Aiden
Once I left the bar, I went back to my house and packed my things. I didn’t need much. Years of being in the military and constantly packing for something teaches a person exactly what they do and don’t need. Basically, don’t pack extra unless you want to carry extra. After eating a sandwich and grabbing a bag of chips for the road, I put my stuff in the car and headed out. It would be about a four-hour drive from where I was. Not fun, but not terrible either. I’d certainly been on commutes that were much worse.
Regardless of how long the drive was, I knew it would be worth it, even if she slammed the door in my face. I refused to give up until I’d fulfilled every promise that I made to my best friend and to his wife. She had no idea that I’d made those promises, but I did, and I intended to keep them. She was a good woman, but I wouldn’t blame her if she did send me away. I wouldn’t blame her if she punched me, either.
During the entire drive, I seemed to be on autopilot. It felt like I wasn’t even present for it. It was so odd to me. As soon as I made it into town, however, that changed. Drastically. I was painfully aware of everything around me. Some small things had changed over the past year, but I still remembered the way I felt driving through for the first time a year ago. It wasn’t a good feeling. It didn’t help when I saw a sign for the cemetery where Caleb was buried. I sighed.
“When I visit you in a week, I promise that I’ll have good news to report,” I said out loud.
If he was hanging around, and I was one that believed our loved ones never leave us, then I wanted him to know that I was about to put things right. The one year mark was almost up and I refused to go to his grave until I’d done some making up. In fact, I was kind of excited about it. It felt good to be moving toward a goal again instead of being lost in my own head.
I pulled into a hotel and went inside. It wasn’t the cheapest place in town, but it was cozy and certainly affordable. That was pretty much all I needed. There wasn’t anything special going on, so there were plenty of rooms. That meant that I could wander around the hotel later and maybe go for a swim without being bothered. I passed the gym on my way up and immediately planned how my evening would go once I was settled in.
The overall agenda was to take the night to get comfortable, check out the town a little bit because I didn’t do that the first time I was there, and then in the morning go to see Desiree and pray that she’d forgive me. I wanted to take her out to lunch and catch up with her at one of the places that I’d probably find in my tour around the city. See just how the year had been treating her. Once that was finished, I’d basically offer my services. Anything she needed. Want the house painted? Windows replaced? Someone to scream at? I could – and would – do all those things.
I just needed to take the evening to shake the nerves and steel myself for whatever I might be met with. Hell, it was entirely possible that I’d be met with kindness. From all I’d heard about her, she was nothing if not kind. I simply found it arrogant of me to plan for her to welcome me completely when I’d basically abandoned her and all of the things I’d promised to do for her.
My room was relatively bare. It had a mini-fridge, which was great, but it had nothing inside. I decided that I’d probably have to go to the store and grab a few things to make the coming days bearable. Groceries would have to wait, however. Before heading to the store, I drove around the town. There was a baseball stadium, which delighted me to no end. I made a mental note to look it up and see if there would be any games that week. There was a zoo nearby, another plus, and several amazing restaurants. Outback was definitely on the list. It seemed that the town had no shortage of fun things that I could do to bide time while she was away at work. There also wasn’t a shortage of things that I could take her to go do as a way to break the ice. I wondered if she had a boyfriend or if she’d started dating. That could certainly be awkward.
I put myself in his place for a minute. Some strange man hanging around and pledging his loyalty to my girl? Offering to do whatever she needed and always checking on her…
Suddenly, I wasn’t sure about how I’d feel about that, if I were in his shoes. I also began to rethink my approach. The entire thing was becoming very stressful. All the things that I wanted to do seemed totally natural right after the fact, but worrying about a boyfriend factor made me see it differently. I sighed. One of my worst traits was that either I didn’t think enough, or I thought too much. This was certainly one of those times.
Desiree
When I got home that evening, I was met with salad, homemade bread sticks, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. My belly growled as soon as I smelled the seasoned chicken that Elizabeth had made for the salads. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have her around. I loved to cook, but she definitely had me beat. She was like your favorite grandma. She couldn’t stand for anyone to be hungry. She’d kill me if I ever made that comparison out loud.
Upon my arrival, a few very important things happened. One, I found that my door had been fixed. Jax had purchased an entirely new door – and frame – and had fixed the entire thing. Aside from needing painted, it was perfect. He really was a handy guy to have around. The second thing that I noticed was a worried look on Elizabeth’s face as she finished getting everything put together. There was something different about her, but I couldn’t place it. She just seemed different. I silently hoped that everything between her and Jax were okay as I noticed the third thing: that both of them went out of their way to keep their distance from one another in the kitchen.
“What’s going on?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“Yeah!” Elizabeth said a bit too quickly.
“Absolutely,” Jax said. “The keys to the new door are on the counter.”
“Thank you,” I said with a smile. I stood, staring. My focus moving from one of them to the other. “Seriously… Something’s going on. What’s up?”
Elizabeth turned and held a bag of croutons up. “Do you want croutons?”
