Chapter 18

Once the door closed behind Cain, Sloan felt her shoulders, which had been inching up through the entire conversation, finally start to relax. They were helped by Xan’s muscled hands rubbing her neck to relax her. He stood behind her, his arms holding her close as she relaxed against his chest.

“This certainly wasn’t how I expected this day to end,” Sloan said.

“It has all come as a shock to me as well,” Xan said, with his face against the side of hers. Sloan rolled in his arms and stared into his eyes. “What comm were they talking about, Sloan?”

“When we were on Gru, I had Neven send an inquiry to D’Arian to check if you might have any family still alive. Anyone who you could reconnect with.”

“You sent a comm without telling me? You wanted me to leave to go back to D’Arian?” Xan gaped at her like she’d struck him.

“No, Xan, not at all. But I know what it’s like to be all alone in this universe, and I wouldn’t want that for anyone. I thought that if you had any family, you would want to know. Why didn’t you want to go back to D’Arian?”

“I’ve spent so long away, and no one has ever come for me. I knew that my family was dead. I was all alone in the universe, left to that hellish existence.” Xan stood and paced the room. “I was told by the Kirill that there was no one to come for me. There was a video message played during one of my beatings. In it, a shadowed figure described how they murdered my family. I screamed out that they were liars.” Sloan saw Xan shudder as he thought about what he had witnessed. “They had my sister’s favorite doll, the face shattered and covered in her blood. My brother’s prized knife was bent and also covered in blood.”

Sloan fought the urge to rush to Xan and wrap her arms around him. She watched him pace and relive those intense moments of loss and felt completely helpless. She got a feeling in the pit of her stomach imagining how horrible it must have been to have to watch someone talk about murdering your entire family.

“Once the shock of what I saw on the screen faded, I completely lost my mind for a while. I killed three Kirill soldiers. It took . . . I don’t know how many to subdue me. That was the night they removed my brand.” Xan rolled up his sleeve and eyed the scar that was left behind by the brand’s brutal removal. “I still didn’t want to believe it, but over time I couldn’t deny the fact that my life was no longer my own. And that I was completely alone,” Xan said. His voice distant and desolation attempting to swallow him back up. He sat on the low table in front of the lounge, and Sloan couldn’t hold back anymore. She made her way to him and placed her arms around his head and shoulders as he seemed to calm himself through her breathing.

“Why didn’t you want to go back to your planet? Even if your family were gone, you could have been with your people,” Sloan said, drawing in a shuddering breath, and she fought to stay calm for Xan.

“I was free. I believed them all to be dead. Going back there would only have been a reminder of that life. On the Arrow, I could be my own person, and I found you. That was all I needed,” Xan said, gazing into Sloan’s eyes.

Sloan let out a sigh as Xan reached up and threaded his fingers into her thick curls. “Once I was with you, I knew my place in this system. And I gave you my pledge that I would not leave your side.”

“Xan, but now you have a place in the system, and it’s not on my ship.” Sloan felt a cracking pain in her chest as those words left her mouth.

“You have a family, a title, a whole sector to rule over. Where you belong has changed.” As she gazed into his eyes, she did all that she could to keep the tears from pooling. Sloan dug her nails into her palms to keep from letting the sadness in. She knew it had been a risk when she’d sent the comm, but the raw pain of it happening in real life was so much worse than she’d imagined. This is what happened when you let people in. They were taken away from you.

Xan, perhaps feeling her distress, lured her closer and kissed her. Sloan hungrily kissed him back. She didn’t know how much longer she would have with him. He was an important and influential male, someone she never should have met, let alone allowed herself to care for. If this was their last time together, Sloan wanted to make it last.

Bringing her hands under his shirt, Sloan ran her fingers along the plates on his back, causing Xan to gasp and delve even deeper into her mouth. He walked her backward until Sloan’s legs hit the front of a desk in the office area of the room.

“Off. Get this off,” he said, growling against her mouth, tugging on her shirt as Sloan moaned. He nipped at her neck and her core clenched. Sloan attempted to comply with his order but didn’t want to break lip contact. Finally, Xan pushed away from her, yanked her top off so quickly that Sloan’s hair flopped in front of her face. When she pushed her hair back, Xan was crouched down in front of her, working on her pants. He pulled down her pants and underwear in one move and pushed his face into her pussy to feast on her like a man starved. Leaning back against the desk, Sloan could only moan out her pleasure at the tip of his tongue and what it was doing to her.

