us closer together, those walls are higher than ever and I don’t know how to break through.

I pull up in her driveway. Eva reaches for the door handle, but I catch her other hand, tugging her back to me. “Sure you don’t want me to come in?” I ask, trying to sound casual again, like that tense scene at the beach didn’t just happen. “We could take a shower, get all that sand out.” I wink, and she softens, just a little.

“I have a ton of chores to do. But I’ll see you later.”

“Sure. Later.”

But I’ve still got one weapon in my arsenal. I tilt her chin up and kiss her before she has a chance to leave. Just like always, Eva melts at my touch. This much is simple at least. My hands around her waist, her curves crushed against me, her lips parting to invite me in. I kiss her all out, like I used to those teenage nights in the backseat of my car, breathing heavy and hard for more. I slide one hand over the lush curve of her breast, leaning to nip at her neck and kiss that spot just below her ear that always drives her wild.

Eva shivers against me. “About that shower,” I murmur, teasing her nipple through the cotton of her shirt. “I saw your fixture’s adjustable. We could have some fun with that.”

Eva bites her lip. I’m close to winning her over again. I know she wants me to stay, but today, it’s not enough. “I’ll call about tonight,” she says, sliding out of my embrace and scrambling from the car. “Bye!”

I watch her hurry up the front steps and slam the door behind her.

Damn.

I head home, but I can’t shake the memory of her expression back there on the beach, so brave and forlorn.

I should have been there. Fuck, I never should have left her alone.

But there’s no changing it now. I went off running from my own demons. I thought it was the best thing for both of us, and I guess I couldn’t have been more wrong. But that’s what this town does to you, boxing you in tight with your secrets and fears, until you can’t even breathe anymore.

I look around at the quiet streets as I head back to the rental, and feel that furious itch under my skin. I’ve been pushing it down ever since I got back into town, all those memories I tried to cut loose and move on from. But it’s easy to put the past aside when you’re a thousand miles from the place it happened. Up close, there are ghosts on every corner: the bars I carried my father out of when he was too drunk to stand, the woods I’d go escape to when he was looking to give me another beating again. All over this town there’s nothing but pain for me, but now I see, it’s the same for Eva.

Except she stays.

Fuck. Why is she sticking around after all this time? I don’t understand it. Lottie and Kit are one thing, but she’s put her whole life on hold and doesn’t even seem to realize it.

What will it take to show her there’s a different life out there, if she’ll only take the chance?

I make a sudden decision and wrench the wheel, U-turning right there on the street. A car behind me blares its horn angrily, but I’m already speeding back through town, towards Eva’s place. I know she wanted some space, but I can’t let her retreat back and close up all over again. I need to show here that I’m here for her now, and that whatever she’s going through, she doesn’t have to face it alone this time.

I pull up in the driveway again and knock on the door. Eva opens it, smiling, but her smile fades when she sees it’s me.

“Finn.” Her voice is reluctant. She looks away. “I said I’d call you later.”

“I know, but I couldn’t stay away.” I stride forward. “Not with things like this.”

She takes a deep breath, but I still can’t figure out the expression in her eyes. “Things are the way they are.”

“Fuck that,” I curse, and her eyes widen in surprise. “Things are however we want them to be. So don’t land that bombshell on me, and then just shut me out again. We can talk about this.”

“Why?” she shoots back. “It won’t change anything. What’s done is done.”

“How can you say that?” I demand in disbelief. “I’m here now, Eva. I want you to let me in again. I want to be there for you, if you’ll just talk to me.”

She shakes her head. “I’m sick of talking!” she exclaims, her voice rising. “All it does is make us feel guilty over things we can’t take back.”

“So what do you want?” I exclaim, more confused than ever. “Tell me, Eva, and I’ll give it to you. Whatever you want, I swear.”

I see her face change, the mask finally cracking. “You!” she shoots back, angry. “All I want is you.”

Before I can respond, she pulls me down and kisses me hard, her eager mouth searching mine, more demanding than I’ve felt before. Hot and frantic, her body arches up against me, and her mouth begs for more. Part of me knows this isn’t the solution, that we’re just avoiding everything. But fuck, she’s hard to resist.

“Baby,” I try to pull back. “Easy now.”

But Eva’s eyes flash angrily. “You asked what I wanted,” she insists. “And you want it too. Don’t try to deny it.”

She arches her body against me, grinding at the hard-on already raging in my jeans.

My self control snaps. With a growl, I push her back through the doorway, slamming us up against the wall. But instead of breaking, Eva just wants more. She moans into my mouth, wrapping herself around me. Her mouth demands, ravenous, and dammit, I’m going to give her everything. I grab her thighs and lift, wrapping her legs around my waist so her sundress rides up and her bare flesh is hot against my hands.

