Michelle
It felt good to sit and talk with Mac some more while Mom slept peacefully upstairs. I didn’t realize sometimes how all-consuming it was for me to take care of her until I spent a few hours not thinking about her and simply enjoying time with my friends. Being with Eric didn’t count—I wasn’t enjoying that time. With Mackenzie I could be lighthearted and feel young, the way I should have felt at my age. Sometimes I thought I was the only girl in the world who felt so much older than she really was.
After an hour or two, the weight lifted from my chest and I could laugh again. She asked more sordid questions about what went on between Eric and me. I blushed fiercely at some of the things she asked. How big was he? How long did he last? I had never been one for girl talk before—I had nothing to talk about—so it was a crash course. To make me feel better, she told me a few stories of her most recent exploits. I hadn’t realized until then how different I felt for all the years of my virginity. Like I was different even from my best friend. Now it was like we were on the same level in a way. Only a person who stayed a virgin for as long as I did would ever understand.
The time flew by, and when I casually checked my phone I jumped when I saw that it was already past noon. Eric was bound to get home at some point.
I had to call yet another cab, since I couldn’t very well park my car in Eric’s driveway, and Mac couldn’t leave Mom. I would have charged him for them if I didn’t want to hide the fact that I’d sneaked out.
“I should go,” I said, giving Mac a hug and thanking her again for taking care of my mother while I was gone. I owed her a big one.
“Such a hurry?” she asked, frowning.
“I don’t want him to know I left. All I need is for him to come back at me and tell me I broke one of his stupid rules that I didn’t even know about.”
“Sweetie, just remember something.” She took me by the arms to hold me still, and looked me in the eye. “No amount of money is worth jumping through hoops like this.”
I opened my mouth to argue, and she cut me off. “I know, I know. You’re doing it for her.” She cut her eyes up toward the stairs. “And that’s a very noble thing to do. But when she’s gone, and she will be sooner rather than later if there’s mercy in the world, you’ll have to live with yourself. You’ll have to look yourself in the mirror every day. How will you feel about yourself?”
Her words rocked me to my core. I hadn’t thought about it that way—I hadn’t given any thought to what my life would be like after Mom died outside of how hard it would be to pay off the bills and how many other things I would have to take care of. It was all about Mom, and how I would clean things up.
“You need to start thinking about yourself a little bit, too. You have to think about a life that actually includes you, for once. Eventually, all this will be over, and you’ll be left with yourself. Just think about that, okay? Ask yourself if this is worth it. I know your mother wouldn’t think so.”
“Just like I wouldn’t think so if she were doing it for me. That’s the way life goes.” I shrugged, and hugged her again. “I love you. Thank you for being such a good friend. I mean that.”
“No problem,” she said, waving me off. “Just be sure to get that money if you’re going to put yourself through all this nonsense. Remember: damsel in distress.”
“Got it.” I giggled. “I can turn on the tears with the best of them. I’ll give Meryl Streep a run for her money.”
I was still smiling as I jogged down the front steps to meet the cab pulling up in front of the house. I hated Eric and wished I could slap the shit out of him for taking advantage of me, but the scales would be balanced soon enough. I couldn’t wait to balance them. He would see how it felt to be under someone else’s thumb.
I just got to the door when a van pulled up behind the cab.
“Excuse me, aren’t you friends with Eric? Eric Turner?”
I looked at the man behind the wheel. I didn’t recognize him. He was wearing a leather vest, the way Eric did when he was out, but I couldn’t see a patch on it.
“Uh, I don’t know any Eric. Sorry.” I thought it would be best to pretend I had no idea and get the heck out of there. I was just about to climb into the cab when a pair of arms grabbed me from behind, around my waist. I screamed bloody murder, kicking and punching. Fight or flight kicked in like a switch had been flipped inside me, and I fought like an animal. I might as well have been fighting a brick wall, though. It was no use.
As the man behind me dragged me into the back of the van, I caught a glimpse of Mackenzie at the front door. I heard her screaming for help, but the street was strangely empty for a Sunday afternoon. The cab driver made a move to get out of the cab, but the driver of the van told him to get back inside or else he’d have his head blown off.
I screamed for help, but it was no use. I was catapulted into the back before the man who took me climbed in behind me. I scrambled into the corner, as far away from him as I could get. I still clutched my purse, wishing I had a can of mace or something else I could use against him.
He slammed the door shut and we were on our way. The cabbie must have leaned on his horn, since I heard it blaring. I still heard Mac’s screams as we raced down the block.