“Yes, oh, Xan, please.” Sloan called out for him to give her everything, give her all that she wanted and needed from him.

Then the visions recommenced. A replay of their night before, with Xan showing her all the things he wanted to do again. It ratcheted up Sloan’s pleasure as she felt the enjoyment he’d received from her as well as what she was currently receiving at the mercy of his tongue. With Xan’s nose nudging her clit, Sloan came undone, her core clenching and the orgasm overtaking her as she tried not to cry out lest the guards posted outside come in, thinking something was wrong.

Xan stood and kissed Sloan again, placing his hand against her chest to push her back entirely on the empty desk. Making short work of his pants, Xan stood between her legs and looked at her as he nudged her opening with his cock. Sloan moaned and pushed her hips up to encourage his entry.

“Always so eager.” He eyed her with lust.

“Please don’t tease me, Xan. I need you.”

“All you had to do is ask.” He pushed himself into her in one thrust. Sloan felt the bordering-on-painful stretching that she had felt only this morning as Xan entered her and touched places no other male had. Pulling him down on top of her, Sloan moved his face toward hers and kissed him, showing him all her love. Yes, it was love in that kiss, she knew now, as he plundered her pussy and drove her toward another climax.

“I’m coming. Oh, God. I’m coming.” Sloan panted as she felt her peak reaching higher and higher.

“Come for me, my D’Auriel.”

Sloan held on tight as Xan pounded into her over and over, increasing her heart rate until she came in a silent scream with her mouth against his neck.

Xan soon followed as his thrusts became sloppy, and he yelled out his release. He collapsed on top of her. Sloan enjoyed feeling the weight of Xan’s body on hers. She relished their closeness and the comfort she felt in his arms at that moment with her legs still draped around the back of his thighs. It was only when Xan made sounds of comfort and kissed her face that Sloan realized she was crying.

“Why do you weep, my D’Auriel?” he said as he brushed the tears from her cheeks. Feeling like too much of herself was showing through—that he could see all her cracks—Sloan pushed up against Xan until she was sitting, and he pulled out of her. Gasping at the loss of fullness and that connection to Xan, Sloan couldn’t help but feel more than empty at the loss of connection between their bodies. She was going to lose him now. He was a prince—a prince coming up on his coronation to become king. She didn’t belong in that world—she would never belong. And knowing that she had finally given herself over to someone only to have him taken away from her so soon caused that yawning chasm of despair to open in Sloan’s chest. She searched for her clothes.

“Sloan, what is wrong? Why are you crying?” Xan said, tenderly touching her. Sloan wiped the tears from her face.

“I don’t want to have this conversation without my clothes on,” she said, trying to push him back so she could get dressed. But Xan stayed firmly between her legs and held her to him in a hug as he rubbed her back.

“Do not think that this will change anything between us, my D’Auriel,” he said, attempting to soothe Sloan, his breath tickling against her neck.

“Xan, this changes everything.” She hugged his muscled back. She ran her fingers along the small rough plates of his spine, eliciting a shudder from Xan. Thinking this might be the last time she would hold him, she lay her head on his chest and listened to him breathe for a while.

“It doesn’t have to,” Xan said, sounding so sure. He attempted to move back to look Sloan in the eye, but Sloan kept her hands bound around him, not allowing him to separate them.

“But it will. It will. I think it would be best if we end this now before things get even more challenging. You have a family, a lot of catch up on, and a lot of responsibilities. I do not want to get in the way of that,” she said with her cheek leaning against Xan’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. She was determined to hold on a little longer.

“You think I will not have time for you or want you by my side?”

Before she could answer, Sloan was bombarded with vision after vision of their time together. She not only saw them but felt them, too. She felt what Xan felt the first time he saw her in that cell. He saw her as a vision there to save him. She saw the first visit in the med bay, running laps of the ship together, their time in the pool, the fight in the bar. All of it hit her so fast that Sloan hadn’t realized that she was holding her breath until the visions stopped, and Xan took her face in his hands and brought their lips together.

“Anywhere in the system with you at my side is where I would like to be. I do have responsibilities and a family, but that includes you now. You are the most important person in my life, and I will not be able to continue without you by my side. Please do not make me.” Xan stared at her with such intensity that Sloan felt her eyes filling again.

Blinking tears away, Sloan could only nod because she was afraid that her voice would crack as her heart soared at the thought of being able to remain at Xan’s side. Xan kissed her forehead, then bent to pick up their clothes. They dressed in silence.