I was getting ready for work when I started thinking about to atrocity that is my douchebag boss, Maximo Donatello. The dude is a creeper of the worst kind, and he’s hit on me more times than I could count. His parents must have hated him. Seriously, what kind of name is that? When I was first introduced to him, all I could think about what the Ninja Turtle cartoon that my cousins used to make me watch with them when I was younger.

He was the kind of guy who thought he was so smooth, but his pickup lines were something that he must have picked up straight from bad 70’s porn parodies. Maybe they could have worked if they were being delivered by someone other than a 55-year old man with a beer belly and a receding hairline that’s constantly greased back. The only thing missing from his Vegas gangster wannabe look was a massive gold chain and a pinkie ring.

I don’t understand why he thinks that look works for him. It might be a good look for someone with the body of a Greek god, but for someone who looks like a troll? No thank you.

You would think that given all the female brain power in the world, some nerdy girl would have figured out a way to develop an anti-douche body wash that would repeal all the skeezy guys. Oh well, maybe one of these days, but I won’t hold my breath.

I would never have even met the dirty old man had it not been for my douche canoe of an ex-boyfriend, Crosby Crawford. My modeling career was going great, and when he offered to help manage me, I thought it couldn’t hurt anything. We were together all the time anyway. What in the hell was I thinking?

Little did I know that he would steal all the money that modeling career was bringing in. Once he successfully bled me dry, he kicked me out of the apartment that my fucking money had been paying for. What did I ever see in that asshole?

Thank God for my best friend, Maya. She gave me a place to live and helped me find a job as a cocktail waitress at The Little Black Dress inside the Millennium Hotel, where she worked as the chef.

I walked into the entrance of the Millennium and scanned the lobby. Gavin was nowhere to be found. What a big surprise. Would it kill him to be on time just once in his life?

With him, there was no telling how long I was going to be waiting there, so I grabbed a chair and pulled out my phone. Being a casino host at the new Mercury Casino and Resort was practically a 24-hour a day job. Growing up in Vegas, all I wanted to do was work at one of the big casinos on the strip, and through hard work and determination, I was able to land the coveted position in what was quickly becoming one of the most exclusive casinos around.

Yeah, I was running late again, but so what. I was busy at the dealership. I pulled up to the entrance of the Millennium in my new baby, an Alfa Romeo Spider. Sure, Ryan likes to tell me that I’m making easy money shaking my ass for horny midwestern housewives, but I know the work that goes into that ass shaking. I may only work a few nights a week, but I bring home more cash than I ever thought possible.

I know that looks fade, and I’ll only be able to do what I do for a short time, but I was going to take advantage of it for as long as possible. I’m just gonna shake what my momma gave me until I can’t shake anymore.

Handing the keys to the valet, I slip him fifty bucks and tell him to keep my baby safe for me and promise him another fifty if it’s returned to me completely unscratched. That’s usually enough to prevent them from taking one of my cars out on a joy ride.

I spotted Ryan sitting in the lobby on his phone. He was probably playing Candy Crush or one of those stupid games. He held up his watch as I walked in and I shrugged in response. As long as he and I had been friends, if he was still expecting me to show up on time, he needed to grow up.

We made our way over to the bar and almost immediately spotted our favorite waitress. She had her tray in hand and was heading in our direction. I caught her attention and pointed in various directions to figure out what section she working. She smiled and tilted her head towards a group of empty tables, one of which we made sure to grab.

“At least our Vegas bomb is working tonight,” I said to Ryan with a smile.

It wasn’t long before she was at our table, drinks already in hand. She knew our order and made sure to come prepared. I decided that was going to be the night. There wasn’t going to be any more flirting. There wasn’t going to be any more games. I was going to go for broke and ask her out. What was the worst that could happen?

“What time do you get off?” I asked, trying my best to flirt.

“I’m not the dating type of girl,” she replied.

“Well then, what kind of girl are you?”

“I’m the kind of girl who gets pounded into the mattress and is gone by the time you wake up.”

Ryan looked up, surprise filling his eyes. I didn’t think he had it in him, but his response was magical.

“By the time we get done pounding you into the mattress and making you come over and over again if you’re still able to form a complete sentence, let along walk, then we need to up our game.”

“I get off in an hour,” she replied with a smile.

“What would you like to eat when you get off?” I asked.

“This is not a date,” she reiterated.

“Of course this isn’t a date,” Ryan said. “But you’re going to be using a lot of energy, and the last thing we want to have to do is take you to the ER.”

“In that case, I’m not picky.” she winked as she walked off to finish her shift.