When we arrived at Kit’s house, it was nearly five in the evening. I had learned the shapes and locations of everything inside Kit’s house. In fact, I would even go so far as to say I knew it almost as well as I knew my own home. I could glide through the rooms without stubbing a toe or knocking anything off a shelf.

However, I didn’t know where the switch for the wood stove was so Elaine came in with me and helped me find it. We didn’t light the fire, because neither she nor I knew how to build one that could last more than a few minutes. We had a cup of tea together, but she didn’t stay for long because she wanted to get home before dinnertime.

After she had gone I opened Kit’s cupboard. All the items in it had been arranged in a specific order so I knew where everything was. I selected a can of tomato soup. While I was pouring it into a saucepan I heard the familiar scratching on the back door. The wolves had sensed that somebody was back. With a happy smile, I opened the door and Lobo and Koa were waiting to greet me. Koa moved away after I gave them a bit of dried meat from the pantry, but Lobo stayed on for more hugs and cuddles. I know Kit said to keep a respectful distance from the wolves as they were not pets, but I completely ignored his instructions and kissed and cuddled Lobo and let him climb all over me.

When he had enough of being manhandled he wandered off and I returned to the kitchen. I warmed the soup, crumbled some cheese into it, and sat down at the table with a hunk of buttered bread.

I could hear the cold wind blowing through the trees, but it was lovely and warm beside the wood stove. I had never been in the house on my own, and it was a strange sensation. I started to think of Kit and my life with him. Would this be what I was consigning myself to?

Long, lonely nights waiting for him to come back. Not sure if he would. What would I do if he didn’t? The thought made me feel queasy and I quickly pushed it away and picked up my spoon determined to be positive, but my appetite was gone.

I washed up, put on my parka, hat, and gloves, and grabbing a heavy quilt went outside. The wolves were all back. I could feel and hear them. They came up to the porch to say hello. I sat on the tall chair he sat on and waited.

I was waiting for the sound of the car the men who had come to collect him the other night drove. I was not the only one. My ears might have been more attuned than other sighted humans, but they were nothing like the ears of those wolves.

Three of them joined me on the porch, their noses all turned toward the driveway, their tails flicking against the porch floorboards. Occasionally, one would reach forward and lick my hand. Now and again they would emit the tiniest whines, little worried sounds that made fear crawl up my spine.

I understood that they were waiting for him, too. How many times had they done this? How many times would I have to wait with my heart in my mouth?

I felt my watch face. It was only eight o’clock. Kit said he would be back at the very latest, tonight. I wondered what time he would come back. A thought occurred to me. What if he didn’t come back tonight though? What if he never came back?

The more time passed the more I began to regret my actions that night. Even though I had been so damn certain I was done with him, I shouldn’t have let him go to his dangerous mission after such a horrible argument. It could have affected his concentration and focus. It was a stupid thing to let him leave on such a bitter note.

I wasn’t thinking. All I could hear was the echo of my mother screaming hysterically, and all I could feel was the memory of the sun’s rays beating down on my head as I slid my hands over the polished casket. Losing my father was the worst day of my life–right up until the day I lost my brother.

All I could think of was that Kit lied to me, deliberately hid his secret from me. I was furious with him for letting the charade go on even after he knew I had fallen in love with him, but I think what hurt the most was that he was prepared to walk away and go to his job when he could see that I was devastated. It felt as if he chose his job over me.

Ma used to say “happiness is just sadness biding its time”. Maybe I needed to be more patient. Maybe the day will come when he will love me more than his job. He can’t be a soldier forever. Maybe I’ll get luckier than Ma.

Bundled up in a parka and a quilt, and surrounded by an army of wolves, I was snug as a bug in a rug as I waited patiently. An hour passed. Several times I heard cars on the main road, but they did not have the same engine, and sure enough they did not come down the driveway.

Another wolf came onto the porch. I listened to its careful footsteps. They came right up to me, and that big wild animal sat down on his haunches. I felt his breath on my hand, and then his nose bumped my leg. He laid his head on my lap. I touched his muzzle and felt the scars.

Old Andak! Kit’s old, blind buddy. He had come to find me. I had no idea why he would seek me out that night–I will never in a million years understand why–but that was what it took to break me.