My eyes narrowed. “I’m not eating anything until you tell me why both of you are acting so strangely.”
She sighed. “Okay. Have a seat.”
“It’s bad enough to take a seat for?” I asked, my eyes wide. “Are both of you okay? You’re not splitting up are you? No one is sick, right? No one else died?”
“No, no,” Jax said. “Everything is just fine.”
His smile went a long way to reassure me.
“Okay,” I said, sitting down.
Elizabeth came over and sat a salad plate in front of me before sitting in front of me. She leaned forward and took hold of my hands. There was a brief reassuring smile and then she opened her mouth to speak. I was immediately stunned to silence. I’m sure the room was full of awkward silence as my brain processed the myriad of emotions and thoughts running through. It took a moment, but I finally managed to speak.
“I don’t believe it,” I said, staring at Elizabeth with a cautious smile on my face. Somehow, I found myself worried her statement would be followed up with a ‘just kidding!’ and a loud laugh. I decided to make sure what she said was reality. “Are you serious?”
There was a look of overshadowed excitement on her face, but it was reined in by her will to hold it back. I assumed that she was worried about me, like always.
“Yes,” she said, her voice shaking a bit. “I’m serious.”
My smile broadened as I jumped forward, pulling her into a hug.
“I don’t believe it!” I said again. “I’m so happy for you guys!”
I was so excited for them, but a very small, dark part of me felt a pang of jealousy. I’d seen both of them that morning, but it was painfully obvious to me then that I hadn’t really seen Elizabeth. The slight swell in her belly was undeniable to me, especially at that moment. She’d worn a fashionable loose-fitting shirt, so I hadn’t really noticed the bump, but it was impossible for me not to see it anymore.
“How far along are you?” I asked. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“At first we were waiting for the first three months to pass. That is the most crucial time and if anything happened, I knew you would be just as devastated. Then, it was so close to the anniversary of… well, you know. I didn’t want to put too much on you. I bought a few shirts that hid my belly. I’m only twenty-two weeks along, so I can still hide it if I try. I wanted to tell you after everything was over.”
“I love you,” I said. “I would never be upset by this. A baby… This is the best news that I could have hoped for! Here I was thinking that you and Jax were going through something terrible. This is the best news ever!”
Elizabeth smiled, her caution leaving and allowing that beautiful motherly glow to shine like a beacon. She was stunning. Motherhood would certainly be good to her. She’s always been rather motherly, even to me. I couldn’t imagine a baby affecting her in any other way.
Somehow, among all the news, I found that my empty heart felt fuller. There was happiness and hope where only loneliness and loss had been before. I suddenly remembered what it was like to have a family, not just a husband. It was true that I never had a child, but I’d always had the hope of one, until Caleb died. Having a woman that I’d gotten so close to sitting in front of me with a new life blossoming inside of her made me yearn to have that chance for myself. It was as though a switch flipped inside of me.
It was time to move forward.
It was time to celebrate the love and happiness of my old life and end my mourning. Most importantly, it was time for me to build a new life. It was strange how a simple bit of news could completely break me free. Sure, that night, when I went to bed alone I would more than likely be sad and would probably lose myself as I missed having my husband next to me. But I knew that I was finally awake and able to see a way to get out of bed in the morning. I wanted to put my life on a road that would one day, whether it be a few months or a few years from then, allow me to have a family again. I knew right where I’d start.
“I think we need to go shopping,” I said, a big smile spreading across my face.
“What?” Elizabeth asked. “Shopping?”
I nodded. “Yes! We're going to eat first, since you went to all the trouble to make all this and then we are going to go shopping. I have some things I’d like to buy my baby niece or nephew.”
“You’re cousins,” she said. “But it’s a little boy.”
I squealed a little. “Yay! You already know? That’s wonderful! Now I know what to get! And we technically aren’t even related anymore. So, I can call myself whatever I want. Cousin isn’t cutting it with baby boy. I like 'Aunt Desi.'”
Elizabeth laughed. “Okay then. 'Aunt Desi,' it is.”
We chatted a little bit longer as we started picking through our lunch. It took a little longer to eat than I planned, but given our fun new topic, I was perfectly content. Once we'd finished, I loaded the dishwasher while they got their jackets. It was adorable to watch Jax fawn over her. He wouldn’t allow her to lift anything. He even put her jacket on for her. He was a dream. I could never have imagined someone so perfect coming into her life.
For years, I was terrified that she would end up pregnant with Kevin's baby, or that he would ask her to marry him and she'd say, 'yes'. He was terrible for her. Caleb hated him with everything he had. He always said how afraid he was that Kevin, her incredibly abusive ex, would hit her and he’d have to go down there and take care of him. Caleb would have been overjoyed to help her get rid of him, but it had been Jax instead. He’d been a blessing to Elizabeth. It seemed that they’d both been a blessing to me. For the first time in a long time, I was excited to see what the future held for me.