“Fuck me,” Eva gasps, grinding against me. “Please Finn, I need you.”

Dammit.

I grip her hair and yank her mouth back to mine again, kissing her with everything I have as my body crushes her up against the wall. She clings to me as I invade her mouth, probing my tongue deep and drowning in her sweetness. Those lush breasts strain against me until I have to lift her higher, burying my face in their slopes. She whimpers as I drag my tongue across one nipple, the stiff peak leaping to attention in my mouth as I suck and nip the rosy tip.

“Finn,” Eva gasps, and just my name on her lips makes me crazy. I want her hear her scream it forever, from now until the end of time.

I shove her dress higher and yank my jeans down. Eva’s eyes are shut; she’s braced against the wall and breathing fast. “Look at me,” I growl, gripping her chin. “Dammit, look at me! I want to see you take my cock, every fucking inch.”

Eva’s eyes finally open, wide and full of lust.

“That’s right, baby,” I position myself against her, my head nudging her wet folds. I know it’s wrong, but I’m too far gone now, all my guilt and regret bound up in this desperate, hot moment. “You can’t shut me out. Not when you need me like this.”

I grip her hips tightly and slam inside.

Fuck.

Eva cries out, arching to meet me. She grinds down on my cock, and I can’t stop from pistoning into her again, burying myself as deep as I can. Blood pounds in my ears, and I know I should go slow, but God, the sweet, tight feel of her clenching around me is driving me crazy, so damn good. I take a ragged breath, bracing myself against her, but Eva just writhes impatiently.

“Harder,” she demands, breathless in my ear. “Fuck me harder.”

With a groan, I slam into her again, watching her face change, her eyes roll back as I plunge so fucking deep I never want to let go. Eva’s panting now, and I thrust with all my strength, like the surge of my cock can shatter her last defenses and finally let me into that heart I need so badly.

“I’m here, baby,” I vow, pumping fast. “I’ve got you now.”

Eva digs her nails into my back and bites down on my lower lip. She’s a wildcat, grasping desperately for some release, and fuck, I need it too. “This is what you wanted?” I demand, slamming into her again so hard her whole body shudders.

Eva moans. “Yes!”

“You’re close now, aren’t you, baby?” I feel her body tense and shiver. “You’re right there on the edge.”

“Please, Finn.” Her lips part, her eyes fluttering closed. “Oh God, don’t stop.”

But I do. With super human strength, I bury myself inside her then stop, holding still. Eva cries out in frustration, desperately grinding to get the pressure again, but I pin her back, wrists to the wall, and force her to look at me.

“No,” I growl. “You wanted this, but you’ll get it on my terms, baby. However I want.”

Eva gasps for air. Her face is flushed, and she’s pissed now, I can tell.

“Fuck me,” she glares.

“No.”

I smile, feeling power surge through me again. “See, I want to make one thing clear,” I tell her, still holding tight, feeling her body relax again, pulled back from the edge. “I’ll do anything for you, baby. Anything you want. I will love you until the end of the fucking world, but you don’t get to shut me out again. When I take you, I take all of you. Every last piece of you, body and soul.”

Slowly, I thrust deeper. Her jaw drops. A moan escapes those lips so wet and perfect, I have to lick them clean. She shudders.

“So what’s it going to be, sweetheart?” I ask, gently stroking her cheek. She can’t look away now, can’t escape me. I’m inside her, all around her, and I won’t back down from this fight. “All or nothing. That’s the only way.”

Eva’s eyes fill with tears. “I can’t,” she whispers.

“You can,” I tell her. “You can do anything you want. All you have to do is say the word.”

I swear my heart stops, waiting for her answer. Eva is torn, still clinging to that safety net, her quiet contained little world. She’s close to giving it all to me. She just needs a little push.

I angle my hips and surge up inside her, so deep my cock is rubbing up against her sweetest spot. Right there. Fuck. That’s the place.

“Say it,” I demand through gritted teeth. “Say you won’t push me away again, that we’re in this together this time.”

She sobs against me, undone with pleasure, and fuck, I can’t hold back for long.

“Damn it, Eva. Say you’re mine!”

“Finn!” she cries, throwing her head back. I surge up inside her again, and then her orgasm takes her over, too fast for me to hold her back this time. She comes hard against me, convulsing with a cry, and the feel of her coming apart is too much for me too. I explode into her with a ragged howl, pleasure slamming through my body hard enough to level a city block. And as I clutch her, reeling from the release, I hear her whisper, the sweetest words of all.

“I’m yours, Finn. I love you. I’ve always been yours.”