I screamed, too, as loud and hard as I could. The guy who grabbed me, a tall, burly sort, held a gun to my head. “Scream again, bitch,” he muttered. “I’ll blow your fucking brains out.” I went silent immediately. He smirked at how scared I was. It takes a big man to scare a woman with a gun, I thought in the back of my mind. I didn’t dare share that thought out loud.
“What…what’s happening? Who are you?”
“That’s none of your business.” He grinned at me. “But you’ll find out pretty soon. So you were a virgin up til a couple of nights ago, huh? Don’t worry. You’ll get plenty of action to make up for it before we get rid of you.” He laughed nastily. There was no mistaking what he meant, not with that laugh.
I went cold all over, and had to consciously focus to keep from losing control of my bladder. I still didn’t quite understand what was happening. It was like a surreal nightmare. One minute I was on my way back to Eric’s, the next some goons threw me into a van. The only difference was I couldn’t seem to wake up.
The van hit a pothole and I bounced around the hard, unforgiving metal surface. The man with the gun laughed like I was the funniest thing he ever saw. He hates women, I thought. It was so obvious. He was probably terrified of them.
“I get her first!” I heard from the driver.
“No, I do. I grabbed her. She was kicking and punching me, too. I deserve the first taste.”
The driver replied, “You know the boss will want her first. Then he’ll give her to the rest of us before he decides where to leave the body.”
I tried to stay strong. I really did. I told myself the very thing they wanted was to see me break down. It would be the ultimate satisfaction, even better than raping me.
I couldn’t help but weep. It was some sort of sick, twisted joke. They were actually arguing over who was going to rape me first, before they murdered me. What sort of world had I stumbled into? It wasn’t like I could pretend they had the wrong person either. Not when one of them mentioned that I was a virgin until recently.
“Are you doing this to all the girls?” I asked.
“All the girls?” The gunman smirked. “What other girls?”
“The ones from the auction? So we won’t tell or something? I swear, if that’s what it is, I won’t say a word. If it’s illegal or something. I would get into just as much trouble, you know?”
He stared at me in surprise for a second or two, then burst out in genuine laughter.
“Is that what you think this is all about, bitch? Oh, no, no. You’re our special guest of honor. Just you alone. The boss wants to see you personally, and he wants to get to know you. See, you’re a friend of a person he don’t like too much. He wants to know what you know about him. Then he wants to see if your pussy is still sweet and tight before the rest of us get a turn with you.”
All I could do was sink further into horror. My mom. She would die without me. I hoped nobody ever told her what happened or it would only add extra pain to what she was already going through. She didn’t deserve it, the poor thing. I hoped I made her as comfortable as I could before she died.
No. I couldn’t think that way. Maybe Mac or the cab driver got a look at the plates. Maybe one of them had already called the police. Maybe the police were already after me. Or my phone. They could track my phone. It was in my purse, still turned on. Police could do that—at least I saw them do it on TV all the time. I whimpered, realizing how ridiculous I sounded even to myself. Relying on some bullshit I saw on TV.
“Please don’t do this,” I whispered. I hated it, but I felt like I had to say it. Another thing I saw on TV. It never worked then either.
“I don’t wanna have to gag you,” the man with the gun muttered. “But I’ll do it if you don’t shut the fuck up.” I felt the pressure of the muzzle against my temple and whimpered again. Moisture from my eyes and nose ran down my face as I wept. My body shook from head to toe. I was going to die, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I shouldn’t have left Eric’s. No, I shouldn’t have gone to the auction. It didn’t make a difference that I had—I never got the money for Mom anyway. I was a failure. That thought made me cry harder than the thought of rape and murder did. She would still die without the care I wanted to get for her. And Mac was right—I felt like a cheap, naïve idiot for falling for it all. I could have died with a little dignity, but no, I had to remember the way I prostituted myself for money I never saw. It was a cold, cruel realization.
I’m sorry I failed you, Mom, I thought. Then I prayed every prayer I knew. I wasn’t sure what I was praying for. Rescue or a quick death.
Then, the van made a sudden stop. I pressed my lips together and held back even louder weeping. We had arrived at our destination, and it was only a matter of time before they got down to doing whatever they wanted to do to me. I cried so hard, I could barely breathe. To think, just a few days earlier I had no idea what the MC life was all about. Now I was getting a crash course. A short one at that.
Please let them kill me quickly, I prayed. Then I closed my eyes, ready to accept whatever was coming next.