Make no mistake: I was one hell of a strong woman. I could handle anything, could take it all on my shoulders and deal with it, but something about that lovely kindred spirit coming to comfort me just did me in.

I leaned forward and buried my face in his thick, warm fur. He leaned into me as I let out a cry that made me sound like a wounded animal myself. It was filled with everything I had held back and fought through these long days and nights–all the worry and pain and fear that had driven me away from Kit, and then brought me right back here to where I belonged.

Other animals might have been startled by my actions. Other creatures might have run from the force of the sound, but those wolves–those wise, beautiful creatures–they didn’t flinch. They sat there, still as stone and just as solid. They were patient and understanding souls and they understood tears.

When the sobs were almost gone, Andak sat up. He nuzzled my face and then lay down beside me. I let my hand drop over the side of the chair to tangle my fingers in the scruff of his neck. I was so very tired and I was beginning to get more frightened. Why was Kit not back yet? He said latest three days. In fact, he seemed sure he’d be back after two days.

I closed my eyes and prayed. “Please sweet Jesus. Don’t take him away from me too. Not now. Not like this. I won’t be able to survive this.”

Even as the whisper died on my lips I heard the sound of a car. It was not the same car that came the other night, but it was a car, and it was turning into the road. I stood up. The wolves were already up and scattering away. I walked to the porch and began to go down the steps. Andak was shadowing me. The car stopped halfway down the drive and I began to walk down the road. Why did they stop there? Was something wrong?

“Kit,” I screamed, taking another step. It was a careless step and suddenly I was pitched forward. To my surprise an even greater force than what propelled me forward hit me just above my heart and sent me flying backwards.

The pain was like a flash. White hot pain embedded itself into my flesh. I landed on the ground on my back, my head banging the hard ground with a loud thud, but I did not feel a thing. My hand reached to the burning wound under my shoulder blade.

Something long and hard was buried deep in me.

The car drove up. Everything was happening in slow motion. I groaned in pain. The car stopped. The door opened. Snow crunched under someone’s boot. Even though I was terrified my brain was razor sharp.

“Sawyer?” I called.

Someone stood a few feet away from me. “I’m sorry, Lara. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. You fell. I was aiming for the wolf.”

“It’s okay, Sawyer.” My voice was trembling. “I know you didn’t mean to shoot me. It was just an accident.”

“I’m really sorry, Lara. I love you.”

“I know. Just help me. Take me to the hospital.”

There was a strangled sound, then Sawyer began to cry. “I can’t help you, Lara. No one can know I was here.”

“Please, Sawyer. I won’t tell anyone.”

“You’re lying. Of course, you’ll tell them.”

“They’ll know by your arrow, anyway.”

“I’m going to pull it out of you.”

“Please, Sawyer. Don’t do this. I’ll die out here.”

“You shouldn’t have been here. Why did you come here?”

“Sawyer, shooting me was an accident. If you pull the arrow head out and leave me here to die it will be murder.”

“Shut up,” he screamed.

“You won’t get away with it.”

“I can’t leave my arrow here,” he snarled, and took a step towards me and suddenly there was the sound of a low growl, more menacing than I ever could have imagined. So deep and guttural it was almost otherworldly. I heard the other wolves start moving in from all sides.

With a scream of terror Sawyer ran back to his car. I heard his door slam shut, and he reversed out of the driveway like a madman, his tires spinning in the snow and ice.

The pain started radiating outwards. The house was a few feet away. If I could just make it back. I tried to sit up, but I couldn’t move at all.

Then I heard a bloodcurdling growl close to me. Lobo! I could sense it was him, but he was different. This was not the wolf that climbed on top of me and playfully licked me. I suddenly remembered the freak cases of owners of big dangerous dogs being attacked and killed by their pets when they had suffered a heart attack or seizures, and fallen to the ground. I was no longer a friend. I was prey. I began to shake. I heard the other wolves moving in. Lobo was not protecting me. He was warning the other wolves off his kill. It was the pecking order.

They were going to eat me!

I opened my mouth to scream and frighten them off when I felt powerful jaws close in on my good shoulder. Pure fear took over. Kit’s wolves were going to eat me alive.

The fear was such that I blacked out.