I didn’t pay much attention to my ride back. I sat very still in the back of the car and gazed unseeingly out of the window. I kept imagining what Lynn would tell Cade. In my heart, I knew she was going to show him the pictures. How else would she stop him from coming to me? I tried not to imagine his face when she showed them to him, but I kept on seeing it. How disappointed he was. He had come to trust me and I betrayed him. He would think I slept with him because of the job.

If Lynn had not come I would have confessed to him.

In fact, I was ready to tell him in the morning, but he said to wait until later because he had something to tell me too. How I wished I had not agreed to wait. I should have insisted that we just get it over with.

Maybe he would have been angry but he would have forgiven me. He would have looked into my eyes and my heart and known I never meant him harm. It was not such a bad thing, what I did. I did it for my sister. I never meant to hurt him, but now that Lynn was in charge of framing the story, I would have no chance.

By now she would have painted me as some cheap whore.

Oh, those pictures.

I buried my face in my hands. If only I had told him this morning. I would have told him that I never meant to sleep with him. The agreement I had with his mother was simple. All I was supposed to do was attract him. Make him feel he was missing something by being on the mountain. Make him want to re-start his life in the city.

Never was sex part of the equation, but I couldn’t help myself.

I was so insanely attracted to him. He was so different from the cold, sophisticated, beautifully dressed, perfectly coiffured man in the photograph that Lynn showed me. In that photo, I saw an extremely handsome man, someone so completely out of my league that I even said to Lynn when I met her at that hotel that I didn’t think I could bring someone like him back from the edge of a self-imposed solitude, but she assured me that I had all the qualities that he admired most in a woman.

She told me she chose me from hundreds of photographs. At that time, I saw a totally different side to her. She seemed warm and friendly and helpful. I told her what the money was for, and she asked about my sister and showed what I thought was genuine concern. I even went as far as to think I was helping her. I wanted to do my best for her, but all that time she just thought of me as an expendable tool. Some throwaway dreg of society.

When we arrived at my apartment, Susie, my roommate was in. She was making one of her famous ham, cheese and French mustard sandwiches.

“My God, what happened to you?” she asked, as I came through the door.

I wanted to be strong, but the look on her face made me burst into tears. She left her sandwich and came up to me and hugged me. “Hey, hey, whatever it is, it is not as bad as you think, remember?”

I’d heard that line so many times, more than I care to. Every time something bad happened to us we told each other that, and it always made me feel better, but not this time. This time I’d really fucked up.

“I fell in love with him, Susie.”

“Oh shit.”

She went to the fridge, poured me a big shot of Vodka, and topped it with orange juice. “Here, get this in you.”

I took a sip, but it didn’t even taste the same. It felt cold and tasteless in my mouth.

“Want to tell me what happened?” she asked, plopping next to me on the sofa.

I nodded and poured my heart out to her.

“What a fucking bitch,” she said bitterly when I finished.

“I think you should leave it alone for about a month, and then you should make contact with Cade,” she said. “I don’t think those photos are as disgusting as you think they are.”

I shook my head. “You should have seen them, Susie. They were horrible. Truly horrible. When I’m at the club, it feels normal, just another job, all of us are in the same boat, but those photos. They were the pits.”

“You know, people like that bitch, really make me angry. She thinks she’s better than you because you’re a lap dancer, but guess what, she needed you to get to her son. You were good enough for her then, weren’t you?”

“I feel so ashamed,” I whispered.

“Don’t you dare let her make you feel ashamed of what you did. Are you telling me you won’t do that all over again for your sister?”

I blinked at Susie.

“Well, are you so ashamed now of dancing that you won’t do it all over again for Anna?”

I shook my head.

“Exactly. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t cheat anybody, you didn’t harm anybody. You just used your God given body to dance and give pleasure to some lonely men in order to help your sister. Hell, I admire you.”

“I cheated Cade.”

“No, you didn’t. It was a job, Katrina. What do you think spies do every day? It’s their job. Besides, as soon as you had feelings for him, you were going to tell him, weren’t you? If she had not turned up today, you would have told him, wouldn’t you? Because … you are honest like that. Unlike her. Who has probably lied to Cade again.”

Tears filled my eyes and ran down my face. “I love him, Susie. I’ve never felt like that about anyone before. Ever. I love him so much it hurts. It actually hurts,” I sobbed.

“Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

I blew my nose. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course, I couldn’t have him. He’s a billionaire and I’m just a lap dancer.”

“Stop it. Stop that. You’re a good person and he’s not like his mother. He gave up all his wealth and went to live in a cabin by himself. He wasn’t looking for a socialite. He knew you had no money. He saw what kind of junk heap of a car you had and yet he wanted you.”

“He was so nice he said he would buy me a car,” I wailed.

“See. He cares about you too.”

“Do you think so?” I just wanted to hear her say it even if it wasn’t true.

“You’re beautiful, Katrina. Inside and out. Don’t forget that. Lynn can pretend now that you are some cheap whore, but she chose you out of hundreds of women because she knew what you had. And there’s something else that you need to remember too. I believe she’s afraid of you. She was afraid that her son would fall for you and that’s why she came running to the mountain the moment she got wind that her son was seen kissing you.”

My hands were clenched so tight, the knuckles showed white. “Do you think he could have fallen for me?”

“Absolutely, and she knew that too. That’s why she had to get rid of you as soon as she could. Even before you had done the job of bringing him back to civilization.”

“What shall I do now?”

“Look. Don’t do anything just yet. Everything is a mess right now. Let the dust settle. You’re supposed to get the money next week, right?”

I nodded.

“I don’t think she will dare cheat you. So go to work as normal and wait for the money to hit your account first. We’ll sort Anna out and then we’ll see what we can do about this situation, okay?”

My heart felt so heavy, but I nodded my agreement. Maybe I couldn’t have Cade, maybe that would just remain a dream, but for now I had the money for my sister and that was what I should focus on.