Chapter 29

The week since Sloan had left included some of the hardest days of his life. Not only because Xan wanted her at his side but also because he wasn’t there to protect her. He knew she was inclined to take risks, especially when it came to saving others. He had hoped she would be at least slightly more cautious and he wouldn’t be getting a comm from Dev about how things had gone wrong.

It wasn’t until he’d received a delayed deep space comm from her letting him know that she had retrieved the humans and was settling them that he felt he could finally breathe again. That tight knot in his chest was no longer as big as it had been as he saw her shuttle depart. Xan knew she should be arriving soon.

In the meantime, his mother was becoming a nuisance. She insisted on having another ball, for what purpose he didn’t know. His mother seemed completely immune to every statement he made about how he did not want to meet any more eligible daughters of various prominent families and council members. He was polite and listened when they spoke, but every attempt by his mother to get him alone with a woman was met with a quick and firm “no.”

If she wasn’t the Queen Regent and technically still able to keep him from taking the throne, he would have packed her up and sent her to one of the country estates immediately. At this point, Xan didn’t even know if he wanted to take the throne. The thought of all this tedium, for months on end, made him grit his teeth and clench his fists.

“Xan, do you honestly think Sloan can ever be completely happy here?”

Xan’s shoulders slumped at that thought. He had seen how excited Sloan was when she’d told him about the cargo ship hauling humans. She’d looked the happiest he had seen her since they arrived at the palace. Was he selfish to keep her here? To keep her away from her crew?

“Mother, she will be my queen, and I love her.”

“I know you love her, son, and I know she loves you, but there are times when love is not enough. It is only a matter of time before she resents you because you’ve taken the life she loves away from her.”

“She can do so much good as a queen. Sloan doesn’t need to be a captain to do that.”

“She doesn’t need to be, but do you think she would want that life?” Xan honestly didn’t have an answer for his mother. His hands felt sweaty, and his heart raced at the thought of losing Sloan. Losing her when she grew to resent him for holding her back from being captain and with her crew or losing her when she decided she didn’t want to stay on D’Arian with him.

“Son, I know you care greatly for this woman, but some women are not meant to have both feet on the ground. Some are built for space, and trying to tether them to the ground can only hurt you both,” she said, laying on his shoulder. Xan felt tears prick the back of his eyes, and he blinked hard to push them back.

“You think she’s not fit to be here, and I should send her away. You want me to tell her that her missions have to end or it’s over for the two of us.” Xan seethed at what his mother thought; he spat out the words.

“Yes, I’m glad you finally understand,” Venu said.

“That she’s not fit to be here and will never be a part of this family or planet,” Xan said, barely able to contain his rage.

“Do you know what that will do to her? When she won’t be able to travel to the stars anymore? No more raids on vessels, no more rescues? She will be bound to this planet and all the responsibilities that entails. Do you think that’s what she would want? What she can handle?”

“No.” Xan hung his head. This was what he worried about every day with Sloan. That being with him wouldn’t be enough. She wouldn’t have her crew or her ship, and she would one day resent all that she lost to stand at his side. Sloan was his heart; she grounded him as his D’Auriel. She provided comfort, laughter, and love when he needed it most.

“What do you propose I do, Mother?” Xan said quietly. Venu knelt beside him and took his hands in hers.

“Let her go.”

“Mother, I can’t,” Xan said, pain radiating from his heart at the thought of not being with Sloan anymore. “It would rip out a part of my soul if I had to go on without her.”

“You need to find someone suitable, son. Someone who can stand beside you and knows her role.” Venu gently ran a hand along Xan’s cheek. Allowing the pain of what he was feeling to flow through him, Xan opened himself up to his mother and channeled it into her. Venu gasped and attempted to snatch her hand from his head.

Xan held on to her hand and showed her a portion of what he hadn’t been able to show her before about his time enslaved. He showed her the pain, all the anguish, and the loneliness. Tremors rattled Venu, and the shaking increased from the power of it all. Then he allowed her to feel how he felt when he saw Sloan. Not the glimmer he gave her before, but the full force of his love for her.

Venu sank to her knees with tears in her eyes. Next, Xan showed her how it felt now. How it felt when his mother told him he should find another and send Sloan away. She cried out then, bending and touching her head to the floor before stumbling away from him. Venu moved backward and stared at him with a haunted look in her eyes.

Tears were streaming down her face as she shook from the full power of his visions. Xan knew she hadn’t had a vision like that since his father died, when he was only a child. She’d forgotten how tightly a chosen heir’s emotions must be contained lest he subject all around him to possible harm.

His mother was finally able to compose herself and picked herself off the floor. She sat on the lounge next to Xan.

“I understand,” she said mournfully. “I understand now, son. I’m sorry, I didn’t understand before.” She kissed his head before quickly departing his rooms.

Xan had hoped he could have spared her the full force of his feelings for Sloan, but he knew his mother wouldn’t understand until he showed her both the darkness he had come from and the light Sloan brought to his life after she saved him.

He could never be complete without her.